Page 28 of Mischief and Manors (Change of Heart #1)

CHAPTER 28

“ M rs. Kellaway?” My voice was little more than a squeak. I cleared my throat and tried again.

She turned around a few paces outside the breakfast room, a hand against the back of her hair. “Annette! I was hoping to find you.”

Relief flooded through me. If she had entered the breakfast room first, I never would have had the chance to speak with her privately. She was a difficult woman to catch alone. I had been up half the night packing my trunk, and had spent the early hours of the morning packing for my brothers. I hadn’t had the heart to tell them about our planned departure yet, but they would know soon enough.

“May I speak with you?” I asked, wringing my fingers together.

“Yes, of course.” Mrs. Kellaway walked with me to the morning room, where we sat side by side. Light streamed through the windows, warming the fabric of the pink sofa.

I hardly knew where to begin. I swallowed hard, my throat suddenly dry. “I-I hope Mrs. Everard explained everything in the drawing room last night.”

Mrs. Kellaway sighed. “She began explaining after you ran out, and when Owen returned, he explained the rest.” She took my hand. “I am so very sorry you were embroiled in that scheme. I am furious at my mother for causing you such distress.”

I gave a quiet nod, biting my lip. “I’m sorry I didn’t confess sooner. She forbade me from doing so.”

Mrs. Kellaway scowled. “She owes you a sincere apology. It was very badly done. She takes her attempts at matchmaking much too far.”

I frowned. Was that all Mrs. Kellaway thought it was? Realization crept up on me. Since Miss Lyons had been in the drawing room the night before, Mrs. Everard couldn’t have mentioned her suspicions regarding her. She must have played it off as solely a matchmaking scheme, not as a method of driving Miss Lyons away.

I cringed as I thought of how happy Miss Lyons must have been to hear that the engagement was a ruse. Thankfully, I wouldn’t have to see her again.

I sat up straighter. “Mrs. Kellaway, you have been very kind allowing my brothers and me to visit your home. I cannot explain how grateful I am.” I swallowed. “I would ask one more thing of you, if I may.”

She blinked in confusion. “Anything, dear.”

“I would like to return home to Silton today. I wondered if you can spare a coachman and carriage.”

Her face fell, and she gripped my hand tighter. “Please don’t allow the recent circumstances to drive you away. We will all forget it soon enough. My mother is the only one who should be embarrassed.”

I looked down. I knew she would make it difficult. “If I may confide in you…there is something I have been keeping a secret.”

She gave me a curious look.

I took a deep breath. “I am recently engaged, but not to Owen.”

Her eyes rounded, and she angled her body toward me. “Engaged to whom?”

“The vicar from our local parish. His name is Mr. Frampton. My aunt requires me to return home soon to begin wedding preparations.” My voice was dull. I hated the sound, but I couldn’t have injected any enthusiasm into the words if my life depended on it. Aunt Ruth had made it clear that I was not allowed to confide in the Kellaways about the true nature of the engagement. If they brought the matter to Aunt Ruth, she would fight back. I couldn’t risk it.

Mrs. Kellaway sat still, a slow exhale leaving her lips. “That is…surprising news. Why didn’t you mention it sooner?”

“I wasn’t certain of my answer until recently.” I swallowed hard. “But I have now made up my mind.”

“I see.” Her concerned expression made me feel ill. “I must confess that I ordered you a ball gown that day we saw Madame Fareweather. It broke my heart that you didn’t have one of your own. It would break my heart again if I didn’t get to see you wear it. Please, you must stay until the ball. Owen planned it for you.”

My heart sank. How could I argue with her? One dress had been far too generous already, and now she had purchased me two? The ball was on the first of August, but Aunt Ruth had given me until the end of July. If I wrote her a letter explaining the situation, she might see sense and allow me another day or two in Hampshire. After all that had happened, I could never disrespect Mrs. Kellaway’s wishes.

That settled it, then. I had to stay.

“Very well.” I tried my best to smile. “We will stay until the ball.”

“Good.” Mrs. Kellaway searched my face, as if trying to read me like Owen always did. “After that, I will honor your wish to return home.”

Home . I held onto the word for a long moment, an ache spreading through my chest. I hadn’t been home in five years. Until coming to Kellaway Manor, I had been adrift, yearning for a sense of belonging. I had found it again here. But once again, I couldn’t keep it.

“Thank you,” I whispered. I cleared my throat. “Thank you for everything.”

Mrs. Kellaway smiled, but her eyes were sad. She eyed me carefully, her brows pinched. “Does Owen know about your marriage plans?”

A felt a sharp stab in my heart. She would think less of me now. She would think that I had been falsely encouraging her son. Mrs. Everard couldn’t have been the only one who had noticed the time we spent together.

“You’re the only person I’ve confided in,” I said.

Mrs. Kellaway gave a solemn nod with her lips pressed together. I sensed the depth of her disappointment without a single word. “May I ask one more thing of you ?”

My heart raced, but I nodded.

“Tell Owen. He deserves to know.”

I nodded again, but my skin was on fire. I had been so close to a clean escape, but Mrs. Kellaway was right. Owen did deserve to know. It would be cruel of me to hold him back from seeking a future with someone else. Perhaps Miss Lyons could make him happy after all. The idea filled me with bitterness, but I pushed it away. It wasn’t my concern who he married. All that mattered was that it couldn’t be me.

I released a tight breath, rising to my feet at the same moment Mrs. Kellaway did. My stomach begged for food, but no amount of delicious scents could tempt me into the breakfast room. If I was going to survive the next week, I would have to spend it as far from the other residents as possible. My heart ached so violently I wondered if I had the strength to do it.

It would take the last of my courage to speak to Owen, but I had no choice. I had to tell him about Mr. Frampton, and I had to stay at Kellaway Manor for another week to watch Miss Lyons and Alice gloat over their victory. Not only would I have to give up the future I truly wanted, but I would have to watch someone else try to claim it.

I could think of nothing more torturous.

After I was sure breakfast was over, I sneaked to the library to look for my brothers. Their maid often took them to breakfast, but I was usually the one to bring them to the library to read with the Everards. As quietly as I could manage, I approached the doors and peeked inside.

I saw Mrs. Everard’s grey hair, then the balding top of Mr. Everard’s head. But Peter and Charles weren’t there.

I heard voices in the parlor, but with a quick peek through the doors, I confirmed that it was the last place I wanted to be. Alice and Miss Lyons sat together at the card table, along with Edmund and Mrs. Kellaway.

As I peeked through the doors, a pang of dread struck my chest. What if my brothers were unsupervised again? The consequences had been dire the last time that had happened.

A deep voice came from behind me. “You can’t avoid them forever, you know.”

I nearly jumped out of my skin, pressing a hand to my chest. I whirled around. Owen stood there, a teasing grin on his lips. He had caught me spying into the parlor. I would have been angry if I hadn’t missed his teasing expression so much. Peter stood on one side of him, Charles on the other.

“I was just looking for you two!” I whispered. I strode away from the parlor doors, stopping near an arched window with a marble bust. My brothers followed me, and unfortunately, so did Owen.

“I felt the need to give them another lesson,” Owen said with a smile.

I stared at him in surprise. He could have been in the parlor with the rest of his family, but instead, he had chosen to spend time with my brothers? I scowled at him, my usual defense, though his gesture had sent my heart spiraling. “Why did you take them without my permission?”

He stepped closer and put his hands on my brothers’ shoulders. “We wished to surprise you.”

“Surprise me with what?” My voice was hard and unfeeling.

Owen’s smile fell into a rueful frown. “I thought you wouldn’t mind.”

I didn’t answer. The awkwardness of the night before still thrived in the air between us, and he acted as if it wasn’t there.

I sighed. “I was worried, that’s all.” I allowed myself a small smile. “You better have taught them something remarkable.”

Owen grinned. “Oh, I did. Boys, present your masterpiece.”

Peter withdrew a folded piece of parchment from his pocket and handed it to me in a neat square. He erupted into giggles as I raised an eyebrow in his direction. Charles joined in, stepping backward.

“They wrote it on their own,” Owen said. “I only guided them in the right direction.”

Not sure what to expect, I unfolded the “masterpiece” and read.

Annette, O, Annette

Her hair is the color of the crust of bread

She makes us laugh every day

She tucks us into our little beds

Annette, O, Annette

I resisted the urge to laugh, lifting the paper higher so I couldn’t see Owen’s shaking shoulders.

We are her brothers, atrocious ones

She is our sister and is very kind

Even though she is a lady, she still runs

Annette, O, Annette

My laughter escaped as I finished their poem, and Owen joined immediately. I stepped toward Peter and Charles and threw my arms around them. “That was a wonderful poem! Which one of you is going to be as famous as Shakespeare?”

Peter pointed at himself with a nod. I laughed at Charles’s scowl and pressed my thumbs to each side of his mouth, lifting his frown into a smile. He laughed, pulling his head away.

“I am sure that you will both be even greater than Shakespeare.” I tapped my chin. “I do run quite often, don’t I?”

This made them giggle, and I squeezed them tighter. I almost glanced at Owen, to thank him with a smile, or a few short words, but stopped myself. That was not the way to create the needed distance between us. Falling back into our friendship this week would do more harm than good.

“I think Mr. Everard is missing you two,” I said, brushing a stray curl from Charles’s forehead. “I should take you to the library.”

Peter’s giggles halted. “I don’t want to go to the library.”

“I don’t either,” Charles added. “Dr. Kellaway said we could go to the conservlary.”

“Conservatory,” I corrected with a laugh. I caught Owen’s gaze before turning my attention back to my brothers. “But you must think of poor Mr. Everard. He loves telling you stories.”

Charles’s lower lip stuck out. I sighed. Their attachment to Owen was growing far too strong, and I needed to try to distance them from him before they were torn away forever. Charles’s comment about having a papa had not left my mind. I couldn’t have them spending all morning with Owen alone, and I certainly wouldn’t be wise to join them.

“Come along to the library.” I took Charles’s hand, then Peter’s. They were both reluctant, but obedient, which was a pleasant change. As I passed Owen, he set into pace behind us. My heart plummeted. There was no escaping him.

I dropped my brothers off with the Everards, but when Owen seemed intent to stay with us in the library, I excused myself to the corridor. I walked fast with no particular destination.

I heard Owen’s footsteps behind me again. “Annette.” An exasperated sigh followed. “Where are you going?”

I turned around under the golden archway by the drawing room. I released a tense sigh. “I wish to be alone.”

Owen’s brow furrowed. “You don’t have to avoid me, you know.”

I walked into the empty drawing room. “I’m not avoiding you.”

He followed me to the window. “Yes, you are.”

I glared at him. “What reason would I have to avoid you?”

He crossed his arms. The light from the window illuminated each of his features. “Where shall I begin? The list is extensive.” He drew a step closer. “You said you wanted to be my friend, and that is what I am trying to be. You may forget any other implications I made.” He swallowed hard, as if the words had been painful on the way out. “The last thing I wanted to do was frighten you.”

My defenses rose. “Frighten me?”

“Yes.” He spoke so matter-of-factly, as if he had discerned my emotions clearly before I even had.

It was true. I was afraid of what he made me feel.

I was afraid of hurting him, and of hurting myself. Every moment I spent near him made me question my duty, tempting me to confide in him. But I couldn’t pit Owen against Aunt Ruth. If he lost, I would lose my brothers. That risk was not worth anything.

A chill spread between my shoulder blades, and I found myself staring at his lips again. “You don’t frighten me.”

“I don’t?”

He was taunting me, I just knew it. My heart thudded fast. My gaze flickered at everything but him. “You don’t.”

He drew closer, until I had to tip my head up to see his eyes. “Then what do you feel right now?”

A thousand things. My heart beat fast in my throat. I had been trying so hard to hide my feelings from Owen, but there must have been a crack somewhere along the way. Where had I gone wrong? His penetrating eyes seemed to be able to see straight into my heart to read what was written there.

I stood my ground, crossing my arms tight across my chest. “I feel perfectly ordinary.”

His lips twitched toward a smile. “Your nostrils would say otherwise.”

I clenched my jaw. Blast my betraying nose.

He captured my gaze for several seconds before he spoke again. “I didn’t sleep last night. Would you like to know why?”

“No,” I muttered.

“You.” His features were serious. “I heard you clearly last night, but what I saw in your face was a different matter. I think you have been lying to me, and you promised not to do that.”

I breathed deeply, my skin on fire. Now would be the perfect time to tell him about Mr. Frampton, but the confession was lodged in my throat.

He looked down at me, holding just as still as I was. “My poetry lesson to the boys means you now owe me an answer to another question.”

I swallowed hard, willing my cheeks to cool. “Well, then. Ask it.”

I tried to appear confident, even as he drew closer. His voice was low and vulnerable as his eyes searched my face. “I want to know if you feel anything for me—anything beyond friendship. You have implied that you don’t, but I must have your answer in terms that cannot be mistaken. If you say you feel nothing for me, I will leave you alone.”

My composure faltered. My pulse raced, and the heat from the window made me lightheaded. “That is not a fair question,” I blurted.

“How is it not fair?” He scowled. “What is not fair, is that you continue to punish me with your contradictions.” His voice was quiet. His hand lifted to my face, and his thumb grazed the edge of my jaw. “What is not fair, is that you are this beautiful, and this…maddening, yet you hold me in suspense, as if it is all a game to you.”

This . This was why I had been avoiding him. My heart caught fire, a burst of flame that spread heat over every inch of my skin. I felt everything for him, everything possible. His restless breathing made my insides tumble. I couldn’t give him an answer, not an honest one.

“You are my friend, Owen.” My voice shook. “What else might I feel for you but friendship? I lack understanding in these matters, and it is unfair of you to?—”

He leaned down with a groan, capturing my lips with his. I froze, my arms limp at my sides, until all my thoughts blurred together and my heart galloped. I hardly knew what to expect from a kiss, or how to properly receive one, but the effect Owen’s kiss had on my entire being was more than I could have imagined.

A slow thrill ran over my neck and spine and arms, and a wave of longing tore through me. His lips were determined to teach me something, and I found that I was an excellent student. I anchored my hands to his jacket, and he buried his fingers in my hair. I moved my mouth right along with his before I thought better of it, and soon I was kissing him back.

His hands pressed into my waist, then between my shoulderblades, holding me steady. How could I only do this once? My heart ached at the thought, but then he kissed me slowly, deeply, until I forgot what I had been thinking a moment before.

I melted into his arms, my heart racing in my chest. His kiss softened, then stopped. My eyes fluttered open as our lips parted, and I realized the horrible, horrible thing I had done.

I stepped away, shaking my head. My hand moved to my lips in shock. I breathed quickly, turning away from him.

“Annette—” He caught me by the arm.

He had told me he would keep all his promises to me, but there was one I knew he couldn’t keep. He couldn’t protect my brothers from Aunt Ruth. She possessed them until they came of age, and he could not change the law. All I could do was say the one thing that would silence him forever, the thing I had promised Mrs. Kellaway I would tell him.

I turned to face him. “I’m engaged.” My voice was harsher than I intended.

Owen’s brow creased, his eyes flooding with confusion.

My heart raced against my breastbone. “It’s recent, and isn’t public yet…but I wanted to tell you before I leave.” My lips still burned from his kiss, and my mind wasn’t working properly.

His chest rose and fell with a heavy breath. “Leave? Annette—” His confusion seemed to stall his thoughts.

“I am engaged to marry someone else, and that I why I cannot answer your question.” My voice was firm, but it shook with emotion.

Just then, a footman stepped through the half-opened door. We both turned. I caught my breath, taking a step away from Owen. I composed myself the best I could, forcing my heart to slow down. Seemingly from out of nowhere, another man appeared behind the footman.

It was Mr. Baines, a bouquet of white roses in hand.

“Ah, Miss Downing! Just the lady I hoped to see.” He moved past the footman and into the drawing room. He lowered a deep bow in my direction, then in Owen’s. “Dr. Kellaway, a fine morning, is it not?”

Owen took a moment to answer, his throat shifting with a swallow. “Indeed.” His jaw tightened as he bowed. His gaze flickered from Mr. Baines to me, and then to the floor.

Panic seized my shoulders. I could only imagine the assumptions Owen was making. The timing of Mr. Baines’s visit couldn’t have possibly been worse. My face grew hot as Owen took a step back.

“I’ll leave you to it,” he mumbled. He gave another brief nod before striding toward the staircase.

I turned, flustered, in Mr. Baines’s direction. He removed his top hat, revealing his thick dark hair. He extended the roses to me with a smile. “I meant to call upon you sooner, but it’s a fair drive to Kellaway Manor.” He nodded toward the bouquet. “Did I remember correctly your preference for white roses?”

I gave a stiff nod. My mind stumbled over every word I tried to say, leaving me entirely speechless. I wanted to run after Owen and tell him that I wasn’t engaged to Mr. Baines, but did it matter who he thought I was engaged to? The result would be the same. Owen would understand as I did that we couldn’t be anything but friends, and soon strangers once again. But my task was not over. I still had to give Mr. Baines the same disheartening news.

“You did remember correctly, and that is very kind.” I swallowed, considering my next words carefully.

Mr. Baines examined my expression, his brown eyes falling down at the corners. “Do you not like them?”

“I do, but—” I cleared my throat. I hardly knew the correct course of action in the current situation. Was I to accept the roses or not? I took a deep breath, trying to appear less discomposed than I felt. The agitation of my emotions was making my head spin. This would not be an easy conversation.