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THIRTY-FIVE

ALEJANDRA

Twenty Weeks Pregnant

I sit at the desk in the spare room, the laptop camera focused on me and Zoe, and Pedro, who is beaming with excitement on the other side.

Today is his eighteenth birthday, and I can’t help but feel a pang of pride and nostalgia.

“ Feliz cumpleanos , hermanito, ” I say, my voice soft.

Juanita is by his side, and she looks so happy, the same happiness mirrored in Pedro’s eyes.

They’ve been through so much, but they’ve come out stronger.

Pedro finally came clean about how Tia wasn’t treating them right and all she wanted was the extra money from me.

And while some of it was going towards making sure my siblings had what they needed, a majority of it wasn’t.

It breaks my heart to know that I had them in a position where they were being mistreated and that I was being used as a personal bank, funding who knows what.

In his hands is the envelope I mailed a week ago.

“Open it, Pedro. A little something to help you start your adult life.” Gage and I sent him some money apart from the money we send for Juanita and him, just so he has a little extra to do something special, just for him.

Pedro opens it, his eyes widening in surprise.

“Ale, you guys didn’t have to do this,” he says, but I can see the gratitude on his face.

“We wanted to,” I reply, smiling. “And look at you, so grown up now. I’m so proud of you, Pedro. Keep making me proud, okay?”

I show off Zoe to them, who is reaching toward the screen and drooling up a storm, and rub my growing belly.

“Your little niece or nephew is growing fast,” I smile and they both laugh with me.

“We’ll have to plan a trip to see you guys when Gage comes home.

Maybe for a little vacation. Then I can help you get your apartment set up. I bet it’s a mess.”

I’m not even joking either. Knowing Pedro, it’s a hot mess.

Later, I sit down to write an email to Gage, giving him some updates on Zoe and my video call with my siblings.

I tell him about the ultrasound appointment I have later today and that Morales’ wife is accompanying me.

I promise to send him an ultrasound picture as soon as I get home.

I hit send and take a deep breath, ready to face the appointment.

I wish he were here to do this with me.

At the OB clinic, the ultrasound technician greets me warmly.

“Ready to see your little one?” she asks, and I nod, nervousness bubbling inside me.

I look at Rebecca, who gives me an encouraging smile as she takes Zoe from me.

As the technician moves the probe over my belly, I see the blurred image of my baby on the screen.

It’s a surreal experience, seeing this little life growing inside me.

Quisiera que tu papá estuviera aquí para verte, bebé.

“We want the baby to be a surprise,” I tell the technician.

“So, please don’t show me the gender.” She smiles understandingly and nods, continuing the ultrasound without revealing the baby’s sex.

I listen to our baby’s heartbeat, strong and steady.

This is real. We’re having a baby, and soon, I’ll hold my little one in my arms.

“Oh, Ale, they are perfect!” Rebecca sighs. “Ugh… this is making me want another one. Victor is gonna hate me when he gets back.” She throws her head back, laughing.

We step out of the clinic, the ultrasound pictures safely tucked in my bag, and head home.

When Rebecca leaves and as soon as Zoe and I are settled, I log onto the laptop so I can video call with Gage.

His face appears on the screen, tired but happy to see me.

“ Hermosa ,” he says, his voice a mix of relief and longing. “It’s good to see you.”

I miss him so much.

Don’t cry, Ale.

Too late, the hormones are such a fucking bitch and I cry. “I miss you, carino . I wanted you there at the ultrasound so badly. I’m so lucky Rebecca could go with me, but it was you I wanted.”

“I know, amor. Soon I’ll be home and I can go to the appointments with you and then, before you know it, they are going to be here.

” Then Gage takes a few minutes to give me updates on their situation, telling me that things are relatively calm but can change daily.

I nod, understanding the unpredictability of it all.

“And how are you holding up?” I ask, concerned.

He smiles weakly. “I’m okay. It’s harder than I could have ever imagined being away from you and Zoe, but I know it has to be done.

” I pick up Zoe so Gage can see her and he smiles, telling her how much he misses her.

She gurgles and coos, reaching out to touch his face on the screen.

It’s a bittersweet moment, seeing them interact from a distance.

“Okay, now show me our baby, Hermosa.”

I stand up, putting Zoe back in her little activity center, then lifting my shirt for him and he looks at me, his eyes widening as I reveal my growing belly.

I see the emotion well up in his eyes, a mix of joy, longing, and a touch of sadness.

“Ale, you’re glowing,” he says, his voice hoarse, as if he is holding something back.

“And look at that belly. Our baby is growing so much. You didn’t find out, right? ”

I smile, rubbing the side of my belly. “Nope, I told the tech to turn the screen away if they need to check down there. So I have no idea.”

“Have you been feeling any kicks?” he asks, his eyes never leaving my belly.

I nod, a soft laugh escaping my lips. “Yes, it’s the strangest sensation, but it’s amazing. Like little flutters and taps.”

Gage swallows hard, trying to compose himself.

“I wish I could be there with you for all of this,” he says, his voice barely above a whisper.

“I miss you both so much.” I feel a pang in my chest, knowing that he is missing out on the moments he missed out on with Zoe.

A small part of me wishes we would have waited, but with how often he gets deployed, we would always be at risk of him missing things.

“I know, Gage. But you’re there doing something important, and we’re here waiting for you.” I reassure him.

We talk a little longer, sharing smiles and promises, before we have to say our goodbyes. As I end the call, I place a hand on my belly, feeling the slight movement of my baby. “Your daddy loves you very much,” I whisper, a tear rolling down my cheek.

After our video call with Gage, I spend some time just holding Zoe, feeling her little body rise and fall with each breath as she sleeps on my chest. It’s a comforting rhythm, a reminder of the simple joys in life amidst the chaos.

I can’t help but think about how much Gage is missing out on, and how sweet all of this will be when he decides to get out of the service.

We’ve only briefly talked about it and with him only eight years away from twenty years in, it only makes sense that he sticks with it.

We can do eight more years.

The sun sets, casting a warm glow over the family room, and with Zoe down for the night, I prepare for the social worker’s visit tomorrow.

The stepparent adoption process has been on hold until Gage can be here, and I want everything to be perfect for when that day comes.

I believe that having Gage here will make the process smoother and more meaningful for all of us.

But I can still get all the requirements done so that all that will need to be done is the official court date when I am appointed her mother legally.

I tidy up the living room, putting away any clutter and arranging the furniture to make the space inviting and comfortable.

I want the social worker to see that our home is a loving and stable environment for Zoe and our upcoming baby.

I place some family photos on the coffee table, including one of Gage, Zoe, and me, taken before he deployed.

It’s a bittersweet reminder of what we’re fighting for.

Next, I move on to the kitchen, making sure it’s spotless.

I bake some cookies and get dinner prepped for tomorrow.

The scent of the chocolate chip cookies fills the house with a comforting aroma.

It’s a small touch, but I want to make a good impression.

I set the table with our best dishes, imagining the four of us—Gage, Zoe, the baby, and me—sitting down to a meal together.

I can feel the baby moving more actively while I clean and get the house ready, as if responding to the energy and anticipation in the room. I place a hand on my belly, smiling as I feel a little kick. “Your daddy will be home soon,” I whisper. “And then we’ll all be together. You are so loved.”

I take a moment to review the adoption process in my mind.

Reminding myself that I need to gather any necessary documents and have them ready for the social worker’s review.

With the house in order, I turn my attention to myself.

Opting for a warm bath, letting the water soothe my aching muscles.

I wash my hair and apply a moisturizer, taking care of myself in a way that I often neglect now that it’s just me and Zoe.

I spend the remaining time of my night curled up in bed with a bowl of fruit and my latest book until I can’t keep my eyes open anymore.

With a hand on my belly, curled up with Gage’s pillow, feeling the gentle movements of our unborn child, I drift off to sleep, dreaming of the day when our family will be complete.