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Max looked quite taken aback by my comment and clearly wasn’t sure what to say in response. I could almost see him trying to work out how to answer without offending me in some way.

‘It’s okay,’ I said hastily. ‘I wasn’t hoping you’d tell me I wasn’t fat. I’m a bit on the curvy side, I know, but that’s just me and I don’t care. No false compliments needed.’

‘I wasn’t going to give you any,’ he said with a shrug.

‘Oh.’ Charming . ‘Okay.’

‘You are who you are, and it suits you,’ he said in a matter-of-fact voice. ‘There is nothing more attractive than a woman who is comfortable with herself.’

His eyes widened suddenly, and two spots of colour appeared on his cheeks as if he’d suddenly realised that he’d given me one heck of a compliment actually, and that it didn’t sound in the least bit false.

Bless him, he needed rescuing.

‘Have you come to the village especially to see Dad, or did you visit Rissa first?’ I enquired, changing the subject.

He visibly slumped with relief. Picking up his coffee, he took a small sip to steady his nerves before replying.

‘I came to see your father. I popped into the teashop first to see if he was there, but the girl behind the counter told me it was your afternoon off so he would probably be at home.’

‘It was kind of you to bring us roses,’ I said.

He glanced around the garden. ‘Clearly, there was no need. I should have brought you chocolates or wine. You have enough flowers already. Never mind. I think it’s the polite thing to do.

I always bring a gift to my host. I took flowers to Betty when she invited me to tea with them at Rowan Farm. She was surprised, too.’

‘You went to tea at Rowan Farm? That’s lovely,’ I said enthusiastically. ‘It’s good that you’re seeing more of Rissa.’

‘It must be a puzzle to you,’ he said slowly. ‘My relationship with my daughter.’

‘It’s none of my business,’ I told him firmly, although I’ll admit, there was a part of me that was dying to know what was going on between them. Why hadn’t he known that Rissa worked here, for a start? ‘Unless,’ I added hopefully, ‘you want to talk about it?’

‘I’m sure it would bore you, and you have far better things to do than listen to my worries,’ he said.

‘Nope. Not a thing,’ I assured him, pushing my book further away and leaning forward to signal I was ready and waiting if he wanted to talk.

‘The thing is, Rissa and I were always so close,’ he said sadly.

‘My wife, Nina, was a busy doctor and spent a lot of time at the hospital. I gave up work to care for Rissa when she was born and we really bonded, you know? She was my angel, and I adored her. I returned to work when she started school, but we remained close.’ He sighed.

‘Nina’s job was highly pressured. She was on call a lot and spent so much time away from home.

I think she regretted that at the end. I think we both did.

We had talked about our future so many times – about taking early retirement and spending our later years together.

But that wasn’t to be, and we realised far too late that there would be no early retirement. No time to be together.’

He massaged his temples then gave me a wan smile. ‘I’m sorry. I’ve wandered from the subject a little. Well, as I say, I was Rissa’s primary caregiver, and we were inseparable at weekends and during the holidays. But then Nina died and – and I let Rissa down quite badly.’

I wasn’t sure what to say to that. Any response I thought of sounded so feeble and how was I supposed to know the truth of his words? Maybe he had let her down badly?

‘I forgot that Rissa was grieving for her mother,’ he explained.

‘I made it all about me. I was so lost in my grief that I couldn’t see that she was lost, too.

When I should have been there for her, I was absent.

She was amazing. She stayed at university, and she got her degree.

I was so proud of her. But the damage was done.

We had grown apart and I think there is a part of her that will never forgive me. ’

‘I’m sure that’s not true,’ I said gently.

‘Why else would she take a job here, of all places, and not tell me?’ he asked, the anguish clear in his voice.

‘I believed she was living and working with an old schoolfriend in London. She let me believe that. And all the time, she was living and working here, just a few miles from me. I think,’ he added sadly, ‘that she punished me for selling our house and moving to Chipping Royston. She probably expected me to keep our family home, but I just couldn’t.

I didn’t want to be there any more. Not without Nina.

I needed a fresh start. Do you understand? ’

‘I do understand,’ I said. ‘And I honestly think you’re being too hard on yourself.

We can only do the best we’re capable of at the time.

When grief comes along and knocks us off our feet, it’s all we can do to keep our heads above the water.

We don’t always have the strength to hold up other people, too, even the ones we’re responsible for and love more than anything. Believe me, I know.’

He raised an enquiring eyebrow. ‘You sound as if you have experienced something like this?’

‘I have. Sort of.’ I gulped down some coffee. ‘I can’t claim it’s anywhere near what you and Rissa went through, but I did experience a sort of grief, and I did let my girls down just as badly as you believe you let Rissa down.’

‘I’m sorry,’ he said. ‘I had no idea.’

‘My husband didn’t die,’ I said quickly. ‘He – well, embarrassingly, he left me for another woman.’

Max frowned. ‘That’s – I’m sorry. Embarrassing only for him, though. To behave in such a fashion.’

I gave him a wry smile. ‘I don’t think he was particularly embarrassed about it. He was too busy figuring out how to keep me hanging on for him until he knew if his new girlfriend was in it for keeps or not. I was basically his insurance.’

‘I’m sorry?’

‘He didn’t tell me about her at first,’ I explained.

‘In fact, he didn’t tell me about her at all.

He just said he needed space to figure out what he wanted.

It went on like that for months – him promising me he was thinking things through, that he still loved me and just needed time.

But then they were spotted together by – of all people – our eldest daughter, Christie.

She was only fourteen at the time and out shopping with her friends.

’ I puffed out my cheeks, remembering the chaotic scenes that had ensued.

‘She almost got arrested when she flew at him and attacked him in the street, prompting his new girlfriend to call the police.’

Yeah, that’s how I’d found out. Not a great day.

‘Luckily, the police were very understanding and, despite his girlfriend’s protests, Luke refused to press charges. I suppose there was a kernel of goodness in him somewhere. Anyway, it was all a bit messy,’ I finished with a shrug.

‘That’s disgraceful!’ Max gasped. ‘To behave in such a way towards his wife and daughters! What kind of man is that?’

‘Well, not much of one, I guess. But at the time, believe it or not, I was heartbroken. Devastated. And I’m afraid I fell to pieces for a while there.

I basically spent all my time crying, listening to sad songs from our dating days, and eating flapjacks.

I didn’t have the headspace for my children’s grief, and they must have been going through it just as much as I was. They’d lost their dad, after all.

‘He more or less stepped away from their lives and I didn’t help them through that process nearly as much as I should have.

It’s my biggest regret, and something I can never make up to them.

So,’ I finished, rather sheepishly, ‘I do kind of get how you feel. I failed my daughters spectacularly, I’m afraid.

I don’t know how they’ve ever forgiven me but I’m so grateful that they have. ’

We both sat in silence for a few moments, then Max shook his head. ‘Your husband did not deserve you, or your children. No wonder you struggled. At least I knew, at the end, that Nina had loved me and our daughter. To suffer what you did… I cannot imagine the pain you must have inside you.’

To my horror, tears welled up again at his words.

The kindness and understanding in his voice had unlocked something I thought I’d buried deep within me.

I’d worked so hard to keep it hidden away and I couldn’t believe it was suddenly right there again, unfurling inside me and threatening to knock me off balance after all this time.

I was over this! I was! Why now?

‘Shona?’ he asked gently. ‘Are you okay?’

I nodded, not daring to speak.

‘Would you like another coffee?’ he asked, nodding at my empty mug.

‘I’ll make it,’ I managed, jumping to my feet.

‘Let me,’ he said, half-rising from his chair, but I shook my head furiously.

‘Please, I’ll do it.’

He sat down again. ‘Of course.’

In the kitchen, I banged around, getting clean cups from the cupboard instead of simply rinsing the used ones out, and finding biscuits to offer my guest. I couldn’t understand that sudden attack of emotion and felt bitterly ashamed of myself.

‘I’m so sorry,’ I told him as I returned, carrying a tray with two coffees and a plate of biscuits. ‘I can’t think what happened there.’

‘There’s no need to be sorry,’ he said kindly.

‘But it makes no sense!’ I desperately wanted him to know that I was over Luke.

I desperately wanted to remind myself that I was over Luke.

‘He and I, we ended years ago, and honestly, I’m glad we did.

He wasn’t right for me. He treated me terribly.

He treated our girls terribly. I don’t love him.

I don’t miss him. So I don’t understand what those tears were about, I really don’t. ’

‘Maybe,’ he said, reaching for a biscuit as he considered the matter, ‘you are over your husband, but you haven’t yet fully dealt with his betrayal. Maybe you still carry pain and anger at the way he treated you and your daughters, and it’s that which made you feel so emotional.’

‘Or maybe,’ I admitted slowly, ‘I’m just as angry at myself as I am at him.

I put up with his crap for ages, and I let him walk all over me.

And then, when he’d done his worst, I fell to bits as if he mattered!

And by doing so, I let my kids down. That’s what makes me furious. It’s me I’m angry at, not him.

‘Well,’ I added, ‘I am angry at him, but to be honest, even the anger’s faded now.

I just can’t be bothered with him at all these days.

But you’re right, the pain of how he treated me might well still be raw.

I’ve tried so hard to bury it, you see. I just wanted to put our lives back together and make the girls happy, and I could only do that by pushing the sadness deep down inside where it couldn’t touch me.

Talking about it just now with you, I realised it’s still there.

I wasn’t sure how to deal with it. I’m sorry you had to see that. ’

‘I think we’ve both shown our more vulnerable sides today,’ he said, waving a biscuit in the air and smiling at me. ‘It has been a therapeutic afternoon for us, hasn’t it?’

I smiled back. ‘I guess it has.’

We sat in amiable peace for a while; the only sound, apart from the humming of insects and the odd chirp from garden birds, was the crunching as we ate our biscuits.

I was quite pleased to see he obviously enjoyed a chocolate Hobnob just as much as I did.

Luke hadn’t approved of chocolate Hobnobs.

He hadn’t approved of anything that made me smile, really.

‘Dad’ll be home soon,’ I said, glancing at my watch and noticing it was gone four o’clock.

‘I’ll get out of your way,’ Max said, brushing crumbs from his jacket. ‘You’ll want to prepare your dinner.’

‘Not tonight,’ I told him cheerfully. ‘My son-in-law’s picking me and Dad up at five to take us both back to their house in Kingsford Wold. We’re having dinner at theirs for once.’

‘That’s lovely,’ he said warmly. ‘I hope you have a wonderful time with your family.’

‘If I was cooking,’ I said hesitantly, ‘I’d have invited you to stay.’

He glanced down at what remained of his coffee before returning my gaze. ‘If you were cooking, I would have accepted the invitation.’

We smiled at each other, and I felt a very different emotion take over my body, crushing the sadness and anger I’d experienced earlier into dust.

‘I will leave you to it,’ Max said, getting to his feet suddenly. ‘I must be going home now anyway. I have my own dinner to prepare. Thank you, Shona, for a lovely afternoon.’

‘You’re very welcome.’ I collected the coffee cups, and he picked up the plate, and we headed back inside. ‘Maybe you’ll come for dinner another evening?’

‘That’s very kind of you. We shall arrange it one day when your father is home, yes?’

My heart sank. Of course. I’d almost forgotten it was Dad that Max had come to see today, not me.

‘Sure. I’ll call you and let you know when he’s available.’

Like Dad was ever not available! Him being out today was a total fluke. What the heck was I babbling on about?

Max gave me a brief smile and left for home. I closed the door behind him, then leaned against it, shaking my head at my ridiculous behaviour.

It was only when I went back into the kitchen to unload the washing machine that I remembered I didn’t have his phone number, and he hadn’t asked for mine.