Page 96 of Mr. Edwards

“Only because my genetics are messed up.”

“There’s nothing wrong with your genes. Your parents might suck, but none of their assholeyness was passed onto you. Look at you, you’re beautiful, strong, kind, giving… a truly amazing person.”

“Thanks,” I say, dipping my chin.

“It’s the truth.” Emma reaches out and grasps my hand. “I love you like a sister, and I’m grateful to have you in my life. You may not think so, but you have a lot to offer. You also know firsthand what bad parenting looks like. You won’t make the same mistakes. You’ll be an awesome mom, Carlee.”

“You think so?”

“I know so. Geez, imagine how gorgeous this kid will be having you two as parents?”

I smile at that. “Is it wrong that I kind of like the idea that part of Grayson may be growing inside of me?” I may not be able to have him, but this is the next best thing.

“Right, that’s it.” She places her cup down before taking mine out of my hand. “The suspense is killing me. We’re going upstairs to my bathroom right now.”

She scoops up the paper bag before tugging me off the stool. An uneasiness settles in the pit of my stomach, but it’s time I put my big girl panties on and find out one way or the other.

I tear open the box. “I have no idea what I’m doing,” I admit, lining the contents on the bathroom sink.

“You’ve never done one of these before?” Emma asks.

“Never. I’ve been on birth control since the beginning of time, but I stopped after Grayson and I broke up. If I couldn’t have him, I didn’t want anyone else.”

“Oh, Car,” she says, rubbing her hand down my back. “I wish I knew what went wrong with you two. Hopefully one day you’ll be able to tell me.”

I nod instead of answering. I wish I could talk to her, but it’s not that simple. There are too many consequences if I do.

“Here.” Emma picks up the stick thingy, passing it to me. “You just need to pee on the strip.”

“Okay.” I walk over to the toilet, pull down my pants, and take a seat, doing as she instructs. “Now what?” I ask.

“We wait.”

I place the stick down on top of the pamphlet that came with the test kit, washing my hands. “How long does it take?”

“A few minutes.”

I turn around, giving the test my back. “I can’t watch.”

“It’s okay. I’ll keep an eye on it for both of us.”

Time seems to stand still.

“Anything yet?”

“Give it a bit longer.”

I wrap my arms around my body for comfort. I’m nervous, but I’m too scared to hope. I’m only setting myself up for a letdown if I do. I want this, but I’m also petrified about the fallout it will bring.

A few minutes later I hear Emma sigh from behind me, so I glance at her over my shoulder. “I’m sorry,” she says. “It’s negative.”

“Oh.” Those words are like a knife through my heart. My whole body deflates and a crushing pain settles in my chest. This truly is the end of us.

“Hey.” Emma reaches for me, but I shrug her off. If I let her touch me it will be my undoing. “I want to hug you so bad, Carlee, but you’re giving off that don’t touch me vibe right now.” She grabs my hand instead, squeezing it, but even that has the dam behind my eyes threatening to spill over. “Tell me what to do, how I can help?”

“There’s nothing you can do.” I wipe my fingers under my eyes, but a few more tears follow.

“Please let me hug you, you look like you could use one.”