Page 20

It has been a few weeks since me and Ryder talked about the mating thing.

While it was a bit strange to walk around knowing that everyone wanted Ryder and I mated, it was not at the top of my worry list. A few days after the mating thing, Ryder started to become distant and it has been getting worse.

He'll wake up in the morning, kiss my forehead, shower, and then disappear into his office.

Ryder will work late into the night and sometimes not even come back to the room until the next morning.

The bags under his eyes are becoming more and more prominent everyday.

We barely even talk. I know I probably sound clingy but my wolf is upset and so am I, the mate bond has been growing stronger since we found each other, or rather, he found me.

Now it's 10 at night and Ryder still hasn't come back to the room since he left at 7 this morning.

I sigh and run my hand through my hair as I pace our room, it might as well be my own since Ryder is never fucking here!

I get barely any sleep cause I can't sleep without him, every time I try to, he pops into my mind and my wolf whines out for him.

I groan and then look at the clock again as my wolf whines. I hit my head on the bedposts and sigh, "Fuck it." I breathe and then then slip one of Ryder's large hoodies over my tank top and shorts, it fell down to my mid-thigh.

I walked out of our room and down the hall to the elevator. I stepped inside when it arrived and pressed the silver button that would take me to the seventh floor. I tapped my foot on the wooden floor as it moved down, subconsciously I bit down on my fingernails.

The elevator beeped every time it passed a floor until finally it dinged one last time before halting and the silver doors slowly yet smoothly slid open. I took a deep breath and stepped off the machine, silently making my way down the hallway.

I reach his office doors. The double doors were wooden with golden handles, on the right door was a gold plaque with Alpha Mathews engraved in it. I listened through the doors and heard some papers moving, the sounds of the keys on the keyboard clicking, and breathing.

I took another deep breath before I gently knocked on the wood. "Come in." Ryder's deep voice called out. I notice my hands are shaking, 'Why am I nervous?' I think to myself. I shake my head and slowly open his office door.

Ryder doesn't look up from the papers he's reading, "Yes?

" he asked. I didn't say anything and just made my way over to him.

I walked around his desk and gently placed my hand on his cheek.

Ryder's eyes snapped up from his work to look at who had just touched him.

I heard him sigh and relax his tense muscles when he realized it was me.

My wolf sighed in content and relaxed as well when she felt the touch of her mate. I caressed his cheek, feeling the stubble on his chin due to him not leaving his office for hours. What was so important that he wouldn't talk to me and stay locked away in a room for hours on end?

Ryder stared into my eyes for a few moments and I could see the tiredness in them. "What are you doing?" I asked him softly a few minutes later. I moved my hand from his cheek and ran it through his hair, which by the looks of it, has had a hand run through it multiple times.

"Nothing important." He said and closed his laptop before I could see what he was doing. I rolled my eyes, it didn't take a genius to realize something was up. Ryder hasn't been sleeping or eating, he is tense, and he stays in his office all the times. He was lying to me...again.

I shook my head sadly and sighed in disappointment.

I moved away from him and stood behind his desk, looking out the window into the backyard.

The wind was swaying the branches of the trees side to side.

There were a few people outside, teenagers throwing a football, little kids running around and laughing, and moms and dads are just talking amongst themselves while watching their kids.

'Why does he hide things from us?' I ask Jasmine. Jasmine is quiet for a moment but then she sighs, 'I don't know Jade.' I close my eyes and rest my forehead on the cool glass of the window.

I'm tired. Physically, emotionally, and mentally.

I'm just so tired. I'm tired of the secrets, the lies, the fighting.

Why can't something just be easy for me?

I scoff to myself, Damn...I sound so selfish.

I feel my eyes water underneath my eyelids.

..I can't do this. I'm not cut out for this.

I can't handle the responsibility and the pressure.

The Moon Goddess made a mistake, I'm not meant to be Queen. I'm not meant to be Ryder's mate.

I let out a shaky breath and swallow the lump in my throat.

I open my eyes and look out the window again, yet this time everything is blurry.

The tears distort my vision but I don't let them fall.

My wolf whines in my mind, 'That's not true Jade.

You are a strong woman and you are meant to be Queen, we are meant to be Queen.

Ryder is our mate. He may be hard to be with at times, but the Moon Goddess didn't make a mistake.

We are strong and special, no matter our past.'

I blink back the tears that are threatening to fall. "Jade?" my name is called out softly. I jump at the sudden voice and look up to Ryder who is standing next to me with concern on his face. I clear my throat and look out the window yet again.

I see a guy with quiffed black hair jump up into the air to catch the football. The guy crashed to the ground, and I could tell it was a hard impact from the seventh floor. The Luna in me was worried for him, but the logical werewolf in me knew he was completely fine.

I watched him shake his head as he jumped up and threw the ball to one of his friends while laughing.

"Jade? What's wrong?" Ryder said and I felt his rough yet gentle hand slide under my chin.

He turned my head towards him but my eyes stayed on the darkening woods.

"Love look at me, tell me what's bothering you and don't you dare say nothing.

" He asks and sternly pushes the last part.

I finally look at him, "You tell me Ryder." Ryder's eyebrows furrow, "What?" he asks. I sigh and move away from his grip on my chin. I walk past him and to the other window in the room, my eyes flicker all around the backyard and woods, picking up any slight detail.

"Are you coming to bed?" I ask him after a moment of silence. It was quiet for a few seconds so I turned to look at Ryder who was already looking at me in confusion. I raised my eyebrow, letting him know I wanted an answer.

Ryder cleared his throat and scratched the back of his neck.

"No, I have a few things to finish up here.

" He said. I crossed my arms over my chest and tilted my head to the side, "Like what?

I could help you if there is that much work.

" I offer. Ryder didn't have a problem with me helping him before, so what would change?

Ryder shakes his head, "No." he says flat out. I raise my eyebrows, "What? Why?" I question him. "Because...I have to do it, you should go get some rest." He says but what no normal person would notice is that Ryder blinked twice very quickly. That my friends is his tell.

I scoff and laugh bitterly, "Okay Ryder." I roll my eyes and start crossing the room to the door. Ryder sighs, "Jade, where are you going?" I grind my teeth together, "I'm leaving." I grit out and pull open the door. "Where?" he questions and I paused where I'm standing.

I turn to him with a glare on my face, "Somewhere I am wanted, because it sure as hell isn't here." I growl out. I slam the door behind me and start walking down the hall, back to the elevator.

I hear a door open but I just keep walking.

Bastard of a mate. I think to myself.

"Jade, stop." Ryder says and I feel his hand wrap around my bicep.

I freeze and tense at his touch, "What do you want?

" I say as calmly as possible and look straight ahead at an old painting of one of Ryder's ancestors.

"Why won't you look at me? As a matter of fact, why are you acting like this?

" he asks and I snap. My eyes go to his and I know my eyes are turning silver, "Why are you lying to me?

Why don't you tell me things that I know are important, not just to you, but to me? Why don't you trust me?" I ask him.

Ryder looks taken back and his grip on my arm loosens, "What are you talking about?

" He asks. I scoff and roll my eyes, "Oh come on Ryder.

" I say and yank my arm from him. "You cannot seriously think that I wouldn't notice you working all the time, ignoring me, only talking to Sean and Evan.

I am your mate and I can count on my two hands how many hours I have been with you in the last few weeks! " I yell at him.

I run my hand through my hair and breathe deeply. We are both silent for a few minutes, just staring at each other. I look into his blue eyes, searching them for an answer. All I could find was tiredness and stress.

I slowly walk up to him and he watches my every move. I place both of my hands on his cheeks and reach up a little so we touch foreheads. Ryder sighs and closes his eyes. I can't help but to look over his face with concern.

"Ryder, mi Amor." I say quietly. Ryder slowly peels his eyes open and I run my hand through his hair. "Amor, what are you hiding from me?" I ask pleadingly. Ryder looks between my eyes and I could see he was having a battle with his wolf since his eyes glazed over in light, almost clear, silver.

Ryder clears his throat a moment later and then...

Blink. Blink.

"There's nothing I'm hiding from you, it's just budgets and patrol, a few lone rouges here and there. That's all."

Disappointment takes over my face and I let my hands fall from his face slowly.

I search his eyes, "There's nothing going on?

Nothing at all?" I question him again. Ryder nods, "I swear.

" I sigh and look down at the pristine whiter carpet below us.

"Jay?" Ryder calls and reaches for my hand that is hanging by my side.

I pull my hand back before he can touch it and look up at him.

I give a small fake smile, "Actually you're right.

I should go get some sleep, I'm pretty tired.

Goodnight Ryder." I say. Ryder nods and glances down at are feet for a second before looking back at me.

"Okay, love. Sleep well." He says and leans forward.

His lips connect softly with my forehead and I close my eyes as his lips linger.

A moment later he pulls away and turns to walk back to his office, he goes inside and closes the door behind himself.

I stare after him for a few moments until I will myself to start walking slowly to the elevator again.

The elevator opens and I press the button for the tenth floor and then lean back against the cool metal walls.

A lying mate, great, I've always wanted one of those.

I sigh for what seems the millionth time tonight and my wolf decides to speak up.

'He probably has a reason for not telling us what's going on.

He is most likely trying to protect us.' Jasmine reasons on Ryder's behalf.

I think over what she says and right as the elevator door opens I answer her.

'I didn't need protection before I had a mate and I sure as hell don't need it now.'