Page 48

‘Normandy was the final straw, maybe, but he’d seen a lot of terrible things even before that.

Then he was wounded, quite badly, and sent to a hospital ship before being returned to Britain.

He was in hospital down south for quite a while, and while he was there, he got the news that Linda – she was his girl – had married someone else and left Rowan Vale. ’

‘I never knew that!’ I said. ‘Poor Uncle Ray.’ Then I remembered he’d murdered Aunt Polly and wondered if I was supposed to feel sorry for him at all.

It was as if she’d read my mind, because she said, ‘Yes exactly. Poor Ray. He was a broken man by the time he came home. Him and Linda had been together since they were kids, like me and Charlie, but it was all over. He’d almost lost a leg and was left with a limp, and had scarring on his face that made him feel ugly, and like no one would ever want him again.

‘But it was even worse than all that. The nightmares. The flashbacks. The mood swings. Mum and Dad really struggled to understand, and to make it better for him. He was living with them, you see, in Starling Cottage. He was so angry all the time, Mum was a bit scared of him. But she wouldn’t turn her back on him, of course.

She adored him.’ She bit her lip. ‘We all did.’

‘So, when did he decide to move to Northumberland?’

Aunt Polly hesitated. ‘It was Sir Edward’s idea,’ she said at last. ‘Norman had gone to him and told him how much Ray was struggling and how hard it was for Mum and Dad to cope. Ray had refused to work at Rowan Farm, even though Helen and Alf had welcomed him back with open arms. He wouldn’t work with Anselm and Gerhard, you see.

The war was over, but as far as Ray was concerned, they were still the enemy who’d caused him so much pain and loss.

He blamed them for everything. For Charlie’s death.

For Linda running off with another man. For his leg.

For the scars. For all the terrible things he’d been through.

It didn’t matter that they’d suffered, too.

That they’d lived through the horrors of Normandy.

That they’d lost friends and family. He hated them.

He hated them with an intensity that scared the life out of us all. ’

‘It must have been hell for all of you,’ Pippa said with feeling.

‘It was. In the end, like I said, Norman went to Sir Edward and told him what was going on, and asked if he could help. Ray needed a job. A fresh start. Rowan Vale just reminded him of Linda, and he hated seeing the pity on our neighbours’ faces.

He wanted to be where people hadn’t known him as he was before.

Sir Edward arranged with a good friend of his who owned an estate up in Northumberland for him to work there.

We all thought it was for the best. Even Ray seemed to agree.

He left for Northumberland the day after Boxing Day, 1947. At least, that’s what we all believed.’

‘He pretended to leave?’ Pippa asked.

‘Did he know about you and Gerhard then?’ I asked. ‘Is that why he did it?’

‘Gerhard and I planned to marry and stay in England,’ Aunt Polly explained. ‘Mum and Dad didn’t know about us yet. No one did except our Norman.’

Dad’s head jerked up in shock. ‘My dad knew?’

‘He did. I trusted him, and he never meant to give us away. I know that. We’d told Norman and Alf, because we wanted them to be our witnesses when we got married.

We planned to tell Mum and Dad when it was done, because then there’d be no trying to talk us out of it.

They weren’t unreasonable people, and they weren’t prejudiced either, but they were my parents, and they loved me.

I knew they’d worry themselves sick if they knew about it, so I thought it best to just get it over with and tell them afterwards. ’

‘Dad knew. I can’t believe it. He never said a word,’ Dad murmured.

‘Don’t blame him for that, Jimmy,’ Aunt Polly said. ‘He did what he thought was for the best. We all did.’

‘And Alf knew too! Not Helen?’

She shook her head. ‘Helen was lovely, and I adored her, but we all knew she couldn’t keep a secret like that for long. It was Alf who told us not to mention it.’

‘But Grandad gave you away?’ I asked.

‘He let slip something about me and Gerhard one day in front of Ray,’ she explained.

‘He was terrified, but Ray didn’t seem to pick up on it.

He was packing for Northumberland at the time, and Norman said he thought he hadn’t heard him but felt he should warn us just in case.

Then Ray came to say goodbye to me and told me he loved me and would miss me, so I thought Norman must be right, and Ray hadn’t heard him.

‘Norman and Mum and Dad saw him off on the bus and he promised he’d write soon and let them know how he was getting on and – to be honest – we all heaved a sigh of relief, even though we were still worried about him.

We really thought that a new job and home would help him.

But he never went. I don’t know how far he got but at some point, he made his way back to Rowan Vale. Only he didn’t let anyone know.’

Dad had gone pale. ‘You mean, he planned to kill you? He came back deliberately?’ His voice was little more than a whisper and I felt terribly sorry for him.

This had clearly been a heck of a shock.

It was enough of a shock to me, but Dad had grown up hearing all about his heroic uncle and couldn’t believe that he was a cold-blooded murderer.

‘Gerhard and me – we decided to get a licence to marry in the new year,’ Aunt Polly continued, her voice heavy with sadness.

‘That night, I went to lay flowers on Charlie’s mum’s grave.

I know it sounds daft, but I wanted to tell her the news so she could tell him for me.

I wanted to explain. I wanted him to know that, even though I’d met someone else, I would always love and remember him.

I didn’t want him to think I’d forgotten him. ’

‘Oh, Aunt Polly,’ I said, my eyes filling with tears. ‘I’m sure he never would have thought that.’

‘I wanted to make sure,’ she said. ‘Anyway, after I’d done that, I… I headed for the woods.’

‘The woods? But you hate them!’ Pippa said. ‘Oh. Sorry. Of course, you only hate them because of what happened there. But why did you go there?’

‘To meet Gerhard,’ I said. ‘That’s right, isn’t it? He left The Quicken Tree at nine. He was going to meet you, wasn’t he?’

‘We thought it would be the safest place. It was New Year’s Eve.

The streets were busy. People were going from their homes to The Quicken Tree, and to each other’s cottages.

And can you imagine if they saw us together when they’d had a few drinks inside them?

But we wanted to see each other to wish each other a Happy New Year.

It didn’t seem like much to ask for. Evidently, it was. ’

‘Ray followed you?’

She shrugged helplessly. ‘Must have done. Either that or he was trailing Gerhard. Anyway, we met up and stayed together about fifteen minutes.’ She gazed into the fireplace, completely desolate for a moment.

‘We talked about how 1948 was going to be our year. We were so excited to be getting married. We were going to make a new life, have children. I so wanted a family…’

She swallowed and I wished with all my heart that I could put my arms around her and hug her tightly.

‘Then I said goodnight to him, and we kissed, and I headed back to the flat. But I’d only been home a few minutes when our Norman came flying in telling me I had to come quick because Ray had got Gerhard and he was going to kill him.

‘Well,’ she gave me a wry smile, ‘I didn’t even stop to grab my coat.

I just ran after Norman. He’d been cutting through the woods on his way home from seeing his girl in Little Barlham, and he’d heard men’s voices, so he’d crept through the trees to see who it was.

He couldn’t believe it when he saw Ray pointing a shotgun at Gerhard. ’

Dad moaned. ‘This is just… That my dad experienced all this and never said. He told me he’d found your body on the way home through the woods, not his brother waving a shotgun at Gerhard Janssen.’

‘He was begging for his life,’ I murmured. ‘That’s what Max told me. When Gerhard was dying and reliving the past, he was begging for his life.’

Polly put her head in her hands. ‘That’s how we found him.

Begging Ray to let him go. He told him we loved each other, and I’d already lost one man I loved.

He pleaded with Ray not to take another from me.

But that only made Ray angrier. He told Gerhard never to speak about Charlie, and how dare he compare himself to that man in any way?

He said some terrible things. Awful things.

But Gerhard kept trying to calm him down, to make him see reason. ’

She lowered her hands. ‘But I knew. I knew Ray was way beyond reason. And I knew what was coming. So I ran. I didn’t even think about it. I just ran, and as I ran, I begged Ray for mercy. But he pulled the trigger and I…’

She couldn’t go on, but she didn’t need to.

‘You ran in front of the gun,’ I said. ‘You were trying to protect Gerhard.’

‘And I did, didn’t I?’ she whispered. ‘If I achieved nothing else in my life, I achieved that. But I couldn’t save them both.’

‘Both?’ Pippa asked.

Dad looked as if he was going to be sick. ‘Ray?’

She nodded. ‘It all went dark, Jimmy. I just remember Gerhard screaming my name, and the ground. The cold, cold ground. It was so cold. I was so cold. And I thought, what a way for it to end. And then it was dark. Then – I don’t know how long it was – I was standing there, looking down on myself.

And Gerhard was cradling my body and crying.

And Norman… Norman was on his knees, sobbing over the body of our Ray. ’

‘Dad…?’

‘No! No, Jimmy love. It was Ray. He never meant to kill me. He wouldn’t have hurt me for the world, you know that. He couldn’t stand it. He had to end it, so he did.’