Page 22 of Married to the Alien Mountain Man (Cowboy Colony Mail-Order Brides #5)

22

JAYA

I floated on a wave of happy hormones after Oaken left to start his morning chores. An ocean of Oaken oxytocin. I took a long, luxurious shower, sighing every time the sensitive places on my body echoed with the memory of Oaken’s desperate, virile thrusting.

I already wanted to do it again. I couldn’t wait for the day to end, so that I could invite him over for another “movie date.”

Even Lala noticed my good mood when she emerged from her charging station below deck.

“You never sing while doing laundry,” she observed as I stuffed the dirty bedsheets from last night into the machine. “And didn’t you just wash that set of sheets?”

Instead of arguing with her, I just blew her a kiss. That action seemed to completely discombobulate her, apparently not lining up with any of the previous data she had on me. She said something about me “acting suspicious,” and then she scuttled away.

By mid-afternoon, I’d completely caught up on laundry, tidied the ship, even cleaned the bathroom. And in all that time, I didn’t once have the desire to power up my ship. I never usually spent more than a few days docked anywhere. I’d been here for eleven days, now.

And I had absolutely no desire to leave.

I was sure the desire would come back. It was just… taking its sweet time. That was all.

My comms tablet buzzed, and I picked it up to find a new message from Darcy in the Cock Tail Hour group chat.

Incoming Tablet Communication Darcy Dubois: I come humbly before you, begging on my knees, for an update on Oaken’s husband lessons.

Outgoing Tablet Communication G. Jaya: Cunni-linguine. That’s all I’m going to say.

Outgoing Tablet Communication G. Jaya: Also, cunni-lingonberries.

Incoming Tablet Communication Darcy Dubois: Noodle emoji loading

Incoming Tablet Communication Darcy Dubois: Berry emoji loading

Incoming Tablet Communication Magnolia Jones: Oh, my…

Incoming Tablet Communication Cherry Dawson: Well that sounds like a DAMN fine meal.

Incoming Tablet Communication Darcy Dubois: SOUNDS LIKE OAKEN HAD A DAMN FINE MEAL.

Outgoing Tablet Communication G. Jaya: Don’t worry, ladies. I’m keeping my husband well-fed.

I smirked and closed the group chat. Before I put my comms tablet down, though, it buzzed again, this time with an incoming call. The name Tasha Wallace flashed on the screen. I accepted the call.

“Hello, Jaya!” Tasha said. “I have good news for you!”

“Good news?”

“Yes!” she chirped. “The sonic recalibrater has arrived!”

My stomach clenched, then turned to ice.

“That… That’s impossible,” I stammered. My palm began to sweat against the tablet. “It was supposed to take two weeks! Two weeks minimum! ”

“It looks like there was a supply delivery ship that already had the part you needed on-board heading in this direction. It didn’t have to come all the way from Elora Station. Tenn can bring it out to you on the slicer immediately.”

Warden Tenn had told me that as soon as I had the sonic recalibrater, I had to install it and then leave.

I’m going to puke.

“Could he actually, um, not? Not yet?” My mouth felt like someone had shoved a fistful of dirt into it. Swallowing dryness and nausea, I hastily cobbled together a lie. “I still have a few more repairs to make on my ship before I can install the part. I don’t want Warden Tenn having to hang around here babysitting the sonic recalibrater that whole time. Since I know he has to keep his eye on it until I leave.”

My voice sounded high and jittery and like I was lying through my fucking teeth. Because I was.

Maybe Tasha didn’t know me well enough to notice. Or maybe she was just too kind to poke holes in my story. Because all she said was, “Are you sure? Tenn says there’s some bad weather heading your way. So if he doesn’t get going to deliver it now, it might be at least a few more days before he can head out that way.”

“Perfect!” I exclaimed, sickness and relief roiling in my guts. “A few more days… A week… You just tell the warden to take his time!”

“Alright, Jaya. I will. I’ll talk to you soon.” There was a pause. Then, just before she ended the call, I thought I could hear a smile in her voice when she added, “Tell your husband I said hello.”

* * *

The phone call from Tasha had popped the happy bubble of my earlier mood. The bubble where I’d felt safe. The bubble where I could keep on pretending that I wouldn’t actually leave soon.

The bubble that protected me from the fact that something had violently, and probably irreparably, shifted inside me.

I didn’t want to take my ship out of here.

And that was so fucking scary, because that was who I was. Wasn’t it? A pilot. An explorer.

I was free.

But I was starting to think that leaving now wouldn’t be the freedom it once was.

Instead, it would just be running away.

Maybe I’d been running away for years, by now. Hopping from place to place to avoid the hole at the centre of my life. The hole that opened up when my parents died, and then got ten times bigger when my aunty did, too.

But where the hell did that leave me now?

Oaken and I had always functioned under the assumption that this relationship had an expiration date.

My husband had never asked me to stay.

Not even once.

The sky seemed to pick up on my sour mood. The sun hid itself away behind a wall of clouds, thick as Nali’s fur, but much darker. Greyer. In the distance, thunder boomed.

Guess that bad weather Tasha mentioned is moving in quicker than they thought…

By the time Oaken was outside, setting up his tent for the night, the wind had begun to pick up, making the task impossible. I watched him struggle to secure the leather flaps from just inside the Lavariya . When fat raindrops began to fall on him, I shouted over the rising wind, “Don’t sleep out there tonight, Oaken!”

He tossed down the leather and hurried over to me. By the time he reached the open door of the Lavariya , he was soaked. Water beaded between his pectoral and abdominal muscles. His hair glistened, his hat having long ago been abandoned in the windy conditions. He mopped a big hand down his face, swiping water away, and when his eyes were revealed to me again, they were bright white.

Invite him in.

I didn’t.

You’re a coward.

I couldn’t.

I couldn’t risk falling any further into this. Into him.

His eyes were on my mouth. The air between us felt as electrically charged as the storm-soaked sky. My body begged me to touch him, to move closer, to do something.

I did something, alright.

I pushed him away.

“You should sleep in your bedroom tonight,” I said. “This storm… seems like a bad one.”

“Oh. Of course.” There was a grim resignation in his voice that slayed me. As if he’d been expecting this. Waiting for this. And then, a little dash of sudden hope that broke my fucking heart. “Will you come too?”

“I can’t.”

His arms tensed. Like he’d only just stopped them from reaching for me.

“You can’t?”

“I mean… I should stay here. Make sure the ship is OK. Batten down the hatches, so to speak.”

“Of course,” he said again. “I understand.”

So polite. So understanding.

It made me want to scream. It made me want to beg him to be selfish, to be shitty, to be exactly who he wasn’t.

Ask me to stay! I begged him silently, howling inside my own head. Tell me that I have to stay! Don’t let me fucking go!

Don’t let me push you away!

“Goodnight, Jaya.”

He lingered there with me for the tiniest moment. Barely half a heartbeat while the rain poured down.

And then he was gone.