Page 149 of Manhattan State of Mind

My heart hammers against my ribs. He can probably hear it through the window.

“I can see you hiding,” JP calls out from the street. Shit. Busted.

Like three bobblehead dolls, we raise our heads in unison.

Just the sight of him triggers a wave of sadness. His tousled hair, his weary eyes, his worn-out jeans and rumpled blue tee.

His gaze lands on the three of us. “Hello, ladies.” He addresses Priya and Libby. “Luce never wanted this introduction to happen.” He sighs. “I’m sorry it isn’t under better circumstances. This isn’t the way I pictured it.”

Despite the hurt, curiosity compels me. “Why didn’t I want them to meet you? Besides the glaring fact that you’re a lying psycho?”

His lips twist in a melancholy smile. “For a long time, you were embarrassed. You downplayed our office fling. Never believed it was serious.”

“Clearly you didn’t either,” I retort, my temper flaring as I push the window open wider. “What are you doing here?”

“Can I come up? We need to talk.”

“No. Say what you want from there.”

Frustration flashes across his face, but he swallows it down. He runs a hand through his tousled hair and a pang of longing hits me. I wish that was my hand. “Just hear me out. Please.”

I fold my arms. “You’ve got five minutes. From down there.”

His face darkens, agitated. “Seriously, from the street, Lucy?”

My eyes narrow.

“Okay.” He runs a hand through his hair again as if he’s flustered. His gaze finds mine, locking me in with that familiar formidable intensity that both frightens and excites me.

“I’m not the best at heartfelt speeches, but there are things you need to know. I’m flawed, yes. But I tried with us, Lucy. You only remember our darkest moments, it seems. But I have all our memories locked away and I can tell you we have some amazing ones. Real, beautiful memories that show we’re worth fighting for.”

“Ahhh,” Priya swoons beside me. I elbow her harshly.

“We had the best life, full of laughter, love, and simplicity. You gave me the foundation of happiness that I was always looking for. You were the one who I went to the wellness retreat with. Bear Mountain wasn’t our first time paddleboarding. You’re good at it for a reason.” His face softens as if he’s remembering something.

“But you held back. You didn’t take that leap of faith. You refused to fully let me in, kept your friends and your mother at a distance from me.” His voice breaks a little, the words heavy with emotion. “But I wanted all that. I wanted you to let me in. I wanted to meet Priya and Libby. I wanted to take you and your mom to Captain’s Crab for your birthday. I wanted to take you to garden centers with your mom. I wanted to go to comic conventions with you. That’s the only thing you let me do—because I was wearing a mask.”

“You’re my Daredevil,” I say, the words slipping out.

“Of course I’m Daredevil. If you want me to parade around in a damn rubber suit all day I’ll oblige.”

His declaration earns him bemused glances from folks wandering the street.

“I got that action figure for you on your desk, to remind you of me while I was in Vegas, but without raising suspicions.” The regret is thick in his smile.

“You bought that action figure?” I say breathlessly.

“Yes.”

Priya’s swooning escalates, much to my annoyance. I make a futile attempt to push her away from the window.

My eyes well up traitorously. This is too much.

No, you fool. Hold it together. He manipulated you. Remember his dead gaze when he walked past you like you were nothing?

“Luce,” he demands, locking me in a gaze that steals my breath. “I’m asking you to take a leap of faith for me now. I will do everything in my power to prove that I deserve it. We’ll live wherever you want. Hell, even this apartment, above the sex shop, I don’t care. I’ll never step foot in a casino again if you say the word. Never take another drug. Never make another bet. I’m not the man I was that awful night. I fought tooth and nail to prove it before your accident, and I won’t stop until you believe.”

His words hang in the air, stirring a cocktail of emotions in me.