Page 20 of My Fake Date With My Childhood Friend (Port Lane Romances #3)

thirteen

I stumbled downstairs on Monday morning, rubbing at my eyes tiredly.

Unlike the upstairs, which was dark and silent since I was the only one up there, the main floor was bright and cheery.

It was a little funny, actually, since all my younger siblings were already on their way to school with either Charlie or my mom driving them, and my dad was at work.

The sweet scent of cinnamon and fresh pancakes wafted through the air. White and blue lights were wrapped around the Christmas tree and reflecting off the silver tinsel. Soft music was playing from the kitchen, which was unusual since my mom never played music while she cooked.

I walked into the kitchen and found Charlie at the stove.

“Hey,” he said when he saw me. He jerked a chin at the table. “Sit down. I'll make you a plate.”

“Thanks,” I said quietly. Things were still weird between Charlie and me.

Since I'd been at Alexander's for most of the weekend, we hadn't gotten the chance to talk since our fight.

I wasn't sure whether I was still angry with him or not.

I guess he had reason to believe that I wasn't over Joseph, and I appreciated that he was concerned enough about Alexander's feelings to say something — but I didn't like the way he went about it, and I wanted to make sure he knew that.

The thing about older brothers was that they felt like they always knew best and that if we got into an argument, they didn’t have to apologize.

My oldest brother, Elliot, seemed to be under the impression that it was best never to mention the argument and move on as if nothing had happened.

If it was something small, then I was fine with that, but there had been many big blow-ups between us that warranted an apology that never came.

“So,” Charlie said, flipping the pancakes with a flourish. “What's been going on?”

I shrugged. “Not much. Just school and hanging out with Alexander.”

Charlie nodded and put a plate down in front of me. He'd used strawberry jam and whip cream to draw Santa on each pancake like he used to do for me when I was a kid. I smiled gratefully at him.

“I know you haven't been in the Christmas spirit much lately,” he said. “But I can't just make normal pancakes in December.”

“Actually...” I said. I thought back to my weekend with Alexander and all the Christmas-y fun we'd had. I'd barely even thought of Joseph or Nikki the whole time. Maybe there was a Christmas without them. “I think I actually am getting into the spirit again. Better late than never, right?”

Charlie smiled widely at me, then sat down with his own plate. We both dug in. The pancake was fluffy and rich, perfectly cooked on both sides. Charlie was the best cook in the family other than my mom, so it shouldn't have been surprising.

“I'm sorry about last week,” Charlie said. “For suggesting you're not over Joseph and all that.”

“It wasn't so much a suggestion as you are implicitly saying it,” I said.

“Yeah...” He cleared his throat. “I guess sometimes I still see you as my baby sister, and I feel like I need to step in and protect you. It's hard to remember that when I'm away, you keep growing up.”

“You haven't been gone for that long,” I said softly.

“No,” he said, “but somehow, you've grown up a lot since I left.”

I guess being cheated on will do that to a person.

“The point is,” he continued, “If you really believe you've got a handle on this, I believe you. I hope you know I'm here whenever you need me.”

“Thank you,” I said after a beat of silence. “And I'm sorry for reacting so badly. Sometimes, it just feels like everyone is expecting me to be heartbroken over Joseph forever when all I want to do is forget him.”

“A little piece of advice?” He said. I looked at him.

“You're never going to forget him. He was your first love and your first heartbreak, and the pain of that is never going to go away completely.

And you'll never let yourself fall head over heels like that again because you know how much it hurts.” He looked at me seriously.

“But make sure you don't let that hold you back from loving again altogether. Heartbreak is a part of life, Penny. But so are second chances.”

“Second chances?” I asked in a small voice. I wasn't planning to give Joseph another chance to ruin me.

“Second chances at love — with whoever it may be.” He eyed my plate, where there was still one more Santa pancake left. “And for what it's worth? You could do a lot worse than falling for the guy who's making you love Christmas again.”

I should have known better than to assume Joseph would just leave me alone.

After school, I was walking to the debate club when a very angry-looking Joseph approached me.

I was surprised to see him over here. Debate club was the worst part of the school — the addition that happened in the 1970s, where they decided to use the worst interior design of that decade and never change it again.

Almost no classes were held over here, and any popular extracurriculars like student council were held in the main part of the school.

This wasn’t the kind of place where popular football players were generally found.

I was busy reading an assignment handout while I was walking, so I didn’t even notice him walking toward me at first.

“Penny!” His booming voice carried across the hallway, and I jumped in surprise.

“Joseph!” I snapped. “What’s wrong with you? You gave me a heart attack.”

“Sorry,” he said flatly. He looked around carefully, then leaned in and said quietly, “Listen, can we talk for a minute?”

“No,” I said immediately. I brushed past him and pretended to keep reading the page, though my mind was now on anything but my essay.

The nerve of this guy! He looked tense. He had a girlfriend, and he still wouldn’t leave me alone.

He was obsessed with me. I didn’t know if it was an ego thing, if he couldn’t just believe that I had moved on or if it was like a forbidden fruit thing. He wanted what he couldn’t have.

He chased after me and stood in front of me, blocking me with his hands.

“Move!” I said angrily.

“C'mon,” he said quietly. “Please, let’s talk. I’m begging you.”

“Move, Joseph! I don’t have time for your stupid games.”

“Please, just five minutes.” He clasped his hands in front of his chest. “I promise.”

I sighed deeply. “Two minutes.”

“Okay.” He let out a breath and just stared at me.

I raised an eyebrow. “Joseph, I’m already running late to debate club. The clock is ticking here.”

“I called you a while ago, and you didn’t call me back,” he blurted out.

That was it? That was what he tracked me down to say.

“Yeah, I didn’t have anything to say to you, so I don’t know why you were expecting me to call you back.”

He had the audacity to look surprised. “Wow. You’ve really changed, Penny.”

“Yep,” I said. “Guess you could say I saw the light, realized my worth, and dropped all the trash from my life.”

“Come on, I’ve already apologized so many times,” he said sulkily.

“Telling me you’re sorry that you made out with my friend while continuing to date said friend doesn’t count as apologizing, Joseph.”

“So… what you’re saying is that if I break up with her, you’d forgive me?”

“No!” I snapped. Was he genuinely this stupid, or was he just trying to rile me up?

“But you just said--”

“My point was that none of your apologies until now have been genuine,” I said. “Maybe, just maybe, if you broke it off with Nikki, then I could believe your apology was genuine. But it doesn’t guarantee that I would forgive you.”

“Don’t you think you’ve held onto this grudge long enough?”

“It’s been less than two weeks,” I said flatly. I checked my watch. “And your two minutes are up. Goodbye, Joseph.”

Once again, I tried to push past myself. He walked backwards, so he stayed in line with me.

“Hey, hey, wait!” He said. “We’re not done talking about this!”

“I am.”

“Well, I’m not!” He put his arm out to stop me again.

I huffed in annoyance, but did stop. I wasn’t getting anywhere with him following me like this, and I didn’t want to risk him trying to come into a debate with me.

With my luck, the topic of the debate would end up being Cheaters: To Forgive or Not to Forgive?

“Come on, Penny, you returned all my stuff, and you even stopped wearing the necklace I gave you,” he said.

He glanced at my neck, which was notably bare.

Back on our first date, he’d given me a small green pendant because he knew it was my favourite colour.

I’d worn it every day while we were dating.

“All these little trinkets we had together, all the memories we had together, you keep throwing them away. Don’t tell me that doesn’t hurt you. ”

“Joseph, we are not together anymore,” I said, clearly enunciating every word.

I needed him to hear and understand this.

“You have no say in anything I do with my life, and you need to leave me alone. I know this might come as a shock to you, but I don’t want any reminders of the boy who cheated on me. ”

Joseph put his hands on my shoulders and stared me dead in the eyes. I squirmed, trying to get him to let go, but that only made him dig his fingers in deeper.

“Penny,” he said seriously. “I made a mistake. I’ve said this a million times already, but I’ll keep saying it until you believe me. I still love you, and I want you back. I miss you. I need you. I’m sorry about everything. I want us to start over and forget about everything.”

I knew Joseph was an expert manipulator, and I wasn’t going to fall for it.

Those puppy dog eyes might have worked before, but now all I could see when I looked at him was the day I’d found him kissing Nikki.

I couldn’t believe he genuinely thought I would ever get back together with him as if I didn’t still have my self-respect and sanity.

It was especially absurd considering that he still had a girlfriend, and I had a boyfriend as far as he knew.

I snorted and shoved his arms as hard as I could, forcing him to let go of me.

“Why would I want you back, Joseph?” I asked. “It’s obvious that you only want what you can’t have. You don’t love or respect me, and you never have. My advice to you would be to forget about me completely while I’m still being nice.”

Joseph looked surprised for a second, but it quickly turned into obvious anger.

“I won’t stop! I think about you every day, and I will keep trying to get you back. Just wait and see.”

“I have a boyfriend!” I was surprised at how convincing I sounded when I said it. Almost as if it was actually the truth.

“And he’s not good enough for you! Can’t you see it?”

“No,” I said coldly. I can’t. “The only person who wasn’t good enough for me was you.”

“You need to listen to me!”

“No, you need to listen to me!” I snapped. “I am happy with my life now, Joseph, and I don’t really care how you feel about it. You don’t get a say in what I do when you’re not my boyfriend anymore, so just screw off, okay?”

Finally giving up on getting anywhere in this hallway, I spun around and ran back the way I came. I didn’t stop running until I’d gone down the stairs and ended up in a separate wing of the school, where I was sure he wouldn’t be able to find me again.

The closure was important in break-ups, but it was impossible to reach it when Joseph was still in denial about what he did and how I felt about him.

I felt like I was finally getting to the point where I was ready to accept everything that had happened and move on, and it was like he was trying to pull me back with him. He had to get over himself.

I was so angry with him that I couldn’t even go to debate club.

He had spoiled my mood. Instead, I went to the library — somewhere quiet so that I could hear my thoughts.

My mom was supposed to be picking me up after debate club, and I didn’t feel like having to explain to her why I was leaving early, so staying here for an hour seemed like a good enough alternative.

I headed straight for the back, where some chairs and couches were set up for silent reading. I sat down in an empty black armchair and pulled the werewolf book I was still reading out of my bag. When your ex-boyfriend gets you down, read a romance, right?

Unfortunately, it wasn’t that easy to get Joseph off my mind. One memory, in particular, kept passing through my mind, no matter how many times I tried to push it away.

We were sitting together on my living room couch, watching a movie. Joseph was gently running his fingers along my back.

“You okay?” He asked. “You seem stressed.”

I shrugged. “Just thinking.”

“About?”

“Not to be cynical… but do you think we would ever break up?” I asked.

“Of course not. I would never let that happen. You are way too important for all that,” he said, rubbing my shoulders.

“That’s good. I like you too much.” I kissed him deeply in a way you can only do when you’re na?ve enough to believe that your love will last forever.

I didn’t know then what I knew now: that any relationship in high school would inevitably crash and burn.

That was why I had to be careful about how I thought about Alexander — I’d had a crush on him before, one that came and went every so often.

I obviously didn’t think about him like that while I was with Joseph, but now that we were broken up and Alexander and I were starting to spend more time together, those dormant feelings were starting to rear their head again, ever so slightly.

But I would never — could never — go after Alexander.

He and I were from completely different worlds.

Back with Joseph, I’d made the mistake of thinking that we could make it through that, and look what had happened.

The rules of high school were set in stone, and they said that people of different social standings, like Alexander and I, were not supposed to date.

It was bad enough to toe that line in the way we were now, even if it was purposely temporary.

Adding real feelings and the hope for something more long-term would only ruin it.

No, I wouldn’t go after Alexander. I wouldn’t make the same mistake again.