Page 21 of Montana Groom of Convenience (Montana Cowboys #5)

C arly watched from the kitchen window as Sawyer drove Big Harry to the field.

She’d watched him do so for three days now and discovered there was something strangely soothing about seeing him plowing in the nearby field as she went about her own work.

She’d begun planting the garden, enlisting Jill’s help.

At first, the child resisted, but Carly, following her mother’s example, turned it into a game.

Intent on fulfilling her decision to provide more sweets, Carly had spent a few hours each day baking and discovered that Jill enjoyed helping. They’d made cookies and a yellow cake. They’d baked cinnamon rolls. They’d worked together on preparing meals.

Every evening, after Sawyer brought the horse to the barn, he washed at the pump before coming to the house. From her station in the kitchen, Carly could watch his every move. Every day, her pleasure grew at knowing this man was her husband.

After they had supper and the kitchen was cleaned up, they went for a walk.

Carly told herself she was teaching Sawyer intimate details about the ranch—where the boggy area would appear after a heavy rain, the place where she’d discovered a buffalo rub, the pine tree hidden among the cottonwoods along the river.

She shared the details of her day. “Jill talks about her mother as we work. I think it’s getting easier for her to remember the good things and less painful to think of her being gone. Not that I expect that pain will ever leave. But I don’t need to tell you that. I’m sure it’s the same for you.”

They had gone to the river, where they walked along the shore. He stared ahead.

She waited, having discovered that he considered his words carefully before he answered.

“So much changed when Ma and Johnny perished.”

“You lost your home, too.” She pressed her hand to his arm. She’d grown more at ease with touching him and had discovered something reassuring and steadying about the strength beneath her hand as his muscles flexed.

“In a way, I lost my pa, too. He stayed lost until he met Judith.” A beat of consideration. “I guess if there’s one thing to be grateful for, it’s that he didn’t survive without her. I don’t think he would have—” He shrugged as if uncertain what he meant.

She understood that he didn’t think his pa would be able to go on without Judith at his side. “Poor Jill. I can’t imagine losing both parents.”

“Even worse, she acted so badly that no one would keep her.”

Carly chuckled. “She was hurt and fighting her pain. That little girl is a fighter. ”

“I can never hope to replace the home she’s lost.”

Carly tried not to let it bother her that he spoke as if he were alone in this. She gently corrected him, wondering if he would even notice. “No, we can’t. But we can give her something else. A new beginning. A chance to learn that love is still an option.”

They stopped walking and faced each other. He searched her gaze so intently that her eyes stung. She didn’t look away. Didn’t want to end this moment and prayed he would see that she included him in her hope of a happy future.

A smile began in his eyes and spread to his mouth. “Love is an option. That sounds very hopeful.”

She sensed an unasked question. Did he wonder if love was available to him? She’d married a stranger. Their agreement was to remain businesslike. But did he sometimes want more? “I remember something my mother would say. Love is not a feeling. It’s an action.”

He studied her some more, then turned away. She couldn’t tell whether or not he was disappointed with her answer. She wanted to explain what she meant...that feelings didn’t need to exist in order for a person to show loving actions.

That was what she wanted to show when she baked treats for everyone partly because she’d entered into this arrangement with honorable intentions.

But partly because she wanted them to know someone cared about them.

It sprang from the decision she’d made at Mother’s grave to be a mother to Jill.

And a wife to Sawyer, though she wasn’t sure what that would look like.

They returned home a short time later. It was Saturday, and she’d left water heating for baths. She brought the washtub into the kitchen .

Sawyer, seeing her intent, looked startled.

“Tomorrow is Sunday and church. Tonight, we bathe.”

“Aye,” Father said. “My own mother, God rest her soul, said washing the body reminded one that there should be a regular cleansing of the heart.”

“I’d forgotten what day it was,” Sawyer said. “I’ll go to the river to wash.” He grabbed a bar of soap and a towel and left before anyone could say anything.

“Jill, you can go first.” She covered the windows. Father went outside to sit in the cool evening air.

“Get undressed, and I’ll wash your hair for you.”

Jill stared at her. Her throat worked. Carly understood she struggled with emotion and waited for the child to say something.

But Jill turned away and stripped off her clothing, then climbed into the tub.

Carly let her relax in the warm water for a few minutes and wash herself, then knelt beside her. “I loved it when my mother washed my hair.” She lathered up Jill’s hair as she talked and rinsed it well, then wrapped a towel around her head.

Jill sat up. Tears flooded her eyes.

“Did I get soap in your eyes? I’m sorry. Let me wash them out.”

Jill rocked her head back and forth. “No soap.” She sniffled. Finally, she spoke. “Nobody has washed my hair since Mama.”

The child was finished bathing. Carly wrapped a towel around her and lifted her to her lap. She pressed Jill’s head to her shoulder and rubbed her back. “I’m glad I could be the one to do it for you. You’re a precious, sweet child, and I’m honored to be part of your family now.”

Jill’s stiffness eased.

Carly continued talking. “We might not be the kind of family each of us started out to be, but that doesn’t mean we can’t be good together. It’s been so much fun having you help me with the baking. I can tell your mama has taught you many things. I think she’d be happy that you’ve remembered them.”

Jill nodded.

“We’ll keep learning together, doing the things we know our mothers would want us to. You know...” She leaned back so she could look into Jill’s face. “I think both of our mamas would be pleased to see us working together to make a happy family.”

Emotions raced across the child’s face...hope, uncertainty, and then the blank look that she used so often.

Carly pushed back her disappointment. It was early yet. In time, Jill would learn that they could be as happy as they chose to be. All of them. Together as a family.

“You think about it.” She finished drying Jill and helped her into her nightgown.

She dried Jill’s hair in front of the stove and braided it, still damp, to keep it tidy.

“Do you want me to read you a story before you go to sleep?” She’d asked several times and always Jill had said no, thanks.

She would keep asking until Jill agreed to let her.

Jill hesitated.

Carly waited, hoping for agreement. Then Jill shook her head.

“Fine. You get to bed. I’ll come and tuck you in.”

She let out a slow sigh when Jill didn’t tell her not to. One step forward. She hung the wet towels as she gave Jill a few minutes to get into bed, then went to the bedroom.

Jill had the covers up to her chin.

Carly tucked them tight around her, then leaned over and kissed her on the forehead. “Have a good sleep, sweet Jill.” Seeing the wariness in the girl’s eyes, she left the room before Jill could protest.

In the kitchen, she sucked in air. It was progress. Thank You, God. Help me show love every day and in every way. And let that love help us build a new family.

Sawyer and Father spoke outside.

Carly couldn’t help but smile in anticipation of seeing Sawyer after a dip in the river. She shivered. She’d take warm water any day.

She added hot water to the tub, pulled a chair near, and put the soap and towels close at hand.

“Father, would you like a bath now?” She allowed herself a quick glance at Sawyer. His hair sparkled with dampness. His skin glowed like freshly blossomed roses. Her ‘quick glance’ had become an all-out stare.

Father pushed to his feet. “I’ll do me best.”

Carly remembered to breathe as she brought her attention to her father.

Sawyer leaped forward. “Do you need help? I don’t mind.”

Father’s face crinkled in appreciation. “Thank you for the offer, son, but I’ve been managing on my own.”

“How does he do it?” Sawyer asked after Father went inside.

“He sits on a chair and leans over the tub. Seems to work for him.” She chuckled.

“He’s particular about keeping his beard clean.

He once told me a story about an old bachelor who didn’t wash as often as he should.

Claims the man found a mouse in his beard one day.

” She met Sawyer’s surprised look. “Now, I can’t say if it’s really true, I’m simply repeating what I heard. ”

Sawyer grinned. “I don’t expect your father would spin a wild tale, would he?”

She lifted one shoulder. “Never known my father to tell a lie. Though I’m not saying, he saw this firsthand. I suspect it was a story told to him, and he only relayed what he’d heard.”

Sawyer’s gaze held hers like a steel clamp. She couldn’t have turned away if she wanted and she didn’t want to. His smile gave way to a deep-throated laugh. Still, their eyes remained locked.

They both sobered. Something sweet and eternal blossomed deep inside even as she tried to resist it. Yes, he was her husband, but not in the real sense. Not in a way that included mutual fondness. Both of them had been clear that this would be strictly business.

Business could be pleasant and sweet, she reasoned like honey to the soul.

She sat on the outside chair where Father had been sitting and indicated the chair beside her.

Sawyer sat.

Neither spoke. The air between them was heavy with unspoken words.

Sawyer broke the silence. “I want to thank you.”