Page 45 of Maybe, Probably (Love Me, Maybe #1)

Chapter Twenty Nin e

Xavier

N o.

No, No, No.

Not again.

Everything happened so fast.

She was doing so well as she was gliding down the hill.

I was admiring how fast she caught on to skiing.

She was determined as I taught her the essentials, but I should’ve known better.

I should’ve told her that I wanted her to go down the smaller hills a couple more times.

That we could do the bigger hills another day.

We’re still supposed to be here for less than a week.

There’s plenty of time. There was plenty of time.

Then I watched as that fucking rabbit ran out of the bush and into her path.

I watched as she tried to dodge it and lost her balance instead.

The air in my lungs froze where it was as I watched her tumble forward, her skis flying off her boots.

I lean forward, tucking into position to increase my speed, to get to her faster. To get to her before she hurts herself.

My heart is beating out of my chest as I race toward her.

I watch in slow motion as she connects with a rock settled beside one of the trees. I saw the impact it made as her back connected with it and shot her head back onto the hard surface.

I wasn’t fast enough. I couldn’t save her. I skid to a stop beside her, kicking off my skis as I drop to the ground.

“Fu-uck.” A sob leaves my mouth as I settle in beside her, checking her over.

I remove her goggles from her face so I can get a better look.

Her eyes are closed, but when I get closer, I can see that she’s still breathing.

Her body is at a weird angle from the way her body landed on the snow covered rock.

Black begins to frame my vision as my breathing increases. Fuck, it’s happening again . I lightly shake her shoulders.

“Harper– Harps.” The desperation in my voice is obvious as I try to get her to wake up to no avail.

“ Please look at me.” The blood rushes in my ears and I can’t hear anything.

My chest is constricting as I fight to take in a breath.

I lift my shaking hands and rip off my goggles and helmet tossing them beside me.

I run my fingers through my hair as I try to calm myself enough to think clearly.

“Oh my God, are you alright!” A voice shouts from behind me, but I don’t answer him.

I can’t. I think I’m going into shock. I hear the person close in, and if they say something else, I don’t hear it.

Harper is laying in front of me unconscious.

It all feels too familiar, except Shelby still woke up.

She woke up, and she got up. Harper isn’t awake. Her eyes aren’t opening.

“Help!” It’s the only thing that I manage to say.

“I’ve already called down to the lodge, and they’re sending up the ski patrol now.

” I still haven’t fully looked at the man that came to check on us.

I turn to look and I’m met with silver eyes looking back to me with concern.

The man looks to be in his late fifties, his salt and pepper hair peek from the sides of his helmet.

The tan color with laugh lines are prominent on his face.

“Can you tell me your name?” He asks the question calmly, taking a seat beside me as we wait.

“Xavier.” I take a deep breath, “That’s Har-Harper.” My voice cracks halfway through her name.

He puts his hand on my shoulder in support.“The name’s Hank.”

Just then a groan comes from Harper's body, I jolt forward. “Harps, Harps, can you hear me? You’re okay. I’m right here.”

“W-what happened?” She grumbles, bringing her palm up to her forehead.

“You tumbled right into a rock. I think you hit your head too. Just stay still, okay?” My hands are hovering over her, wanting to comfort her, but not sure if my touch will do it. “Ski patrol is on their way, and they should be here any minute.”

Harper opens her eyes slightly. Her pupils are slightly dilated, and then she squints as she tries to focus on me.

“Well, that’s silly. We haven’t even gone to the ski hill yet.

” She pauses, before opening her eyes again briefly.

“Or– wait.” There’s a longer pause as Harper’s eyes furrow in concentration before she closes them again.

When she doesn’t continue her sentence, I reach forward and shake her slightly on her shoulder. “Hmm?”

The tightness in my chest went away momentarily when she woke up. The moment she didn’t remember that we were skiing, it was like my lungs were in a tight grasp again. Just as I’m about to shake her again and get her to keep talking, the ski patrol arrives.

“Hey everyone, my name is Pete. I heard someone took a tumble, yeah? How’s everyone else doing? Is anyone else hurt?”

I shake my head quickly, clearing my throat before answering.

“No, I’m fine. I was behind her when it happened.

A rabbit came running as we were going down.

She attempted to avoid hitting it, but when she did that, she lost control and tumbled.

She landed right on this rock and lost consciousness.

She just came to, but appeared confused when we were talking. ”

Pete looks over me quickly, before moving to Harper.

I sit there and watch as he spends the next half an hour assessing Harper's injuries. He lays her on a backboard and puts her in a cervical collar, just to be on the safe side. When he’s established her injuries, he checks on her pain.

She complained that her head, back, and ribs hurt.

That makes sense to me as those were probably the biggest impact.

After he’s checked her vitals and deems that she isn’t in need of any additional oxygen, they load her up on the sled they arrived in.

They took her skis with her, and I was offered a ride or to meet them down at the bottom of the hill. I chose to ride on the sled with them so that they don’t have to wait for me before the ambulance takes her away .

The ambulance wouldn’t take me with her to the hospital, despite my fight around it. In the end, I lose and my panic begins to rise again. I abandon my skis and pull out my phone, calling the only person I can think of to help me at this moment.

The phone rings a few times before the call connects.

“Hey, big guy! How was skiing?” Josie’s soft voice comes through the line.

“It’s happening again.” My voice cracking at the end before it turns into a sob.

I hear shuffling in the background from Josie’s end of the phone. I hear her mumble something before she comes back. “Where are you? Are you still at the hill? I’m coming to get you.”

Ten minutes later, I’m sitting in the car with Josie as she makes her way to the hospital.

The paramedics only told me where they were taking her.

I sit there, leaning forwards with my head in my hands, replaying her fall, over and over again.

My mind fixates on all the ways I could have saved her.

Out of every scenario that I run through my head, there are two facts that remain the same.

I couldn’t save her, and it’s all my fault.

I shouldn’t have agreed for her to go down the hill. I should have told her another day. I should of–

I jump as a hand grasps my shoulder. Josie is looking at me with concern on her face.

She opens her mouth to say something, but closes it again.

Her grip on my shoulder tightens, before she pulls me and wraps her arms around me.

My body slumps as it recognizes the safety of my best friend.

I hear the door open behind me, and a hand grasps my neck.

I don’t even need to turn my head to know that it’s Monty.

At the realization that my best friends have dropped everything to be here for me, I let go.

The burning that has been constant at the back of my eyes finally releases, and tears begin to fall down my face. A strangled noise leaves my throat.

I let all my fear, and self-loathing consume me.

I allow myself to feel every heavy ounce of grief, the weight of it constricting the air in my lungs.

Every inhale feels like a knife slicing against my chest. We sit there together for a couple minutes.

When I have collected myself enough, the three of us make our way into the hospital.

We walk into the emergency department, and the waiting area is quiet.

The plastic rows of waiting chairs are empty, minus a couple of chairs.

I pay them no mind as I walk toward the reception desk.

The receptionist is a middle aged woman, with her dirty blonde hair braided back.

Her neutral colored scrubs look ruffled, showing signs that she’s been here for awhile, but she greets me with a smile.

“Hi there. My girlfriend was brought in by ambulance – Harper Beckett.”

“Let me just look her up for you.” She quickly types on her computer as she looks up Harper in their system.

After a couple more clicks of mouse on the screen, she returns her gaze to me.

“It looks like she got here about fifteen minutes ago, but that’s all I really have up here.

Let me go talk to the doctor and see what I can find out for you.

Go have a seat, and I’ll come find you once I know a bit more. ”

I swiftly nod my head, but I remain where I’m standing. I track the nurse as she disappears into the back rooms where the patients are brought through. Josie comes to my side, grabbing my elbow. “Come on big guy, we aren’t going to get answers any faster standing here like a big grizzly bear.”

She directs me to the closest seat and tells me to sit down. When I do, I bend forward, resting my forearms on my knees as I keep my focus on the door the nurse went through.

The time seems to tick by slowly, and I feel like we’ve been here for longer than we have been. At some point, Josie stepped away to call Evie and let her know that Harper is in the hospital. Monty took her place beside me. He’s tried a couple times to start a conversation, but I wasn’t responding.

Finally, I watch as the doors open, and the nurse that left comes through with a doctor following behind her. The nurse spots me right away. I’m up and out of my seat in the next second. Anxiety claws under my skin as I prepare myself for every possible negative scenario to become my reality.

“You’re here for Ms. Beckett?” The doctor asks, kindly.

“Yes, we are. I’m Xavier Hawthorne. I’m her boyfriend.”

The doctor looks through his clipboard for a moment.

Flipping through the papers, he returns his gaze to me.

“Ah yes, I have you right here. I’m Dr. Porter.

I have been the doctor that has been overlooking Ms. Beckett since she was brought in.

She's been asking for you. If you follow me, I can show you where she’s resting. ”

The air rushes out of my lungs. “She’s awake?”

“Yes, she’s awake! A little drowsy, but that’s to be expected with her mild concussion. Please follow me, I’ll bring you to her and explain more.”

I turn around to look at Monty. He’s running his hand through his hair, and I see the relief on his face. “Go,” he says, “I’ll wait with Josie for Evie to get here.” I nod quickly, before turning back around and motioning for the doctor to lead the way.

The doctor leads me through the doors that lead back to the patient's rooms. The fluorescent lights flickered overhead as we walked down the aisle.

The halls buzz as nurses and doctors go about their shifts attending to all the patients that have been admitted.

When we reach halfway down the hall, the doctor pauses in front of one of the rooms and turns to me.

“Ms. Beckett is just over here in this room. She’s currently stable, but we have her hooked up to some IV fluids just to keep her hydrated. Once the IV is complete, we can move forward with discharging her.”

“What do you mean discharging her? She’s not going to stay overnight to be monitored?

What if it gets worse?” Both my hands are in fists as I try to calm the panic that has reappeared in a matter of seconds.

How can they just send her home? What if things get worse, and she’s not at the hospital to get immediate attention?

“Now, this won’t happen for some time yet. The neurologist still needs to give her at least two more checks before she gets the okay to go home. She came in slightly confused, but she appears to be more lucid now.”

“What if she gets worse when you send her home?” I ask .

“I can assure you she has gone through all the neurological tests to ensure that nothing more serious is at play. She went for a CT when she arrived, which showed no signs of brain bleeds, swelling or fractures. All her symptoms point to a concussion—and a mild one at that. We can discuss the care that she will need at home during discharge.”

I flex my hands a couple more times, taking another deep breath. “I need to see her.” I won’t believe anything this doctor says until my eyes are on her myself. I walk past the doctor and make my way to her door.

“Mr. Hawthorne, she’s resting. She needs to rest, both physically and mentally, to allow her brain to heal.”

I take that moment to collect myself before I enter her space. When I have a little bit more control over my emotions, I walk through the door. The lights over her bed are off, but the bathroom light is on, softly illuminating the room.

There in the bed is Harper, with her eyes closed.

She has an IV hooked up to her arm, and the bag is about half empty.

She’s wearing one of those ugly looking hospital gowns that are usually itchy.

Her hair is a tossed mess, splayed in many different directions on her pillow.

There’s a soft furrow on her brow as she tries to rest. Next to her hospital bed, there’s a chair that I quickly make my way to so I can sit next to her.

I find myself hesitant to take her hand in mine because I don’t want to wake her up if she’s resting. The incessant need to touch her overrules my rational thoughts though, and I find myself lacing my fingers with hers.

She rustles a bit, turning her face toward me. A soft grumble leaves her lips, before her eyes open slowly. I see the moment her eyes come into focus and land on me. The moment they do, a small smile traces over her lips.

“Hey, you.”