Page 31 of Mail-Order Brides Wishes (Montana Mail-Order Brides #7)

Chapter Eighteen

B ryn rushed to the window at the beat of an approaching horse. Coming fast. Was it Flint? And if so, what did it mean?

It was Flint and he didn’t go to the barn but came directly to the house.

She pressed her hand to her throat, trying vainly to quiet the pounding thunder from her heart.

He hadn’t shaved in two days and whiskers darkened his jaw. He barely waited for the horse to stop before he left the saddle and trotted to the house. Everything about the way he moved spoke of urgency. But did that mean good or bad for her?

Her breath labored from her lungs.

The door slammed against the wall as he threw it open and stared at her. His Adam’s apple worked as he swallowed.

“We need to talk.” His words were hard.

She tried to answer but no words came, and she nodded.

He scanned the room. “Where’s Susie?”

“Outside.” She tipped her head to where she saw the child playing house with Kitty. Thankfully, the cat was a willing participant.

“Good. That’s good.” His hat clung to the hook where he tossed it. He rubbed his hand over his head, sending his hair into disarray. “How old is Susie?”

“What?” That was the last thing she’d thought she might hear. “Three.” Why was he asking when he knew the answer?

“When was she born? When did Rowena get married?”

“Flint, why these questions?”

“Just answer them.”

“Fine. Rowena and Manfred married two weeks after she returned.” She hated to give him that news.

Surely it would make him feel even more keenly rejected by Rowena.

“She said she’d made up her mind and saw no reason to delay.

Manfred didn’t object. He’d been asking her to marry him for quite some time. ”

Flint’s harsh breathing filled the room. “How long after they married was Susie born?” Each word came from his mouth like he was shooting out bullets.

“Only seven months.” She rushed on. “There was speculation, of course, but most of us put it down to the fact Rowena had been so sick throughout her pregnancy. Susie was thin at birth but seeing as Rowena had hardly been eating, it wasn’t a surprise.”

Flint’s gaze went to the window watching Susie. A long indrawn breath sucked the air from the room. He rubbed his forehead. Scrubbed at his neck and sighed again. Then brought his gaze to her.

“Bryn, I think that child might be mine.”

“Yours? You mean—?” She couldn’t even think it. The strength went out of her legs.

Flint shoved a chair under her and pulled out one for himself.

“You think you might have fathered a child?” Shock, surprise, and soul-deep disappointment made her words thin. Then anger replaced everything else. “You only wanted a wife to make your meals and run your house. I’m only a substitute just as I said.”

“It’s not like that at all. Will you let me explain?”

“Seems I don’t have a choice.” Though there was nothing he could say to erase the pain his words had inflicted.

“I suppose I was flattered by Rowena’s interest in me. We met at her aunt and uncle’s home where I was workin’. Imagine me— nothin’ but a cowboy— gettin’ the interest of the beautiful city visitor.”

She kept back any comment she might have had. If she’d even been able to think of one. But anger had burned away the ability to think.

He continued. “She liked my attention. Wanted to go ridin’ up the hills. Was kinda wild if ya want the truth.”

He was telling her nothing she didn’t already know. But they’d done more than go riding.

“Bryn, I admit I was kinda wild back then too. I’d spent my whole life with cowboys.

Many of them didn’t care for rules. Didn’t care if they sowed their oats.

They moved on. I wasn’t like that. But I was wild.

Rowena was not only willin’, she wanted it.

” His hands hung between his knees. His shoulders sagged.

“It was before I met Mrs. Murphy and she told me about God lovin’ me and forgivin’ me. ”

Bryn drew in air that did nothing to fill her lungs or ease the burning inside her.

He shuffled his feet, the sound scraping over her senses. “After I told Rowena we needed to get married. She refused. Said—” He lifted one shoulder. “I already told you.”

“Did you love her?” The words burned across her lips.

The chair jolted as he jerked upright. “I—I—” He swallowed audibly. “If I say no, I sound like a scoundrel. If I say yes—”

She waited. But he hung his head and said no more.

She’d prayed about how she’d failed in not telling him the truth.

Her prayer included trusting God, but this was different.

This clawed at her heart, tearing away at the fond memories of shared times with Flint, leaving her hurt and inwardly bleeding.

Once again, she had been found wanting. Not good enough.

She found the strength to get to her feet. “We’ve eaten but I’ll make you breakfast.” The floor seemed too close and then it was too far. But she stayed upright as she crossed to the stove.

“Bryn, I’m sorry.”

“It doesn’t matter. We’re married. You’ve provided us a home and if you are prepared to continue doing so, I will take care of things.” Meals, laundry, housework, garden. If he was willing. Forgetting her offer to make breakfast for him, she went out the door and made her way to the garden.

The plants were doing well. They’d enjoyed peas and carrots and greens. She’d already preserved a couple dozen jars for winter use. She sat in the warm soil at the end of one row and stared at the green leaves.

Flint hadn’t said if he was willing to let them stay.

She didn’t need to count on her fingers to be convinced that Susie was his child. Did that mean he’d look more favorably on her? Or reject her?

Again, came the questions haunting her. Was she good enough? Or would he discard her?

The sun warmed her back. She closed her eyes and tried to still her thoughts. She loved her little garden. She loved her home. She couldn’t imagine a better place to live. But she wanted more. She wanted to be valued for herself. Not second best. Not a substitute.

She wanted to be loved.

She stood up and tilted her chin. She deserved to be loved. There was only one man she wanted it from. Flint.

Could she prove it to him? Love him enough that he would love her back? Or give love without expecting anything in return?

The ground solid beneath her feet, she marched back into the house.

He was gone. His horse was gone.

Had she left it too long?

There he was. By the horses.

“Susie, run and visit Aunt Addie for a bit, will you? You can take Kitty. Maybe she’d like to see Daisy.” The cats played together like old friends.

“I go.” Susie gathered Kitty in her arms and headed down the trail.

Bryn waited until Addie came to the door and waved. Thank goodness Addie would understand and keep Susie until Bryn had her say.

Determination in every step, she crossed to where Flint stood, his arms on the top rail of the fence, his forehead on his arms.

“Flint, we need to talk.”

He straightened.

She ignored the misery on his face. There were things that needed to be said. “Shall we walk?” She wanted to be out of sight and hearing of anyone else.

He fell into step with her as they went past the barn and fences to a grove of trees where she stopped and faced him.

“Did you love Rowena?”

He shook his head. “I was a foolish young man tempted by a foolish young woman. But I want you to understand that my past is forgiven, and I don’t mean to bring it up except to say I didn’t love her, and I regret what we did.

” His forehead furrowed. “One thing puzzles me. I don’t understand how you came as my bride.

How did ya even know I was looking for one? ”

“I didn’t, but Rowena suggested I would do well to find a husband in the west and told me to go see Mrs. Strong who arranged suitable matches. When I saw your name, I took it to be God’s direction.”

His admission that he hadn’t loved Rowena encouraged her and made it easier to say what she’d come to say. “I need you to understand that I am your wife and I mean to stay such.”

“Bryn, I wouldn’t have it any other way.” His gaze hit hers with such force she sucked in surprise.

She held up a hand. “I’m not finished. I’m hoping you’ll continue to love Susie whether she’s your flesh and blood or not.

” She again lifted her hand to stop him from speaking.

“I want to say one thing I think is important. Flint, I have grown to love you and will be your wife out of love. Not duty.”

Now after trying to get a word in sideways, he stared and had nothing to say. Well, so be it. “I’ve made up my mind and I don’t intend to change it. I’m here to stay.”

He tossed his hat to the ground. “Bryn March, I don’t want ya changin’ yer mind ever.”

“Really?” Her eyebrows rose. “And why is that?” A spark of hope flared but she tamped it down.

“Because, dear wife, I love ya and have since the first time I saw ya.” He grinned. “Or maybe it was that kiss.”

“Really?” Hope filled her heart.

“And I love Susie whether she’s my flesh and blood or not but I’m thinkin’ she is and that’s good enough for me.”

Neither of them moved. The moment felt too fragile. As if anything would shatter it.

“Say it again.” Flint’s eyes filled with such longing she went to him.

“Flint, I love you now and always.”

His arms came around her, warm, possessive, and claiming. “Now and always,” he echoed and then his lips on hers made talk impossible.

And unnecessary.