Page 62 of Love the Way You Lion (Rise of the Resistance #3)

The Cat Realizes Paradise Has Been Paved Over

DELILAH

“ I ’ve never seen him move as fast as he did with you.

He left bitching at me to go out with you.

I sure as hell knew he liked you from that very second because he doesn’t walk off with people he just met, not anymore.

” I dig my feet in the sand, feeling exposed for a moment.

“I didn’t mean to be defensive. I wonder sometimes if Rafe and I should be so selfish as to pull others into our miasma of bullshit.

If it’s worth it to have other people get some taints that follow us on them so we can be happy. It’s pretty emo, but it’s true.”

“Could you sit with me for a few minutes? I want to hold you while I think. Is that okay?”

I nod. What other options do I have? “Yes, it is.”

“Are you mad at me?”

“No, I’m not. I’m worried, fretting, and self-judging, but not mad at you. Why would I be?”

I’m not mad at her, but I’m terrified for both Rafe and me .

She pulls me down and sits me between her legs, wrapping her arms around my waist. She rests her chin on my shoulder and looks out at the water. “I’m so unsure and for being so much bloody trouble.”

I don’t know how to answer that without qualification.

My fears have me paralyzed. Do I reassure her?

“I can’t be mad at you for having feelings.

I’m unsure all the time; it comes with emotional scarring.

You’re wonderful and beautiful. I love being with you, and so does he.

I can’t make you believe what isn’t germane to you, though. ”

Frowning, she holds me close. “I don’t know why I believe you and not him. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”

“Maybe it’s because I’m here telling you myself and you need him to tell you himself?

It could also be because you were sure that Wilde didn’t love you, sure other people have used you, and now it’s hard to trust Rafe because those people have betrayed you?

People have used you to get to Taurus before. Perhaps that informs your bias now.”

“Maybe. Did you see what I did this morning at the bar while you guys were at work?”

Yeah, I saw it, but I was hoping not to discuss it.

“I heard you sing at The Zoo, so I peeked at the feeds. I have to say, I hate those bitches, but a live broadcast is brilliant. Your song was pretty. Was it about Wilde’s death?”

She nods. “I saw you sing it on the stream the other day, so I thought I’d try. Who was your song for?”

“No one. I love Patsy Cline, and it was a country-themed week.” I grin. “Plus, it’s a little crazy around here, and it felt à propos. ”

I really hope people don’t start using that shit as a weapon rather than musical therapy—it occurs to me it will be very problematic.

“I needed closure from his so-called death. I still don’t believe it’s real, but dead or not, he’s dead to me now. Singing helped me deal with that.” She sighs and strokes my hair. “What do you want me to do?”

“Be here. Be with me.” I don’t feel like I’m safe enough now to say anymore than that.

“If I seem like I’m going away, would you stomp for me as you did for Taurus?”

Ah, the dangerous line we tread.

If I let her any further in, then yes, I will storm the gates of Hell to keep her with me. Unfortunately, the more accurate truth is that if she can’t learn to trust Rafe and accept who he is, I’ll end up storming the gates to find them barricaded shut.

I would never recover. I’ve picked up the pieces from a woman trampling my heart twice, and I didn’t love them like I believe I will love her. I don’t know what will happen to me if she does the same thing.

“Yes,” I reply, knowing that the road to Hell is paved with good intentions.

“Me too.”

Oh, do I wish I believed her.

I smile a little, leaning against her. “I’m not the only one.

Please try to remember that—I know it’s hard, but it’s true.

He and I both have an enormous capacity to love—even to the point of not giving up on what we should.

I can love Taurus so much that the Earth spins around him and still falls for you so that the sky shakes.

They’re not lesser, only different. He’s the same way.

I don’t know what he feels for Taurus, but I know you make his Earth spin. ”

“I’ll try, okay? I’ll try to trust that.”

“It’s all anyone can ask, love. He’s beating himself to death inside over hurting you.” Something occurs to me, and a chill runs down my spine as I feel it rings true in my heart. “He might contemplate telling Taurus he can’t be with him anymore if it hurts you.”

She’s quiet for a few moments, as if considering. “That wouldn’t be fair of me, now would it?”

Goddamnit, why in the hell does everyone think it is okay to trample all over him?

I don’t give them that idea and because he’s laid back doesn’t mean he’s immune to heart break. The screaming in my head is almost deafening as my brain starts spewing things I want to say to her.

If this is what you wanted, you should have said it days ago before Taurus came to him and mated with him!

I breathe in, watching the waves roil as a storm forms far off on the horizon.

Counting backward, using my control mechanisms, I get the Beast and the magick inside me to calm.

Maeve sends me an indignant push along our bond, making her outrage known, and I send back a soothing calm to keep her from inflaming my primal further.

When I feel everything is in balance, I speak.

“Rafe has always guilted himself to death. He blames himself for everything, partially because they blamed us for everything and it stuck. It’s why it took him so long to heal from our exes; he felt he should have known and stopped us from getting involved with them.

It doesn’t matter if it’s fair; he’ll do it in a second if he thinks he should.

He’s lost someone he cared about to make another person he loved happy before. ”

“What?” she blinks, turning me in her arms to look at me. “What do you mean he’s done it before?”

“He’s given someone up to make another love happy because it hurt them to think of it. He did it knowing that the other person was reluctant to do the same for him. It got ugly for a while.”

“That’s like what I was planning to do with Wilde before he died.” She looks thoughtful for a moment. “Was it a non-mate?”

“Yes. It had the potential to become that kind of relationship, so it ruined a friendship and made it hard for everyone in the family for a while. It caused bad things to go down before they came to tolerate one another. It’s not what it was.

That was his choice, though, and he lives with it every day. ”

Every day he feels the scars on his back that remind him of the danger of letting someone decide who he can and cannot love. I can’t tell her that because it is not my story to tell. The events that led to those scars almost tore my household apart.

She’s definitely not getting that kind of weapon when she’s doing this.