Page 75 of My Girl

You’re scared,the note says.But I see you. The real you. And I still want you.

More days. More nights. More thoughts of Crave. I can’t think of anything else. Crave is a parasite, burrowing inside of my brain, controlling every thought. I knew from the first time I laid eyes on his bondage mask that he was a killer. Now, I know my father was one of his victims, and he covered everything up like a murder-suicide.

“So fucking what?” I argue. “I still want him.”

Everything matters,my brain screams.He killed your father.

I look at the lens in the corner of my bedroom and point at the note. I never knew my father, but Idoknow Crave. And Crave sees more of me than anyone else has. More than Ned. More than my own mother. More than even I do.

At the mall, Penny comes by the boutique to update me on the audio recordings she took the night of the party. I lie, saying I’m going through my files too. Ned hugs her and kisses my cheek. He talks to both of us, and I automatically smile. He must not have seen me fucking Crave on the stone. That or heisCrave.

Either way, we go on like normal.

I buy rope from the hardware store and follow a video tutorial about how to tie a noose. It’s how Miranda Hall—my father’s wife—died. And maybe, in a way, it’s how I’ll end up killing myself too. If that’s how Crave killed Miranda, then seeing me in a noose will excite him. It has to.

I hold up the noose to the camera lens, beckoning Crave to come after me, to burst through the doors and knock me down for provoking him

Nothing happens. I’m alone.

My phone rings. I startle. My shoulders sag when I see the caller:Penny.

“Hey,” she says. “I meant to come by earlier, but I had an essay due. How did your files turn out? Anything interesting?”

I sigh, unable to hold my disappointment back any longer. I can’t think about our fake project anymore. I have my answer. I know who my father’s killer is.

I just need Crave to admit it himself.

“I think I need a break from the project,” I say quietly. “Maybe we can get together to talk about it in a week?”

“Sure,” she says. “I need the extra time for my classes anyway.”

Another shift at work goes by. Officer Gaines judges me from across the lobby with his bulbous eyes. Neither of us moves.

I wanted to kill Officer Gaines with Crave, but now I don’t even care about that. I just want Crave to know that even though he killed my father, I still accept him.

And I want Crave to acceptus.

That night, I head to the Galloway House. A few soda cans still lie on the kitchen counter. Spilled alcohol sours the air. I head down the basement stairs and take off my sweater, resting it under my head like a pillow.

I sleep right where I saw Crave kill that first couple. I fall asleep with the noose in my hand.

When I open my eyes, a dark figure looms over me. I stand up. Crave cocks his head to the side.

I reach forward and unzip his mouth.

“I know it was you,” I say. “You killed Michael Hall. It’s why you’re always here, isn’t it? The killer always returns to where he feels most powerful.”

He continues to stare at me, as if to ask:Is this where you feel most powerful too?

“You killed Miranda Hall while my father watched,” I say. “You made my father watch you kill his wife. You wanted an audience, right?” I step closer, grabbing his gloved hands, and Crave bares his teeth, warning me to stay away, but I don’t care anymore. I refuse to keep my distance. I need him. “You wanted to force him to acknowledge your strength, your power. I understand that.” I squeeze his hands. “I record everything, even when I’m the one committing crimes, because it reminds me thatIcan control others. It’s proof of what I’m capable of, even when I feel weak.”

I hand him the noose.

“Here.” I take the little lens off of my purse and toss it onto the ground. “I don’t need that anymore. We have more of a connection than a shared love for violence and power. I know you feel it too.”

Crave stays silent. My skin prickles.

“That’s how it is for you, isn’t it?” I ask.