Page 29 of Miss Hawthorne’s Unlikely Husband (The Troublemakers Trilogy #3)

Harley House, Mayfair, London

A fter her little display at Thornfield House, Elodia had determined that she needed to stay clear of there for the time being.

Everywhere else was still safe, but she wasn’t sure she could be there and look anyone who lived or worked there in the eye.

Especially Richard. Wisps of memories kept drifting up like smoke, teasing her with humiliating phantoms. Had she crawled into his lap?

Had she really told him all those things?

He must have thought she was an absolute maniac.

Her father had been suspicious of her when she’d arrived the morning after.

She’d claimed exhaustion, but that excuse was wearing thinner by the moment.

In the end, she had come to Aunt Theo, where Isolde was now residing since she had inadvertently dined with Elodia’s father.

It had been an unexpected change but ultimately a convenient one for Elodia at least. It gave her cover to be out of the house far more often than before, and it offered an alternate topic of discussion if she ever wanted to deflect from her own strange behavior.

So now, instead of withstanding strange looks from her father, Isolde or Aunt Theo, she was picking flowers in Aunt Theo’s garden.

She felt a little less ridiculous picking flowers instead of sitting indoors thinking about what she had done.

What she could remember, at any rate. Her recollection wasn’t perfect but it was enough to leave her mortified.

She remembered taking the brandy out to the garden, and thinking, after a few gulps that laying down in the cool grass was a marvelous idea.

There had been thoughts of her father and the stars, questions about whether her mother could still see her wherever she was, more brandy, then nothing.

She remembered waking up to being carried and Richard’s scent everywhere.

They had spoken about something. Had she told him her father had effectively disowned her to the ton? She couldn’t remember that part.

She remembered lamenting being unable to look at him.

She’d clung to him shamelessly like an octopus, all arms and legs.

Had she tried to kiss him again? More importantly, was he annoyed?

Had he been frustrated by her behavior? She couldn’t remember his tone or his expression, only his voice rumbling through her.

That wonderful tenor giving her comfort even as it ultimately left her unsatisfied.

She’d have to apologize to him again , both for drinking his brandy and for making a spectacle of herself at his expense.

Honestly, if she had been trying to prove to him that she was a grown woman worthy of his love and respect then she couldn’t have done a worse job of going about it.

He must have thought she was an absolute ninny; sloppy, juvenile, tactless.

Desperate. She didn’t know which descriptor was worse.

Trying to see out the season wasn’t going all too well; perhaps she should escape to Bath and then the country.

For the rest of her life. At least then no one else would be subjected to her nonsense.

“You’re here,” his voice came from over her shoulder and she froze, her hand convulsing on the shears, accidentally snipping the rose too high up.

Oh God, what the hell is he doing here? She wasn’t sure she would ever grow accustomed to the instinctive blend of excitement and dread his presence now inspired in her. She turned around with what she hoped was a composed expression. He was perfect as usual. Perfect and perfectly inaccessible.

“Yes. I thought to pick some flowers for Aunt Theo since she hasn’t been able to go out much lately.”

“That’s very kind,” he replied, strolling up to her with an easy expression. As if she hadn’t gotten drunk on his lawn a few nights before. As if she hadn’t molested him while three sheets to the wind.

“Did Aunt Theo need me?” she asked.

“No,”

Then what the devil did he want? Wasn’t he tired of her by now? “Were you looking for Cousin Bertie?”

“No, why…” he paused. “I’m here for you.”

Me? “Whatever for?” Perhaps he had gotten drunk too and didn’t remember.

“You’ve been out of sorts lately, and there was that inebriated episode the other night.”

Well, so much for that theory. “Yes. I apologize for that.”

“There is nothing you need to apologize for. You said you wanted us to be friends.”

“I… I did say that.” Although she hadn’t expected him to stick to it so diligently. She would have forgiven him forgetting her entirely at this rate.

“Then, as a friend, I wanted to see if you are well. You said some things that worried me.”

Damn. “I do not remember what I said. I was not in my right mind and I—”

“Ellie—”

“Don’t,” her voice cracked and she turned away as her eyes burned. It was excruciating having him so close, knowing she couldn’t reach for him. It took every ounce of will she possessed. “Don’t call me that.”

“I am worried about you. It is not an accusation.”

She hated her weakness for him, her insatiable need to feel his care. “There have been a number of things that occurred outside of my expectations, and it has been difficult to cope with.”

“Do you mean with me?”

Yes. “Not really. It was a disappointment to be sure, but upon reflection, I was vain and presumptuous to think you would see me as anything but a friend. I am only sorry that I put you in such an uncomfortable position.”

There was a tense silence behind her and she wondered what he was thinking. “I wish you wouldn’t say such things,” he finally said.

“It’s no matter. I am determined to move on with my life and find a more reasonable prospect, but it is proving to be more difficult than I anticipated.

” She threw an insincere smile over her shoulder at him and turned her attention to the flowers.

She had a task to complete. Perhaps if she focused on that task she would be able to get through this conversation.

“I will likely have to ask my father to arrange a contract for me.”

“That is—”

“Odd?”

“I was going to say unexpected.”

She scoffed. It was close enough. “Yes. No one cares about your dowry or who your father is when you are—”

“Black?”

“Illegitimate.” The silence beside her was difficult to read. Had he suspected it? Was it a surprise to him as well? She mustered her courage to glance at him and he blinked before looking away. There was no surprise on his face. “So you did know.”

“I’d heard the rumors, but I never presumed to know if they were true or not.”

She didn’t want to ask the next question but not knowing was excruciating. “Was that why?”

He looked up at her. “Why what?”

“It was, wasn’t it? You said that being with me was inappropriate, and I thought you meant something else. Even then, you were being kind.”

He shook his head. “That wasn’t the reason.”

“Really? So it really was just me .” How many times was she going to rip that wound open? Her mouth began to tremble and she covered it with the back of the hand holding the shears before turning away from him.

“I am so sorry that you are facing this.” The gentleness in his voice was devastating.

“I’ve been taking stock of every encounter, every failed relationship, every dead prospect through the frame of this new information. It’s been explaining so much, honestly.”

“You didn’t know?”

“No. I foolishly believed my parents were in love. That their relationship was based in mutual respect and affection.”

“You don’t know that they weren’t in love.”

She shook her head in denial. No, she didn’t know it for certain, but whose account did she have to verify it?

Her father’s word couldn’t be relied upon, and there was no documentation.

If Béa had known then surely she would have said something by now.

“I thought he loved me.” Why did her voice sound so small and muffled?

“I’m certain that he does. No one would dare take your name with anything other than the utmost respect within earshot of the man because of how fiercely he defends you. He has claimed you and loved you openly.”

“Has he?” she demanded, turning to face him. “He didn’t love her enough to legitimize her or me. Or if he did, he didn’t have the courage to claim us here, where it was necessary. If she was his lawful wife and I his lawful child, then how could the ton believe otherwise?”

His eyes were full of sympathy for her, a frown of concern creasing his forehead. “I don’t know.”

“Yes, you do. There is only one reasonable answer; in the end, we were not worth it to him. He could play the hero on the plantation, the kind benevolent landowner with his colored wife and child. But in England, where his love could make him a pariah among the nobility, that courage deserted him. And now I am worthless in their eyes.”

“You are not worthless.” He took a step forward, his hand clenching by his side.

“I am to them. It is why I only have two friends in all the world and no man of family will come near me. I am, in fact, a viscount’s bastard, and when he dies or remarries, I will be at best an inconvenience and at worst a liability.”

“I do not believe that.”

“Why did you allow Ada to be friends with me? You knew the rumors; you couldn’t be ignorant of the implications.

It is no doubt why Gigi’s mother never fully approved of her friendship with me.

And even though you wouldn’t admit it, I know it is at least part of the reason you wouldn’t marry me, you were disgusted at the idea, I know it.

” She was so tired of his kindness. She wished he would just speak his mind and tell her the truth no matter how much it hurt.

“That is not—”

“It is true. Even if you were willing to allow Ada to befriend me, how could you possibly benefit from forming an alliance with a mixed-race bastard?”

“I have never thought that of you, Elodia. Never.”