Page 47 of Legacy Wolf: Semester One (Legacy Wolf #1)

RAWLING

I lay in my bed, the pillow over my face while Jack bustled around me. Every so often I’d take a peek at her. She was getting ready to go out with Knox, putting on her best jeans and favorite top. The alpha was graduating soon, and they might not see one another again once he left Sombertooth.

If that were me and my boyfriend or fuck buddy was disappearing from my life, I’d be mulling over everything we’d said and done together—including when we’d fucked—but from the outside, Jack breezed through her relationships, never looking back and having no regrets.

Not for the first time, I wished I could be more like my roommate.

“You seeing the TA today?” she asked as she applied bright red lipstick.

I shrugged. “Not sure.”

While I’d agreed to persevere with Holden, agreeing to his condition of not actually “dating” anyone while he was their TA, it didn’t help that he had a breezy relationship with everyone else in the class, except me.

Holden would stare into their eyes, nodding while each student spoke in class, and outside of the classroom, he’d often share meals with fellow students.

But me, he was more distant both in and out of school hours.

That hadn’t happened at the beginning of our relationship. Was he pulling away from me?

Kissing or holding hands when we left Sombertooth didn’t make up for the emptiness inside me.

The yawning hole that had been getting bigger since I was with Phelan, enlarged when I broke it off with him, reduced in size when I met Holden, but had now reversed course over the weeks since I’d been dissatisfied with what was or was not happening between us.

I recognized there were two issues: one was me being reliant on another person to feel whole; and two, was whether I was willing to accept Holden’s conditions and wait until we could be an official couple.

While I was no therapist, Jack and I had discussed the former issue, and with her prodding, I’d reached the conclusion that coming to Sombertooth and making friends had eased much of my pain regarding the loss I’d experienced.

But when it came to dating, I still relied on others to fulfill me and “make me happy.” It was a cycle I had to break free of.

“Have fun.” I waved to Jack, pleased to have the room to myself.

I’d been sleeping much better lately. The nightmares had receded, and I almost laughed at myself thinking what I’d dreamed was going to come true. Nah. It was all connected to my past grief, and the veil of that unhappiness was lifting.

The phone beeped and interrupted my solitude.

There was no need to look at the sender.

Channon and Bardoul had gone into the woods to shift, Professor Shaw and Coach weren’t at work, as it was Saturday afternoon, Jack was out, Phelan didn’t message me anymore—not that he ever did—and I doubted the asshat had a sudden urge to get in touch.

Holden. It had to be the tiger shifter. It was late to be going to the bakery in town, though there were plenty of discounted goodies to be had at the end of the working day. A quick trip in Holden’s car and I’d have a sugary stash to get me through to Monday morning.

I grabbed the phone and paused, the device clutched in my hand hovering above the bed. What did that say about me and Holden, that I was only interested in reading his message if he could help me buy sweet treats?

Falling back onto the mattress, the phone on my chest, the message was clear.

Not Holden’s text—I hadn’t read that—but the meaning behind my reaction.

Whatever Holden and I had, it wasn’t love.

He was a great guy, and I’d longed to sleep with him—if his text said “I want to fuck you now” I’d agree—but whatever spark had been there or that I’d imagined, had flickered and been extinguished.

I sighed, understanding what I had to do and yet hoping I could avoid it. But as I lay on bed, doing my best to think of everything except Holden, Rawlins’s voice thundered in my head.

Do the hard thing now and what comes afterward will be easier than if you leave it to fester .

It was as though the man was right here with me. Maybe he was and that was comforting. Not that what I had to do was in any way satisfying.

Tapping my phone, I read Holden’s message, and he’d predicted I’d want to grab stuff from the bakery before they closed. He knew me well, and maybe that was a reason to stay together.

No! Now Jack was in my head. If I had a beast, he’d probably be airing his opinion too.

“Okay, okay.” Now all the voices could shut up because I was going to do the thing.

I’ll meet you at the car in 15 , I texted.

Could I break up with him after we’d been to the bakery? Nope, I wouldn’t stoop that low. I had to forgo my chocolate croissants and donuts and be upfront with Holden.

I dawdled getting ready and making my way down the stairs and out back where Holden parked his car.

“Hey,” he greeted me with a smile, which faded after I shaded my eyes from the late-afternoon sun and looked at him. “Everything okay?”

He was standing on the driver’s side of the vehicle while I stood opposite at the passenger door. We peered at one another over the roof. Having the car between us, acting as a security blanket, was as much support as I was going to get, so it was best to say what I had to say now.

“I’ve been thinking…” I started.

Holden’s face dropped, along with my belly, and I considered finishing the sentence with, “About getting a jellied donut if they have any.” But the word “festering” popped into my head, uttered by imaginary Rawlins.

I hated that word and blurted out, “We need to break up because I don’t want us to fester. ”

“Huh?”

Holden’s reaction was much like my own after I spat out that word salad.

“You’re breaking up with me?” He leaned forward, his elbows on the car roof. “I thought we agreed to wait to… you know… until next semester.”

“I did, and now I don’t.” Fuck, I wasn’t making much sense. “I think I need you to fill a hole.” Damn, that wasn’t right. I lowered my voice. “Not that hole. The one inside me.”

“If this is about me not fucking you, we can drive away from college and I’ll take you in the back seat.”

We were getting nowhere and his last comment irritated me.

If fucking wasn’t the issue, why hadn’t we done it before?

Had he withheld sex as a way to keep me hanging around?

But for what purpose? I always wondered why he was so interested in me and my family, and while it’d made me uneasy, I should have given it more thought.

“No!”

“Isn’t that what you wanted?” he yelled.

Anger was bubbling out of me after his offer to put his dick in me and now practically announcing to the world that we were together.

“I just don’t see a future for us, and I need time alone to consider my life and… and… stuff.”

“You lied, Rawling. You agreed we’d wait and now?” He banged his fists on the car. “Now you casually drop the bombshell that you can’t be assed. Got someone else in mind?”

“Stop.” I ground my teeth, and the pain had my jaw aching. “Who is or isn’t in my life is nothing to do with you and me. I’m sorry you’re hurt. There was no easy way to tell you.”

“Fine.” He jumped in the car, slammed the door, and started the engine. I caught him muttering something about me fucking up his thesis.

I pulled away as he put his foot down and backed out, the tires spitting up loose gravel. Slamming the car into gear, he drove off, leaving a cloud of dust in his wake. Damn, I wanted to be the one storming off. Discounted cakes and buns slathered with frosting would have been perfect right now.

As I wandered back to Phoenix House, I mulled over Holden’s mention of his thesis.

Was that what the questions were about? He was studying me, like an animal in captivity?

Rawling, the damaged latent, who had lost everything dear to him and who didn’t fit in with a bunch of shifters whose beasts were part of them.

Screw you, asshole. Joke’s on you. I’m not latent but human.

Now that would make for a great thesis. Maybe I should write it.

To see everyone’s face when they discovered they’d been cohabiting and sharing a classroom with a human.

Atticus might faint. The aftermath might not be pretty, but a few scratches and bruises would be worth it, though not if I ended up like Mika or Sasha.

Striding into my room, I raided Jack’s stash of protein bars. They were nothing compared to yummy baked goods, but tonight, they’d have to do. I took a bite of one and grabbed the laptop, ready for a night with my favorite vampire serial.