Page 114 of Mr. Edwards

“I know you want to know why we can’t be together, but trust me when I say you don’t.”

Dropping my hand from her face, I run my fingers exasperatedly through my hair. I’m tired of her deflection. “How can you say that? Do you have any idea how hard the past few years have been for me?”

“There’s no coming back from this, you think the truth will set you free, Grayson? Trust me when I say it won’t. Please, can we just leave the past in the past?”

“Are you kidding me? Stop talking in damn circles.”

“You don’t understand.”

I take a deep breath as the anger rises inside me. “Then help me understand goddamn it.”

“I’m doing this to protect you. Can’t you see that?”

I’m at my wits’ end with this bullshit. Turning my face away from her, I bang my hand down on the steering wheel. “Don’t… don’t fucking protect me.”

Through my peripheral vision, I see her flinch, so I stop and take a moment, sucking more oxygen into my lungs as I try to calm myself down. Things between us are already fragile. Screaming or scaring her isn’t going to get me anywhere.

“You can’t ask me to do that. I’ll always do what’s best for you, even at the expense of my own happiness… that’s how much you mean to me, Grayson.”

Reaching over, I cup her face. “You can fight this all you want, but I won’t give up on us. You’re what’s best for me. Can’t you see that?”

When tears start to cascade down her cheeks, I draw her closer and wrap her in my arms. Why is she doing this to us? I can see she’s hurting just as much as I am. The scary thing is, the Carlee I used to know, the one with the sassy mouth and feisty spirit, is nowhere to be seen.

I hold her for the longest time as she softly cries into my chest. My mind is spinning with all the possibilities.

What is she hiding?

Why is she so broken?

Drawing back, I place my knuckle under her chin, tilting her face up toward mine. Even with red puffy eyes and tear-stained cheeks, she’s still the most beautiful thing in the world.

My eyes scan over her face, finally landing on her lips. “I want to kiss you,” I admit. “Are you going to let me?” Once upon a time, I wouldn’t have even asked, I’d just take what I wanted and she’d give me her all, but sadly we’re not that couple anymore.

My hand moves up to cup her cheek. Leaning forward, I place a soft kiss on her forehead, followed by one on her cute little nose, right over those sweet thirteen freckles that I’ve missed. “Don’t make me beg.”

She releases a breathy sigh as her eyelids flutter closed. “You’re crazy,” she whispers.

My lips move down to the corner of her mouth, where I lay another kiss before moving to the other side. I draw back slightly so I can see her face. “Yes, I am, I’m crazy about you.”

A smile tugs at her lips. My face inches back toward hers, giving her ample opportunity to pull away, but to my relief she stays put, even tilting her head back slightly, giving me better access to her delicious mouth.

Our lips are now joined, but I make no move to take the kiss further. What I want to do is devour her mouth until she’s breathless, but for now, this small connection is enough.

The fact that she’s even letting me just confirms everything I believe… I still have a chance. Carlee is not the type of person who can be forced into doing anything she doesn’t want to.

Reluctantly, I eventually draw back, resting my forehead against hers. I take a moment to breathe in her air, reveling in the knowledge that after all this time she’s here…with me.

After a few moments, I clear my throat and force myself to sit back in my seat. I can see the confusion on her face as my eyes take her in. She was expecting more from me, and she has no idea how hard it is to take things slow. But good things come to those who wait, and the reward in the end will be worth it.

“I’ll see you next Saturday.”

There’s so much more I want to say… to do, but baby steps are what I need here. I’m proud of myself for showing such restraint, because every second I’m in her presence, I’m battling my self-control.

“Okay,” she says, and I can hear the surprise in her voice. She gathers up her trash and reaches for the bag that she’d placed on the floor. She gives me one last look over her shoulder as she exits the car.

“Carlee.”

“Yeah?”