Page 20 of Midnight Bond (Wolves of Midnight #5)

I rubbed a hand over my mouth, wishing I could rip it off.

Such a simple question, one she deserved an answer to, but doing so would mean stripping myself bare.

She had no idea, no idea how hard this was for me.

I hadn’t become Midnight Pack’s second in command simply because I was one of Kolton’s closest friends.

I’d proven my loyalty and strength countless times over the years.

I’d earned the position through trials, blood, and sheer force of will.

Being Kolton’s right hand meant everything to me.

It was so much more than a job. It was my life. My purpose.

Answering Brielle’s question could undo all of that in an instant. The truth would leave me vulnerable. Weak. And if she sought revenge for rejecting our bond . . .

She could utterly destroy me.

Still, after all that I’d put her through, she deserved an explanation. It was the very least I could do. So when doubt started to cloud her expression, I forced myself to speak. To condemn myself one word at a time.

“Onyx isn’t like the other familiars.”

I knew the demonic spirit was listening, but he didn’t discourage me from revealing our secret to Brielle. In fact, it almost felt like he wanted me to. His unexpected certainty gave me the fortitude to keep going, and I was suddenly spilling the whole story.

“I’m sure Nora told you that my old pack kicked me out when I was five,” I said.

When she nodded, I continued, “What I didn’t tell her—or anyone else, for that matter—is that Onyx was completely feral back then.

When he first tried to force the shift on me, my parents and pack alpha thought it was me that had gone feral.

They tried beating me into submission for a while, but when that didn’t work, they had no choice but to shun me. ”

Brielle’s hand flew to her mouth, her eyes wide with shock. Needing to get this out before I lost my nerve, I kept going before she could say anything.

“I was lucky, actually. Most packs didn’t know about hybrids back then, and when I started to shift without the aid of a full moon, they could have easily killed me to protect the rest of the pack.

In all honesty, they probably should have.

I spent weeks on my own after that, and Onyx rode me hard the entire time.

During my time in Buffalo, I became known as the Wild Boy, and there were several instances where I almost bit and scratched humans.

If Anthony Rivers hadn’t shown up when he did, God only knows what would have happened. ”

Pausing for a beat, I prepared myself to share the hardest part. The part that still haunted my every waking and sleeping moment.

After a few calming breaths, I finally said, “I didn’t realize that Onyx wasn’t normal until many years later.

Even though I grew up with Kolton, Griff, and Vi, I’d assumed their familiars were as equally hard to manage.

But when I experienced my first rut at the age of seventeen, I knew something was wrong. ”

“Rut?” she questioned, reminding me that werewolf life was still fairly new to her.

“A period of heightened sexual arousal that male werewolves experience on occasion. Not as often as females go into heat, thankfully. But during that time, males feel an incessant urge to seek out females for breeding. It’s all they can think about, and they’ll fight anyone who stands in the way of their goal. ”

When I stopped again, Brielle quietly said, “What happened?”

I hesitated, instinct screaming at me not to tell her—to protect her from the truth. But she needed to know, to understand why I couldn’t accept our soulmate bond. So I plowed ahead and without mercy replied, “I lost control of Onyx during my rut and nearly forced myself on an unwilling female.”

Brielle’s complexion paled, but I wasn’t finished.

“I was at the Mate Gala when it happened. I’d gone there to look for a mate. Instead, I badly injured two males and utterly terrified an omega female. Although a male in rut is often volatile, what I did crossed the line. I practically destroyed the place like a feral animal.

“From that moment on,” I continued, “I understood one thing with perfect clarity: Onyx can’t be reasoned with.

He’s not rational or logical. He’s a primal beast ruled by instinct, and somewhere along the way, those instincts merged with my own.

His wants became mine, and a part of me wanted to dominate that female against her wishes.

When I realized that, I swore to never pursue a female again.

Onyx is too dangerous. I am too dangerous.

I can’t control him around you because I can’t control myself.

That’s why I need to reject the bond. Not because I don’t want you, but because I can’t have you.

This has to end before it’s too late, before I lose all control and try to force myself on you too. ”

My words had become impassioned, each cutting me deeply as I unveiled the darkest part of myself.

None but the female I’d wronged ten years ago had seen this side of me.

I hadn’t told a soul about that day, not even Kolton.

But now Brielle knew. The beautiful female that fate had mistakenly chosen for me knew that I was nothing more than a feral beast.

She stared and stared at me, her red lips slightly parted as she digested the information I’d thrown at her.

I prepared myself for what was to come, expecting her face to twist in disgust at any moment, not to mention fear.

I’d just confessed that I was as unhinged as my wolf familiar.

That I wanted to dominate her. That I wanted to give in to my primal instincts, even if that meant forcing myself on her.

I waited for the inevitable, knowing that she would want nothing to do with me after this.

I was a monster, and monsters couldn’t have someone like her.

She’d already lost her humanity and old life.

She’d died in my arms. I couldn’t take anything else from her.

Rejecting the bond would be agony, but if I didn’t . . .

I’d utterly ruin her.

With that sobering thought in mind, I braced myself for the painful process of unraveling the bond.

Intention was key, whereas words meant little.

I could say that I wanted to reject it, but if I didn’t mean it, the bond wouldn’t fade.

Which was why I needed her to start the process.

Once I felt how much she loathed and hated me, I could finally let her go.

She continued to stare at me, but the emotions I needed her to feel didn’t filter through our bond. Desperate for this torture to end, I bluntly said, “I need you to reject me, Brielle. That’s the only way we’re going to feel better.”

Two deep dimples appeared around her mouth, the only warning she gave before snapping, “Feel better? You think rejecting you will make me feel better? I’m devastated, Jagger.

Devastated by your story, but even more devastated that you’re willing to throw away our soulmate bond because of something that happened a decade ago. ”

Incredulous that she could be so naive, I snapped back, “I punished you with a kiss. I left a handprint on your neck. Onyx took control while I slept and touched you without either of our consent. You don’t find that problematic?”

“Not really, no. I wasn’t exactly resisting.

In fact, I freaking enjoyed it. And you know what else?

When Theo was touching me on that dance floor, I was thinking about you the entire time.

I was envisioning you touching me, just like when Onyx used you to touch me.

I wanted it. I really, really wanted it.

What happened in your past is awful, and you probably thought that telling me would scare me away, but I don’t feel unsafe around you.

Besides, you didn’t force yourself on that omega. ”

“But I wanted to!” I roared, getting in her face.

“But you didn’t!” she roared back, holding her ground.

My hand shot up and caught her throat, eliciting a gasp from her. “You feel that?” I seethed, tightening my grip. “Every inch of me wants to dominate you right now. Onyx feels the same, and if I let my control slip even a little, we’ll take you hard right here in this garage.”

She shivered, and my grip tightened even more, a thrill of excitement shooting straight to my groin.

Take mate. Dominate mate, Onyx urged, equally excited to have her at my mercy. It would be easy, so easy to give in.

I opened my mouth to tell her so, needing her to know just how dangerous I was.

“One slip and I’ll consume you, Brielle.

You have no idea how deep that desire goes.

I don’t even know. I’ll take and take until I’m satiated.

Problem is, I’m insatiable. Once I let the beast out, it’s over.

I’ll devour you, and I won’t stop, even if you beg me to.

I’ll mark you, claim you, mate you, breed you.

And if you don’t submit to me, I’ll make you. ”

Our faces were so close that her fluttery breaths gusted across my mouth. Her pulse beat rapidly against my thumb, but it wasn’t from fear. She was turned on. I could feel her desire.

Time to kill it before I did something that couldn’t be undone.

“Is that what you want, Brielle? To have your free will snatched away? To be at my mercy without a say in what happens? I know you. You’re not a submissive omega and would hate to be treated like one.

But I wouldn’t care. I would treat you like one anyway.

I’d force your compliance no matter how much you objected, making your life miserable.

And that’s why I can’t have you. That’s why you need to reject me. So do it. Do it now. Reject me.”

“Stop telling me what to do!” she shouted and shoved my chest. When I didn’t let go of her throat, she brought her leg up to knee me in the groin.