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THIRTY

ALEJANDRA

Rebecca Morales is the sweetest person I have ever met.

This woman who doesn’t know me brought me some homemade tamales, a basket of baby stuff for Zoe, and the warmest hug.

“Fuck those putos . The cops in this area are real assholes and you would think with how big the community is here, they wouldn’t be.

But they still are. Victor gets stopped all the time for bullshit racial profiling.

” I hand her some plates and she serves up the food.

“It’s not the first time I’ve dealt with the police since I came here.

” I take the plate she holds out to me, setting it on the table and then putting Zoe in her high chair.

Rebecca hands me a container of frijoles.

“For Zoe, I made way too much for Luís,” nodding to her son, who’s playing on the floor with his toy cars.

“I haven’t given her beans yet. The doctor said only cereal and mashed banana.” I set the container on the table.

“She’s six months old, no?”

“In a few weeks, but not yet.”

“Hmm, I wonder why I thought she was older? Maybe it’s a baby in the playgroup.” She stands there confused, she shrugs after a moment. “You should totally bring Zoe sometime.”

“I think she’d like that. Is it at a park?” I pick up a tamale and unwrap it and take a bite. My eyes roll from how good it is. “Oh damn, that's so good.”

Seriously, my tamales aren’t this good.

“We’ll make them together sometime. You’ll have to show me how you make your flan. Mine always turns out like shit.”

“Mama, that’s a bad word,” Luís giggles.

“Shit,” she mouths and we both start laughing. “I have the worst potty mouth. I blame being married to a Marine. The filth that comes out of their mouths sometimes.”

She isn’t lying either. I’ve heard Gage on the phone with guys in his unit and it’s crazy how many “fucks” they can put together in one sentence.

But I have to say he is really great about trying not to swear in front of Zoe.

I just curse in Spanish but realize we speak so much of it around her she might end up speaking it as her first language. So I just try really hard not to.

“Thanks for coming over,” I hold up Zoe’s bottle, looking over at Rebecca. “Really. I needed this. It’s lonely when he leaves and not knowing anyone sucks.”

“Gage and Victor have been friends for years, so I’m surprised it took this situation for us to come together.

Regardless, you’re not going to be able to get rid of me now.

Haha! We can do all the things while the guys are gone.

You need a shopping buddy, let’s go. Beach day?

Absolutely.” Rebecca stands, grabbing my empty plate.

“We’ll get through them being gone together. ”

She walks the plates to the sink and starts washing.

I sit with the fact that I won’t be all alone while Gage is gone.

The relief that hits me has me feeling emotional and I barely notice that I’m crying.

Zoe pushes the bottle away from her and I unbuckle her and burp her.

Rebecca turns around. “Hey… don’t cry. It’s okay, Alejandra. ”

“Call me Ale,” I smile. “I just thought I’d be doing this all alone, and that made me so scared. I’ve helped raise kids with their moms during deployment, but never just alone. And never pregnant as a wife. How do you do it, Rebecca? How do you not worry?”

“Oh, trust me… I worry. There are nights I don’t sleep because the worry eats me up inside.

” I get up and head to the family room and put Zoe on the play mat.

Luís and Rebecca follow, and we all get comfortable.

“We’ve done so many deployments that it’s all a blur, but the loneliness sticks and it makes when they come home that much more important. ”

Rebecca checks her phone when an alarm beeps.

“Crap, I’ve got to go pick up the older kids from school.

You want to come with us, or are you good to be by yourself?

” I check my watch and it’s already three in the afternoon.

My whole day got sidetracked, and if I don’t get something done, Zoe and I will be out of the house all day tomorrow.

Not something I want to do.

“I’ll be fine. Actually, I need to run some errands. I was supposed to go out and grab stuff for Gage.” Maybe I’ll see if he wants to go with me.

We walk to the front together, Luís whining a little about being tired. “You can sleep on the way to the school, mijo . Look, let’s do a big family dinner before they deploy. What do you think?”

A big dinner would be really nice, and I think Gage would appreciate being able to relax a little before going into a stressful situation. “Let’s do it. They leave on Monday, so maybe on Saturday?”

“Saturday works. We’ll see you then. I’ll text you to get stuff figured out.”

Zoe and I wait on the porch as she takes off in her SUV, and while I feel completely decimated emotionally, happiness overtakes any other feeling. I won’t be alone in doing this.

I can do this.

Walking around Costco, I toss stuff from my list in the cart as Gage pushes it behind me.

I stare at the row of different beef jerky and look back at him, and my heart melts.

He has Zoe in the carrier on his chest, kissing her and making her laugh.

I can’t wait for us to have more kids so I can watch him do this all again and again.

I’d give him as many babies as he wants just to watch him be the world’s best dad.

“How much space will you have in your bag? Do you just want the one flavor that comes in the small bags?” I hold up the jerky that comes in individual packs.

“Get a few different flavors of the big bags. I have one of those vacuum sealer things at the house. Same for the nuts; just get the big bags.” Gage moves the cart around and stands next to me, looking at all the options.

Zoe reaches for me and I kiss her little hand.

“I have someone coming to replace the door tomorrow morning, and while we’re here, I want to look at the security cameras.

I’m going to make sure that you and baby girl are as safe as I can make you while I’m gone. ”

Fuck, could he be any more perfect?

“That and hopefully they are Wi-Fi enabled so I can log in and watch you fuck your fingers to the thought of me.” My mouth hangs open and I feel the heat creep up my neck.

Good fucking Christ!

Yep. He’s perfect.

“Gage! We’re in public.” I swat at his ass when he turns around to put some bags in the cart. “You can’t say things like that in public.”

“I just did.” He leans in. “And I bet it made your pussy wet just thinking about it.”

“Wouldn’t you like to know?” Dammit, Ale. Don’t rile this man up.

“ Ya lo sé, Hermosa. ” He kisses the area just below my ear and I know if I don’t put a stop to this right now, he is going to make the rest of this shopping trip a game. To see how far he can wind me up.

“Okay, okay.” I nudge him away. “Let’s get the rest of this done so we can go home and relax for a little. We have a lot of shit to do this week, and I want the nights to be our time to be together.”

“You got it, baby.” He backs up and grabs the cart. “Lead the way.”

Walking to the car thirty minutes later, eight hundred dollars’ worth of food, clothes, and a new camera system were in the cart. “How the fuck does all of this cost eight hundred dollars? “

Gage stops the cart at the back of the truck. “Well, the camera system was three hundred of that.” He pulls the receipt out of his pocket while I pull the tailgate down. “The diapers were almost fifty. It all adds up, baby. Here, get Princesa in, and I’ll load up everything.”

Bath time is done and Zoe’s in bed for the night.

I head downstairs to find the living room cluttered with his gear spread out.

Piles of uniforms, underwear, socks, and miscellaneous things, folded and piled up.

Seeing it all in front of me makes this all so real.

Just as I hit the main floor, he walks in from the back of the house.

Gage’s arms are full of little plastic bags of beef jerky, nuts, water mixes, and electrolyte packets.

“I know it’s a fucking hot mess in here.” He chuckles, walking by and dropping everything on the coffee table. “It’ll be cleaned up before the BBQ on Saturday.”

“I don’t care about the mess, Gage.” I whisper, staring at everything. “I would take the mess over you leaving.”

The look on his face makes my heart hurt, like this is all hurting him just as much as it is me. “I wish I didn’t have to go too, Hermosa . Come here, let me hold you for a little.”

I cross the threshold into the living room and Gage moves stuff from the couch so he can sink down into the cushions and I stop before him.

He reaches his hand toward me and I intertwine my fingers with his.

Gently he tugs me down, and I straddle his thighs and rest my head against his bare chest. I trace the intricate patterns and just breathe.

The silence surrounds us and we don’t need to say anything to fill it.

I just need him.

My skin touching his skin.

Memorizing the sound of his heartbeat.

I don’t know how long we stay like this.

Where he just holds me, his hands stroking my hair and down my back.

I adjust and bury my face in the space between his neck and shoulder, breathing him in.

Gage smells like home to me. Cedarwood and the ocean.

There isn’t anything sexual about this moment, but this feels the most intimate we’ve ever been.

“ Te amo, Alejandra. Eres mi todo. Tú, Zoe, y este bebé. ” His hands grip my hips and pull me back.

Looking into my eyes, his hands move, framing my face, and I don’t fight the tears that fall.

“I know I don’t make promises of coming back…

because anything can happen over there. I desperately want to tell you I will. But I refuse to lie to you.”

I would take the truth from him. The promise of coming home and then him not would crush me harder than giving it to me straight right now.

“I never want you to lie to me. Even if you know the truth will hurt me. I chose this life with you, even if it meant that my heart has to break every time you leave. Because the moments I get with you are more than I could have ever asked for in life.”

“I don’t know what I did to deserve you, Alejandra.

I don’t know if you believe in God or some other higher power, but I just know that someone or something out there finally pulled my card and was like, “Let’s give him her”—and then you came along.

You make my best days better and my darkest days worth fighting through, Hermosa . ”

Deep in my heart, I know he will come home to us.

“We’ll be here waiting for you, Carino . The three of us. Let’s leave this for the night and just go cuddle in bed.” I lean in and kiss his forehead and feel him release a breath and feel his body relax.

“Sounds good to me.”