Page 3

Chapter 3

Chase

I don’t know how far I’ve walked before the truck pulls up along the curb beside me. A logical person would stop, but I don’t. No, I keep walking, because stopping would mean having to talk—and there’s no way he’s not going to want to. It also means admitting to his face that I not only messed up my life, but his as well with my reckless impulses.

“Get in. It’s fucking freezing and you’re going to turn into a popsicle.”

As much as I want to crawl into the warmth of the truck with Carter, I keep walking. I’d wished he would just leave with them instead of following me like I’m some pitiful mess.

“Chase, get in the fucking truck!” he shouts, speaking each word slowly, making sure to enunciate them clearly as if I can’t hear him.

“Carter, just go,” I finally blurt as I come to an abrupt stop.

“Chase, I love you, but if you don’t get in this truck, I’m gonna beat your fucking ass.”

He doesn’t move, just glares back at me, a promise that he means exactly what he says. I blow out a breath in frustration, but open the back door, tossing my gym bag in the back before getting into the passenger seat.

“He’s just mad and not thinking. He’s going to wake up and regret what he said to you.”

“Carter, thank you for saying that, but I don’t think he is. What’s worse is I’ve put you in the middle of all this and I hate myself for it.” My voice hitches and I fight back the tears that want to break free.

“I told you before that you’re my brother and you’re what’s important to me above anyone else. Blake’s my best friend, but right now he’s not acting that way, he’s pushing not only you away, but me as well. He’s going to come to his senses and see that you’re the best thing that’s happened to him. Chase, I—”

I swipe the tears from my face and turn to look at my brother, who has stopped mid-sentence, in shock. “You think I’m the best thing that happened to Blake?”

“I do. But I also think you share responsibility for the problems between you two. You couldn’t have expected him to act like nothing happened after how close and affectionate you were during the holidays. It was unfair of you, and your reasoning was ridiculous.” I open my mouth to protest, but he shakes his head, quickly speaking again.

“I’m your brother and it’s my place to tell you when you’re being a dick and you, Chase, were being a twelve inch prick. You shouldn’t care what people think about you, especially the team. You, above anyone, know them well enough to know they’d accept and be happy for the two of you. I hate to say it, but you had a big part in fucking up this relationship and you’re going to have to work to win him back. Today was a good start, but it wasn’t enough.”

My eyes widen, and my jaw drops at Carter’s harsh words. They hang heavy in the air, and I don’t know how to respond. Me. I’m the reason Blake’s acting like an ass toward me. He’s the one who, instead of trying to talk to me about how I was feeling, left and cheated on me. Yet here I am forgiving him for his transgressions when he can’t understand how hard it was for me coming out about my bisexuality to the world.

"Excuse me?" The words come out sharper than what I intend, but the disbelief in them is impossible to hide. "You’re really going to sit there and blame me ? Tell me this is my fault when he’s the one who went out and cheated instead of trying to work through the issue together?"

Carter’s face goes flush as his eyebrows pull together in a scowl. His nostrils flare and his breathing becomes erratic. “He fucking what?”

“Nothing. Just forget I said anything. Let’s just go. I’m tired.” I’m not really, but I don’t want to get into this now. I shouldn’t have let the words slip from my mouth. I was just so pissed at being blamed for the friction between Blake and myself.

“No, you said he cheated. How do you know?”

“It’s nothing, Carter. You can’t fight my battles for me. Let’s just go home,” I plead. Me and my damn big mouth. I never meant to let Carter know how Blake came home that night. It was a secret I planned to take to the grave unless Blake said something, which I doubt he would.

“Chase, you have two seconds to tell me why you think he cheated on you before I drop you off and hunt his ass down.” His knuckles tighten around the steering wheel, his eyes blazing with barely contained fury.

“The night we had the fight, when I told him I didn’t want to tell everyone we were in a relationship, you saw how mad he was. It wasn’t that I never planned to, but I wanted to do it in phases, versus ripping the BandAid off.” I look down in my lap, my eyes focusing on my cell phone like it’s the most interesting thing in the world. “You know I’ve struggled with coming out, so I wanted to do it first, then let everyone know I was seeing Blake. But he got pissed, thinking I was hiding him, pushing him back into the closet, and stormed off, saying we were done. You saw him leave to go out, but when he came home, he took off his shirt and his back was covered in scratches and he had hickeys.”

Carter stays silent, his calm demeanor betrayed only by the ironclad grip he has on the steering wheel. I’ve never seen him like this—so quiet, so unreadable.

“Carter.” I finally break the silence as he shifts the truck into gear and pulls away from the curb.

“Are you hungry?” He doesn’t wait for me to answer. “I am. How do wings sound? The restaurant is just up the road.”

“Yeah, that’s fine,” I reply. “Carter, just forget about what I told you. I shouldn’t have said anything to you.”

“No, I’m glad you did,” is all he says. “Can you believe Ginny is Coach Lein’s daughter? Holy shit, what are we going to do?”

Fuck me if I know. My mind’s been so wrapped around Blake’s dismissal of me, I haven’t taken the time to process that the other person I love is here and she’s not who we thought she was. But are we who she thought we were? We kept secrets from her. Well, not really secrets, since we all agreed not to tell any personal information about ourselves.

We drive the rest of the way in silence, only breaking it to exchange a few words while going through the drive-thru at Wings-A-Million to order our food. They hand over the bag, and Carter tucks it under the seat where I’m sitting, the warm scent of spicy wings and fries filling the cab. Without another word, he pulls back onto the road, the quiet between us growing heavier with every passing mile as we head toward home.

When we pull up in front of our place, Carter doesn’t park. Instead, he pulls in front of the building and shifts the truck into park.

“Aren’t you coming up?” I ask, confused at what he’s doing.

“Nah. I forgot I need to run to the store and pick something up.” His eyes twitch, and I know he’s lying. That, and he won’t look me in the face. “Please Carter, just drop what I told you. Don’t say anything to Blake. I don’t need to give him another reason to be mad at me.”

“He fucking cheated on you. I told him if he did anything to hurt you, I’d kill him. I let it go, hoping the two of you would sort the situation out, but knowing he went out and fucked someone because he was pissy isn’t right. He’s dead.”

“Carter, please, just let it go.” I sigh, grabbing the handle and pushing the door open. “For me, please. Let us handle this ourselves. I’m a big boy, I can do it. I’m not going to beg him to be with me if he doesn’t want to be. If he loved me like he said he did, he’d be trying to work shit out, but he's not.” I pick up the bag of food from my seat and shut the door, before opening the back one, taking my gym bag off the seat. “Park and come inside,” I plead one final time.

“I’ve got to go to the store,” he says casually. I narrow my eyes, glaring at him. “Seriously,” he adds, holding up his hands defensively. “I need deodorant, body wash, and razors—unless you want me walking around smelling like ball sweat.”

“Promise me, Carter,” I tell him as I hold open the truck door.

“I gotta go. I’ll see you when I get back.” I stand there frozen, waiting for him to say more, but he doesn’t. Resigning to defeat, I shut the door and step back from the truck as he takes off. This is just going to make it worse, and I can already imagine how much more Blake is going to hate me. Does it even matter anymore at this point?

I stand there in the cold, staring after Carter until the taillights of the truck have long disappeared and only the street light illuminates my solace. Turning slowly, I trudge up the stairs and head inside the building. I’m not sure how I make it to my room; it’s as if I’m on autopilot.

Dropping my gym bag to the floor, I step over to my desk and sit down, placing the takeout food and drink on it, then turn on my laptop. Now that I know who Ginny is, I want to know more about her. I already know she’s an ice skater, a big surprise considering how she went on about not knowing how to skate. And who was that guy with her? She never mentioned having a boyfriend.

I open the bag, pull out the container of wings, and pick one up. With the first bite, my taste buds are assaulted with a burst of garlic and parmesan. Fucking delicious.

My phone buzzes in my pocket. I pull it out quickly, hoping that it might be Blake.

When I see that it’s Henley, that hope disappears.

Henley: Sorry about earlier.

Me: No problem. Had some stuff to do anyway.

I click out of our message thread, not wanting to say anything more to him. He’s caught in the middle of two teammates, not a place I’d want to be. Instead, I scroll to the thread I have with Blake. He still hasn’t read any of the messages I sent him.

My fingers stay poised on the small keyboard as I think of what to say. Trying my damndest to talk myself out of making any more of a fool of myself.

I don’t know how long I sit there before I finally say fuck it and type out what I’m feeling.

Me: I miss you so much, Blake. This is so hard for me. I spilled my guts today to you, in front of the whole team and it meant nothing to you. Coming out as bisexual wasn’t easy for me. It’s something that has been a stressor for years. I didn’t plan to hide you or our relationship. All I wanted was time to do it in my own way, at my own pace and you couldn’t understand that. Instead of staying with me that night so we could talk and work through this together, you left me. Then you came home and I saw the evidence of your betrayal. One fight and you find someone else. I must not have meant as much to you as I thought. Is that why it was so easy to just blow me off again today?

Me: The ball is in your court now. I’ve spilled my heart to you, to the team. If I’m not what you want then fine, but we have to find a way to coexist for the team. For Carter. He’s your best friend and I won’t be the cause for the two of you not talking. Make it right with him.

With that, I plug my phone into the charger and put in on my desk. A small part of me wants to know if he responds, but if it’s right beside me, I won’t be able to fight the urge to pick it up and message him again.

Picking up my laptop, I sit down on my bed and power it on. Now it’s time to find out about Geneva Lein, another person who ripped my heart to shreds. I’m not going to let her fuck up our hockey career over a holiday tryst, even if she does still hold a piece of my heart.