Page 5 of Married to the Alien Mountain Man (Cowboy Colony Mail-Order Brides #5)

5

JAYA

I watched the two Zabrian males – at least, I assumed that’s what they were after the whole “penal colony for Zabrian Empire murderers” explanation – with suspicion. Strangely enough, the murderer thing wasn’t even the main cause of my suspicion right now. No, right now it was due to the weird, quiet way they were talking. The purple one who called himself Warden Tenn looked both weary and wary, as if whatever the big, brawny green guy was saying was exhaustingly absurd and that there would be consequences as a result. Messy ones. That the warden would have to clean up. His full mouth was thinned into a critical line, his face hard in the shadows cast by the brim of his hat.

The green guy, however, provided a perfect contrast. His shoulders were drawn back with confidence, his white eyes were bright and, frankly, beautiful. He was smiling so big I might have assumed he was drunk if he were human.

Maybe he is drunk. Seems more believable than the idea that this guy is a murderer…

He just seemed too… nice . I travelled basically non-stop, and didn’t always encounter the best, most kind-hearted sorts of folks. Suspicion was my default setting these days. It was how I kept myself alive and my ship under my control. But this guy had managed to disarm my vital sense of caution in the span of about two minutes, at least before the warden showed up. He hadn’t been the slightest bit pissed that I’d accidentally split his freaking face open by throwing my hammer in a bout of frustration. And then he’d stood there, smiling and bleeding all over himself, while he told me to go and get my weapon! So I could feel more “at ease!”

Who the hell does that?

Now I was suspicious all over again, because there was nothing normal about that behaviour. For all he knew, I could have been the murderer! I watched him as he talked with the warden. They were still engaged in their murmured conversation that, as far as I could tell based on the starry-eyed looks the green giant kept sending my way, revolved around me.

Of course it revolved around me. What the hell else would they be talking about when I’d basically just crashed uninvited into their weird, idyllic little prison of a world?

A penal colony where I’m not even allowed to stay long enough to fix the Lavariya.

What amazing luck you have, Jaya…

Guess I used up all my luck navigating out of that asteroid field.

“We should have landed on one of the moons,” I muttered to myself, glaring accusingly up at the exceptionally bright, clear blue sky, as if it were the sky’s fault that I’d chosen to land on the planet of big muscly murderers instead of a quiet, airless moon where I could fix my ship in peace.

There was no way I could make it to one of the moons now, even if this cowboy hat-wearing warden character deigned to let me use one as my base. I’d be able to fly somewhere within this world’s atmosphere if needed, but I was stuck on-world until I got a sonic recalibrater and repaired the burnt-out connections the failure had contributed to.

Except apparently I wasn’t allowed to stay here, no matter how stuck I was.

I’m not leaving my ship.

I repeated it fiercely inside my own head, echoing the words I’d said out loud a few minutes earlier. The Lavariya was everything to me. Literally everything. My home, my freedom, my livelihood. My history and my future all at the same time.

If the warden wanted me to leave her, he’d have to literally drag me away. Which, based on the size of him and the delts, bis, and tris positively popping out of the tight, short sleeves of his uniform, I had no doubt he was absolutely capable of. A life of tough jobs and doing my own ship repairs meant I was pretty damn strong, but compared to him and his smiley green friend – or prisoner? – I was positively scrawny.

I didn’t even have my goddamn stunner.

It didn’t matter. I would do whatever it took to stay with the Lavariya . Leaving her behind and trying to come up with the credits to haul her away months or even a year from now was simply not an option, not the least of which because I’d have no good way to earn the required credits without her!

I was just gearing up to chain myself to the Lavariya’s side in protest when the two Zabrians appeared to come to some sort of decision. They both turned to face me. The warden looked resigned. The green guy looked ecstatic.

It was fucking alarming. Why was he smiling at me like that?

“What is it?” I called over, unease prickling along my back. Nobody, especially a convicted murderer who couldn’t seem to stop staring at my face, should look that damn happy.

“I have a proposal for you,” the slightly insane-looking green guy said excitedly, practically sprinting back to me. It was impressive how easily he could make that big body move so quickly, though I did notice a slight awkwardness in his gait. A limp, it looked like.

My hammer didn’t land on his foot too, did it? Or maybe an older injury? As he approached, I made careful note of it, in case it was something I could use against him if it came down to it. It seemed more and more likely I’d need to. The guy was so deliriously joyous about something it looked like he was fucking high.

It could not be normal.

“A proposal,” I echoed guardedly, my eyes narrowed.

“Yes!” he said, coming to a stop before me. That dreamy, drugged-up smile was still stretching his face to its limits.

There is definitely something wrong with him. Maybe I did give him a serious head injury…

“It would allow you to remain here long enough to fix your ship.”

Did I say there was something wrong with him? I take it back. This is the best alien murderer with a possible concussion that I’ve ever met. I love you, you weird, mouse-eared, dark-haired, jolly green stranger!

“Really?” I breathed. I hated to admit it, but my voice actually cracked with emotion on the word. I hadn’t cried since Aunt Anjali died ten years ago, and while I didn’t plan on starting now, it was tough to hold back the tsunami of emotion his words had sent crashing down on me. “How? What do I have to do?”

Warden Tenn had joined us by this point. I was so elated by what the green guy had just said that I didn’t let myself worry about the way the warden appeared to brace himself for some sort of impact.

“All you have to do,” the green Zabrian said, still giving me that gigantic smile, his eyes intense and white upon my face, “is marry me.”

Holy Terra.

Everything slowed to surreal stillness.

Green guy smiled. Warden Tenn cringed. In strangled silence, I looked around for cameras, trying to figure out if I’d just been shoved into some new god-awful prank show livestream.

No cameras. No hidden audiences waiting to jeer. Nothing but the three of us in this beautiful alien valley, the words “marry me” scarred into the air like someone had written them with an Old-Earth sparkler.

“Did he…” I looked at the warden for a reality check. He’d struck me as arrogant but ultimately reasonable in our earlier exchange. If I was hallucinating, surely he’d tell me.

“Yes, he said, ‘Marry,’” the warden confirmed with a sigh. “No, you may not have your weapon back.”

“Oh! I am sorry,” green guy said hurriedly. “I am doing this all wrong.”

“OK,” I said with a stab of relief. “Good! Because for a second there, I was worried that-”

Unfortunately, I didn’t get to finish my sentence, because with terrifying quickness, the Zabrian male before me bent his big body and…

Got down on one knee.

He fiddled with something in his pocket, then pulled out what appeared to be a large, dark metal ring, about the size of a bangle.

He held it up with a disarming combination of shyness and eagerness. Which was scary, considering I’d already been literally disarmed.

Things were getting weirder by the second.

That weirdness came to a feverishly bonkers climax when the guy cleared his throat and, with a solemn gravity in his voice that seemed at odds with the smile on his face, said, “Will you marry me?”

I blinked. Then, I reached up to rub at my eyes so hard that hexagons of bright colour danced behind my eyelids. When I opened them again, nothing in the scene had changed. The Zabrian was still down on one knee, holding up a metal ring ten times too big to fit on anyone’s finger, fucking proposing to me.

“How did you even have a ring ready for this?” I stammered. It may not have been the right size, but there was no doubting the fact that this guy seemed to have had it ready for a proposal, even though no one knew I’d be coming here today.

I didn’t even know I’d be coming here today!

Why am I even bothering asking questions? Just say no!

“Oh.” Green guy looked at the ring, then back at me. “I have had this ready for some time. In anticipation of receiving my human bride.”

“Receiving your human bride,” I repeated in disbelief. “What, do human women just fall out of the sky here every day? And then you guys coerce them into marrying you because no one else will come to this ass-backwards planet and do it willingly?!”

“That’s enough,” came a warning growl from the warden.

“Is it?” I squawked. “This guy had a ring for me in his pocket ! Before I even arrived!”

Did they see me on some scanners before I landed? Were they preparing for this?

How the hell was I going to get out of here?

“The ring was not specifically intended for you,” green guy said, his smile finally beginning to falter. “But I know it is an integral part of marriage proposals in many human cultures. So I merely wanted to be prepared for whenever the chance might have arisen to…”

“To propose to some desperate, trapped human? You think just because my ship is down that I’m going to give up on my life and marry someone I just met?! A convicted murderer, no less!”

Apparently deciding that being down on one knee wasn’t serving him any longer, Greenie slowly rose. He cast a helpless look at the warden and muttered, “This is not going as well as I had hoped.”

“Interactions with human females rarely do,” Warden Tenn replied grimly. Then, the warden turned his attention back to me. “I realize this seems an odd request for Oaken to make of you. But he’s doing it to help you. As I mentioned before, the only people allowed to stay here apart from the convicts or those under Zabrian employ are the human brides. If you want time to stay here and fix your ship, you must be married.”

He gave me a gravely sympathetic look, but his stern voice offered no hope of arguing when he added with damning finality, “Or you must leave.”