Page 19

Chapter 19

Chase

I ’m numb. I have no words.

My world feels like it’s been turned inside out, the weight of Blake’s confession pressing down on my chest like a boulder, making it hard to breathe. I knew. I knew Blake had cheated. The knowledge of that sunk its claws into me the night I saw the marks on him, the hickeys. The proof of his infidelity was etched into his flesh like a cruel reminder. But hearing the details? Hearing how it happened, how Blake let it happen— that was something else entirely. Then, to learn he’d told my brother the very same sordid details before me. That was another gut punch.

Now I’m trapped in this damn locker room with him, with nowhere to escape from him. I feel like I’m suffocating.

My boots scuff against the tile floor as I pace back and forth in the shower, the sound echoing against the walls. Back and forth, back and forth. I can’t stop moving, can’t stop the restless energy surging beneath my skin. Stopping would mean having to face the reality that was just thrown at me, and I can't do that. Not yet. My hands ache from clenching them into fists for so long, my nails digging into my palms, leaving perfectly shaped half- moon indentations. But the pain is the only thing keeping me from falling apart.

And then Blake speaks from behind me.

"I didn’t mean it when I said I wish that we didn’t happen."

My steps falter for a fraction of a second, but I keep my back to him, maintaining my stiff and unyielding shoulders.

"It was the happiest moment of my life. I never wanted you to know what happened that night. All the details. I thought pushing you away would be the easiest thing. It’s why I said that, but I hated every minute of it."

Blake sighs heavily, the sound thick with something I didn’t want to name. Regret. Guilt. Pain. It didn’t matter. Nothing he says will change what happened. That he cheated on me so easily.

"Then I saw you with Max, and I got jealous."

A bitter laugh claws its way up my throat, but I swallow it down. Of course. Jealousy . Like he had any goddamn right to be jealous after what he’d done.

"I handled this all wrong from the moment you expressed your desire to keep us a secret until now. I have your brother to thank for that. If it wasn’t for him, I never would’ve told you the truth. I will spend the rest of my life trying to make it up to you."

I feel the heat of Blake’s gaze burning into my back, but I still refuse to turn around. Instead, I focus my attention on the cold tile beneath my boots, on the way my heart hammers against my ribcage.

"But I’ve told you everything. There are no more secrets between us. I just want to be what we were. I’ll wait a lifetime if there’s a chance of there being a you and me again. I’ll grovel at your feet. Tell the world what a jerk I’ve been. Please just forgive me, Chase."

And that was it. That was all Blake had to say. As if laying it all out in the open somehow made it better. As if I was just supposed to hear it all and accept it.

That thought snaps something inside me.

I spin around so fast my vision blurring for a moment, my fists clenching so tightly at my sides I can feel the blood rushing beneath my skin.

"And you expect me to, what? Just forgive you?" My voice comes out sharp, my words slicing through the air between us like a blade.

Blake flinches, barely, but I catch it. I see the guilt flash across his face, the way his lips part like he has something else to say—something that might fix this. But there isn’t a way to fix this. Not now. Possibly not ever.

“I know it’ll be hard and it won’t happen immediately, but yes, I hope that one day you’ll understand that I acknowledge I made a mistake and let me back in. Not forgive, because I did something that I know may never be able to be forgiven.”

My chest rises and falls with each of my ragged breaths, my pulse a thunderous roar in my ears. My entire body feels like it’s vibrating with anger, hurt, betrayal—emotions so tangled together that I don’t know where one ends and the other begins.

I want to scream.

I want to hit something.

I want to not feel this anymore .

“I need space. Can you give me that? Just leave me alone and let me process, and when I’m ready to talk, I’ll come to you. It’s not like either of us has anywhere to go.”

“I can do that.” He turns, his head hanging low as he steps out of the bathroom, leaving me once again to stew in my own thoughts. It’s not until he’s completely gone from my sight that I drop to the tile floor and let the tears fall that I’ve been fighting to hold back. Somehow, I muster the strength to crawl over to the wall and sit upright, leaning my head back against it.

I hate Blake. What he did. But most of all, I hate myself for still loving him.