Page 102 of My Girl

“We’re gonna get freaking wasted!”

I laugh with them, pretending to be amused too, but my mind is on Rae.

Perhaps I told her everything too soon. It would have taken a while to get used to the idea that I’m the ugly security guard who “raped” her, but I know my girl; she would have gotten over that. I could’ve marked her too. Made her ugly like me. We could have had fun together, and she would never have known the truth about her lineage.

But Rae wanted closure; I simply gave it to her. I was curious. I wanted to see what would happen when she knew the truth. If she would embrace or reject me. Now she knows her truth is far more bitter than a sugar-coated lie.

I drop the women off at the Linq, then I search up and down Las Vegas Boulevard until I finally find her.

Rae stands on the curb, her elbow locked with a man who dresses like he’s got money. Rae leans on him, using him for support. Drunk, or pretending to be. A coy smile on her face. Using him like she’s used so many others.

The man hails my cab.

I should stop.

I could take care of her right now.

I could be done with all of this.

I keep driving. Killing her would be too easy. An organized mess of predictability.

The man scowls, shaking his fist at my passing car. Rae pulls him tighter, almost as if she knows it was me.

Maybe that’s the reason I left her apartment that day. It was too easy knowing that I had control over her. Rae could play mind games with the best of them, but physically, I will always win. All I have to do is use my strength.

It’s because you love me,the imaginary version of Rae scolds.You love me. You always have. You can’t kill me because you love yourself too much. You know I’m you.

I roll my eyes at my inner thoughts. Some of that is true. I really fucking hate that I can’t kill her. But I don’t love her, nor do I love myself. I don’t care about anything that much.

Rae is a possession. An object I created. A thing I own. And a psychopath doesn’t love. He possesses. And if I keep her alive, then eventually, she’ll possess me too.

Rae and her latest hookup turn into blurred dots in the rearview mirror. I keep driving forward.

One day, Rae will come crawling back to me. And when she does, I’ll remind her that I’ve always been in control, and I’ll do whatever it takes to keep it that way.

I have to.

Chapter32

Rae

“You’re not goingto give me your number?” the man asks.

I smile over my shoulder. I don’t remember his name, but I don’t plan on saying it again. I wink at him, and he grins at me.

I turn back to the window. Down below, the Strip is majestic. A circus of lights. Millions of people with no real direction. A beautiful mess of humanity. And I’m floating above it all.

A month has passed since I left Pahrump, but it feels like it’s been longer. The same nights. The same days. The same men. The same stolen possessions that don’t mean anything to me. Not like Crave does.

“If I must,” I tease. I grab the man’s phone and type in the number for my mother’s hotel.

He looks down at the number, then kisses my cheek. “I’ll call you soon, Miranda.”

I give him a quick hug, and a few minutes later, I close the hotel room door behind me, then take the elevator down to the casino.

I don’t feel guilty. I don’t feel powerful. I don’t feel anything.

I ease through the casino and find my mother in the lobby. She waves me over.