Page 14 of Mine to Keep (Bloody Desires #10)

eight

our time

I lean back against the couch, blowing out a long, tired breath.

“Playing with fire,” I murmur to myself.

There’s no reason for me to be thinking of how to integrate Talon and Javier into my life. I just met them. I don’t know either of them.

Besides not knowing them, my life isn’t fit for a relationship with one person, let alone two.

Two men , when I’ve never been in a same sex relationship before.

I’ve never thought about sleeping with a man, but here are two I’m willing to throw caution to the wind for.

That fucking tracks since I beat my dick to fantasies of them not even twenty-four hours ago.

The fuck is going on?

I thought being a Daddy died with Olivia, but that need is rising up in me again, and I want to shower those two boys with everything they would ever want or need.

But I can’t. Not right now. Especially not when my literal fucking life is on the line with The Void. They don’t deserve to be caught in the crosshairs of my shit.

Since I can’t make heads or tails of my thoughts, I go to my room and open the rolling suitcase Peggy left for me.

I locate the burner phone she packed and activate it.

Set-up takes about twenty minutes. I immediately check my banking app, ensuring the account I used still has enough money for me to disappear for a little while. It does.

I dial Peggy’s number from memory. She answers with, “I take it you’re safe.”

“Yeah. I won’t tell you where I am.”

“Didn’t ask. Just making sure you’re still good. I’ve heard nothing from The Void, which is strange because they definitely know about what happened in that apartment.”

My insides go cold, though I try to keep the worry from my tone. “What do you think that means?”

Her non answer is answer enough.

“Heard,” I say.

“Don’t worry. If I see or hear something, I’ll let you know.

” She pauses for a beat. “I’ve been careful not to look more into The Void, taking the checks they give me for doling out jobs.

But you’re the second person on my team that they’re giving me shady vibes about.

I think I’ll have to backdoor them and see what they have going on. ”

“Can’t be anything good. Especially since The Director contacted me directly about a job. He’s only done that once before and it was right after my first handler was retired. He was my go-between for that one kill, and he fucking sucked at it.”

I sigh and sit on the bed, rubbing a hand over my waves. I should have gotten a haircut before I left the States. “Something is up, Pegs. I don’t know what, but I can feel it.”

“Don’t worry, darlin’. I’ll start digging. If it has anything to do with you, I’ll call you. How do those Brits say it, ‘straight away’.”

A tired laugh catches in my chest. “Yeah, straight away. Listen, I need a favor. Can you delete a video for me? A video that may have been downloaded to people’s phones, maybe?”

“Child’s play. Send me the video. Give me about twenty minutes, and I’ll have it all gone.”

I find Javier’s social media page and send the video to Peggy. A few seconds later, she lets me know she got it. “Oh. They look familiar. The airport guys? How did…Knox, did you stalk them?”

“What? No.” I quickly tell her how I ran into Javier and Talon when I got here, then explain why Talon told me he was coming up North and what the video is all about. “I promise, it was a coincidence.”

“Some coincidence,” she muses. “Especially since you asked me to look into them.”

“Can you dig up more on the two of them?”

“Way ahead of you. Check your secured email. I didn’t think you’d need it, but I gathered it anyway. Let me know if you need anything else. I’ll be sure to let you know when the video is down.”

We speak for a few more minutes then I hang up. I don’t want to go to sleep until Pegs tells me the video is taken down, so I can tell Javier and Talon.

Gathering my clothes, I head into the bathroom and take a quick shower. The hot water only makes me sleepier, but I hate cold showers, so I let drowsiness take over while I clean myself.

As I step out and put on clean clothes, my phone beeps a text from Peggy that she sent me about five minutes ago.

Peggy: Video deleted. No traces anywhere.

I send her a kissy face emoji and shuffle out of my room. I want to let the guys know so I can finally take a nap.

My mind is on plans to disappear as I trudge across the sitting room.

Not hearing from The Void is a bad sign. Especially since they like to brag about being the best in the business. If The Director hasn’t called after my second botched job, something is going down. Maybe even that retirement he promised me during our last conversation.

I'm so deep in my thoughts that I almost miss the conversation I hear through their cracked door. I pause mid-knock, hand going still, and peer through the opening. Talon is straddling Javier’s lap, his head resting on his shoulder.

If Javier didn’t tell me they weren’t together before, I might have been fooled by the position they were in.

Still, it doesn’t look romantic, more comforting than anything else.

Softly, Talon says, “I just feel so stupid.”

“You’re not,” Javier says, rubbing his back gently.

“He said he was trying to break up with me. Thinking back, he did mention us taking a break a few times, but it was never like ‘hey, let’s take a break’.

It was always like ‘do you think we, maybe, need some space?’ I would always tell him if that’s what he wanted we could, but he’d backtrack, saying he was only asking.

” He moves his head from Javier’s shoulder and wipes under one eye.

“I swear, I would have given him a break if he said that’s what he wanted. ”

Javier smiles sadly at Talon and gently wipes his face. “I know, babe. You’re not like that. Remember, we’ve been tight for a long time. I know you. In here.” He places his hand over Talon’s heart. “I know that’s not you.”

Voice sounding heavy with tears, Talon says, “I don’t want to feel like this anymore. Like I’m a burden on someone. I can’t…”

Javier goes to bring Talon in for a hug, but Talon drops his mouth and kisses him. Javier rears back, looking at him with wide eyes. “Talon?”

“Just…Javier, please. Take my mind off what I’m feeling. I want to feel connected to…something. I just found out I was cheated on for God knows how long.”

“And kissing me will?—”

“Help me stop thinking. We’re best friends. I trust you when I don’t know who else I can trust. I know you won’t try to take advantage of me.” His voice sounds small. “Please?”

Javier looks apprehensive, but I see his eyes dart down to Talon’s lips.

Talon must pick up on it too, because he says, “It’s not like we’ve never wanted to.

If we were…what the other needed, we would have been great together.

I love you. You’re handsome and caring, and I’ve always been attracted to you.

But I never wanted to ruin our friendship by not giving you what you really need. ”

Javier swallows roughly, but his eyes soften. “You know I feel the same. Together, we would have been unstoppable. You’re a catch. I wish I was different.”

“I don’t,” Talon says quickly. “You’re perfect the way you are.”

“I’ll give you anything you need, babe.” He plants a hand on the side of Talon’s face, and Talon leans into the touch. “I’ll make you feel good right now, if that’s what it’ll take. Is this what you need?”

“Yes. You’re the only one I trust to make me feel better.”

I’m rooted to the spot as I watch Javier frame Talon’s face and bring him down for a soft kiss. Talon sighs against him, wrapping his arms around Javier’s neck, trying to get closer to him.

I lean against the jamb, watching them and willing my dick to deflate.

They’re really fucking beautiful together.

They move together like it’s the most natural thing they’ve ever done.

They touch each other like they’re mapping the other’s body, though it’s like they know every dip and curve already.

Wrapping one arm around his waist, Javier flips Talon onto his back, settling between his legs as he kisses him thoroughly. They surge into each other, grinding together.

Javier pulls his mouth away and drags Talon’s shirt over his head, revealing his smooth brown skin and lithe frame. My hand drifts down to my cock, rubbing myself through my pants, though I don’t reach inside. Any sudden movement might draw attention to me, and I don’t want to stop watching them.

“You sure about this?” Javier asks, looking down at Talon. I wish I could see his face. I know it has to be full of heat and questions.

“Yeah, I am,” Talon answers eagerly.

Javier drops to the floor, making quick work of Talon’s pants. He pulls out his rock hard dick, stroking him from base to tip. I lick my lips, Talon’s cock is one of the most beautiful things I’ve ever seen—thick, about average length, and leaking.

God, what am I thinking? Since when have I ever found a man’s dick beautiful? Is it because of I’m fucking exhausted? Is my tiredness playing tricks on me?

All thoughts leave my brain when Javier opens his mouth and sucks Talon down to the base, his nose brushing his trimmed pubic hair.

Talon moans, pushing his hands into Javier’s hair as Javier slowly bobs up and down.

I take a step back, wanting to give them their privacy, but before I go completely unnoticed, Talon’s eyes lock with mine through the crack.

His heavy-lidded gaze goes wide for a few beats, then Javier must do something that feels good because he hisses and tosses his head back, thrusting his hips upward.

I take that opportunity to silently return to my room.

Before I climb between the sheets, I reach into my bag and pull out my gun, making sure it’s loaded with safety is on before I thrust it under my pillow.

Lying on my back, I throw an arm over my eyes and replay what I just saw. Yeah, Javier said he and Talon want the same thing, but from what I just witnessed, he would still give Talon what he needed. They’re best friends. They love each other and want what’s best for the other.

I’m not sure what I’m feeling right now.

It’s not jealousy—quite the opposite, actually.

But I…I wanted to be in that bed with them.

I wanted to touch them. Wanted to kiss them and learn their bodies.

That pull to them is so strong that I have to force myself to stay in bed and not march across the sitting room and get in bed with them.

Not even the feelings I had for Olivia were this strong.

Could I have been bi this whole time and never known it because I didn’t explore my sexuality?

After …Phoenix, my mind was on other things.

Figuring out who I was interested in wasn’t on my radar.

At the ripe age of thirty-five, am I questioning who I am?

Barely keeping my eyes open, sleepiness washes over me, blanketing me like a shroud. I fight to keep them open so I can continue to think, but sleep wins out and I’m plunged into dreams.

The heat sears across my back, hot enough to set me ablaze. But I just have eyes for her. She brings a shaky hand up to my face, blood dripping from her fingers to coat my cheek.

“Kill them,” she tells me, her bloodied teeth flashing in the light of the flames. “Kill them all.”

“I will. I promise,” I tell her. I bend to kiss her, but she’s gone. My arms are empty.

Looking up from my place on the ground, I see Joyner sitting on the porch, half of his head missing and the Desert Eagle in his hands.

“You’re one of the poor people I left behind,” Joyner says. “That’s why you did this?”

“No. Where is she?”

“She’s mine,” he tells me, blood dripping from his open head wound, his chest wet with the crimson fluid. She sits beside him, her head on his shoulder. Joyner wraps a possessive arm around her, drawing her into him. “She’s mine.”

“No!” I scream, rising to my feet and running headlong towards him. But no matter how fast I run, I can’t reach him. I can’t reach Patience.

Hot air from the fire saws in and out of my lungs, but I can’t get any closer to her.

I can’t…I can’t ? —

Joyner aims the gun at Patience and shoots, blowing a hole in her chest. I scream as heat sears my face, the fire making my skin feel tight.

The creak of my door opening startles me awake, the hairs on the back of my neck standing on end. I slide my hand undermy pillow, grabbing my gun and flicking the safety off in one smooth motion, aiming at the door.