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Paige: Hi. Just know I love you. You’ve been the best big brother ever and it’s been a joy to watch you be a dad to Clover.

Austin: What the fuck?

Austin: Why are you saying this to me?

Austin: Is this your kidnapping message?

Austin: Paige?

Austin: ???

Paige: I’m currently with a lunatic in a truck older than our parents who likes to speed around these switchback mountain roads and is taking me to a remote, undisclosed location. I’m only halfway freaking out.

Paige: And the worst part is he insists on only playing Christmas music. I’m being tortured

Paige: Anyway. If you can keep an eye on my little dot on your phone and if anything happens make sure you tell the papers it was all Nate’s fault, I’d really appreciate it

Austin: Nate? Nate who?

Austin: Nate Ford?! Wtf is he doing there?

Paige: Did I forget to mention he was also here? And I might’ve infiltrated his hometown and now he won’t leave me alone?

Austin: YES

Paige: Oh. Well he is and he is currently taking me somewhere with spotty phone service. So if you can’t reach me it’s either because of that or we ran off the mountain.

Austin: Call me.

Paige: Or Nate’s secretly a murderer who plans to kill me.

Austin: Call me right the fuck now.

Austin: Paige?

Austin: PAIGE!

Austin’s Call Failed