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‘He shot himself?’ I murmured. ‘Oh, my God!’

‘Better that than the hangman,’ Dad said. ‘They didn’t have much understanding of trauma in them days. Even if they’d believed him, he might have ended up locked away in an asylum for the rest of his life. Best way out.’

‘Dad!’

‘I’m being realistic, Shona,’ he said, tears rolling down his cheeks. ‘What else is there to say?’

‘But how come no one knew about Ray?’ I asked. ‘And how did Sir Edward get involved?’

‘I told our Norman to fetch him,’ Aunt Polly explained.

‘He could see me. It was weird. It was like I was still alive in some ways. I was so calm. So sure of what had to be done. Sir Edward had looked after our family, and he’d been good to Ray.

I couldn’t think of anyone else who’d know what to do, and the last thing I wanted was for Mum and Dad to find out.

I remember sitting next to Gerhard, trying to reassure him that I was okay.

I so wanted him to know I was there, but I just couldn’t make him hear me.

He had no idea about Rowan Vale. It wouldn’t have occurred to him that I was still around.

Norman brought Sir Edward to the woods, and it turned out it was his gun that Ray had stolen from the Hall.

He was amazing. He knew just what to do.

He told Norman to stick with Gerhard and make sure he didn’t do anything stupid and that he’d be back very soon.

Well, when he came back, he had company. Quintus Severus.’

‘The Roman centurion?’

‘Yes. I could barely take it in. I’d never met him face to face before, and it was all a bit much.

I think the shock of it all finally sank in, and I just went to pieces.

I couldn’t help Gerhard, because he had no idea I was there, and he was inconsolable.

Norman was in a state of panic by then, and there was our Ray lying on the ground just feet away from my body. Oh! I couldn’t even look at him.

‘Sir Edward told Quintus Severus to take me to Harling Hall as fast as he could and hand me over to the Wyndhams, but that neither of us was to tell them who’d killed me.

He made me swear it and told me to think of my parents.

Of course I agreed. I didn’t have the energy to argue.

The Roman took me to the Hall and Agnes and Aubrey took care of me.

Well, Aubrey did. Agnes was in hysterics at the thought of there being a murderer on the loose.

The little girl, Florrie, she was agog. They kept telling her to go to bed, but she wasn’t having that.

In the end, she stayed and helped Aubrey look after me, and it was Agnes who went to bed. ’

For the first time, a smile passed her lips as she remembered the scene at Harling Hall that night.

‘But what about the bodies? What was happening in the woods?’ Pippa asked.

‘You mean, me and Ray?’ Polly asked her wryly.

Pippa blushed. ‘Sorry, Aunt Polly. I didn’t mean?—’

‘It’s all right, love. I know you what you meant.

I believe my body was left where it was until the police took it away.

But as for our Ray… I don’t know, and that’s the honest truth.

I never knew. Sir Edward got Norman to go home and tell Mum and Dad what had happened to me, but not to mention Ray.

He went back to the Hall and made a few calls, including to the police.

After that, he sorted it all. It was days before I started to think straight again, and by then, it was all taken care of. ’

‘Sir Edward took Gerhard to the farm and asked Alf to give him an alibi,’ I said. ‘And now I understand why.’

‘Asked being the operative word,’ Aunt Polly said firmly.

‘There was no forcing, contrary to your theory. If Alf had said no, Sir Edward would have come up with an alibi for him, believe me. He just thought it more plausible that Gerhard would have been at the farm. And Alf was happy to go along with it, once everything had been explained.’

‘So Alf knew the truth?’ I asked.

‘He did, but he swore he’d never tell a soul, and it seems he kept his word, despite all the abuse he got from some of the villagers.’

‘And your mum and dad died believing you’d been murdered by some unknown assailant?’

‘They did. And that Ray was alive and well somewhere. Norman couldn’t bear the thought of them knowing the truth.

It would have broken them. I’m grateful every day to your dad, Jimmy, for the way he hid that from them.

Sir Edward and his estate manager put a story about that a vagrant had been seen in the area, and that one of the shotguns had been stolen from the Hall.

It didn’t take long for the stories to be embellished by locals, who were all too keen to claim they’d seen the vagrant, too.

In the end, people stopped accusing Gerhard and Alf, and the case was eventually closed. ’

‘But some things don’t add up,’ Pippa said. ‘What happened to Uncle Ray’s body? And why did everyone in the family believe Ray had taken your death badly and moved on from Northumberland?’

‘Because that’s what his new employer told them.

He was a good friend of Sir Edward’s. When my murder was discovered, the police wanted to interview everyone who was close to me.

They sent local police from the village in Northumberland to talk to Ray.

Only it wasn’t Ray. It was someone Sir Edward’s friend knew, who had Ray’s identity documents because Sir Edward gave them to him.

‘The local police reported back that Ray had been on the Northumbrian estate on New Year’s Eve, and that was that.

They weren’t interested in checking that out.

Why would they be? Everyone in the village had seen him leave on the bus, and they all knew Sir Edward had got him a new job.

Besides, Ray adored me. They all knew that. I knew that.

‘Sir Edward felt it better that my parents believed Ray had wandered off somewhere, searching for another job, than that they learned the horrible truth. They’d never have got over it if they’d known he’d killed me, then shot himself.’

‘But his body?’ I asked. ‘Where did they bury him?’

‘I honestly don’t know,’ she said. ‘Sir Edward said it was better that I didn’t know. He told me to trust him, and that he’d been respectful. And I wasn’t in any fit state to question that. To be honest, I was just grateful he’d dealt with it all.’

‘This is…’ I had no words. My main concern was Dad, who looked completely drained. I was also worried about Aunt Polly, who’d finally told us the truth. It must have taken it out of her.

‘Why now, Aunt Polly?’ I asked her. ‘Why have you told us what really happened after all this time?’

She took what felt like forever to answer.

‘Someone asked me today if I could ever forgive the man who’d killed me,’ she said at last. ‘And I told her what was in my heart. I forgave him almost immediately. I forgave him because I knew he was sick. He wasn’t in his right mind.

The Ray I knew before he went to war would never have behaved that way.

Ray loved me. And I loved him. Nothing changed that.

And then I realised that it was the first time I’d properly let myself think about Ray for decades.

Ever since it happened, I’d been blocking out the memories.

The fear of that night was too much for me to deal with, so I didn’t think about it.

I didn’t think about Ray. And I didn’t think about Gerhard. ’

She hugged herself tightly. ‘When Max arrived in the village and I heard his voice… Oh, it was so much like Gerhard’s, Shona.

It began to stir things inside me that frightened me.

I couldn’t risk feeling those emotions again, so I shut down.

And I tried to shut you down, too, and I’m so sorry for that.

I was trying to protect Ray’s memory, but I was also trying to protect myself.

That’s the truth of it. I didn’t want to have to remember. It was too painful.

‘But when Harmony asked me if I’d forgiven him, and I said yes, I realised suddenly that not only had I forgiven him but that I missed him, too.

I missed him so much, and I missed Gerhard.

I wanted to think about them. I wanted to remember them and grieve for them so I could get past all that pain and reach the happy memories again.

To do that, I had to face up to the past and bring it out into the open.

Mum and Dad aren’t here to be hurt by this any longer.

I needed to share it with you all so you can know the truth about our family, and remember them as they really were, with love. ’

She looked round at us all. ‘Because that’s the thing.

For too long, this has been a story of murder and hatred and secrets and lies.

I want it to end. The truth is, it’s always been a story of love.

My love for Gerhard. Ray’s love for me and Charlie.

Norman’s love for us all. War took so much from us.

It took my husband. It took Ray’s mind. It can’t take anything else. That’s why I’ve told you.’

‘I wish, more than anything in this world, that I could give you a cuddle,’ Dad told her.

‘Me, too,’ I said, and Pippa nodded in agreement.

‘Well,’ Aunt Polly said smiling, ‘just give each other one big hug, and I’ll be right in the middle of you.’

‘Group hug!’ Pippa called.

And yes, Aunt Polly was right in the middle of us, at the heart of our family, where she’d always belonged.