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CHAPTER FIFTEEN

paige

He loves me.

My heart pounds against my chest, but I barely feel it. Can’t hear anything other than Nate saying he still loves me.

Loves . Me.

The words turn over and over inside me, knocking at all the locks I’ve hid behind. Unlocking each and every one until emotions that have scared me now consume me. My chest swells with them, this fullness that’s been missing. This purpose I’ve been searching for.

But it’s not something I was ever going to find with skating.

It’s something I can only find with him.

And now I know it’s a thing called love.

The feelings that inspire sonnets, that send men off to war—they’re here. Inside me. Wrapping around each and every organ, burying themselves so deep I’ll never be able to deny them again.

No longer able to hide.

Because I want to know what it’s like to live with Nate’s love. To feel it every day. If it’s always going to be this sweet, this fulfilling.

But most of all, I want to give Nate everything he’s quietly been waiting for.

I want to give him all of me, to shower him with these consuming emotions swarming me, wanting to break free. To take hold. To exist in the open with no fear, no restrictions.

I’ve always been the girl who’s run away from big emotions. The girl who’s always resisted change. When I first decided to escape to the mountains, it felt like my entire world was ending. That all the work and sacrifice I had poured into my twenty-year-long career had been wasted.

That I had nothing left to lose.

And maybe, that’s what I needed to get to this moment.

I needed to lose everything I thought I wanted to gain everything that I actually need.

To build my world anew.

Only this time, I won’t be doing it alone. I’ll have a six-foot-two infuriating tattooed man who stole my heart long before I ever knew it was missing by my side. The way we have always been meant to be.

Where do you want us to go from here?

The answer to Nate’s question comes easily, not even taking a second thought, as tears continue to roll down my face. It’s the only answer I could ever give.

But before I can actually say it, Nate lets go of the tight hold he’s had on me to cup my cheeks, wiping away my tears with slow strokes of his thumbs. “If you don’t have an answer yet, that’s okay. I can wait.”

He means it, too. That earnestness all but doubles, patience enveloping his words. He will wait for me as long as he has to.

But he’s waited long enough.

We both have.

We don’t have to wait any longer.

I’m ready. More than I’ve ever been ready for anything.

“I want to go wherever you are.” I drop any defenses I’m still hiding behind, showing him the truest emotions I’ve ever felt. My heart pounds in my chest, knowing this is the start of something new. There’s no going back. Not running away, but running towards the place I’ve been aching to return to, with feelings I’ve never allowed myself to embrace—but no longer going to hide from. “I’ve lived my life both with you and without you, and there’s no contest between the options. I want you, Nate. I want you in ways I didn’t know could hurt this much. My answer will always be you?—”

His mouth is on mine before I’m even done talking, and my knees nearly buckle under the desperate hunger fueling his strike. Like he’s afraid I’ll take the words back, and he wants to swallow them before I change my mind.

Chasing my tears away. Claiming me as his.

I moan under the force, the passion, as my body arches into his. At the feelings pouring out of him, introducing themselves to the emotions pouring out of me.

They tangle together in a violent rush, pulling between us tight enough that they can’t be unraveled.

I stretch up onto my toes, needing to be closer to him, needing him to understand that I mean every word, to show him that I’m not going anywhere as his tongue plunges past my lips.

I might not have been able to show my feelings for him in the past, to love him in the way he has always deserved, but I’m ready to atone for my neglect, ready to show him just how serious I am.

“God.” Nate pulls his mouth away, his breath labored, as if he had been holding it this entire time. “I can’t tell you how long I’ve wanted to hear you say those words. To hear you pick me.”

My chest swells at the desire in his words, at the relief and hunger. “I’ll pick you over and over for the rest of my life, Nate, to make up for all the times I didn’t.”

With a growl, his lips are back on mine, moving at a commanding pace, sealing my words like a promise, a vow. Never to be apart from each other again. Knowing we’ve always worked better this way. As a team instead of rivals.

My nails dig into his hips, feeling his erection rub against my lower belly. I grind into him, chasing a feeling only he can create as it stirs inside me.

I gasp as Nate trails his lips over my jaw, his teeth pulling a shiver down my spine, as he coasts over a sensitive part of my skin, and I fight to give myself over to the sensations wreaking havoc on me.

Sinking further and further?—

WAIT! Frantically, I push against Nate’s shoulders, needing him to hear me as I blurt, “Iloveyou.”

My words are as desperate and as frantic as I feel, like they’ve been sitting inside me for far too long and they now need to escape. They need to be heard. “I love you,” I repeat, the words clearer, but both times equally true.

Nate is still against me, and I feel his heart pounding against my chest. His stare is blazing, coaxing the small fire in my belly to spread.

“I tried so hard to hate you, to forget all the times we’ve shared together, but nothing I did worked. You have always been here, inside me. Waiting. And I don’t want to deny myself any longer. I don’t want to deny myself you. I love you, Nathan Gabriel Ford. And I’m going to love you until the word no longer exists and we have to come up with something new for what is between us.”

Translation: I’m going to love him forever.

“Paige.” His voice cracks around my name, and my heart seizes, aching for him. Needing to comfort him.

“I love you.” I kiss his mouth. “I love you.” His beard tickles my lips as I coast over it to kiss his neck. “I love you.”

I want to chase away any doubts lingering in his mind. To eliminate him questioning the validity to this, to us. This isn’t just a moment we’re stealing from time, but the start of a journey we’ve never embarked on together.

A journey that’s been waiting for us.

So I kiss my way down his body, telling him how I feel every inch between, until I sink onto my knees. Heated interest flares in his gaze as I roll his sweatpants down with me, licking down his happy trail.

Ready to claim him as he’s laboriously claimed me.

The gray fabric pools around his ankles. His wolf tattoo on his thigh, the very first one he got all those years ago, stares at me. But I can’t focus on anything as his straining erection springs free.

Long and curved with prominent veins running down the sides, my mouth waters at the red, angry head right in front of me. Wanting, needing a taste.

The spot between my legs throbs, demanding to know what it feels like to have it buried to the hilt inside me. Filling me. Ruining me.

Soon, I promise, as I run a curious finger along one of the veins.

“Fuck, Paige.” Nate’s fingers curl into my hair, holding the strands out of my face, staring at me like he’s about to devour me. “First you tell me you love me, and now this? How do you expect a man to last?” He shakes his head, like he’s unable to believe his life right now. “You look so good on your knees, baby. So nice and pretty, looking like you want to please me. I can’t take it.”

I preen under the praise, the ache between my legs growing as I peer up at him from beneath my lashes. “Have you ever thought about me being on my knees for you before?”

“Only every time I’ve touched my dick. You’re my only fantasy, Paige. The only one I’ve wanted, only one I’ve ever needed.”

I grab his words, holding them tight. Knowing how true they are. Nate’s only ever wanted me.

I’ve only ever wanted him.

“What did I do in them?” I can’t help but wonder, my chest heavy with possibilities. “I want to make you feel good.”

More than good. I want to bring him to his knees.

Nate watches me for a beat. Then, “Take off my hoodie.”

It’s actually my hoodie now. But I don’t correct him as I do as instructed, pulling the warm clothing over my head, tossing it over my shoulders. My nipples instantly harden, either from the cold or Nate’s concentrated stare. “Now your pants.”

Again, I comply. Hoping I look sexier than I feel as I wrestle with leggings that practically feel suctioned to my legs. Once they’re off, joining my hoodie somewhere behind me, I start to sink back down to my knees, but Nate’s thumb pressing under my chin stops me. “You’re not done yet, baby. I want those panties off, too. I want you stripped and bare, every inch of you for me to see.”

I inhale, the sound full of wants and needs, swirling with the desire that’s pooling inside me. I’ve held myself back in shackles for so long, constantly overthinking every detail of my life that it’s nice to give over that control. To have someone else take the reins.

I never thought that I’d like it so much, giving up control, but my body is already buzzing, trying to predict what Nate’s going to instruct next, as I slowly roll my wet panties down my legs.

His eyes trace my movements as I go, making it feel like his hands are the ones gliding down my legs instead of my own.

I think I only like this so much because it’s with Nate. Because I know he’s going to take care of me. Just like he always has.

The trust we spent almost fifteen years building isn’t as broken as I originally thought. A little damaged, maybe, but nothing that isn’t already repairing itself. Rebuilding into something stronger, something lasting.

Something to fortify our love.

Once I’m naked and standing before him, Nate starts to stroke his cock. Long, slow strokes as he drinks me in. My clit throbs under his fervor and my thighs start to rub together, searching for friction.

Nate hones in on my movements. “Stop moving,” he orders.

My legs instantly halt, and I whimper at the faint relief it provided, mourning its loss. “Nate.”

“Do you want to please me?” His voice is low and full of want. “Do you want to show me how sorry you are for leaving me in agony for so long?”

My eyes dart to the straining erection between us, his hand still tugging it.

I nod, licking my lips.

Nate curses, stepping closer to grab my hair again, tightening his hold to redirect my gaze so it’s back on him.

“Say it,” he commands in a guttural, almost starved tone.

“I love you.” My heart jumps, an electrical current consuming me. “More than anything, Nate, I love you.”

His dark eyes are hooded as he watches me, lust and love tangling together. “Then prove it,” he orders, he dares. “Get on your knees and prove it.”

A small, sinful smile pulls at my lips as I obey.

With pleasure.

Licking my palm so it’s good and wet, I wrap my hand around the base of his shaft. Warm and hard under my grip, I give it a light squeeze.

Nate’s groan fills the room, pulling from somewhere deep inside his chest as I start to move my hand in slow strokes. Tugging it like he did. Teasing him as the slit in his dick continues to leak. It covers more and more of my hand with every pass, until I grow too curious not to taste.

Leaning forward, my tongue darts out and swirls around the slit. A moan vibrates the back of my throat at the salty, almost sweet taste that greets me.

I start to pull away, when the grip in my hair tightens.

“I didn’t know you were such a cocktease, Princess.” He places a hand on top of mine, taking control of my movements as he outlines the shape of my lips with his leaking dick. “You need to do better to earn my forgiveness.” Coating me in his pre-cum, he orders, “Open your mouth.”

With a heady strum powering my chest, I do as instructed, as Nate slowly pushes his length past my lips. Filling my mouth in the most delicious way. I moan around his shaft.

“This is how you taste me, Paige,” he instructs, raspy and needy. “Letting me fill your whole mouth until your pussy gets jealous.” One of his hands caresses my face before grabbing my throat. “Now suck.”

I hum, my arousal consuming me. From the pressure at my neck to the feel of him inside me. It’s overwhelming and intoxicating and consuming.

My knees spread further apart on the pile of blankets, the wood floor hard underneath them, as I grip the back of his strong thighs and follow his orders.

Sucking him into my mouth, relishing in his taste. Marveling at how powerful I feel as I bob my head, trailing my tongue under the length of his shaft, feeling his veins pulse.

Maybe I do still like keeping some control after all. Especially the kind that seems to drive Nate wild, as he grips my hair and hisses between his teeth. As he grunts and moans under my need to please him, wondering what his cum tastes like if it shoots down my throat.

My body is all but in flames as Nate starts to flex his powerful hips against my face, pushing his dick further and further into my mouth. My nails dig into his muscles as I relax my throat, taking him as far back as I can.

My thighs split, dropping deeper into the ground, until the blankets brush my soaked heat. A jolt of desperate friction follows. Without thinking, I start to circle my hips as Nate punishes my mouth.

He pushes deeper and deeper until I’m choking around his length, at his unrelenting pace. Hard enough to bruise the back of my throat.

I love it. Love that he’s making stars dance in the corners of my eyes. That he’s making me this turned on, feeling this good. My entire body, heart, and soul are alive as he pumps into my mouth.

But it’s not enough.

Needing more, my hand slips between my thighs, finding my swollen clit. I start to rub it in frantic circles, chasing the urge building inside me, when Nate stops, pulling out of my mouth so fast, I lurch forward.

He catches me easily, sinking down onto his knees. At some point during my blowjob, he lost his shirt, just as naked as me now. “I didn’t say to touch yourself, did I?” He gives me a stern frown, while his cheeks are flushed with exertion. Nate shakes his head, disappointed in me, as he reaches for the hand still between my thighs. He holds it up, my fingers glistening with a sheen of arousal.

“You know the rules in this cabin, baby.” He brings my fingers to his mouth, licking them clean one knuckle at a time.

“Remind me of them,” I breathe, heart pounding deep in my chest.

“My fingers, mouth, or cock. Those are the only ways you get to come here, Paige.” He runs his hands along my sides. “I’ve been without you for so long, I have a lot of orgasms I need to collect on. You’re not taking one away from me until I’ve had my fill.”

The way he says it makes me believe that is a long way off. That he’s going to be collecting orgasms from me for months, if not years to come.

I can’t wait.

“Now,” Nate muses. “How do I get to make you come?”

“With all of you.” I need him like I’ve never needed anything before. “I want to feel all of you. This time, and every time after.”

Nate’s answer is to push me down on the blankets until I’m flat on my back with him flushed above me. His lips quickly trailing down my jaw, my neck, frantic in his explorations. His fingers coast up my thighs as they part to make room for him.

And as soon as they do, his finger plunges inside me, pumping at a hard pace, then another one, and I choke on gasp as he stretches my delicate skin.

“You’re so wet, Paige,” he murmurs around my nipple, pulling the tight bud with his teeth. My hips arch into his. “Did someone like having my dick in their mouth?”

“I would’ve liked it more if you let me finish,” I say, proud of how my voice doesn’t shake, despite my body trembling. All my focus gets redirected to Nate’s hard erection as it brushes against my heat, fighting his fingers for entry.

I move my hips, trying to help it find entrance. Needing him to find entrance.

“Next time,” he promises. “As long as you don’t break the rules.”

I don’t know if I can make that promise, knowing that what I feel for him is too strong to be contained with limitations. So I don’t say anything at all. Instead, I pull him back down for a kiss, sinking into my need for him. Getting so lost in it, nothing else exists.

I gasp into his mouth as his fingers curl, pressing against that special spot inside me. My body at its breaking point.

“Nate,” I cry. “I need—need your cock inside me.”

The time for teasing is over as Nate braces his hands on either side of my head, leaning down until our noses brush. Nothing but our labored breathing between us as I feel his tip at my entrance. Slowly, achingly pushing inside.

I suck in a sharp breath as he stretches me. Inch by inch, he fills me until I know nothing but him. Feel nothing but him.

I used to think love was something to fear, that it had more power to destroy than to create, and maybe it still does, but not for us. Not as every touch from Nate feels healing, invigorating, toe-curling.

But it’s still not enough. I need to feel him in every part of my body.

My legs hook around his back, pushing him deeper inside me. Until he starts to flex his hips. Moving and pumping, his name a chant on my lips.

A chant that he catches, as he pulls my bottom lip between his teeth. Biting down hard enough to know I’m his. Only his.

My nails dig into his back, grabbing at his hair. “I love you,” I cry, squeezing my eyes closed as a wave of pleasure washes over me.

I feel hysterical, like I can’t get enough. Can’t get close enough. His entire body bares down on me, letting his weight sink into me as we grind into each other.

“I love you so much, Paige,” he murmurs into his next thrust, burying his head between my shoulder and throat. Tattooing his words to my skin. “And I’m never going to let a day go by without making sure you know it.”

I give myself over to his words.

The room fades away as I feel my body rising and rising, building to a pressure that’s going to reach its breaking point.

His shaft rubs against my clit, and I feel my body start to shake. “Nate,” I squeeze out, eyes shutting in blissful agony.

That’s all he needs to hear as his thumb presses down on my clit, and I shatter. My body shoots off into another dimension as Nate wrings every last ounce of pleasure out of my body, three little words dangling from my lips.

His release quickly follows, spilling inside me and down my legs before he collapses on top of me.

With panting breaths, Nate rolls us over until I’m tucked under his arm, my head resting on his chest.

Neither of us say anything. We don’t have to.

So instead, he just holds me, his heart beating against my ear.

The two of us—complete.

Sometime later, when our thoughts have returned, we’re cuddled together in front of the roaring fire, the Christmas tree lit up and reflecting in the window beside us. I catch myself staring at it. The day has faded away, but for once in my life, I’m thankful for this holiday.

It’s not a reminder of everything I didn’t have growing up, of the emptiness in my life, but something that I’m lucky to have gained.

Maybe this is what people mean when they mention the magic of Christmas. Because it feels pretty life-changing to me.

Curled into Nate’s chest, I trace the mountain peaks on his arm. I’ve always wondered about this tattoo. If it was an actual place or just a cool design he decided to get one day when he was nineteen. But it didn’t take me long to recognize it for what it is. A portrait of the landscape outside the expansive windows. His home on him forever.

“How come you never moved back here?” My fingers don’t stop tracing his tattoo. “You seem so much more relaxed up here.”

“That’s because I’m on vacation.” Nate kisses the top of my head. “People are usually more relaxed during them. Don’t worry, I’ll show you.”

He already has.

“But as much as I love it here,” he continues, “Sugar Peak is the place I come to reset. I couldn’t live here forever. Small town life isn’t for me like that.”

“But they have big cities in Canada, too.”

“Ah.” Nate finally gets what I’m having trouble saying. Why has he stayed in New York all this time when he could’ve come back. “Yeah, there are tons. But none of them have you, Paige. It doesn’t matter where I travel or the places I visit, all I ever feel is the urge to get back to you. So thanks for making it easy and coming to me this time.”

The spot in my chest that’s always been reserved for him warms. I’m his home.

“My pleasure.” I smile, but it quickly turns into a more somber mood. Twisting around so my chin rests on his chest, I peer up at him. “I’m sorry I made you wait so long to share your love with me.”

His arms tighten around me. “I’d wait a hundred more years just for this moment.”

“Not a thousand?” I lift my brows, just slightly offended.

“A man only has so much patience, Princess.”

I laugh, turning my head to kiss his bare chest and just settle against him.

Soaking in this moment.

The last thing I wanted was my rival for Christmas, but turns out Santa had other plans.

And I’m so thankful for that.

Because I think I might just be a fan of Christmas after all.

As long as I get to keep spending them with Nate.