Page 22 of Midnight Bond (Wolves of Midnight #5)

brIELLE

I had the nightmare again.

Only this time, it wasn’t just my family watching me shift. Nora, Vi, Kolton, and Griff were there, the circle of friends who’d become my new family. As they peered down at me, another form joined them, darkly mysterious and wholly familiar.

Jagger watched me struggle, his expression impassive. I tried calling out to him for help, but all that came out was a pitiful whine. He stayed where he was, letting me struggle alone.

When the painful transformation was over, I expected my new family members to protect my parents and brothers from my wolf.

Instead, they turned their backs and walked away.

I cried out to them but they were already gone.

Desperate, I turned to Jagger, but he just stared at me with that neutral expression, then silently left without a backward glance.

Betrayed, rejected, I howled in agony. When I was finished, my human family was gone as well. I was in a silver cage, and the burly orderlies were staring down at me.

“Don’t be alarmed, Miss Lacroix,” they said in unison. “This is your new home.”

Home?

I’d been abandoned by everyone I cared about. All I had left was this miserable cage and a wolf I could barely control.

Sadness and pain consumed me, and I cried and cried, curling into a ball of utter defeat.

As the dream faded, a heart-wrenching sob reached my ears. I opened my eyes, realizing a second later that the sound came from me. I touched my face, and my fingers came away wet with tears. Sighing, I curled up into a tighter ball on the mattress and buried my head beneath the comforter.

It had been over a week since I’d left the Rivers’ estate, and each day that passed became harder to endure.

Nightmares plagued the fitful bouts of sleep I managed to get, and forcing myself out of bed every morning was like climbing Mount Everest. The pain of betrayal and rejection from being kept in the dark about the soulmate bond was nothing compared to the dark hole I’d fallen into.

So much for reinventing myself and starting fresh.

Every time I received a text or phone call from one of the many people who’d hurt me, I sank even lower into the black pit of depression.

I ignored them all, my grief still too raw.

I couldn’t work, couldn’t eat, couldn’t even brush my hair.

My pitiful state of being stemmed mainly from one source, though.

Jagger hadn’t tried to contact me even once.

He’d let me go, and that realization had completely shut me down.

I should feel relieved. Grateful. He was no longer bossing me around.

No longer treating me like a child. I could go where I pleased and do what I wanted, exactly what I’d been wishing for.

I could search for a mate who would actually pursue me.

I could follow my dreams and start a family of my own.

The sky was the limit, and no one was holding me back.

Except that someone was. Me.

Now that Jagger had let me go, I couldn’t seem to care about any of that. None of those dreams mattered. I didn’t want them anymore. The only thing I wanted was—

With a groan, I burrowed even deeper under the covers.

How the hell had I let this happen to me?

For years, I’d been confident in who I was, bold and self-sufficient.

No one could stand in my way, especially not a guy.

They were a dime a dozen. Pretty to look at and exciting to sleep with, but not worth getting my heart broken over.

But with only a few words and a couple of kisses, Jagger had managed to tie me into knots.

Now, I was a sopping mess of emotions and couldn’t think about anything but him.

“Curse you, Jagger Montgomery,” I growled, but the words came out as a pathetic whimper.

Curse his stoic handsome face for drawing me in.

Curse his gorgeous muscled body for turning me on.

Curse his intense blue-gray eyes for making me feel like I was the only female in existence.

Curse his serious mouth for saying too little and kissing with a passion I’d never experienced before.

Curse his wicked hands for making me crave a little pain with my pleasure.

Curse his bloody honor for choosing to protect me over his own desires.

It was the last one I hated the most. He had decided to protect me. He had decided my future. Our future. Without even asking what I wanted.

Anger stirred in my blood, but it fizzled out seconds later. I was too tired, too depressed to feel it for long anymore. Sadness took its place, and I let it suck me back into that black pit of nothingness.

An hour or so later, I heard a knock at the bedroom door. When I ignored it, the door opened and someone bustled inside.

“Merry Christmas, dear!” sang Mrs. Bailey, the Rivers’ former nanny. “Now, I don’t want to hear any of that nonsense about not being hungry today. I’ve been cooking all morning and need you to help me eat it all. First up is my famous steak and eggs breakfast!”

When I didn’t respond, she set the breakfast tray down on the nightstand and whipped back my bed covers.

I groaned in protest, but with a few persistent tugs, I was sitting against the headboard with the tray in my lap.

Even though she was twice my age and half my height, it wasn’t hard for her to wrangle me into position.

I was as weak as a newborn calf and had grown skeletal thin after another week of barely eating.

Mrs. Bailey took one look at the tank top and shorts that now hung loosely on my frame and clucked her tongue sadly.

“I know you’re grieving, dear. It took me a long time to recover after my husband died a few years back.

But you’re young and have your whole life ahead of you.

I’d hate to see you throw it all away for a male who won’t pursue you.

I’ve known Jagger since he was a little boy, but he’s always been a troubled soul.

If he refuses to claim the beautiful female fate chose for him, then I know many males who would gladly take his place.

I know Buck has had his eye on you. He’s a strapping fellow and would make a wonderful husband.

If I were twenty years younger, I’d snatch him up in a heartbeat. ”

I didn’t respond, too busy trying not to gag at the smell of steak wafting up my nose.

The boisterous, busybody woman was right, of course.

Even though she tended to gossip and had probably told the entire two-hundred-strong pack by now that Jagger and I were soulmates, I knew she was genuinely worried about me.

I’d be worried too, if I didn’t feel so dead inside.

The invisible bond tying me and Jagger together was most definitely still active.

After our night at the hotel, it had taken me a while to realize that I could feel his emotions.

I usually felt enough emotions for ten people, but his emotions were different.

They were sharp, like needles penetrating my flesh.

For the past year, a big part of me had thought he didn’t have emotions, so it was shocking to discover that he felt things intensely.

He was just good at hiding it, unlike me.

I couldn’t feel him now and hadn’t been able to all week, but it was probably because of the physical distance between us—not because our bond had started to fade.

I might have left, but I hadn’t rejected him.

Despite how miserable I was, I couldn’t get that time we’d spent in the garage out of my mind.

His shocking confession. His breath-stealing passion. The explosive orgasm we’d shared.

He might have an untamable dark side, but it didn’t scare me.

It intrigued me. Excited me. He’d always been mysterious, but knowing about this side of him only amplified his enigmatic personality.

I wanted to know more. I wanted to experience it.

Knowing what he wanted to do to me didn’t terrify me in the least.

I was a free spirit and didn’t like to be told what to do, but in the bedroom? Tie me up, Daddy.

But he was obviously still traumatized by what had happened ten years ago. He didn’t want to hurt me. Didn’t want Onyx to hurt me. And yet I could feel how much he desired me. If the way he’d frantically dry-humped me hadn’t clued me in, then the lust pulsating through our bond certainly would.

He wanted me. Wanted me. But he wouldn’t let himself have me because of some misguided notion of protecting me. What if I didn’t want to be protected?

“Oh! Griff came by and dropped these off earlier,” Mrs. Bailey said, breaking through my thoughts.

She hurried from the room and reentered seconds later with an armful of wrapped presents.

“I know how awful it feels to find out that the people you love have been keeping secrets from you. I spent the last seven years grieving the loss of our former alpha female, only to find out that she’s still alive.

I felt betrayed, but you know what? Kolton and Vi thought they were doing the right thing.

I’m sure they hated keeping you in the dark about the soulmate bond, Brielle, but don’t forget that they still love you. ”

“I know,” I whispered, fighting back sudden tears as she situated the presents on the bed. A quick look at the labels confirmed that they’d all sent me presents. Nora, Kolton, Vi, Griff, Mrs. Rivers, Melanie, and . . . and Jagger.

I snatched up the small gold box without thinking, then realized what I’d just done and dropped it.

“Oh, my poor dear,” Mrs. Bailey sighed, clucking her tongue again. “You’re in love with him.”

I jerked startled eyes up to hers. “Wh-what? No, I’m just . . . I didn’t expect him to get me a present, is all. He didn’t last year, and—”

As the middle-aged woman stared at me with a knowing expression, I swallowed the last of my protests, feeling a desperate need to burrow under the covers again. It didn’t matter what I said. She wasn’t buying it.

Not one to let silence stretch, Mrs. Bailey spoke again before things could become uncomfortable.

“Now don’t stay in this room all day, dear.

I expect you to be showered, dressed, and looking your best before company arrives in a few hours.

I hope you don’t mind, but I also invited Buck.

He’s all alone this Christmas, and we lone wolves have to stick together, right?

Now eat before your eggs get cold. I want to see that plate licked clean. ”

She swept from the room before I could respond, muttering to herself as she closed the door behind her. I gaped at the closed door for a solid minute, still trying to digest the woman’s unfiltered words.

In love? With Jagger?

I couldn’t possibly be in love with him. Love didn’t hurt this bad. Could it?

Sighing, I set the breakfast tray on the bed beside me and reached for the present labeled “From Nora.” Unwrapping the large box, I opened it to find an expensive designer purse inside, one that I’d been eyeing for months.

Normally, I’d be grinning ear to ear from receiving a gift like this, but sadness filled me instead.

Noticing something else in the box wrapped in tissue paper, I pulled it out and carefully unwrapped it.

Inside was a photo encased in a gold frame, and when I saw that the picture was of us during our college years, smiling and carefree, tears blurred my vision.

A note slipped free, and I picked it up to read, Miss you, bestie. All my love, Nora.

My lip quivered, and a tear plopped onto the card.

Gently wiping it off, I set the gifts aside and reached for the one from Vi.

By the time I was done opening all the presents, exhaustion pulled at my limbs.

I nudged everything aside and curled up on the bed again, but as I slid a hand beneath my pillow, my fingers bumped against something hard.

I grasped the object and pulled it out, then immediately wished I hadn’t.

It was the little gold box from Jagger. As I stared at it, my hand started to tremble.

I almost chickened out and set it aside unopened, but with a resigned sigh, I dug a nail beneath the shiny wrapping paper and popped it open.

Removing it, I dubiously eyed the perfectly square box like it was about to bite me.

After a lengthy moment, I carefully opened the lid to reveal its contents.

Inside was a thin gold chain nestled on black velvet. Attached to the chain was a little wolf figurine. Its head was tilted back, and it was . . . it was howling at the moon.

A tiny note was tucked under the lid, and I opened it with shaking fingers to reveal two words.

I’m sorry.

My throat clamped shut, making it impossible to breathe.

He might as well have reached through the note and put me in a chokehold.

A strangled sound left me, and uncontrollable tears squeezed from my eyes.

As I struggled to draw in air, sudden anger gripped me, and I threw the box across the room with a furious cry.

Silent sobs shook me, then gasping loud ones.

I cried and cried, knowing with certainty now that it was over. Jagger had officially rejected our soulmate bond, and he was never going to come for me.