Page 26 of Love and History
I furrowed my brow. “No way. Do not apologize. That was fucking amazing and you know it…I mean, except for the part where you didn’t come. But I’m more than willing to—”
“Ezra…it was very good. All of it.” Holden studied me as he wiped his glasses on his T-shirt. “But I have an indelicate observation.”
“Which is?”
“I’m a man and you’re a man,” he replied, slipping his glasses on his nose again.
“What?” I did one of those cartoon-style headshakes. “You mean that was…gay?”
He snorted. “Yeah, a little gay. You don’t seem bothered.”
“I’m not. It was the first time I’ve ever…kissed a man or—”
“That was more than a kiss, Ezra.”
“Go big or go home, eh?” My sardonic brush-off didn’t feel right, so I added, “I mentioned I thought it was amazing, right?”
“Yes, but we can’t do that again,” he said gently, not quite meeting my gaze.
You know, I’d figured that was coming, and maybe that was the right call. Fucking around with your roommate was never a good idea. Add a first-time gay sexy moment and it was a disaster in the making. But I was still me, and I didn’t like being told I couldn’t have something shiny and new that felt so fucking perfect.
“Why not?”
Holden cast an incredulous glance my way. “The nature of our living situation and the fact that we share mutual friends are a couple of reasons. But it’s wise to explore your sexuality, and you should absolutely do that. Just…not with me.”
“Explore my sexuality,” I repeated. “Maybe I’m bi. Okay, I’m probably bi, but that’s as far as I need to go with the gay stuff. I mean…what else is there to do?”
Yes, I was baiting him. I know, I know. It was my evil specialty. I needled, pushed, and challenged Holden till he was raving mad. It was time to get back to our version of normal ’cause if we tried to go the overly polite route, this would end up being the longest summer ever.
He arched a brow and continued in a patient tone he probably reserved for his slowest pupils. “There are a number of things to try. You might enjoy a hand job or a blowjob or—what’s so funny?”
I bit the inside of my cheek to curb my laughter. “Nothing. It’s just…c’mon, of course I’m gonna enjoy some hand action or a BJ. Been there, done that many times.”
“Not with a man.”
“No, but it’s the same act, and it gets you to the same place. It can’t be that different.”
I would have been bummed if he didn’t lose his cool.
Three, two, one…
“Are you joking?” Holden threw his hands in the air and hopped off the bed. “Of course, it’s different, Ezra! Completely different. It’s apples and oranges, black holes and comets…you can’t compare.”
“How do you know? Have you ever been with a girl?”
“Yes, I have, for your information.”
I frowned. Okay, I definitely hadn’t expected that.
“But you’re gay.”
“Yes, but I didn’t know or didn’t…accept that I was gay right away.”
He stepped into his boxer briefs and pulled a clean T-shirt from his dresser with his head down. Call me crazy, but I think I’d accidentally hit a touchy subject.
“I didn’t know that,” I said lamely.
“Well, that’s because you don’t really know me.”