Page 90 of Marked By Shadows

“I should drive,” I said.

“No,” Alex said, getting in on the driver’s side. “Not until you’ve eaten and had some rest.” He steered us out of the lot, and commanded Siri to set a route for the Asian place. “At least have some miso soup. You love miso soup,” he said as he drove.

“It’s very stereotypical Japanese,” I grumbled.

“And you’re half Japanese, so why does it matter?”

“It was never enough you know, not in Japan or China. It’s why I didn’t stay. People saw my eyes, my light hair, they made judgments. It’s not much different here really. Only here they judge the shape of my eyes and face. Gay men judge me for being too pretty. Everyone says I’m too young to be a business owner or to know so much history. It’s a losing battle wherever I go.”

“What are you battling for?” Alex asked.

“Acceptance.” Someone to love me for being me. Whether it was my odd mixed heritage, my nerdy interest in crafts and sewing, or my endlessly noisy brain, I wanted to be loved. That was when the dam burst. Anger washing away with tears and the realization that the small world I’d built up around myself was so fragile and mostly an illusion.

Alex leaned over to pull me into a hug. I hadn’t realized until then that we were stopped in the lot of the Asian place which had been much closer to the convention center than I had remembered. He held me while I sobbed, the weight of my past heavy on my shoulders. I was the odd guy out. Had been even before I’d been taken by who knew what. Now I could see creepy things and couldn’t hold a relationship together.

“I love you,” Alex said. “No matter how much you hate yourself right this minute. Know that I love you, accept you for who you are, adore all your quirks, and look forward to learning more about you every day.”

“I thought I had it together,” I said quietly into the wet shoulder of his shirt. “But it goes back further than my disappearance. There’s a lot more than that.”

“Yeah,” Alex agreed, not sounding surprised.

I sighed. “You see me better than I see myself and I wonder how you don’t hate me for that.”

“You’ve been hiding from the world a long time. Existing without really living,” Alex agreed. “But wasn’t it you who told me you wanted to move forward? Learn to live again? That’s the whole reason you still decided to come to this, even when I was gone, right?”

It had been. I’d thought getting back with the group would thaw that part of me I’d put on ice. The part that cared too much about everything. Only it wasn’t the group that thawed me, it was Alex.

“You can’t storm into my life, take over, and vanish again,” I said, balling the front of his shirt up in my fists. “I won’t survive. I barely survived…” when it took him.

“I’m not going anywhere,” he promised. “I’m into you, remember?”

“But we didn’t get to choose,” I whispered. “It just took you.” And once something had taken me too. That hadn’t been a choice either.

“So we stick together as best we can. We can’t see the future. There could be an atomic bomb dropped on us tomorrow. Best we live in each day, right?” Alex asked.

I let out a long sigh. “I really don’t want food.” Mostly I wanted to wrap myself in him and forget everything else in that moment.

“Is that your head or your stomach talking?”

“Both.” My stomach churned with anxiety. Food wasn’t going to sit well, and I’d rather not be tempted to throw it up and ease the pain. I also didn’t want to go back to the B&B. Funny how memories could turn so quickly from good to bad.

Alex was looking at something on his phone. “I’m going to call around to find us a different hotel.”

“We could just go home,” I whispered, feeling about ten years old right then and needing my space, my cat, and my boyfriend.

“By the time we pack up and get back in the car it would be really late. I think we should stay somewhere else for the night and head home tomorrow. After the whole finding random people in the road thing…”Death… the word went unspoken. “I’d rather us not drive at night.” He looked at the clock. It was almost four. Where had the time gone? By the time we made it back to the B&B it would be after five and then we’d have to pack up our stuff. Could I even hope to get my costume back?

Alex clicked call on his phone and spoke a moment later. “Yeah, I’m wondering if you have any rooms available for the night?” He paused to listen. “Two adults. One bed is fine.” He listened for a moment. “No, that’s great. We just have to grab our stuff. Can I make a reservation and be there in a couple of hours?” He dug out his credit card and gave them the information. “Thank you!”

When he hung up, he stared at me. “Place we’re going is outside the city, but I didn’t want to try anything close to the convention center. If they had anything open it would cost a fortune.” He turned on the car. “Let’s go get our stuff.”

He started to back out, but glared at the back up cam, and the hanging garment bag. He reached back and took it off the hook, dropping it on the middle seat and giving him a full 360-degree view through all the windows. It was then that I realized maybe Alex had wanted to be seen in his costume. He’d worked hard on it. It was actually his first in over a decade at least. And I’d deprived him of that. I was such a selfish jerk.

“I’m sorry,” I blurted.

“For what?” He asked as he steered us back out onto the road.

“Taking you away from the cosplay thing. Your costume was good. It should have been seen. People would have loved you.”