Page 16 of Montana Groom of Convenience (Montana Cowboys #5)

C arly swiped at her nose with her wet hand.

“I’m not crying.” She wouldn’t. She quickly finished the last cup and carried the basin of water outside to toss on Mother’s flower bed which Carly had kept alive and thriving since her mother’s passing.

The tulips had blossomed bright yellow and red.

The lavender, peonies, and other perennials were growing well.

They would blossom when their time came.

She glanced up the hill even though she couldn’t see the tiny graveyard in the dark. A cool breeze shivered across her, and she wrapped her arms about her, the basin clutched to her side. Mother and the baby brothers lay up there.

A tear trickled down her nose. She blinked her eyes clear. She didn’t need a man. She didn’t need love, but she couldn’t help but be grateful her mother wasn’t alive to witness this marriage.

Father had forced her to take this step, and she wouldn’t allow regrets .

She bent to wipe her eyes on her sleeve and tuck determination into her heart.

Before she could return indoors, a shadow fell from the open door. Sawyer waited and watched. At least he didn’t say anything.

They stood a few feet apart. He blocked the light from the kitchen, leaving his face in the dark, though likely his expression would have been inscrutable even if she’d seen it. She could only hope her face was equally shadowed. Neither broke the silence.

Father’s bed creaked as he lay down.

Big Harry snuffled as he readjusted his position.

An owl hooted from the nearby trees.

The scent of silver willows wafted from the river. Spicy as cinnamon.

Still, Carly and Sawyer did not move; they were waiting, assessing.

In the stillness, her decision grew firm.

Her hopes and expectations adjusted. Some might have said she married in haste and would repent in leisure.

Right here and now, with thoughts of Mother close and Sawyer waiting in the doorway, she vowed she would not repent.

She would allow no regrets. Although neither of them expected a real marriage, they both had expectations that they’d discussed. Meeting those was enough for her.

She took a step forward. Sawyer moved back to allow her to enter the house.

“Is everything okay?” he asked.

“Everything is fine. Do you have what you need for the night?”

“I’m fine. Thank you.”

His thanks eased her tension. They could both be polite and gentle with each other, thus making the agreement between them pleasant.

“Good night, then.” She crossed to her room.

“Good night.” Two doors closed quietly.

Carly lit the lamp on her bedside table and turned it down low.

She sat on the side of her bed, facing Jill.

Should she wake the child to make sure she was okay?

She smiled as she thought of the foolishness of doing so, but she’d been instructed to make sure the child didn’t slip into unconsciousness.

Jill’s eyelids fluttered.

“You aren’t sleeping, are you?”

Jill squeezed her eyes tightly.

Carly laughed. “That’s not going to work.”

Jill flipped over, so Carly stared at her back.

“It’s all right. You can take your time deciding what you want from your new life.

” Her heart went out to the child who’d lost her parents and then been shuffled from home to home as if no one cared enough to keep her.

“I remember something my own mother said. ‘Carly, you can be about as happy as you decide to be. Or you can choose to be unhappy.’ After she died, I needed to remind myself of those words over and over.”

She quickly prepared for the night as she talked, leaving her trousers on top of her boots at the side of the bed.

Thinking of her mother triggered so many memories.

“Mother used to read me stories at bedtime. And when I got older, she read to me from the Bible.” She pulled her Bible from the nearby drawer.

“Now, when I read the Bible, I think of her.”

Jill snorted. “Shouldn’t you think of God?”

Carly laughed softly. “You’re awfully smart. Yes, of course, I should think of God, and I do. It’s comforting to know my mother is with Him in heaven.”

Jill switched to her back, her face shadowed so Carly couldn’t read her expression. Though, there might not have been anything to see, as the child was as good as Sawyer at hiding her feelings. “You think you’ll see your mama again?”

“Yes, I’ll see her in heaven.”

“Not me.” She flipped to her side again, allowing Carly to see nothing but her back.

Carly went to the side of the bed, holding the lamp so she could see Jill’s face. “Why do you think that?” But Jill buried her face in her pillow.

“Because I’m bad. Bad girls don’t go to heaven.” Her voice was muffled, perhaps explaining the heavy tone. Though, Carly wasn’t convinced.

“Who said you were a bad girl?”

Jill turned and stared at Carly, her eyes narrowed and her mouth tight. “People.”

“What people?”

No answer.

“Sawyer?”

Jill shook her head.

Carly knew an unexpected and shuddering relief to hear that Sawyer had not condemned the girl.

“I know it wasn’t your mama and papa.” She thought of all the child had been through.

According to Sawyer, Jill had been moved from home to home.

Was it because she’d acted out? If someone had spoken such unkind words, Carly could understand why Jill would see no reason for being good.

“I’m guessing it was some of the people who took you in.

” She perched on the side of Jill’s bed, paying no mind when the child scooted as far away as possible.

“Jill, honey, those people were wrong. They didn’t understand what it’s like to lose both your mama and papa and feel alone and scared.”

“I wasn’t scared.” The words were spoken bravely but, Carly knew them to be untrue.

“Sometimes, when we’re hurting and afraid, we don’t know how to act.

We might even say and do unkind things. But listen to me.

That doesn’t mean we are bad people. And when we do bad things, all we need to do is confess them to Jesus.

Let me read you a verse my mother taught me when I was about your age. ”

She still held her Bible and opened it to First John chapter one, verse nine.

“‘If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.’ That means because God always keeps His word and is fair, He forgives our sins. Don’t you think what God says is more to be believed than what some people say? ”

She longed to hug and kiss the child, but Jill wasn’t ready to accept such gestures. “You think about it. Good night now. If you need anything, don’t be afraid to call.”

The next morning, she glanced at Jill, sleeping soundly and so sweet and innocent-looking. Poor child. She’d lost so much.

Carly hurried from the room. She wanted to check on the cows this morning .

Sawyer came from his room, stretching and yawning as Carly prepared a bountiful breakfast.

“I trust you slept well.” She was determined to be kind and polite from the beginning of each day to its end.

“Great. How about you?”

“Good.”

“Jill?”

“Once she fell asleep, she didn’t stir.” She held up a hand to stop his protest. “Don’t worry. She’s fine. I shook her once to check on her, and she protested loudly at being wakened.” She’d like to discuss with him what Jill had said. Perhaps tonight after Jill was in bed.

Jill came from the bedroom, rubbing sleep from her eyes as Father joined them in the kitchen.

“Good morning to ye all,” he said in his customary boisterous morning call.

Jill blinked and looked ready to flee.

“Father, you’re frightening the child.”

“Aye, little one, ye might as well get used to me. I can’t help myself ’cause I love mornings so much. Now, up to the table, and let’s enjoy the meal Carly has prepared.”

She poured coffee for the men and milk for herself and Jill. She served toasted bread, fried eggs, and bacon. It was plenty enough food for her and Father and likely for Jill. But maybe not for Sawyer. “Would you like griddle cakes as well with your breakfast?”

His eyes lit. “I love griddle cakes. But only if it’s not too much work.”

She chuckled. “I think I can manage to fry up a few. Starting tomorrow.”

“I’d appreciate that.” Their gazes held, and Carly felt the pleasure of knowing she could please this man by preparing good meals.

Sawyer and Jill helped her do the dishes.

“I’ll run out and take care of the chickens,” she said when they were done.

She milked the cow and hurried through the rest of the morning chores.

She gathered the eggs and took them to the house, pausing to toss some leftover biscuits into a sack to take with her.

Jill sat at the table with Father, a checkerboard between them.

Father would be pleased to teach another little girl to play the game.

She glanced about but didn’t see Sawyer. Perhaps he was in his room. Or had gone outside for something. “I’ll be back later,” she told Father and Jill. “There’s bread and cheese for sandwiches if I don’t get back by noon.”

“Where are ye off to, lass?” Father asked.

“I need to check the north side of the ranch and push back any cows wandering too far.”

“Aye, you do that.”

She wondered at the amusement in his eyes. Then shrugged. Perhaps he was simply enjoying a little girl to keep him company. “How is your leg?”

“It gets better every day.” He made a move in the game. “Your turn,” he said to Jill.

Carly left the pair to their fun and headed for the barn. She was about to step inside to saddle Sunny when Sawyer led his saddled horse out.

“You aren’t riding away, are you?” Did he intend to leave her alone with Jill to take care of?

His eyebrows did a little dance. “I’m a man of my word.”

“Then where are you going?”

“To check the cows.”

She couldn’t have been more stunned if he’d pulled a gun on her. “I’m going to check on the cows.” How could he—“You don’t even know where they are.”