Page 10

Chapter Ten

Hannah

There is a knowing.

That’s what Aswan had said. He’d been explaining orc Mating traditions to my mother, but…but he’d been talking to me. There is a knowing .

And then, when Mom had asked him if he’d found his Mate? He’d looked right at me and said yes .

And in that moment…there was a knowing.

Lord knows how I managed to make it through the rest of the party, feeling like I’d been gut-punched.

But I did. I was polite. I was friendly. I smiled, and I was excited for my baby as he climbed to the top of his new playset—with Aswan standing right behind him, ready to catch him if he fell—and zoomed around the yard on his new ride-on toy Sakkara’s family bought him. And when he ate too much cake and had a temper tantrum because he’d opened all his presents, I held him and comforted him while sending apologetic grimaces to the guests, as if this was the most normal day in the world.

As if I hadn’t just had my entire being shaken.

I loved Aswan. And… Well, he hadn’t said I love you —he hadn’t needed to. He’d talked about his Mate, and he’d looked at me, and I’d known .

I needed to confirm. I needed to ask him if what we shared this weekend was real .

So of course the rest of the day dragged on, lasting several bajillion hours. I wanted to be present for the fun, I really did. But I couldn’t stop thinking about Aswan and the tortured look in his eyes when he’d said he’d found his Mate.

And he was respecting her decision to stay away.

I was the one who told him I couldn’t do anything to jeopardize the kids’ well-being. I was the one who told him what we’d shared this weekend was only for this weekend. Was this my fault?

Eventually the party finished. Eventually my over-stimulated three-year-old crashed hard—luckily, he waited until after I bathed him and brushed all the icing from his teeth. Eventually the last of the streamers were cleaned up, and Benny helped Aswan load the dishwasher, and Tova and I set the porch to rights again.

I kissed them both, read to Tova, and sent them off to bed, all the while thinking about something else. I should be exhausted. I should be ready for a hot bath and a glass of wine .

But I was ready for something else— someone else.

After I tucked in Tova, I hurried to the small hall bath I shared with the kids and rushed through my evening tasks. I wanted to look my best for what would happen, but also…Aswan had seen me at my worst. He’d helped me through my worst, and he still wanted me. Still thought I was worthy of being a Mate.

Taking a deep breath, I met my eyes in the mirror and cinched the belt of my bathrobe. Under it I wore nothing…and I assumed that would be enough of a hint.

You can do this

While I’d been putting the kids to sleep and preparing myself, Aswan had disappeared. The lights were off downstairs, and the kitchen was neat as a pin—as it had been since he’d come into our lives. He took care of us, took care of me …and I wondered if it had become more than just a job to him.

Maybe I ought to go to sleep, ought to forget this…

There is a knowing .

No. I knew I was right, and I needed to prove it.

Taking a deep breath, I knocked on his door. The room that had once been mine, the room where I’d slept the last two nights, wrapped in his arms.

Sooner than I expected, the door was yanked open, and I forgot what I’d come to say. Because in the few hours since I’d left his bed, I’d forgotten how beautiful Aswan was. He’d clearly just come from the shower—his hair was wet, touseled, and drops of water still speckled his shoulders. A pair of sweatpants, hastily pulled on, hung low on his hips… And I wanted to tug them further.

After what we shared this weekend, I shouldn’t have been surprised that Aswan could guess—or perhaps know —my body’s reaction to his state of undress. I saw his nostrils flare, his lids lower slightly. His lips parted, and that beautiful tongue of his darted out to brush along his tusk.

“ Dkaar ?” his tone was husky. Needy.

“What does that mean?” I blurted. It hadn’t been what I wanted to ask, but at that moment, I was desperately close to throwing myself at him and needed a distraction. “You called me that before.”

He continued to watch me. “Beloved,” he finally admitted, his expression unchanged. “ Dkaar means beloved .”

Unable to help myself, my smile bloomed. “Beloved,” I whispered, and stepped into his room. The door closed behind me, but I don’t know which of us did it. “There is a knowing.”

Aswan reared back, as if I’d struck him. “What?” he rasped, his green eyes now wide.

“You said that earlier today. You said that when an orc finds his Mate, there is a knowing. You said his Mate will recognize the connection as well, and either accept or reject him. You said you just know .”

He was backing away from me now, his body language wary. “I did. I mean, yes, I said that.”

I followed him. “You also told my mother that you’d found your Mate. But you hinted she’d rejected you. ”

Finally, he halted, the backs of his knees hitting the footboard of the bed, and he looked down and away. As if he couldn’t meet my eyes? “I did,” he ground out.

Feeling strangely bold, I stepped up in front of him. “ There is a knowing, Aswan .” I reached for his hand and lifted it, placing his palm on my chest. I felt him shudder, saw his eyes close. “I feel it too. Am I your Mate?”

Three heartbeats. Four. Six. Ten. We stood in silence, and the longer we stood there, the time measured in my pulse pounding against his palm, the more the dread pooled in my stomach.

Had I been wrong?

I watched his face for some hint, but his brows had drawn in, his jaw tight, his eyes moving beneath their lids, as if he was looking for an escape.

Was I wrong ?

“Aswan?” I whispered desperately, hoping I wasn’t about to humiliate myself.

“Yes,” he finally rasped hoarsely. Those beautiful eyes with the incredible green glow, opened and met mine. “May the gods of the ancestors forgive me, Hannah, but yes .”

I felt his fingers tighten against my chest, and I pressed harder against his hand, keeping him there. “Why do your gods need to forgive you? You don’t want me to be your Mate?”

“I want you more than I want my next breath, Hannah.” The words sounded as if they’d been ripped from him. “I want to gather you and the kitlings in my arms and in my heart and keep you safe forever. But I cannot ask you to risk putting them—or yourself—through trauma again.”

I felt my heart, my chest, begin to cautiously expand, along with my smile. “And you think loving you will risk hurting us?”

“I would never hurt you,” he whispered. “But I know I cannot ask you to trust me—a male, when I say that.”

Well, he was in for a surprise then, wasn’t he?

Straightening, I took a deep breath. “I love you, Aswan. I trust you. I trust you to treat me and my children well. I have never stopped believing in love, and in you I have found everything I’ve ever wanted in a partner.”

Partner .

Yes. That’s what he was. My smile grew, even as his expression turned slack in disbelief. “You’re already my partner, Aswan, when it comes to this house, this family. How could I not trust you?”

Eyes wide, he whispered, “You love me?”

My smile softened. “Of course I do. I love the way you care for me and the children so effortlessly, as if it isn’t an obligation?—”

“Of course it isn’t,” he interjected, lips tugging into a frown in offense. “You might pay me…”

“But you’re more than our nanny,” I explained gently. “Although we’re going to have to have a conversation about your salary and contract if we’re sleeping together—” I realized I was getting all Human Resource-y, and shook my head, getting back on track. “I mean, Aswan, that in these last weeks, I’ve come to rely on you and your caring. Your strength. How you always know exactly what to say to each one of us to make our days better. How could I not love you? I’m just afraid that this is one-sided, because I could never possibly give you what you’ve given me.”

“ Dkaar ,” he murmured, moving his hand from my chest to wrap me in his arms. “You’ve given me everything .”

“Like what?” I mumbled against his chest, because I’d wrapped my arms around his waist and was pressing against him, terrified of losing him and jubilant at what he was admitting.

“You are my Mate.” He whispered the words, then repeated them louder. “ You are my Mate . I will love you for the rest of my life, Hannah, and the kitlings as well. I understand if you don’t want to confuse them, but I hope you will at least allow me to continue to be part of their lives as their nanny.”

He loved me! Aswan loved me !

The jubilation overran the fear, and I squeezed him hard.

Still, I tried to keep my voice steady when I said, “If I’m your Mate, then you are mine. You told me you didn’t want to claim me until I was certain.” I realized I was holding my breath, because I could feel his hard length through the sweatpants he wore. “Certain about what, exactly?”

His breath stirred my hair. “About being mine. My Mate. Hannah, I don’t want to push you.”

As if he could. “I love you. This is more than just need or sex , right? I mean, the claiming thing. I want you . ”

There was a sound like a growl, deep in his chest. “Claiming is…” His hips flexed, and I nearly whimpered in need when I felt how hard and thick he was. I was so ready for him. “Hannah, Mating is forever. I don’t ever want…” He paused, then took a deep shuddering breath. “I don’t want to make you or the kitlings uncomfortable.”

I pulled away enough to reach up to cup his jaw in my palms. “Then let’s take it slowly,” I whispered.

“Whatever you want, dkaar .”

“We commit to one another, here, tonight.” With a slow smile, I pushed myself up on my toes, rubbing myself along his hardness. “We can introduce the concept to the kids later, slowly.”

Something like joy flashed across Aswan’s expression. “You mean it? You’re comfortable with me?—”

“I want you, Mate,” I whispered, just before I pulled his mouth down to meet mine.

And the sound he made? It was a combination of a growl and a crow of victory, and I felt him smile against my lips as he took control of the kiss.

I felt my feet leave the floor as his tongue slid between my lips, and no , that wasn’t a metaphor. Aswan was strong enough to lift me until I was level with him, and I thought that was the most beautiful thing.

My arms slid around his neck, and when he lifted me higher—his mouth marking me with hot kisses along my jaw and throat—my robe parted.

Aswan’s mouth left my skin, and I immediately lifted my head, wondering what had gone wrong. But I found him staring down at me in wonder, and I realized my breasts were pressed against his naked chest. Grinning impishly, I wriggled my legs free of the robe and wrapped them around his waist.

“Hannah…”

My fingers tugged at the hair at the base of his neck as I gyrated against him, certain he could feel how ready—how wet I was.

“Love, you showed me this weekend just how talented your tongue and fingers are. I want the rest of you.”

His gaze snapped back to mine as his hands went to my lower back, supporting me. “You’re certain?”

I wriggled lower, until I could feel his hardness pressing— pulsing —against my ass. “Aswan, you told me exactly what was going to happen when you put your cock in me. I want that.”

His lips twitched, although his gaze remained serious. “I also told you it was my responsibility to make you ready for me.”

No, he’d said the Insta-O his cock was going to give me would make me ready for him. My grin turned naughty, and I squeezed him with my thighs again. “Does this feel like I’m not ready?” I pulled myself closer to whisper near his ear, “I’ve been thinking about this since I took all my clothes off tonight. No, since this morning when you—” I stopped myself with a laugh. “I’ve been dreaming of your cock inside me for weeks , Aswan. Do you know how guilty I’ve felt?”

With a hum, he bent forward to press his mouth against the place where my shoulder met my neck. “I’ve been jerking off, thinking of you.” His lips blazed a hot trail across my skin as I moaned and dropped my head back. “I lay in your bed and touch myself. I stand in your shower and I stroke my cock, wishing it was you I was stroking.”

Oh God .

Even when he was pleasuring himself, he’d been thinking of pleasuring me ? How very Aswan.

I lowered first one arm, then the other, knowing he could hold me, as I shrugged out of the robe completely. It dropped on the floor as he lifted me high enough for his long, ridged tongue to swipe across one of my nipples.

Shuddering, I grabbed him again.

“I’m ready for you,” I gasped, my hips gyrating against the hard plane of his stomach. “Please, Aswan.”

One of his hands left my ass, and it took me a moment to understand he was pulling down the waistband of his sweatpants. Yes .

I felt the moment his cock burst free, because it smacked my ass cheek, and I sucked in a pleased breath. I remembered the feel of it—in my mouth, sliding along my most delicate parts…

“ Dkaar …” Aswan’s voice sounded strained, as if he was struggling, as one hand closed around his cock and the other lifted my ass. “Once I claim you…”

My hands slid to his jaw, and I cupped his face so I could hold him—hold myself?—steady. As if I could hold us both here, in this moment.

“I’m ready for you, Aswan. I love you, and I accept you as my Mate. ”

That fierce victory flashed across his face once more, at the same moment I had a flicker of doubt for our future. Would the children understand? Would they accept him as a stepfather?

But then I wasn’t thinking at all because Aswan had repositioned me and was lowering me onto his cock. In shock, my grip on his waist weakened, which allowed me to slide farther down the ridged length. Dear God, the ridges! Each one slid into me, and I had to resist the urge to clamp down on it—on him —and hold myself in place.

He was thick, but I’d given birth three times, and I could handle?—

“Breathe, dkaar ,” he murmured soothingly, running one hand up and down my back. That’s when I realized he was supporting me with only one arm. “We can stop if you want.”

I sucked in a breath. Like hell we were going to stop. Not when I was so close…

With a little whimper, I sank farther down, at the same moment he flexed his hips upward, and suddenly I was fully seated atop his cock.

Just as he’d promised, his cock triggered my climax. It took me by surprise, and I gasped, arching back and away from him.

Thank God he had better control than I did, because as I writhed and bucked on his cock, my legs barely clamped onto him, both my hands pressed against my mouth to keep myself from screaming in ecstasy, Aswan held me there, perpendicular to himself, and allowed my pleasure to claim me .

It wasn’t until the orgasm began to subside that I realized he was speaking, murmuring to me in soft words. “—seen anything so beautiful as my Mate coming on my cock like that. Torvor’s Hammer, dkaar , do you know how beautiful you are, taking your pleasure like that? Gods, yes.”

“Aswan,” I gasped, groping for his shoulders, trusting him to hold me upright at the same time I desperately needed to move against him. “Oh God, Aswan, that was…”

Humming, he drew me to him, his cock still deeply imbedded. The movement caused him to flex inside me, and I gasped again, then moaned at the sensation of those ridges scraping along my sensitized core. “Oh, God,” I groaned again, trying to flex atop him, “Yes, please.”

It took a moment to realize he wasn’t moving, and I was…well, I was more or less trying to hump him while he stood upright , and if you can imagine this position, it meant I wasn’t going to be able to get what I wanted at all. I leaned back slightly to frown at him, as my legs fell away from his waist, and he caught my ass.

“Aswan, move .”

When he grinned, his tusks seemed more prominent, and his eyes glowed in the light from the bedside lamp. “Consent is important?—”

“Do you want to fuck me?”

He blinked at my bluntness, and I had to fight to keep my stern expression on my face, when really I just wanted to focus on the white-hot sparks shooting through my veins in the aftermath of that climax.

“I…Right now, Hannah, I can’t think of anything I want more. ”

“Good. Consent is…” He flexed again, and I moaned. “Aswan, now please. I need you to… now , claim me now.”

With a low growl, he turned and fell toward the bed, catching both of us as my back hit the mattress. His palms spread out on either side of my shoulders, his feet were braced against the floor, and he began to move .

“ Yeeeesssss, ” I moaned, my hands closing around his forearms, my legs opening for him. “Oh God, yes, Aswan. That feels so— oooh God it feels so good. Right. Yes. There.”

He slowly worked his hips, his cock sliding in and out of me. I felt each and every ridge, the sensation making me breathless with need. I had no idea I could become so aroused again so quickly. For that matter…

“I didn’t realize my Mate was such a talker in bed,” murmured Aswan above me. “I like that you tell me what you like.”

I refused to feel embarrassed. “I like it all,” I assured him, dropping my head back, exposing my throat as I ran my hands up his corded forearms to grip his shoulders. “Your cock is… so good, mmmm there .”

“I love the way you take your pleasure, dkaar .” His hips flexed again, his cock thrust in and out, slowly at first, then faster. “Malla the Beginner made you to fit me perfectly. Only you could take my cock this well.”

His praise made my chest swell. I arched against him, which meant his next thrust hit that secret spot behind my clitoris, the one he found on Friday which drove me mad. I gasped again and rocked my own hips, trying to recapture that sensation .

Soon we were both breathing heavily, our gazes locked as our bodies slammed into one another. This was a different sort of experience than the gentle way he’d used his tongue and hands on me only this morning. But oh my gosh I loved it. I loved how strong he was, I loved the way he used that strength to love me.

“Hannah, I need…” he groaned.

“Yes,” I gasped. I wanted this. I wanted him . I wanted him to claim me, to seal this Mating bond. I wanted him to find the same pleasure I did.

But suddenly, he straightened, his cock sliding from me.

I gasped again, pushing myself up on my elbows even as he dropped to his knees beside the bed and reached for my hips. When he yanked me toward him, I slid along the mattress with a little surprised yelp, until my thighs bracketed his hips again.

His gaze pierced mine for just a moment. “I love you, Mate.”

I opened my mouth to repeat the vow, but the pad of his thumb pressed against my clitoris then, and my scream of pleasure cut off my words. His palm slammed over my mouth to muffle my cries of ecstasy from my children, and I let myself go.

I arched against him, and he slid his cock inside me as my second climax burst over me.

This time, with my heels planted, I was able to move . As he plunged into me, I rocked against him, timing my thrusts with his, drawing out the pleasure, the ecstasy, until the edges of my vision went black, and I realized I was no longer breathing .

He stiffened, and I felt the last spasms of my orgasm clenching around him, my inner muscles milking him.

“ Dkaar ,” he whispered, moments before his eyes fluttered closed, he grabbed my hips and slammed into me.

His seed was hot and thick, and I felt it fill me, which shouldn’t be possible. It never was before, with my ex.

But my ex had never cared for my pleasure, had only taken his own. Aswan… I watched as his expression slackened with wonder, and his eyes slowly opened. He blinked at me, the green in his gaze slowly fading to black. And I smiled.

“ Dkaar ,” I agreed, reaching for him, trying to draw him down to me.

This would be the moment I should feel nervous, wonder if all those vows we’d made were just in the heat of the moment. But I didn’t—I wouldn’t . This wasn’t Travis; this wasn’t one of the guys I’d dated before or after him. This was Aswan , and I trusted him not just with my life, but with my heart.

Could I trust him with my children’s hearts?

“I love you,” he whispered against my hair, gathering me to him. “I…thank you.”

When I squirmed, I felt his cum leaking from where we were still joined. “Well, I enjoyed it too,” I tried to joke.

But he pulled back, his expression solemn. “No, Hannah. Thank you for accepting me. For allowing me to be your Mate. I…” He swallowed and shook his head slightly, but didn’t look away. “You and the kitlings are my world, and I wi ll do everything in my power to make your world the best possible.”

Oh.

Oh wow .

That was…

That was better than a wedding vow, as far as I was concerned.

I reached up to cup his face. “I accept you, Aswan, and look forward to the future with you. With…” Us. I wanted to say it, but I didn’t. Couldn’t.

I wasn’t sure I was ready for Benjamin, Tova, and Joshua to know about this yet. Travis leaving had ripped Benny up, even though we hadn’t been truly married for a long time before then. What would me accepting Aswan in my life do to my son?

Luckily, Aswan understood. Of course he did.

With a rueful smile, he slid from me and twisted, gathering me in his arms as he stood. I pressed against him. “What are?—”

“Bathing my Mate,” he murmured, stalking toward the large bathroom he alone used these days. “It wasn’t well done of me to find my pleasure so quickly, and now I need to make it up to you.”

“Quickly?” I squeaked, even as he bent to turn on the water and I had to clutch him. “I came twice.”

He dropped a kiss on my lips. “You should have come five or six times before I allowed myself to find pleasure.”

Five or six times ? My eyes widened. “I’ve never… ”

“I know.” His gaze turned solemn as he set me upright. “And while I’m sorry the males of your past didn’t know what a treasure you were, Hannah, and didn’t know how to treat you right, I’m selfish enough to admit a little pride at knowing I’m the first to make you scream my name.”

Ah, there was the blush. He saw it and chuckled, then bent his head to capture my lips in a sensual kiss as the water filled the tub.

It was amazing how primed my body was, how attuned it was to this male. Or maybe it was just Aswan. When he pulled away, I was already breathing heavily, and his proud smirk said that he knew it.

“Soon,” he promised. “First you must relax, then I’ll make you come, Mate.”

Oh, heck yeah. I could get used to this being Mated thing.

But what would my kids think?

Pushing the thought aside, I lifted my arms to his neck. “Five or six times,” I murmured, and drew him back down.