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THIRTY-THREE

ALEJANDRA

Deployment Day:

I wake and reach over to feel for Gage and I find his side of the bed cold and empty.

Groaning as I shift and look at the alarm clock on my bedside table, and it reads two-thirty in the morning.

I kick the comforter off and climb out of bed, heading straight for downstairs, thinking maybe he is eating something now before we have to leave to be there at four.

I hear his voice as I hit the last step and I pause, staying hidden to listen.

“I’m so sorry I have to leave you and Mama, baby girl.

Long before you were born, I chose the path my life was gonna take and I have to uphold those obligations.

” I peek around the corner and Gage cradles a sleeping Zoe in his arms, rocking her back and forth in his recliner.

“I love you and Mama so much, and your brother or sister that’s growing in her tummy.

I’m going to do my best to be as safe as I can so I can come home and be with you. ”

He kisses her sleeping face, sniffling as he whispers. “Just don’t hate me for missing so much of your life.”

“ Amor , she’s not going to hate you.” I say quietly, stepping into view. “She is going to be proud that she has you for a father. All of our children are going to be proud of you.”

He gives me a sad smile and shifts Zoe to one side. “Come here, Hermosa .”

My bare feet pad across the hardwood floor and without even hesitating, I sit on his lap, taking Zoe from him so he can wrap his arms around us. I rest my head on his shoulder and breathe him in. It’s only goodbye for a little while. “ I’m proud of you, Carino. You know that, right?”

“Yeah, baby. I do.” Gage kisses my forehead, over and over, until he just rests his lips there. “And you know I will do everything I can to be safe over there.”

“Of course, I do.”

“Good.” His hand rests on my lower stomach and I see him smirk. “Don’t find out what they are until I’m home. I want to be there with you.”

Gage doesn’t realize he’s doing the thing he said he wouldn’t. Subtly promising to be home to find out if we’re having another daughter or a son.

“Do you want a boy?” I ask, quietly, stroking Zoe’s little dark brown curls. “Or another daughter?”

“A healthy baby is all I want.” He sighs. “A healthy baby and a healthy mother. It’s all I could ever ask for.”

Gage’s watch alarm beeps and my lip quivers, knowing that it’s time to get ready to go.

“We’re going to get through this, Ale. We’ll talk and video call as often as I can, okay?” I nod, squeezing my eyes shut, praying it’s just a bad dream.

Gage’s body shakes with his sobs and his words come out broken. “You can send me emails every day. Fuck , send me one whenever you miss me. Send me pictures of—of your belly—so I can watch—watch it grow.”

It’s not a dream.

This is our reality, and it’s time.

It’s four in the morning and it already feels like it’s a million degrees outside. Gage parks the truck and stares out the windshield at everyone heading towards some truck, dropping off their packs. “Do you want to wait here while I do this really quick?”

“Yeah, I’ll start getting Zoe out and in the carrier, and I’ll lock up the truck.” Gage nods, pulling the keys from the ignition and handing them to me. My fingers close around them and he squeezes my hand, then pulls me across the armrest to kiss me.

“You look so beautiful. Even when you’re sad, Hermosa. ” Gage unbuckles and gets out of the truck, and I watch him go to the back, lower the tailgate, and grab his pack. He rounds the passenger side and opens my door for me, helping me down. “I’ll be right back.”

As he walks away, I open the back passenger door to get the carrier and to grab Zoe. She’s wide awake and starting to get fussy.

“You know he’s leaving, don’t you, Princesa ?

” I unbuckle her, sliding from the seat and out of the truck.

I situate her in the carrier, making sure that she’s comfortable, closing the truck door behind me.

Kissing the top of her head and wishing that today wasn’t happening.

Gage comes into view as he makes his way through the crowd of marines back to us.

“Everything good to go?” He leans in and kisses me on the lips, then kisses Zoe on her head.

“Yep. Gage… I—,” stopping myself from saying what I really want to say.

Don’t go.

Please stay.

Come home to me.

But I know there is nothing he can do and saying stupid shit like that will only make me more upset and ruin the moment. I need to be supportive. He doesn’t want to leave either, so all I would do is make him feel worse.

“Don’t do that.” Gage wraps his arms around Zoe and me, pressing his lips against my ear. He buries his face in my hair, inhaling the scent of my perfume.

“Do—what?” My voice cracks as I fail at keeping the tears at bay.

“Talk down to yourself in your head. I can see it in your eyes. Feeling sad is normal. I wish I could stay, Hermosa . If I could, I’d put us back in the truck and stay home with you, Zoe, and our baby.” Soft kisses along my neck and his hand comes to my nape and tangles in my hair. “But I can’t.”

“I know.”

“But you are so strong, and we will get through this. When I get home, we will be so much closer to meeting our baby. I love you so much, Ale. You know that, don’t you?”

Of course, I know he loves me.

“I know, Carino . You know I love you too. Three months and then you’ll be home.”

“Ale—”

“Three months, Gage.” I grab him by the collar of his blouse and look him in the eyes. “I need you. Zoe and the baby need you. You are fucking coming home to us. End of discussion.”

Gage smirks, and he leans in to kiss my lips. “ Ahí está mi esposa. ”

“Don’t be a smart ass, Gage Mitchell Donovan.” I roll my eyes.

“I’m your smart ass.” He winks, finally kissing me. Zoe whines between us and she wriggles against my chest.

“Yes, you are. All mine.”

“Let me hold her one more time before I have to leave.” Gage reaches around to unbuckle the clasp in the back and he takes his daughter in his arms, holding her close and whispering in her ear.

I don’t hear what he says to her, but whatever it is makes him tear up. Gage kisses her face and lets out a breath as he hands her back to me, moving behind me to snap her back in the carrier.

He clears his throat and looks me in the eye.

“You make sure you’re eating, taking your vitamins, and sleeping when she sleeps.

” Motioning to Zoe. “God, I feel like such a shitty husband.” Using his palms, he wipes the tears from under his eyes.

“I’m fucking leaving you with an infant and newly pregnant. ”

“You are the best husband, Gage.”

“ No me mientas ,” he half chuckles. “ Si yo fuera un buen esposo, habría esperado para dejarte embarazada. ”

There’s some commotion going on at the front and he looks down at me, giving me a sad smile. I swallow hard, knowing that it must be time for him to go. “I love you so much. You are so brave and we are so lucky to have you.”

“I’m the lucky one, Ale.” Marines around us say their goodbyes and start heading to the front. “ Te amo con todo mi corazón. ”

Gage kisses me one last time and before I can say anything to him, he walks off, pausing for a second as if to turn back, but he shakes his head and keeps moving toward the formation.

Three months.

Zoe and I can do this.

“Ale!” I turn around and Rebecca comes up with her and Victor’s kids, looking exhausted. “Hey.”

Red-rimmed eyes meet my own and I know she and I are feeling the same thing. Heartbroken. “Do you wanna take the kids to get breakfast and then come to our place?”

“You know what?” I look down at Zoe and smile. “Yeah, that sounds good to me. I really don’t want to be alone right now, anyway.”