Page 38 of Montana Groom of Convenience (Montana Cowboys #5)

She pulled her dress off, jerked on her trousers, and strode from the room.

“I’m going for a ride.” The freedom of the open spaces, the wind tugging at her hair, and the thrill of being at one with her horse would go a long way to easing her tangled thoughts.

She saddled Sunny and galloped from the yard.

Just before she disappeared around the barn, she caught a glimpse of Sawyer and Jill standing in the doorway, watching.

This isn’t about you, she wanted to shout.

But they wouldn’t hear her. She rode hard over the hills until she reached the secret little lake.

She walked Sunny to cool him and then flung herself to the ground.

She walked back and forth along the verge of the lake.

She kicked at clumps of grass and tossed twigs into the water.

Finally, her anger mostly spent, she sat down and stared at the water.

What would she do if Father sold the ranch? What would happen to Sawyer and Jill?

There would be no reason to continue their marriage agreement.

She sat with her legs drawn up, her chin propped on her knees, and let sorrow and sadness consume her. After a bit, her feelings abated, and she was able to take each thought out and examine it, trying to find a way to deal with it.

Would she have to say goodbye to the land she’d loved since she was a child?

More than that, she would have nothing to offer Sawyer. Would he decide he was done with their agreement?

She moaned as pain seared through her. With surprising clarity, she realized the source of her pain. It wasn’t the thought of losing the ranch—as much as that would hurt. It was knowing she could lose Sawyer and Jill.

Oh God, help me. I don’t know if I can bear it if they leave.

The Lord is my shepherd. She focused on the promise. For Mother’s sake, she would be strong. She would cling to her faith.

The thud of approaching hooves brought her to her feet. She grabbed Sunny’s reins, ready to ride away if the sound brought trouble.

Her breath eased out when Sawyer came into sight. She waited for him to ride closer.

He dismounted several yards away and closed the distance separating them. He faced her, saying nothing but searching her with his eyes.

Neither of them spoke. She couldn’t bring herself to address the issue that hung between them like a wall.

If Father sold the ranch, would she and Sawyer go their separate ways?

Sawyer wanted to soothe away the pain in Carly’s eyes. Wanted to assure her everything would be okay. But he couldn’t promise her that.

If her father sold the ranch, her need for a marriage would be gone.

Was that what she wanted? Not many hours ago, she had said she wanted him to see her as his wife. What did she mean? He hoped it meant she’d started to care about him and perhaps even wanted to change the terms they’d agreed to.

But had this latest development made her change her mind?

He told himself he would hold back until she made her wishes clear, but he saw the pain in her eyes and couldn’t stand idly by. He pulled her against his chest and held her close.

“I’m sorry about the way your father is acting.

” So many other things crowded his mind—how hard Carly tried to please her father, to gain his approval and how oblivious her father was to her efforts, how much she loved the land and how intimately she knew it.

She’d been willing to marry a stranger in order to keep the ranch. A needless sacrifice, it would seem.

He had no choice but to release her from their agreement.

His arms tightened about her as his heart warred with what he must do.

“Carly.” His voice grated like a rusty hinge. “If your father sells the ranch, our agreement is no longer necessary.”

She’d been soft and close against his chest. At his words, she stiffened. Slowly, she eased from his arms. “You want to end our marriage?”

He could tell nothing from her expression or her tone of voice. Couldn’t guess if she was pleased with his offer. Somehow, he forced words from his reluctant throat. “We married so you could keep the ranch.”

“And so you and Jill could have a home.”

They stood inches apart, but it might as well have been miles.

She nodded. “I understand.” She walked slowly back to the edge of the water and stood looking out at the lake.

Was she finding peace? Relief?

The words she’d spoken along the trail burned through his brain.

She wanted him to see her as his wife. She’d never explained, and before he let her go, he had to know what she meant.

He closed the distance between them and stood at her side, careful to leave space between them.

He, too, looked at the water, hoping he could find strength and courage there.

He needed God’s help to get through this. Yea, though I walk through the valley of death. God, be my rod and staff.

“This morning, you said something that I didn’t understand. I’m hoping you’ll explain yourself.”

They both shifted, so they faced each other.

Her eyes were watchful, guarded. If only he could see past the wall she’d set up and know what she wanted. His shoulders sank as his lungs emptied. He knew what she wanted—the ranch. He’d been the means to that end. But was he more?

“Carly, you said you wanted me to see you as my wife. What did you mean?”

Her gaze flickered. Did he see hope? Longing? Or was it regret? He couldn’t allow himself to think so. And then her eyes darkened, and he thought he saw resolve and something more. Something that caused him to tense with a mixture of fear and anticipation.

“I meant exactly what I said.”

“I guess I don’t understand. You are my wife.”

“In name only. We both know it would take nothing to annul the contract between us.” Challenge flared in her gaze .

“You want more than that?”

She nodded. “Do you?”

Yes. Yes. A thousand times, yes. “You only married me to save the ranch. Our marriage isn’t necessary if your father plans to sell it anyway.”

She lifted one shoulder as if that didn’t matter, and his heart swelled with hope.

“Do you want to stay married even if your father sells out?” There, he’d laid it on the line, risked everything to know the truth. And if she said no, well, he’d lived with disappointment before and survived. His insides quivered. Surviving this time might prove more of a challenge.

“Do you?”

He closed his eyes. She was forcing him to take the first step.

He dug deep for the strength to open his heart and let her see to the darkest corners.

He opened his eyes and fell into her gaze.

For this woman, he would risk everything—even his carefully constructed security.

For her, he’d knock down the walls surrounding his heart.

“Carly, I don’t want to end our marriage. In fact—” He drew in a breath for courage. “I want it to be real.”

She studied him as if waiting for more. Finally asked a question. “Why?”

He smiled. He should have guessed she’d want more. “I don’t know. It just seems right. Like we fit.”

She nodded. “I know. So we’ll continue our agreement even if Father decides to sell?”

“Agreed.”

She waited. “But—” Shook her head. “Never mind. Shall we go back and see what he’s decided?”

As they rode back to the house, he knew he had missed something but couldn’t say what it was. He was grateful she’d agreed to continue their marriage.

But neither of them had discussed changing the terms. Or had she when she said she wanted to be his wife?

Had he missed an opportunity to tell her how he felt? All because of his habit of protecting his heart?

If he continued in this direction, he would protect his heart from everything he yearned for. She galloped homeward, making it impossible to say anything now.

Would he ever get another chance to say what he felt?