Page 32 of Mischief and Manors (Change of Heart #1)

CHAPTER 32

I stopped behind one of the pillars in the pink vestibule, pressing my back against the cold marble.

I took the opportunity to calm my heartbeat. My dry throat made it difficult to swallow. Owen deserved further explanation, but not there in that crowded room with so many watchful eyes. He couldn’t hide his emotions from his face as easily as I did. Lady Pembury and Alice had already observed quite enough.

My gaze caught on the nearest door, the dark wooden panels promising far more privacy than the pillar I stood behind. I walked to it, relieved to find that it was unlocked. I slipped inside the room, my eyes adjusting to the darkness.

The fire was lit, providing enough light to see that this was a sitting room of sorts, decorated in blue. On the nearest wall were two portraits, one labeled Theodore, and the other Emmeline. Their surname, Pratt, I had never heard Owen mention. I stared at Theodore’s face—at his kind disposition and dark brown eyes. Emmeline looked much the same, but with a more serious countenance. Perhaps that was how every girl looked who lost her mother at a young age.

I paced the perimeter of the room, willing my heartbeat to slow. I needed to find the strength to return to the ballroom before Mrs. Kellaway came looking for me.

With a deep breath, I fisted my hands and started toward the door. I only made it a few paces before the door opened, and Owen looked inside.

I paused, retreating back a step. His eyes landed on me, and he only hesitated for a brief moment before stepping into the room and closing the door behind him. When he turned the lock, my heart jumped to my throat.

“Owen—”

He strode forward, stopping two paces away. His face held no evidence of his smile from earlier. “Were you engaged all along?” his question snapped through the air between us.

I lifted my chin, keeping my shoulders straight, even though my legs shook beneath me. I couldn’t allow him to break down my resolve. “No. Mr. Frampton did propose before I left for Kellaway Manor, but I hadn’t yet given him my answer. My course eventually became clear to me, and I accepted his proposal.” I swallowed.

“Who is Mr. Frampton?” Owen stared at my face, and I feared once again that he could see straight through me, all the way to my soul.

“The local vicar in Silton.”

His scowl deepened. “You spoke of Silton with such loathing. You said there was nothing there that you loved.”

“I had a change of heart.” My composure hung by a thread. I didn’t want to continue hurting him. I brushed my hands on my skirts with a deep breath, and I could feel my pulse in my neck. A lump formed in my throat as my emotions threatened to spill over.

Owen’s jaw clenched. I sensed his frustration rising. “I know you would never choose to spend the rest of your life in Silton.”

I blinked hard against the tears burning my eyes. I gave an exasperated sigh. “It is done. I am returning there tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow?” The shock in his eyes sent a pang of grief through my chest. I had to look away. I kept my gaze fixed on the floor, my heart hammering.

“Yes,” I whispered. “My plan was to leave sooner, but then you invited me to this ball.”

“Were you going to leave without telling me? Without so much as a goodbye?”

I bit my lip, fighting the tightness in my throat. “I thought it would be better that way.”

I watched his boots walk closer. I gathered my courage to look up at him. The moonlight reflected off his eyes, revealing the features of his face in silvery highlights and shadows. “How would that possibly be better?”

I set my jaw, glaring up at him. He didn’t know how difficult this was for me. He was only making it worse. “Because I wanted to avoid this very thing! I do not wish to hurt you, or prevent you from dancing with the other ladies here, or from seeking to-to…further your acquaintance with Miss Lyons.”

“Miss Lyons?” He shot me a hard look. “What has Alice been telling you?”

I fell silent, frowning up at him. Bringing up Miss Lyons had been my final defense. “At the garden party, her mother told me the two of you were attached.”

Owen shook his head in exasperation. “She and her mother have always had their hearts set on Edmund, ever since Charlotte was a child, but he has never been welcoming of the attention. When they learned of my inheritance, they turned their pursuit to me. I was frustrated when I saw that Alice had brought Charlotte to visit.” He paused, his features hesitant. I saw a hint of hope in his eyes. “Is that why you have been distant? Is that why you accepted the vicar’s proposal in haste?”

I shook my head. “No! No. That is not why.”

His chest rose and fell with a deep breath, then another. His gaze was unrelenting, stirring up a storm inside me. “Do you love him?”

The question caught me by surprise. “Why does that matter?” I stammered.

“Because you plan to marry him!” Owen stared at me in disbelief. “This is the man you have chosen to spend the rest of your life with—to confide in, to converse with, to laugh with, and to grow old with.” He took a step closer, his eyes boring into mine. “To see day after day, and night after night. When you marry him, you promise one another your heart, your devotion, your body and soul. You promise to cherish him and forsake all others. If you love him, the thought of all of those things should make you happy.” His voice was hoarse. “But you don’t look happy.”

My hands curled into fists again, a surge of frustration rattling inside my chest. A sob threatened to break loose along with the tears that stung my eyes. It was unfair how easily he could see through my barriers, even when I did all I could to prevent it.

I turned around, blocking Owen from my view. I tried to compose my expression, but something within me broke. And then the one promise I had managed to keep broke just as quickly.

A tear leaked from my eye, sliding down my cheek. A second immediately followed, and my body shuddered with a silent sob. I bit my lip, begging myself to stop. I was stronger than this. I was not a watering pot. I did not cry over a man! It had been a five-year struggle to meet what was required of me, but I had somehow managed. Now, all that was required of me was to make my heart understand and forget. It seemed a simple task, but my heart was even more independent than I was these days, and it didn’t want to forget.

“My future happiness is not your concern,” I said. My voice shook, and I wiped hastily at my tears. “My own happiness is not even my priority. It is my brothers who I hope to make happy. It is them for whom I must plan. I cannot think of myself. I must marry the vicar.”

“Do you love him?” Owen repeated in a firmer voice.

He stepped around me, giving me no choice but to look at him. I felt bare and vulnerable with my tear-stained cheeks. The moment he saw me, his brows drew together. The heat in his gaze melted away at my armor.

My heart ached, and fresh tears slipped down my cheeks. “That is not your concern either.”

He groaned. “It is my concern, because I love you!” His anguished words echoed in the empty room. The silence that followed was deafening. He raked a hand over his hair, leaving it mussed and falling over his brow. “I began falling in love with you your first day at Kellaway Manor, and have been every day since.”

My lip quivered, my pulse racing in my throat.

“I will no longer make it any secret that I wish to marry you,” he said in a broken voice. “The days we spent together made me happier than I have ever been. You have shown me parts of my heart that I didn’t know existed. At least allow me to offer you a life here at Willowbourne with your brothers where you will be safe. If you don’t love this Mr. Frampton—and you don’t love me—at least you won’t have to return to Silton.”

I was shaking my head, the last of my resolve snapping into pieces. He couldn’t comprehend how badly I wanted to say yes, and to contradict his idea that I didn’t love him. Aunt Ruth had been forcing my hand, threatening me, and manipulating me like a puppet for five years. I had been oppressed and belittled, never loved. To hear that I was loved, but to be unable to tell Owen the truth was far too cruel a fate. Aunt Ruth could stop me from choosing Owen, but she could not stop me from claiming one last thing for myself.

“I do love you.” My voice was the faintest whisper, laced with terror, but I had said it. I couldn’t take it back.

Owen’s stricken expression made my heart pound even harder.

What had I done?

I would have to tell him everything now—explain why I loved him but could not marry him, tell him why I had been so afraid to grow close to him, and why I had been forced to break both our hearts.

I rehearsed all these words in my mind, but before I had a chance to speak again, Owen filled the space between us in one long stride. His intent was clear in his eyes, and foolish as I was, I caught his lapels as he reached me. Before I could draw another breath, he was kissing me.

All my previous efforts to defend my heart and maintain its barriers were quickly unraveling. My head was light. My heart was on fire. Every mindful, fervent movement of his mouth against mine sent a swoop of butterflies through my stomach. His lips were soft but insistent. My skin errupted in gooseflesh everywhere he touched, a chill that was more exhillarating than anything I had ever experienced.

There was no wisdom in my decision to kiss him in return, but I did so anyway. I couldn’t help it, just as I couldn’t help loving him, and just as I couldn’t help speaking my mind. For some time, I had wanted to bury my hands in his hair, so I did it. His curls were soft between my fingers. The stubble on his face was rough around my mouth, but I didn’t care, not one bit. I kissed him because I wanted to, not because I should, or because it was my duty—and certainly not because it was wise.

His arms wrapped around my waist, tugging me against him until there was no space left. My heart fit so easily there, just a beat away from his. Broken as it was, broken as I was, I had never fit anywhere better than with Owen. My missing pieces were in him, and with each second he kissed me, I found a new one. I felt whole and safe and foolish, all at once. His lips tasted of salt, and it reminded me that I was still crying. My entire body ached with emotion. Tears fell down my cheeks.

I knew it needed to end.

I pushed against his chest, breaking our lips apart abruptly.

He still held me close, and the raw emotion on his face only made me cry harder. “I was certain you didn’t care for me.” His voice was hoarse and soft.

When I looked in his eyes, a sob escaped me. I was nothing but a puddle at his feet, shaking in his arms as tears ran silently down my cheeks. “I-I cannot marry you, Owen. I am already obligated to Mr. Frampton.”

He took my face between his hands. He swiped away a tear from my cheek. “You can break off the engagement if you wish to.”

“I can’t.” My voice was a choked whisper.

“Why not?”

I fell silent, my fears all catching up to me. My worry over Aunt Ruth receiving my written diatribe, those hateful words in my letter, had been causing me constant terror. Even if I did marry Mr. Frampton, there was no telling what Aunt Ruth would do out of spite. The burden weighed on me constantly, and now, with one look from Owen, I was crumbling.

No matter what I did now, there was still a chance Aunt Ruth would take my brothers away. If Owen decided to fight against her, she would take her revenge. I couldn’t speak.

Owen looked intently into my eyes, a spark of danger behind them. “Is your aunt forcing you to marry the vicar?”

I exhaled shakily. I had been so determined to hide it from him, to not burden him with something so irreversible, but it was too late for keeping secrets. I nodded again. “She discovered that he proposed to me before I left for Kellaway Manor. I hadn’t yet given him my answer, but she accepted on my behalf and wrote a letter demanding that I return to Silton.” I sniffed, my voice quaking. “If I do not come quietly and marry him, she promised to keep my brothers apart from me by any means necessary. Her guardianship gives her the power to do so. I cannot stop her.”

Owen’s jaw tightened, but the hardness of his gaze softened when he looked at me. “You should have told me sooner. I meant my promise to protect you and your brothers from her.”

“But how?”

Owen’s hands slid down my arms, taking my hands firmly in his. “The four of us could run away.”

I shook my head fast. “Don’t say that. You cannot leave Willowbourne and your family.”

“I would do it for you.”

I saw in his eyes a flash of determination—a desire to fight for me. My head was light and dizzy. My heart skittered as the past few minutes caught up to me. Owen loved me. Owen had kissed me. He wanted me . My world had spun in circles during our kiss, and I was still unsteady. I had never been a romantic, but he would surely make one of me.

I scoured my heart for one shred of logic, and I held onto it with both hands. Owen did not know what he was saying. He couldn’t possibly mean it, and I would never ask so much of him.

“You are not thinking clearly.” I tried to tug my hands away, but he held them tight.

“Annette—stop. Please promise me you won’t leave tomorrow.” The firelight caught his features. “We will find a way to stop her. You have my word. I would never risk the safety of your brothers if I wasn’t fully confident. Please trust me.”

I held his gaze for a long moment. He did not know Ruth Filbee as I did.

I heard the doorknob rattle behind us. I jumped away from Owen.

“Annette?” Mrs. Kellaway’s muffled voice came from outside the door. “Are you in there?”

I held my breath.

She released a sigh, and I heard her footsteps move away from the door.

I caught Owen’s gaze, panic rising in my stomach. “How can I return to the ballroom like this?” I whispered. I touched one side of my hair, feeling the bump Owen’s fingers had created.

A faint smile tugged on his lips, and I was reminded that I had just kissed them again. Was it really true? It all felt like part of my wild, nonsensical, glittering dream. “I think you look beautiful,” he said.

“That is not the point.” My face burned.

Owen smiled, but I cast him a scolding look.

He addressed the bump in my hair, smoothing it back and stealing a pin from the arrangement to hold it in place. I was reminded of the day I had toppled over in the bushes and he had untangled my hair from the branches. I never would have known that my time with him would eventually lead us to this moment.

Mrs. Kellaway was still roaming the vestibule searching for me. I didn’t have much time. Nervousness spun through me, more dizzying than a pirouette as I stared up at Owen’s concentrated expression.

The moment Owen finished with my hair, I turned to hurry toward the door. He caught me by the wrist, tugging me back to him. His lips found mine in the dark. He had only a few seconds to kiss me, but he made them count. I wavered on my feet when he pulled away. It was far too brief, but if it were much longer, we might have never left that blue sitting room. “We will speak again tomorrow,” he whispered. “Promise you won’t leave.”

I nodded, my head light.

He remained behind as I unlatched the door and slipped into the corridor.