Page 10 of Monster’s Redemption (Monsters in the Mountains #9)

Fin’hir

T he thought of returning home was terrifying, but I wasn’t sure where else to go. The one time I’d forced myself to mention perhaps it was time for Blythe to return to her own people she’d insisted she wasn’t ready, and I couldn’t bring myself to do it again.

I didn’t want to lose her.

It had taken over a moon for me to accept that the desire I felt for her wasn’t due to her cycle or simply that she was an omega.

Or perhaps it had begun due to her being an omega and was my body’s natural response to that, but after spending more time with her, it was now simply her .

I enjoyed her company.

It was strange. I’d always been more of a loner, someone who was part of the clan without being at the heart of it. I’d tended to go out on long hunting trips, sometimes spending three seasons at a time away from the clan. Even when I was home I rarely joined in when the others gathered, only watching from afar.

But now, I couldn’t imagine returning to that lonely life. The thought of only having myself to see to, of going to sleep without Blythe in my arms, whether she knew I was there or not, made my heart shrivel.

I wanted her.

I wanted her.

It was getting harder and harder to keep my desire hidden. I’d made myself a loin cloth from the first rabbit I’d caught for Blythe, telling myself it was to make her more comfortable, but I needed it more than she did. I’d caught her looking at my shaft, her expression devoid of the fear it should have shown, and I hadn’t been able to stand it. Just the thought that she might be as interested in me as I was in her kept me hard for days, even after I tried to relieve myself.

There were times in the night I would wake with her in my arms, her tiny form tucked against my chest, with my shaft wedged against her bottom. My ridges would be writhing, trying to get to her center despite the furs that were always between us, and once, we’d somehow moved enough that my shaft had been caught between her thighs.

I’d had to remove myself and rush outside, my snarl as I took myself in hand and spent my seed on the forest floor scaring the night animals silent until morning.

It truly was torture living with her.

And now, after leaving my clan for accepting humans, I was going to return with one.

But she isn’t mine.

I wasn’t sure if I was more worried about them accepting me back, or her finding another alpha amongst them that she preferred. I was senior to most of the unmated males, meaning I would typically get the first chance at an omega after the ones senior to me, but I knew I would never take Blythe if she didn’t choose me in return. It was said that love would grow after a bond was made, but after seeing her taken against her will, I’d never be able to put someone through that pain.

Her pain was one of the reasons I wanted to return to my clan, though. I hadn’t been fast enough to save her from being claimed by the alpha I’d killed, so it was doubly my fault she suffered the effects of a broken bond. The pain seemed to have lessened since the first days, or perhaps she was simply getting better at hiding it, but if there was a way to take it away completely, I had to find it, and the only ones I could think to ask were back home.

I sucked in a lungful of the mountain air, the scent of flowers mingling with Blythe’s tart sweetness. The smell of her followed me everywhere, embedded in my fur as if we were a true couple, and I had to admit I liked it, but I yearned for more.

“Does it ever get warm here?”

My lips twitched into a smile before I controlled them, raising a brow over my shoulder at the little omega huffing up the trail behind me. I’d chosen the easiest route for her short legs and clawless feet, but that meant leaving us exposed to the air blowing over the mountaintops.

“It is warm.”

The look she gave me had my control snapping and I laughed despite myself. I was surprised humans could survive winter at all with how cold she always seemed to be, even if the winters at the base of the mountains were nothing compared to what the peaks saw.

“The winds will die soon, little human, and your exertion will warm you, but if you’re going to live up here, you’ll have to get used to the chill. It does get warm in summer, but that time is short, and not quite here.”

Her village likely already had what she’d consider warm days with the mountains to protect it from the cold, and days spent in the sun, but we were too high up the slopes to be anything other than not quite cold. It was a pleasant day for me, the wind ruffling my fur kept me from getting warm despite how far we’d already trekked, but Blythe’s exposed skin was more sensitive.

“Do you need one of the furs?”

I was already swinging the pack I’d fashioned off my back when she shook her head as she huffed to a stop beside me. All it held was our bedding since there was nothing else I couldn’t find on the way, and we hadn’t had anything that couldn’t be replaced. It was a point of shame that I couldn’t provide what my omega needed, but that was one of the reasons for returning to my clan.

She isn’t mine.

No matter how many times I reminded myself, my instincts and alpha side ignored me. When she slept against my body and relied on me to provide for her, it was impossible not to think of her as mine.

I just couldn’t touch her the way I wanted to.

“No, you’re right, I’ll be too hot for one of them once we’re out of this wind.”

Listening to her heavy breathing, I examined her from the corner of my eye. I’d already assumed the trip to my clan would take longer than if I was alone, but I worried I was pushing her too hard at our current pace. She hadn’t complained, but I knew she wouldn’t. She’d hide her discomfort and exhaustion until it was too late, just like she did her pain.

“Let’s take a break.”

It was only mid-morning, but her flushed face and heaving breaths made my instincts prickle.

“Here?”

Her tone pointed out how terrible the spot was. I’d led her higher to avoid a ridge she wouldn’t have been able to climb, which left us above the tree line. The wind and sun were nothing to me, and while she wasn’t as pale as some humans, her dusky skin would still redden if she was under the sun for too long.

Trying to hide my embarrassment, I pulled the pack back into place on my back.

“Once we reach the trees.”

She looked like she was about to argue until she spotted how far we were from the next clump of evergreens. Pulling in a breath, she held it before huffing and letting her chin dip.

Walking slightly ahead and to her side, I used myself as a wind block as we made our way across the rocky ground towards the greenery. The footing was fine, but I berated myself for not seeing the other issues with the path I’d taken. I had to do better.

“Tell me about where we’re going.”

My heart stuttered, my mind trying to come up with a reason to avoid the question, but she was going to find out eventually.

“We’re going to my home.”

Her head cocked, curiosity shining from her eyes.

“I thought the cave was your home?”

My nose wrinkled before I could stop it, and I had to smooth the grimace away.

“I lived there, but not long. I’ve been travelling for a while. I meant, we’re going to my clan.”

There was no reason to bait her into more questions by calling it my previous clan. If all went well, I wouldn’t have to make that distinction any longer. Mel’cam had seemed fair and understanding as a clan leader before I left, and I hoped my apology would be enough to allow my return.

What if it wasn’t?

I shoved the thought away, refusing to consider it. I had an omega to care for, and if nothing else, they’d help me for her sake.

Or they’ll take her from me.

A growl slipped out under my breath, but Blythe didn’t seem to notice as she perked up. I could practically see the questions tumbling through her head, trying to get out.

“Your clan? I’ll get to meet more of your kind?”

She’d been careful never to call me a monster, although sometimes it was hard for her to maneuver around the word. My kind didn’t care what humans called us, but I found it amusing to watch her squirm over it.

“Yes, you will see more of us. I’m not sure how many you’ll actually meet though.”

We weren’t as social as humans seemed to be, and while there had been more gatherings after Mel’cam and Mel’ar claimed their omegas, I had no idea what had changed in the many seasons since I’d left. Plus, I’d be coming back shamed and without status in the clan, so we could be shunned.

Or I would be shunned. Blythe would draw attention from every unmated alpha she passed. Her scent wasn’t quite as tempting as it would have been if she’d never been claimed since there was a tinge to it after what had happened, but it was still clear that she didn’t have a mate.

I managed to swallow the snarl that thought brought and tried to focus on Blythe’s questions instead of my own thoughts.

“Does everyone live in caves? Do they share, like a massive cavern or something?”

“Yes, we all live in caves since they’re available. Each family has their own set, usually separate from other families, although some are connected deep within the mountain. We tend to be territorial, so never go into someone else’s home.”

Her eyes rounded and I purposely left off saying unless she was invited. When people of the clan needed to talk, it was done in the shared space by the lake. Only family or close friends were invited into another’s home, except when an alpha was trying to lure an omega into being his mate. There was no way I would allow Blythe to go into any cave but my own.

If I still had one.

I hated how everything hung on Mel’cam and whether he accepted me back or not, and what sort of punishment I might receive. It wasn’t unusual for alphas to leave their clans and travel to another, and they were usually allowed to join with little fuss, but leaving and coming back was a different matter. While I hadn’t announced why I was leaving the clan, or even that I was leaving for good, my reason why had probably been clear. Since Mel’cam’s mate was human, he would likely be more sensitive about the issue, but I hoped returning with Blythe would convince him to give me a chance to prove I’d changed.

I caught the shift in Blythe’s demeanor from the corner of my eye, turning all my focus to her as her shoulders slumped and her steps slowed.

“Are you sure it’s okay to bring me there? I don’t want you to upset them by bringing a human there. Will they be angry?”

The tension that had coiled in my body eased, and I let my smile show without fighting it.

“You have nothing to worry about. My clan leader is mated to a human.”

The emotions that played across her face almost made me laugh, but I waited for her to process the news. I’d seen the way she looked at me, and while I’d known it was possible for our kinds to be together, that was something she likely hadn’t been aware of.

My shaft twitched beneath my loincloth despite the way I tried not to think of what could be going through her mind. She’d grown comfortable enough in my presence that I didn’t think she’d have an issue accepting the joining the way I had, and her natural curiosity would point her towards exactly what I wanted her to imagine.

“He is?”

“Mmhmm. His brother too. They were expecting younglings when I left.”

I could have claimed the information was necessary, so she wasn’t surprised when we arrived and she saw them, but telling her was purely selfish.

I wanted her to know it was possible.

That we could be together.

That she could choose me.

I kept my gaze focused ahead, forcing myself not to stare at her. She’d gotten good at reading me, and I didn’t want to give away my feelings. I knew she still felt guilty about not being able to survive on her own and thought she was a burden, and I didn’t want my interest to push her towards offering herself simply because she wanted to repay me.

If I was going to have Blythe, I wanted all of her. I wanted her to choose me because she wanted me too. Not because of some imaginary debt.

“Wow, that’s… I’m surprised.”

I huffed a laugh as we finally stepped beneath the cover of the trees, and I looked around for a place where she could rest.

“So was I.”

More than she could imagine.