Page 17

She must not let herself grow fond of this man. Her heart wasn’t ready to take the risk of being hurt again. It would never be ready for that risk.

She forced her gaze to the fire, watching the flames leap and twist, and listened to Grandfather tell how he’d invited the bunch to join him for a meal, and as they ate, he told them about God’s love for them.

Grandfather finished his story with a flourish. “And that’s how, by showing them kindness, I outwitted the bad guys.”

Evan let out a thin sigh. He looked at the parcel at Annie’s side.

“I almost forgot. I’ve got something for you here.” She brought the package to her lap and slowly folded back the paper, taking her time as she enjoyed watching Evan’s anticipation. Unable to stop herself, she looked toward Hugh, saw the same look on his face, and chuckled.

Hugh raised his eyebrows in silent question.

“You and Evan are wearing matching expressions.”

Hugh’s gaze went to Evan. Evan stared at him for the length of the blink, then lowered his head. He couldn’t resist the allure of the parcel, and as he watched, Annie withdrew a new shirt, white with blue stripes. “Just the right size for you,” she said to Evan.

His mouth hung open, and he stared at the shirt, then looked at the one he wore as if comparing them.

“One more thing.” Annie waited for him to look her way again and pulled out a pair of trousers. “To go with the new shirt.”

Again, Evan looked from the new to the old.

“New clothes to wear after you have a bath,” she said. There were new underthings, too, but she didn’t pull them out.

Evan shifted, grabbed his mat, and scurried back to the kitchen.

Annie called after him. “I won’t make you bathe, but you need one. You let me know when you’re ready.” She sighed. “I wasn’t sure how he’d react.”

Hugh shifted and folded his legs in front of him. “Don’t look at it as a failure. After all, he joined us of his own accord, and he’s a lot more responsive than a few days ago.”

“I’m going to bed,” Grandfather announced. “My old bones are tired.”

Annie shifted to allow him to get up and watched as he made his way down the hall. Worry about him and concern about Evan knotted inside her.

Hugh reached over and squeezed her hand. “We’ll take one day at a time, letting Evan set the pace.”

She shuddered. She’d pulled life tight around her, closing herself to love, seeking safety and security, yet she could well lose Grandfather soon.

“Everyone I care about dies or leaves.” She hadn’t meant to speak her fears aloud.

“Seems to me the safest thing is not to let myself care anymore.” She meant not anyone new.

“If Grandfather—” She shook her head as her throat tightened so she couldn’t go on.

He squeezed her hand. “Life is full of uncertainty. I know I don’t need to tell you there is only one thing we can count on. God’s faithfulness. Has He not upheld you through your many losses?”

She swallowed loudly. “He has. And I know I should trust Him more. but sometimes it’s hard. Every time I lose someone, I lose a part of my heart. How many times can a piece be torn off before I have nothing left?” Perhaps she’d already reached that point.

His hand, warm and firm against hers, offered something she wanted, though she could not for the life of her say what it was.

Nor could she explain why she turned her palm to his and gripped his hand so hard she wouldn’t blame him if he withdrew.

To her immense relief, he only squeezed back as if offering her a lifeline.

“Loss hurts,” he said softly, his voice like a balm. “And I believe it leaves a scar, but don’t they say that scar tissue is stronger than untested flesh?”

“Scar tissue is ugly and inflexible.”

He considered her, his eyes so probing that she wondered if he saw right to the center of her heart where she had buried secrets. And denied dreams.

“I would venture to say we can’t get through life without some scarring.” His words reminded her of what Pa said. Life goes on.

She looked at the little shirt and the pair of trousers in her lap.

“We need to get Evan to bed.” She pulled her hand back and got to her feet, intending to rush to the kitchen.

Instead, unable to explain her actions, she waited until he rose, and they went side by side.

He held back at the door and let her go first.

The storybook stood on the shelf, and she pulled it down. There was still hot chocolate left, and she divided it three ways and gave everyone two cookies then sat down to read the next story.

Her thoughts refused to concentrate on the words she read.

She did not want any more scar tissue. Did not want the wounds that led to the scars. Did not want the loving that made the wounds possible.

Except that meant she would not have known Mama’s love. She couldn’t regret that.

The one love she did regret was the one she’d given too freely to Rudy.

She finished the story, knowing what it was about only because she’d heard it many times before.

Hugh prayed.

His words of blessing and trust replaced her troubled thoughts.

“Time for bed, son,” Hugh spoke so gently, kindly to Evan that yearning rose up inside Annie.

She pushed it away. No reason she should wish for that same regard. It wasn’t as if she didn’t know love and caring from her pa, her grandfather, and her brothers.

Evan sat immobile on his mat, and Hugh scooped the boy into his arms.

Evan struggled.

Annie followed the pair as far as the bedroom door, then turned and fled back to the living room, where she gathered up the picnic remains and took them to the kitchen. She was still there, putting away the last of things when Hugh returned.

“He’s already curled up with the quilt tucked around him. Did you think he put up less of a fight tonight?” The desperate hope in his voice drew her gaze to him.

Poor Hugh. How it must hurt to see his son like this—to wonder if Evan would ever be normal.

She smiled at him. “Remember the advice you gave me.”

His eyebrows went up, and his eyes begged for explanation...and something more.

She swallowed hard, knowing he longed for her to offer him encouragement. “We can count on God’s faithfulness.” She meant he could but it was too late to change her words. The way his face relaxed made her not want to. “God answered our prayers in finding him. I know God’s not finished yet.”

“I know it too. Thanks for reminding me.”

Their gazes came together in a gentle melding of hope and faith.

“God is faithful,” he said.

Annie wondered why his voice sounded so distant. Why she couldn’t remember that she didn’t want to care about him. Why it mattered if she did.

Right now, it felt like the best thing she could dream of.

He shifted his attention away. “Are you done in here?” He looked around the kitchen.

She pulled her thoughts back into order. “I am.”

“Did you want to sit by the fire a spell?” He tilted his head toward the living room to indicate which fire he meant.

It sounded like a fine idea. A perfect way to end the day. Then her senses returned. It was the worst idea. She must guard her heart and her mind. “I think I’ll retire for the night.” She slipped away before he could say anything.

Before she could change her mind.

And she wouldn’t allow herself to think there was a sad note in his voice as he called, “Good night,” down the hall.