Page 13 of Married to the Alien Mountain Man (Cowboy Colony Mail-Order Brides #5)
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JAYA
M agnolia Jones Added G. Jaya to the Group
Darcy Dubois Changed the Group Name to Cock Tail Hour
Incoming Tablet Communication Cherry Dawson: Cock tail hour? I approve.
Incoming Tablet Communication Darcy Dubois: Cocktail emoji loading
Incoming Tablet Communication Darcy Dubois: Tentacle emoji loading
Incoming Tablet Communication Darcy Dubois: Thank you. It felt fitting. Also, welcome, G. Jaya, whoever you are.
Incoming Tablet Communication Tasha Wallace: Welcome, Jaya!
Outgoing Tablet Communication G. Jaya: Thank you!
Incoming Tablet Communication Magnolia Jones: Jaya is my new friend. She’s also technically Oaken’s wife. For now, anyway.
Incoming Tablet Communication Cherry Dawson: ???
Incoming Tablet Communication Darcy Dubois: I’m with Cherry. I, too, would like to know, ???
Incoming Tablet Communication Tasha Wallace: Jaya ran into some trouble with her ship and landed in the mountains near Oaken’s property. Unfortunately, under Zabrian law, she isn’t allowed to stay here long enough to fix it unless she marries someone. Oaken has selflessly volunteered to assist. She will be remaining with us on Zabria Prinar One for the two-week marriage trial period while her ship undergoes repairs.
Incoming Tablet Communication Cherry Dawson: Oh my GOD.
Incoming Tablet Communication Darcy Dubois: HAHAHA Oaken “selflessly” volunteered. Suuuuuure.
Outgoing Tablet Communication G. Jaya: What’s that supposed to mean?
Incoming Tablet Communication Darcy Dubois: That dude’s been dying for a wife.
Incoming Tablet Communication Magnolia Jones: It’s true…
Incoming Tablet Communication Darcy Dubois: Begging for a wife. Praying for one. Crossing all his Zabrian fingers and toesies for one.
Incoming Tablet Communication Cherry Dawson: Poor guy’s been pining.
Incoming Tablet Communication Darcy Dubois: So even if it’s only for a couple of weeks, he is probably thanking his lucky stars. I bet his eyes are glowing white non-freaking-stop right now. Selflessly volunteered, my ass.
Outgoing Tablet Communication G. Jaya: His eyes are very bright, I’ll give you that. But I do hope he gets something out of this situation, too. I want to try to help him get ready for his next wife.
Incoming Tablet Communication Darcy Dubois: HAHAHAHA THIS JUST KEEPS GETTING BETTER!!!
Incoming Tablet Communication Darcy Dubois: ARE YOU GOING TO GIVE HIM HUSBAND LESSONS?????
Incoming Tablet Communication Darcy Dubois: SEND ME A COPY OF HIS REPORT CARD, I BEG OF YOU.
Incoming Tablet Communication Cherry Dawson: Jesus, Darcy, you’re going to scare her!
Outgoing Tablet Communication G. Jaya: That’s OK. I don’t scare easy.
Incoming Tablet Communication Cherry Dawson: Oh, good! That will come in handy when you’re confronted with the infamous dicktacle.
Incoming Tablet Communication Darcy Dubois: Cherry nooooooooo. NO DICKTACLES. You must use the PROPER TERMINOLOGY. SEE THE GROUP CHAT NAME!!!
Outgoing Tablet Communication G. Jaya: What is happening…
Incoming Tablet Communication Magnolia Jones: Tasha, it’s probably time that you forwarded your notes on Zabrian males to Jaya.
Incoming Tablet Communication Tasha Wallace: I agree, Magnolia.
Incoming Tablet Communication Darcy Dubois: Not that anyone asked, but I’ll send what I have, too!
Incoming Tablet Communication Tasha Wallace: Document loading
Incoming Tablet Communication Darcy Dubois: Image loading
* * *
I didn’t get a chance to open Tasha’s document, because my screen was suddenly filled with an image. What that image was supposed to be, I had no idea. It looked like a sketch of a… hot dog? With a wiggly bit of string stuck on the bottom? But there was also a lumpy-looking circle under everything that I really could not make sense of. For some reason, the longer I looked at it, the more I became convinced that Darcy had sent me a drawing of some kind of balloon animal. Which, considering the vibes she’d given me in the group chat, felt like it might have been weirdly on brand for her.
Unfortunately, Magnolia had gone back to her place with Killian right after adding me to the group chat. So I couldn’t ask her if I was being pranked, or if this mysterious hot dog ballon on a string was actually supposed to be something helpful.
I minimized the image, ignoring it for now, and opened Tasha’s document.
But there wasn’t much more to go on here, either. There were only a few sentences in her notes so far.
Zabrian ears are extremely sensitive, both to tactile stimulation and when it comes to capturing sound. Image attached.
I scrolled down, finding a photograph of a pair of round, pale purple ears perched atop a white-haired head. Warden Tenn’s, no doubt. I scrolled back up to the text.
Differences in human and Zabrian anatomy are few, but significant. Zabrian females, for example, do not have breasts. The Zabrian Genital Situation is top of mind for all the brides here, many having expressed shock and confusion at the appearance of the cock tail. Without sufficient preparation, injury to the cock tail is not only possible during sexual encounters, but very likely.
Again with the cock tail thing! What the hell did it mean? I dragged my finger violently across my comms tablet’s screen, but no matter how far I scrolled, there was no educational image attached for this note the way there had been with the ears.
Sighing, I went back to the text and scanned the last line.
Zabrian eyes glow bright white when the Zabrian in question is experiencing strong emotion. This can include, but is not limited to, pain, shock, anger, grief, affection, or –
My eyes snagged on the final word, my stomach going tight.
- arousal.
No Zabrian actually has white eyes, Magnolia had said.
His eyes are white! And his eyes are never white! Killian had said.
Oaken’s eyes were never white.
Except for every time he was around me.
Now, I had the delightful task of figuring out which of the “strong emotions” outlined in the document applied.
I did hit him in the head with my hammer, I reasoned. So maybe it’s pain.
Which reminded me…
Had anyone even cleaned the blood off my poor husband’s head yet?
I wouldn’t have to wait long to find out, because mere seconds later, Oaken came striding in the door to the house. Behind him, the sky was melting into a glorious sunset, vivid colours dripping into each other like Old-Earth candle wax.
He stopped. His eyes went to my face at once.
Bright white.
“Is your head OK?” I blurted as he removed his hat. The dried blood was mostly still there, though some of it had gotten smeared.
“Yes!” he said at once.
“And your foot?”
He seemed confused by the question, and looked down at his boots for a moment.
“Yes, it is alright.”
“OK. Well… Good.”
He raised his eyes – still white, for fuck’s sake – and stared at me.
I cleared my throat, and fought the urge to hide my face. “What is it?”
“It is just… I am glad you are still here.”
“Does that surprise you?” I asked.
He closed the door and made his way into the warm kitchen.
“Yes,” he answered honestly, not a hint of obfuscation in his answer.
Well, surprise was one of the emotions on Tasha’s list…
“Every time I’m away from you for more than a few moments,” Oaken went on, “I worry that you won’t still be there when I come back.”
I laughed to cover up the little twist of unexpected pain his words had caused.
“Well, you’re stuck with me for at least the next two weeks,” I told him. “Warden Tenn said he’d put in the order for the sonic recalibrater when he gets back to his station. It will get delivered there, so I’ll have to wait for him to bring it here before I can even install it.”
“It won’t get delivered here?” Oaken asked. “On the rare occasions when I get goods delivered, they are brought straight to my property.”
“Well, I’m going to assume the typical goods you have delivered aren’t things that could facilitate an off-world escape for a convict or two,” I replied. “Warden Tenn said that even though he trusted you and Garrek, there was still a certain amount of flight risk he had to account for. Basically, he has to supervise the sonic recalibrater from delivery to install to…”
“To when you use it to leave.”
“Yeah.”
“I suppose I cannot fault the warden for that,” Oaken said, the corners of his full mouth tipping upwards. A warm gruffness entered his voice. “Perhaps somewhere, in the back of his mind, he is worried that I might try to run away with you.”
OK. Wow. He made that sound unfairly sexy.
“I made food!” I hoped a quick subject change would save me from the inconvenient heat throbbing in my core.
“That was not necessary,” Oaken said, his white eyes going to the bowl on the table. “I would have happily cooked for you.”
I shrugged. “I needed something to do this afternoon. And I like working with my hands. Although, that usually involves doing chores and repairs on my ship.”
I actually enjoyed cooking, even if what counted as cooking on the Lavariya was heating or rehydrating various sorts of instant meals. I didn’t often get the chance to make things from scratch in an actual kitchen. Oaken’s kitchen wasn’t anything fancy, but it was cozy and more than serviceable. I’d liked spending time in here this afternoon, and the stew Magnolia had helped me concoct had turned out pretty good, if I did say so myself.
“There is only one bowl,” Oaken said as he sat down. Though he tried not to make it obvious, I noticed the way he suppressed a groan when he stretched out his right leg under the table. “You will not eat?”
“I kept eating the ingredients!” I said. “And I was taste-testing the meal every step of the way. I’m pretty full now.”
“I see.”
I watched him closely as he lifted the spoon to his mouth. He tasted it, and his black eyebrows flew upwards.
“This is excellent!”
I practically vibrated with pleasure at his response.
Which was totally stupid.
“I’m just gonna, um, hit the outhouse,” I said, jerking my thumb over my shoulder as if Oaken needed me to remind him which direction the toilet was, even though it was his freaking toilet in the first place.
I didn’t even have to pee.
I turned around and left anyway, pretending the entire time that I wasn’t running away.