Page 31 of My Alien Bughead (Supernova Casanovas #4)

Chapter 31

D’Aakh

Once again, I wake up in the Supernova’s infirmary. Once again, I’m in terrible pain. And, once again, I’m not dead.

I don’t get it. How do I keep surviving when I shouldn’t? Why do I keep surviving when I shouldn’t? The mathematical odds of survival are a million to one against me and yet, here I am. Math sucks.

I struggle to open my eyes. The room is dark, the lights dimmed to their night cycle. How long was I asleep?

As I try moving my arms, I figure out two things. I’m restrained again and I’m hurt. The pain is different from last time. Before, it was a general ache everywhere. My joints, my muscles, my bones. Now, the pain seems to be concentrated in my chest, raw and intense, flaring sharply every time I move. Or breathe. Or when my heart beats. So basically, all of the damn time.

“D’Aakh?”

Panic rises at the sound of my name. That’s not the voice I want to hear. As vain and delusional as I am, I’d expected Lucía to be sitting by my side when I woke up. It’s crazy of me to assume she’d be idly sitting by for hours while her people struggled with the aftermath of the attack. Or… Fuck! Was she hurt?

“D’Aakh,” Nikolai calls out, his voice bringing me back from the brink of a panic attack. “Please don’t move. For real, this time. Everything is fine. We defended the station successfully. Everyone’s alive. Including Lucía. So calm down and stop moving or I’ll have to knock you out again.”

I wasn’t moving, was I? Well, maybe a little but that sharp pain in my chest quickly stopped me. What is it that hurts so much, anyway? I know how broken ribs feel but this is so much worse. It feels like something clawed my chest open and rearranged my organs.

Nikolai offers me water which I gratefully accept, even if swallowing causes me to wince in pain. More pain. Just what I need.

“How…long?” Each word is a struggle.

“Five days.”

I blink. Did he just say days? I was out for five days ?!

“I’m not even sure how you survived other than you being one stubborn motherfucker who simply refused to die, even when all of the odds were against you.” He half whacks half punches me in the shoulder. To my surprise, it barely hurts, especially compared to the pain in my chest. “I told you to rest. I ordered you not to move. And what did you do? You sprinted down a fucking tunnel just to get yourself blown up again! Seriously! You and Lucía are banned from explosives forever. I mean, getting blown up occasionally is probably normal in your line of work but twice in two days?! You two are either extremely unlucky or just crazy.”

My grimace is not just from the pain as I remember, “Crazy? Lucía…got shot!” I’ll never forget the sound she made when that laser bolt hit her. “Is she…?”

“I told you already, she’s fine. It was just a graze. Their station doctor fixed it while I was operating on your fucking HEART!” Nikolai rubs his frustrated hands down his face. “You do know I’m not qualified for any of this, right? I’m not even qualified to perform heart surgery on humans, let alone on stupid aliens! I had no fucking idea what I was doing!”

“I’m alive. You…did great,” I half wheeze through another pulse of pain.

He snorts. “Don’t thank me yet. I’m fairly certain that with the mess I made of your heart and arteries, you won’t ever be fit enough to go back to super-soldiering. Not to mention the damage to the heart tissue that was already done by the stimulants followed by you deciding to go cold turkey and nearly dying in the process.”

Grief doesn’t hit me as hard as I thought it would. Even if I never go back to being a Voidstalker, I can still be a technician. I can still have a life. With Lucía. Provided she’ll want a cripple by her side.

“Where…”

I meant to ask where Lucía is but Nikolai answers a different question. “We’re at the Schloppe station. Apparently, it’s a rather shady place but it’s outside of the UGC’s sphere of influence. We couldn’t stay at the Alevvo station much longer, not with the UGC ships on their way. They would have tried to arrest you guys and Zarkan wanted to avoid a fight. We’re here for…”

I stop listening, my mind reeling over the fact that we’re no longer at the Alevvo station. Which means that Lucía is gone. I left her behind without even saying goodbye. My heart clenches, the pain flaring from my chest so agonizing tears stream from my eyes. She’s gone and I have nothing. Why didn’t Nikolai just let me die?

“Hey, D’Aakh, are you alright?” Nikolai asks, sounding concerned.

What a stupid question. How could I be alright? I just lost everything and I can’t even go back to Lucía, because Nikolai is right. The UGC would arrest me on sight. Or I’d die. Actually, dying doesn’t sound like a terrible idea.

“I’m sorry about the pain, but Z’Ree is resting and I can’t give you any more painkillers.”

“It’s fine.” It’s what I deserve. I fucked everything up. Well, almost everything. At least I saved Lucía. I didn’t fail like with Mzr. She can live a long, happy life. Without me.

I don’t cry myself to sleep. I fall asleep while crying. There’s a difference.

The next time I wake up, it’s daytime. Or at least, what passes for daytime on a spaceship. The pain is muted, which means that either Nikolai loaded me up with some high-quality drugs, or Z’Ree is nearby.

“Good morning.” Yep, Z’Ree is here. She offers me water and I accept it, even though I’m not really thirsty. I’m not…anything. I feel empty. I don’t even react when she unbuckles my restraints. “I’m sorry about these, but you move a lot in your sleep and Nikolai was worried you’d open up your wounds. Just…stay in bed this time, okay?”

“Okay.” I have no reason to get up, anyway.

Zarkan enters, his scowl reminding me of everything I’ve lost. My team, my job, my friends. I’m not sure if I’ll be able to get some of it back. I’m not sure if I even want to.

Zarkan turns to Z’Ree. “Will you give us a moment, please?”

I brace myself for the onslaught of pain as she leaves the room but she must be staying close by enough for her crystal resonance magic to work on me, because I still feel fine. Except I’m not fine at all.

Zarkan leans against the wall, his expression guarded. “My first squad leader liked to smoke trexin,” he starts by saying, which was totally unexpected. “I was the only one who knew. I didn’t report him because he begged me not to. He promised he’d quit. Every time I confronted him, he swore he’d quit. I respected him so much I kept quiet. He never smoked before the missions, so I thought it would be alright. It wasn’t.”

I can already see how the story ends. “Someone got hurt.”

“Half of my squad died because the asshole was high and made the wrong call,” Zarkan growls. “He survived. Tried to lie his way out of it. It didn’t work,” he adds darkly. “I will tolerate a lot from my crew but I will never tolerate drugs. Never, D’Aakh.”

“I’m sorry,” I say the only thing I can. At least now I know why he’s so mad at me.

He heaves a deep sigh. “You know what would happen if we were still a Voidstalker squad.”

“I’d be out for good.”

“Yes. But…I don’t want you to leave. I love all of you idiots too much to lose you, so you’ll get a second chance.”

My emotions, muted so far, come rushing back, and relief floods me. I still have something. I still have my crew. “Thank you.”

“Not so fast.” Zarkan raises a finger. “There are conditions.”

“Of course. Anything.” At this point, I’d agree to anything just so that I can stay here and recover at least a semblance of my old life.

“You’ll obey Nikolai’s orders to the letter. No more running away from the infirmary, no more straining yourself when you’re supposed to rest. You’re off active duty for the time being and that includes working on the ship. Until you get better, I don’t want to see you with a weapon or a tool in your hand.”

Ouch. That’s going to be a long, long few days. Or weeks? I shudder at the idea of not doing anything for weeks. “What about the ship? It still needs repairs.”

“The Serramorphs are learning fast, and we’ve hired a new technician. We’ve got it covered.”

Double ouch. They already hired someone to replace me. I guess I should be glad they didn’t simply kick me off the ship and are willing to give me another chance, but it still hurts. Still, I don’t have any choice but to accept it. “Alright.”

“‘Alright’? Aren’t you going to demand to know who I hired and what their skills are, then complain they’re useless and that you should do the job yourself?”

Damn, he knows me too well. “Would it help?”

“No.”

“Then I won’t say it.” I attempt a smile. “I’m not stupid, Captain.”

He sighs again, then shakes his head. “I never doubted your intelligence, D’Aakh. Two more conditions. Regular drug tests. This isn’t to humiliate you,” he adds, looking somewhat embarrassed. “Consider it a concession for my own peace of mind. Finally, and this is the most important condition. Therapy.”

“Excuse me? Therapy? With who?” It’s not like I can just visit a therapist's office at Voidstalker headquarters whenever I feel like it.

“I contacted an old friend who contacted her old friend. It’s not important who. You have a therapist ready to start remote sessions once Nikolai deems your condition stable enough.”

This is ridiculous. “I don’t think this is necessary, Captain. I’m fine now. No stimulants, no desire to use them.” That’s a lie. The craving is still there but I’m confident I can fight it on my own. I don’t need some stranger to poke around in my head.

“It’s non-negotiable,” Zarkan says. “It’s not just about the drugs. You need to deal with what happened with Mzr. Until the therapist gives you a green light, you remain off active duty. So you better start working on yourself if you want back in. That’s all.” His expression softens a little as he gently pats my shoulder. “I’m glad you’re okay, D’Aakh.”

“Thanks. I’ll…think about everything.” Not that there’s anything to think about. If Zarkan wants me in therapy, I’m going to fucking therapy. “Will you get rid of that other technician when I get better?” I still hate the idea of working with someone else.

Zarkan snorts. Before he responds, the voice I’ve been longing to hear since the moment I woke up sounds from the doorway. “Fire me? Seriously, D’Aakh, you’re a jerk,” Lucía says, her words lacking any bite. Her smile betrays her teasing nature. “You’ve been awake for five whole minutes and you’re already trying to get rid of me? That’s not going to happen. By the way, you should reconsider your behavior toward me. I’m your boss now.”

“No, you’re not,” Zarkan says. “You’re doing his job until he’s cleared to return. After that, well…” He smirks. “I’ll let you two fight it out. Be good, both of you.”

I barely notice Zarkan leaving, too busy staring dumbfoundedly at Lucía. I’m not convinced she’s real. Perhaps Nikolai really did drug me and I’m hallucinating. Or I died. There’s always that option.

Unperturbed, Lucía saunters across the room and sits down on the side of my bed. “Whatever. I’ll win. I’m the boss.”

I grab Lucía’s hand, tears springing from my eyes feeling her warm skin against mine. She’s real. “Maybe when you learn to tighten the graviton screws in the right order, we can talk about you being in charge,” I tease her, doing my best not to sound like a sniveling wreck, yet failing miserably. “You’re here.”

“Of course I’m here. Where else would I be? FrenCorp sent a ton of new people over to Alevvo, including several technicians. All of them were jerks. Like, world-class fucking jerks. True pinches cabrones . I thought, better the jerk you know, right? Besides, I’d be a shitty girlfriend if I abandoned my boyfriend the moment he almost dies for the second or third time, right?”

Boyfriend. I don’t particularly like that word but I do love what it represents. Lucía wants to be with me, so nothing else matters. Too bad I can barely move my arms. Bringing her pleasure is out of the question. Not knowing what to say, I simply squeeze her hand and give her a rather teary smile.

Lucía smiles back at me. “Besides, you promised me that barb fusion thing. Don’t think I’ve forgotten. The minute you’re out of the infirmary, we’re having sex.”

Nikolai chooses that moment to return, glaring at us both. “Absolutely not! No sex! You!” He points a finger at Lucía. “No more unsupervised visits or I’ll ban you from coming here altogether. D’Aakh needs to rest, not fuck.”

Lucía rolls her eyes. “Whatever. I need to get back to work, anyway. Since I’m the boss,” she adds with a wink before leaning over to place a quick, gentle kiss on my forehead. “By the way, I’ve moved into your room. That bed? It’s the best fucking bed I’ve ever slept on!”

“You’re sleeping in my bed?” Is this a dream?

“No, I’m sleeping in our bed,” she replies with a grin. “Get some rest. I’ll be back later.”

“No, you won’t!” Nikolai waves his hand dismissively at the door. “Out! My patient, my rules. Shoo!”

Chuckling, Lucía heads out but pauses in the doorway. “Later, bughead,” she says, winking at me again. My newly stitched heart gets busy pumping blood into my cock.

“Later, zeeva !” I yell out after her, grinning when I hear her laughing from the hallway.

“You two,” Nikolai sighs. “You’ll be the death of me. Absolutely no sex, do you hear me? If you have another heart attack because you couldn’t wait a few days to fuck your girlfriend, I’m NOT fixing you up again. My time is more valuable than that. Now, sleep.”

Though my arm feels like it weighs a ton, I manage a mock salute. “Yes, sir. No sex,” I confirm, my mind already conjuring alternative options. Mutual masturbation doesn’t count as sex, does it?