Page 11 of Monster’s Redemption (Monsters in the Mountains #9)

Blythe

M y mind was whirling, too many thoughts competing to be able to focus on any of them. I couldn’t even formulate another question despite how many I wanted to ask, so I remained silent as I sat on a fallen tree and caught my breath while Fin’hir looked for a stream.

Humans and monsters could mate.

And breed!

I wasn’t sure what to do with myself. There had already been attraction growing for the big monster, but the thought that what my body was urging me to do might not even be possible had kept it in hand.

Now…

Now there was nothing to hold me back.

Except the nightmares.

I still had flashbacks of what had happened. Despite how different Fin’hir was, there were still times when I reacted in a way I otherwise wouldn’t have, although his differences made it easier to remember he wasn’t Dicean. He wasn’t going to hurt me.

At least on purpose.

Despite myself, I’d seen his cock. Even after he’d taken to wearing a loincloth of rabbit fur, it was hard to miss. I wouldn’t be too far off calling it the size of my lower arm, and something that big drew attention when it was waving about, even if there was something over it. The only thing the pelt hid was the details.

It was… different.

Even that part of him wasn’t like a human’s. I’d saved myself for my bonding with Ricarie, but that didn’t mean we hadn’t fooled around. I’d seen and even touched a cock before that day, even though one had never been inside me. I knew Fin’hir would have a knot at the base like all alphas, but there were other differences.

The rings. Ridges? I wasn’t quite sure what they were, but he didn’t have a smooth shaft from base to crown the way a human did. It looked as if he had bracelets spaced along the length of him, but beneath the skin.

And I swore I remembered seeing them move.

My core clenched just as a twig snapped behind me, making me jump to my feet.

“Sorry. I found a stream.”

Cheeks burning, I was just as eager to get a drink as I was to leave the area I’d perfumed with my indecent thoughts. I should have been thinking about other things, but all I could focus on was the fact that it was possible to mate with one of his kind.

Not one of them.

Him.

Before my first heat and what had happened, if given the choice between a human and a monster, I’d have said it was ridiculous to even think of choosing the monster, much less wanting to mate anyone after having my choices taken from me. After the incident I had been scared I’d never be able to move on and find another mate despite knowing it was necessary, but the time I’d spent with Fin’hir had shown me there were still good alphas out there.

Even some who didn’t look like the real monster in my memories.

It had been a hasty decision to stay with Fin’hir instead of returning home, made out of the desire to hide, both from reality and my shame. Being with him hadn’t felt real since everything was so different to what I was used to, and I didn’t have to face anyone who knew me. It made it easier to pretend nothing had happened.

Eventually, I’d gone from ignoring it, to accepting it. The lingering pain wouldn’t allow me to forget, and while I still held regret over Ricarie’s death and the loss of my innocence, I couldn’t dwell in the past. I had to move forward, and to be able to do that, I had to accept what had happened. I couldn’t count on my body to stop cycling simply because the wrong alpha had claimed me and then died, which meant I’d go into heat again in the fall, and unless I wanted another alpha to come along and take my choice away again, I had to choose one before then.

I still hadn’t thought it would be possible, but now the answer was easy.

Fin’hir.

I trusted him.

He’d proven he was a gentle soul even if he was gruff at times. He took care of me, usually seeing to my needs even before I was aware of them. He’d sacrificed for me, giving up food that he could have eaten, as well as his bedding.

And I loved waking with his scent and warmth surrounding me.

It was an easy choice.

Maybe this was Fate.

I’d been as skeptical of the fickle goddess as I had been of monsters, but if one was real, I couldn’t discount the other. The stories said she could be devious, creating the most convoluted path to get you where she wanted you, and it was supposedly impossible to change it once she set you on it.

It was comforting, in a way, to think there was a reason behind what had happened. That it wasn’t just one selfish alpha’s decision that had caused Ricarie’s death and my pain, but that the events were necessary to bring me where I was meant to be.

To bring me to Fin’hir.

There was something there, beneath what he’d told me about his clan. I could feel it. Something he didn’t want to talk about. He’d never been chatty, but he’d opened up more the longer I’d been with him, showed more emotion, except when he’d spoken of his clan. There was a tightness around his eyes and tension in his tone that said there was pain there. Even when he smiled, there was wariness in his eyes.

But I trusted him. He wouldn’t take me there if it wasn’t safe.

But would he protect me from one of his own the way he’d protected me from Dicean?

I chewed on my lower lip as I stared at his back, following him between the trees. If it wasn’t for the pack he carried I would almost think we were back where we’d spent the last two moons since everything around us was the same, but the bundle of furs was a reminder that I wasn’t going to wake in the middle of the night to the feel of him against me in our little cave, warming me from the back while the fire heated my front.

Things were changing.

I doubted Fin’hir would ever be one to talk about feelings. I knew there was at least some interest on his part, but I also knew he’d never push me. If I left things to him, I’d be in heat again before he’d ever loosen his control, and while I wanted to believe he’d protect me no matter who the threat came from, the thought of facing other alphas without both of us knowing where we stood made my stomach churn. He needed to know I wanted him as my alpha.

And he’d never believe me if I simply told him. I was going to have to show him I was interested, that I wanted him, and then he might accept when I asked him to claim me.

I spent the rest of the day trying to think of a way to go about it. It worked well to distract me from the strain as we kept hiking through the mountains, but as the sun started to sink, I was too exhausted to even put two sentences in a row, much less plan a seduction.

Stumbling to a stop at the entrance to a cave, I blinked around at what little I could see. Fin’hir had gone inside to check for anything dangerous but told me to wait, and while I’d have loved to do something useful like collect firewood, I was barely capable of keeping upright.

“It’s safe.”

I jerked so hard at the unexpected words I started to tip sideways until long fingers curled around my arms. I hadn’t seen him returning with how dark it was inside the cave, and I was so tired I hadn’t noticed the sounds he made as he approached.

“Are you okay?”

It took a moment to realize he’d pulled me against his chest, or perhaps I’d leaned into him, but his palm on my cheek forced my focus back. Despite the long claws on each finger, he hadn’t scratched me since the first day, and I added that to the list of things that proved he was softer than he acted.

“Yeah, I think I just fell asleep on my feet for a minute.”

His brows bunched, little wrinkles forming along the top of his snout. After more than two moons together I was so used to his appearance I didn’t even blink at the horns or the way his eyes seemed to glow when there was only a little light.

“I pushed you too hard.”

Shaking my head, I lifted my hand to press against his chest. He was still holding me close, as if he’d forgotten he was supposed to let go, and at least part of my brain was still capable of doing things to make sure he knew I didn’t mind the contact.

“It’s fine, I’m just not used to so much physical activity.”

I didn’t want to tell him the muscles of my legs were trembling like a flame burning up the last bit of oil, or that there was a dull throb at the base of my skull from dehydration. Despite the coolness of the air and how much I drank each time we found a stream, I’d sweat out a lot of moisture.

Wiggling my fingers through the fur on his chest, I worked until I felt bare flesh beneath my fingertips. His skin was hot to the touch, and I wasn’t sure if it was because he always seemed warm to me, or because my fingers were cold. Either way, I didn’t miss the way he sucked in a breath before holding it.

“I could do with getting in better shape. A good night’s sleep is all I need.”

His rumble vibrated through my fingertips, making them tingle, and I considered touching more of him, but was disappointed when he pulled away.

“Rest here while I gather firewood and something to eat. You need protein as much as rest.”

Grumbling as he turned to walk away, I decided not to argue. Each blink was getting longer, and I wasn’t good at hunting even in the best light. With darkness creeping up quickly, trying to find firewood would become a dangerous task that would likely leave me calling out for help when I got lost. Staying where I was created the least work for him.

I sighed as I found a spot free of loose rocks and let myself sink down. If walking left me this tired by the end of the day, I had no idea how I was going to reassure Fin’hir I wanted him before we reached his clan. I could only hope an opportunity presented itself.