Page 5 of London Holiday (Sweet Escapes Collection #2)

Chapter five

C olonel Fitzwilliam was, indeed, at home. He was in the habit of rising early from his long days in the army, and even when off duty, he could scarcely remain abed after seven of the clock. He was already up and enjoying a cup of coffee—no tea for him in the mornings—when his batman informed him that he had a visitor.

“So early! Perhaps a friend ran aground at the gambling tables last night, eh? Well, show him in, Jenkins, show him in.”

“Colonel, it is Lady Catherine de Bourgh who wishes to speak with you.”

Fitzwilliam nearly spit his coffee. He managed to salvage his dignity in that regard but could not avoid spilling a few drops as he set it on the saucer. “My aunt! What in blazes could she want? Never mind, Jenkins, of course, you could not formulate the answer to that. That would imply reason on my aunt’s part, and I suffer under no illusions that she has submitted to such an authority. Well, show her in, and I shall make myself presentable.”

He stood, inspecting his coat to be certain that no crumbs besmirched it. Lady Catherine descended upon the apartment like a thunderstorm, cracking and pouring down the force of her displeasure. What he had done to merit this personal call at his humble abode, he could not say, but likely enough, it had something to do with Darcy.

He was right.

“Fitzwilliam, where are you keeping him?” she demanded at once .

“Him… forgive me, Aunt, but I have not the pleasure of understanding you. Good morning to you as well, by the by. There is no one here, save Jenkins and myself. And my housekeeper, of course, but….”

“Fitzwilliam Darcy! He has come here, has he not?”

“Darcy? I beg your pardon, Aunt, but I last saw Darcy a fortnight ago. I have only just gone on a short leave, do you see, but I intended to call upon him this morning.”

She stalked nearer. “Do not play coy with me, Richard Fitzwilliam. What has he arranged? I must know all his plans.”

“I would certainly reveal what I knew, Aunt, but Darcy is not here, nor have I had word from him. Perhaps he is paying a call on some friend or other.”

“You and I both know that Darcy never pays social calls at such an hour, and apart from yourself, there is only that tradesman to whom he might have gone for an informal visitation.”

“Bingley? He is not in Town at present. Have you truly not seen Darcy since last night?”

She drew herself up. “Of course, I have not, and that is the subject of my desired conversation with him.” Lady Catherine seemed to pause. “You will swear that he did not come here… perhaps this morning?”

“Unless I was still abed, Aunt, which is unlikely. May I ask, why the urgency? If I am not mistaken, you are his guest at present, and he will only naturally return to the house when his errands are complete. Has something happened?”

She pursed her lips. “Indeed, something has happened. He has ruined my daughter. Compromised her, beyond hope of recovery, and practically before my very eyes!”

“No! I cannot believe this, Aunt. Darcy would never… and Anne! I find it difficult to credit, Aunt.”

“She was in his bed this morning,” asserted the lady. “I would have him found at once so that the settlement can be drawn up and the wedding might be arranged. As you cannot testify to his whereabouts,” here, she smiled faintly, “I shall speak with him once he has returned to the house. I shall depend upon your support to ensure he behaves the gentleman toward his cousin hereafter. I shall call next upon the earl to discuss the matter with him. Good day, Fitzwilliam.”

Colonel Fitzwilliam stood aghast as his aunt departed in a sweep of black and an irregular tapping of her cane—a means of expression, rather than a necessity for mobility.

Darcy and Anne! If his aunt had not sworn to it, he could never have believed it. Darcy could have any woman he wanted, as a wife or even a mistress, but Anne? Apart from a sickly, unappealing person, there was the matter of her mother. No man in his senses would touch her, least of all Darcy! The man must have been desperate… or intoxicated. After seven and twenty years of celibacy—as far as he knew—perhaps it was a little of both. Besides, any man would be driven to drink with their Aunt Catherine as a guest.

Fitzwilliam shook his head and sighed. Well, Darcy could step into the hornet’s nest if he wished. He wanted no part of it for himself.

“Kitty,” Elizabeth sighed in exasperation, “I do wish you would let the matter rest. Of course, he was handsome. It might be said that a footman’s only duty in the finer houses is to be handsome. They are chosen in matched sets like bookends, fitted with gloves and a powdered wig, and displayed as prize Adonises to serve their masters at table. What else would you expect, but that the one we encountered would be a prime specimen?”

“Prime, yes, but not at all nice. He was hardly deferential, and he only showed a bit of gratitude for our pains after you made him feel guilty. ”

“That probably accounts for how we came upon him. His employer must have dismissed him for insolence. It is strange, however, for he seemed more cultured than I would have expected. Did you notice how he always said ‘madam,’ rather than ‘ma’am,’ as all the others do?”

“I think he admired you, Lizzy. Why else would he lie in wait for us to pass by?”

“He had taken his shoes off! That is not what I would call lying in wait, and besides, we have no business troubling ourselves over one barmy footman. You really must learn to think of other matters besides the male sex.”

“I think a great deal of other matters. Bonnets, for example. Did we not pass that milliner in Newgate? Or was it Skinner Street?”

“I thought it was Holburn Street. Almost to Bloomsbury Square, I believe.”

“We simply must go back! Their display was so delicious, I have scarce thought of anything else. Let us ask for Uncle’s carriage and go?”

“I wish to walk, Kitty. That was the entire purpose of our outing, but it would not take more than half an hour to walk there if you insist.”

“Laws, you are peculiar, Lizzy! Mama would be horrified to hear of us walking all about Town.”

“She is not here, and it is not as though we have anyone to impress or even any who would know us.”

“Oh, very well. I will agree to your abominably long walk if we go to the milliner’s rather than the park.”

“I doubt they are even open for business at this hour.”

“Surely they will be by the time we arrive. I intend to buy a new bonnet, and you should buy one too, Lizzy. That way, you shall have some remembrance of our little holiday with Aunt and Uncle.”

Elizabeth reluctantly agreed—not because she wished for a bonnet, but because she desired a few moments of peace and to distract her sister from teasing about that ridiculous footman. Heaven help her if Mama ever found out!

Colonel Fitzwilliam’s sides hurt. His cheeks hurt, his eyes were streaming tears, and he could scarcely breathe. Fitzwilliam Darcy, one of the enigmas of the ton and among the wealthiest men in Britain, stood in the midst of Fitzwilliam’s rooms at just past nine in the morning, unshod and clad as one of his own footman. Had not Lady Catherine already shocked him into sobriety once this morning, he would have suspected himself of too much to drink.

But really… barefoot? Fitzwilliam Darcy! So diverted was the colonel, in fact, that he could no longer stand. Rather than exhibit the worst sort of rudeness—after all, laughing at a man was one thing, but sitting before one’s guest was seated was quite another—he offered Darcy a chair and fell into an opposite one himself.

“Do repeat that. You said that you had been drugged? Who poured that down your gullet?”

Darcy appeared to clench his teeth. “Our aunt has acted out of desperation. She intended to force a compromise by secreting something in my drink, but I have forestalled that.”

“How? Have you found a way to divert our aunt from her plans to wed Anne to you?”

“I was simply not there when the compromise was intended to take place.” Darcy turned to glance at the sleeve of his jacket and flick off what appeared to be a small bit of bark.

“Really? Where did you go?”

“Here.” Darcy frowned at something, and if Fitzwilliam was not mistaken, the man’s knee was twitching as he sat in the chair.

“Here? Have you been a ghost that I did not see you?”

“I had set out for this destination last night, but I did not arrive as intended,” Darcy gritted between his teeth. “However, I am here now. Should our aunt send her emissary to verify my whereabouts, they will see that I am presently a guest in your house.”

“I’m afraid it’s a bit too late for that, old chap. Aunt was here herself, not quarter of an hour ago.”

“What?” Darcy shot to his feet, then winced.

“Something the matter with your foot, old man?”

“Never mind that. You said that Lady Catherine had come here? Herself?”

“Yes, came all in state to search you out. I told her I’d not seen you. She seemed content with that and went on her way.”

Darcy sank back into the seat. “You told her you had not seen me?”

“It was only the truth. A soldier in His Majesty’s Army does not lie, you know.”

“Nor would I ask it of you, but if she knows I was not here, then she knows you cannot vouch that I was not in my own bed.”

Fitzwilliam frowned. “That may prove awkward. Where were you, precisely?”

“It does not matter.”

“I should say that it does, unless you were somewhere even more embarrassing than in our cousin’s arms. Personally, I would confess to an evening at Covent Gardens and openly set the… uh… lady up with her own establishment, so everyone knows about it all. Unless she was married, of course.”

Darcy massaged the bridge of his nose. “If my head pained me any less and I thought I could walk the distance to your chair, I would cut out your tongue for such a speech.”

The colonel laughed. “I’d like to see that. What do you intend to do now? You cannot very well go back home, or Aunt’s claims will be unassailable. She has already gone to my father.”

“She has!”

“Unless, of course, there is someone at your house who can vouch for you. You have a veritable army of servants. Surely at least a few knew of your activities last evening. ”

“That is precisely the problem. It has come to my attention that not all my servants believe a variance exists between my interests and my aunt’s—or worse, some have tendered her their loyalty. The only one I know I can depend on for a certainty is my valet, Wilson.”

“Well, then, there you have it. Your valet sleeps in your dressing room. He would surely have noted if a lady were in the chambers.”

“Not if he were drugged as well, as I believe he was. Even if he could provide a reliable account, who would believe him against Lady Catherine de Bourgh, particularly if several others of the household dispute his testimony?”

“Ah! Then you do have a problem. Well, I offer you my congratulations on your recent engagement, Cousin.”

“Engaged! You must be mad. Have you ever thought about what a man’s life would be with our aunt as his mother-in-law? I think I would sooner join the Navy and die under Nelson’s flag.”

“They say the sea is as good as a mistress to a man,” the colonel chortled. “But seriously, what will you do, Darcy? Our aunt has you neatly trapped. You cannot very well go home until you have a convincing alibi, and you can do nothing about that from here.”

“I must contact my valet. He was to report all he learned this morning while giving the appearance of cooperation with Lady Catherine. Will you have your batman carry a message to him?”

“Strategic error, cousin. Aunt saw my batman just this morning, as did her own manservant. If they discover secretive messages passing between the two, your valet becomes suspect.”

Darcy growled in frustration. “At least lend me a respectable suit of clothing. I cannot bear to be seen as a footman any longer.”

“The livery becomes you rather handsomely, but I shall see what I have to suit the great Fitzwilliam Darcy. On second thought, you may want to consider keeping that livery. Did anyone look at you and speak to you by name as you were walking here?”

“Well…” Darcy shifted uncomfortably in his seat. “No. ”

“Something to consider, if you have need to return to wherever you were last night without being noticed. Or,” he grinned at the expression of horror upon his cousin’s face, “you can take a suit of my clothing and hire a chair back to your own house, where you will be served with marriage articles by my father and our aunt. I leave it to you.”

Darcy’s frown deepened further, and Colonel Fitzwilliam, if forced to confess, might have liked to make some comments about enjoying Fitzwilliam Darcy’s great dilemma rather enormously.