Page 54 of Legacy Wolf: Semester One (Legacy Wolf #1)

PHELAN

Mate .

My beast had only said it once, and I wasn’t altogether sure that he did. Yes, he was part of me, but I didn’t always listen to what he said, nor did we agree about everything.

Only I felt it, too, which was why I almost said the L-word. I never understood why people called it that. Love. It wasn’t a long word or difficult to say. Shit, it wasn’t even something you couldn’t say in polite company.

“Grandma, I love your lasagna.”

“Yes, President, I do love this time of year.”

“Of course, I love the present, Aunt Mare. It’s the best pair of neon-green socks I’ve ever seen.”

In and of itself, it was just a word. But today, as it nearly fell from my lips, I felt its power.

It was as if the room had started to spin and simultaneously time stood still as I waited to see if he pieced together what I’d almost done.

And then when he asked—when I opened the door, I ran out of there like my pants were on fire.

I didn’t have a choice. We couldn’t be together, right? Not really. Not yet. And sex made you feel all warm and fuzzy. It was just pheromones and climaxes fueling it. Right?

Only the euphoria that came from a good knotting was gone now and the emotions were still there. I needed a run, some time to clear my head. I took a quick shower, not wanting to wash Rawling’s scent away, but knowing that if I didn’t, others would know what we’d been up to.

And that was when it hit me. I didn’t give a fuck if people knew, which was why I’d been okay kissing him with people around before we came inside. If anything I wanted them to know, and that was dangerous. I had to get through school first. I wouldn’t have a real future without it.

I turned on the shower as hot as it could go, wanting the pain of the hot water to override the emotions that came with washing away Rawling. It didn’t work, and my beast was pushing at me hard to go back to him the entire time. He didn’t say the M word again, but he might as well have.

Shit. I was too young for this crap.

My run wasn’t anywhere near as helpful as I wanted it to be.

Instead, it was a power struggle between my beast and me.

He wanted me to go back to Rawling and fuck his brains out, and I wanted to give the omega the space he very clearly communicated he needed from me.

The entire situation was out of control.

At least when the semester was over, I’d go my way and he’d go his.

It would give me time to ignore the feelings growing between us.

If he truly was my mate, he still would be when we returned, but if he wasn’t, then I’d have my head on straight when I got back here.

It would be so much easier if my beast would just be clear with me, instead of whatever this crap was that he was pulling.

Murmuring mate once and then disappearing wasn’t doing me any favors.

I pulled my clothing on and took the long way back to Phoenix House. Running into Rawling wasn’t what I wanted. Not now. Not until I had things figured out.

With the semester winding down, I managed to avoid him the entire next day, and I hated it. Going to sleep that night, knowing that I did all I could not to talk to the one person I wanted to talk with the most had me freaking grumpy.

“If I didn’t know you were a wolf, I’d be sure you were a bear,” Atticus said as he walked by on his way out to do something with the stupid Sables.

“What the fuck are you talking about?”

“You’ve been a bear since yesterday. If I didn’t know you were Mr. Star Student, I’d have been sure you were flunking out for the semester.” He tilted his head, implying that he still kind of thought I was and wanted me to deny it. I’d give him that.

“Grades are fine.”

He side-eyed me.

“I hate the summer job Dad has lined up for me.” It wasn’t a lie. I did. But it had nothing at all to do with the current situation.

“Tell him you want to take summer classes or do one of those student abroad trips or something.” He grabbed his phone and shoved it in his back pocket. “But do something. I have no intention of being surrounded by your grumpiness for the rest of the term.”

And out he went.

Atticus was an ass, but he had a point. I couldn’t just be like this. I took out my phone and asked Rawling if I could come over. Surprisingly he agreed. I still wasn’t sure what I was going to say and I had about ten feet of walking to decide.

The door to his room swung open as I reached it, and he stepped to the side to let me in.

“I’ve been thinking about us,” I began once the door clicked closed and I was sure Jack wasn’t home.

“Don’t. There is no us.” He brushed past me and took a seat at his desk, setting a boundary sitting on his bed wouldn’t. He was getting good at those, and while I was glad to see it from a protective stand point, I hated that my option was to stand or take Jack’s desk seat.

“But what if there could be?” What if my beast is right and you are mine and I am yours? What if you are my always? What if I’m imagining my wolf’s meaning and I set us up for failure and you get hurt?

It was best to leave the mate shit out of this, right?

“This was a one-off. I was horny. You were horny. We both orgasmed. Done.” He spoke firmly, but also… it was almost as if he was too adamant, as if he didn’t fully believe his own words. That or I was thinking wishfully. It was probably more than that.

Shit, I came over here too soon. I needed to know where I stood before trying to have this conversation.

“But what if we’re horny again?” And now I sounded like an alphahole who wanted a piece of ass, and that was far from the truth.

Did I want to fuck him into the morning?

Ab-so-fucking- lutely, but it was more than that.

So much more, and now that I was aware that my being drawn to him was more than just lust, I had no idea how to handle it, as evident by this clusterfuck of a conversation.

“You’re moving too fast.” He looked at the floor. He wasn’t talking about me wanting to knot him. That wasn’t what this was about. He was thinking about my slip of the tongue. I wasn’t sure how I knew this, but I did.

“I’m not going fast,” I lied. “I love being inside you, and you love me being in you. I don’t see the problem.”

“So what? We just go back to screwing each other anytime we get bored?”

“I mean… maybe.” Way to sound like a confident alpha. “I fucked up last time. I know I did.”

“Are you trying to tell me you won’t fuck up this time?” He looked me dead in the eyes, daring me to say that I would. I would fuck up again and so would he. That was how relationships worked.

I for sure wasn’t going to tell him that whatever we were discussing was a relationship.

Not when he’d said loud and clear that was the last time we’d fuck, the one that had hit me so deeply that I wanted nothing more than to be his one and only, while for him it was a one-and-done.

If I kept pushing, he would end us here and now.

He might not be offering everything I longed for, but at this point, I was willing to take crumbs.

“I will for sure fuck up. I’m not trying to imply otherwise. But I will try not to. That’s all I can offer.”

He stared at me for a full minute before speaking again. It was torture.

“Fine. We can be benefits.”

“I don’t know what that means.” I wasn’t turning him down, I just needed clarity.

“You’ve heard of friends with benefits, right?”

“Of course.”

“This isn’t that. It’s just the benefits part.” Just fucking is what he meant.

“Fine. We can be just benefits.” I hated it, but I also wasn’t going to say no.

“And while I’d like to start now, Jack will be here any minute.” He tilted his head toward the door.

“I’ll see you later.”

I took a few steps in the direction of the door when he interrupted me.

“I won’t keep you a dirty secret, though. If Jack asks, I’m telling her.”

“I won’t keep you one either.” Although for his sake, I wasn’t going to brag to Atticus about it either. My roommate was an ass and for some reason had it in for Rawling.