Page 38

She knew what I was referring to as she nodded slowly, a smile ghosting her lips.

My heart pounded. “Still got those condoms in the glove box?” I could feel my entire body trembling.

“Yeah. I think so.” She turned and checked the glove box, the cutest, shyest smile on her beautiful lips.

Camdyn grabbed a condom, I got inside the truck and closed the door while she sat in the middle and I pulled down my baseball pants, tossing my cup aside. Not easy in the truck, but Camdyn did the same, stripping down to nothing.

I still had my T-shirt on when Camdyn shook her head and scooted closer to me. “Take off the shirt too.” Taking my hat, she put it on backward. “If I’m naked, so are you.”

I did as she said, stunned by how fucking sexy she looked wearing my hat and nothing else. “That’s so hot.” I pulled her forward so her bare chest pressed against mine. “You’re so sexy and beautiful.”

Camdyn took my face between her palms, tilted my head up and kissed me. “Not as pretty as you.”

Refusing to tear my lips from hers, we were almost at the point where I was going to put the condom on and realized we could barely move in the front seat. I glanced at the backseat. “Maybe we should go back there?”

She smiled, her cheeks flushed as she nodded. “Oh yeah… more room.”

So we climbed over the seat into the back where, thank God, the tint on the windows was darker.

We sat next to each other, not saying anything.

I still had the condom in my hand and looked at it, then Camdyn.

Waiting. I knew what came next but I wasn’t sure what to do, if that made sense.

Do I just… stick it in? Should I say something?

“Put it on before I chicken out.”

I laughed and relaxed against the seat. “We don’t have to, you know.”

She shook her head, eyes shadowed by my hat. “I know. I want to.”

“Are you sure?”

“I’m sure.”

I stared at her. There was no hesitation in her answer. None. She wanted this as much as I did. My eyes dropped to her chest—her breathing slow and steady. I don’t know why, but it was like I was looking for any sign she didn’t want this.

Straddling me on the seat, she raised up and grasped me with her hand. Neither of us said anything when she eased down on me. I don’t think I could have even if I tried. I was breathing too damn hard.

She stopped, laughed and hid her face in her hands. “I’m scared.”

“We don’t have to,” I quickly added, trying to give her an out.

“Maybe if you were on top.”

“Okay.” My voice was rough, trying to control my breathing.

My entire body shook as I lined up with her, the head of my dick at her entrance. Were we really about to have sex?

She was so tight it felt like the condom was gonna break. I couldn’t form a thought. At least none that made sense. Other than this felt fucking amazing and she looked stunning in the streetlight glow, hair in her face. My hat fell off her and onto the floor with our clothes.

Her entire body was beneath me. “Are you okay?” I panted, worried she was hurting. “I uh ? —”

“It hurts,” she winced, holding onto me tighter.

“Do you want to stop?”

“No.” She shook her head, breathing faster. “Please don’t. Keep going.”

“Okay.”

Her legs widened and she drew in a couple deep breaths. “Don’t stop, okay? I want this.”

I swallowed over the lump in my throat. “Me too.”

Camdyn didn’t say anything else. At least I didn’t hear her over my own breathing and everything I felt.

“Thank God for the back seat,” I teased, trying not to finish too soon. I did not want this feeling to ever fucking end.

Camdyn laughed. “Maybe this is why my dad didn’t want me to have one with a backseat.”

“Possibly. Good thing he likes me.”

“He might like you less if he finds out what we’re doing,” she whispered, kissing my neck.

I kissed her temple, pushed forward again. “Mmm, don’t tell him. He might throw me into a burning building.” She was so tight, my body shook and I couldn’t stop if I tried.

She laughed at my remark and I lost it.

“Baby,” I panted, clutching her tighter. “I’ma come.”

She moved her hips, holding tighter. “Jaxon…”

The feeling was indescribable. I couldn’t tell you what it felt like, other than nothing had ever made me feel quite like this, physically or emotionally.

“I can’t believe we just did that,” Cam said, covering her face with her palm and laughing.

I smiled, pulling her hands away from her pink cheeks. “I can’t believe how beautiful you are.”

Even now, she’s still as beautiful as that day.

Maybe more so, with her hair falling in waves past her shoulders and that little black crop top showing enough skin to drive me fucking crazy.

I don’t understand it and I can’t stop the feeling inside me, because even though I said I needed something different, I still feel the same way about Camdyn as I did that day in her truck.

When I’m not with her, I crave her, and when I’m near her, I’m intoxicated by everything I feel for her and captivated by her sinful beauty.

There are millions of people in the world—billions, actually. Hundreds I usually see every day.

So why her? Why can’t I let this go?

While I’m plotting how I’m going to get Camdyn away from that guy, I can feel Jameson’s eyes on me.

I’m honestly surprised he pried himself away from Mookie long enough to hit a party.

He’s leaning against the wall next to the beer pong table, watching the whole scene play out like it’s his personal reality show.

“Hey.” Jameson motions me over as he downs his drink—probably water—before wiping his hand over his mouth. Jameson doesn’t drink. Ever. I’ve never seen him touch a drop of alcohol. “Come here.”

I turn to Inez, who’s scrolling through her phone, probably trying to act like she doesn’t care, or taking notes for whatever she’s gonna write about next. Probably my relationship with Camdyn. “I’ll be back.”

Will I, though?

“Oh,” is all she says, her eyes flicking to Camdyn, then back to her screen. The blue light makes her face look pale, almost ghostly in the dim room.

I take five steps toward Jameson, dodging a couple making out against the wall. “What?”

“Nothing.” He smiles, that knowing smirk that makes me want to punch him sometimes. “I just didn’t want you leaving with her.”

“Bruh.”

“Don’t bruh me, bitch.” He turns me by my shoulders to face Camdyn, who is now standing closer to the guy she was talking to. He’s clearly saying something private to her with how close they are, his cologne probably all over her by now. “Go say something to her.”

My heart pounds faster when the guy pulls out his phone, nearly dropping it because he’s had way too many of whatever’s in that red cup. “What am I gonna say?” Fuck. He’s either getting her number, or giving her his.

What the fuck? Is she actually going to give it to him?

We’re not together, I remind myself.

“I don’t know. Anything.” Jameson’s still watching me like I’m some kind of science experiment.

I shrug and lean into the wall behind me, trying to look chill even though my chest feels like it’s going to explode. She glances at me, her gaze burning through me, seeping into my soul where she’s lived since the day I met her.

“She can talk to other guys, man.” I'm lying, because the longer she’s talking to him, the more uneasy I feel. The music switches to something slower, and I watch him step even closer to her.

And now he’s typing in his phone. Fuck me. I fight the urge to go over there and knock his phone out of his hand. My knuckles are probably white if I looked and my jaw is clenched tight.

“No, she can’t.” Jameson shoves my shoulder.

The move makes me spill some of my drink on my shoes.

“I don’t even like that guy.” He nods at me, then at Camdyn.

“Look at her face while she’s talking to him.

She’ll never look at him the way she looks at you, my man.

” He pats my shoulder. “You, for some fucking reason, own that look.”

I turn toward Jameson. Through the crowd, I catch Camdyn laughing at something Soccer Boy says.

The sound hits me like a punch to the gut.

I’m not sure if I should laugh—because Jameson’s right—or disagree.

“Why are you so bent on me going over there? Is it because he plays with bigger balls than you?” I think he’s salty because that guy Callie’s been messing with is a soccer player, and I’m pretty sure I’ve seen this dude walking around with him.

“Cute.” Jameson rolls his eyes and takes another sip of his water. “He’s a soccer player. Do something or I will.”

The party gets louder, more bodies pressing in as people move away from some guy who looks like he’s about to puke in the corner. Well, now I’m curious. “What are you going to do?”

“I don’t even know. Kiss her?”

Is my skin on fire? It fucking feels like it. I also can’t breathe. My chest feels like it’s weighted down by a thousand pounds of my fuckups, rooting me in place against this wall. The memory of us in her truck the night she took my hat flashes through my mind.

Jameson shrugs when I don’t say anything and takes a step toward Camdyn. “Decision made. Ima kiss her.”

I grab him by the shirt, my fingers twisting in the fabric. “Okay, okay, wait a second.”

“You’re wasting time. Ima kiss her.” He’s got that look that says he might actually do it just to prove a point.

I think about someone kissing her. I hate it. It’s like someone stabs me in the balls with an ice pick. I’m instantly jealous, and I can’t tell if he’s serious or not. I can’t think over the rage at the idea of someone else’s lips on hers. “The fuck you will.”

He takes a step back toward me and stares, completely stone-faced. Some drunk girl stumbles between us, but neither of us moves. “Well if I do, it’s your fault.”

He has an answer for everything, doesn’t he? “How so?”

He doesn’t answer me because our focus is on Cam and the soccer player who, judging by the smile on his face, just got her number and tucks his phone in his back pocket. His hand lingers on her arm longer than necessary, and I swear to God if he doesn’t move it in the next two seconds?—

“Dangggg. Ya gonna let that slide?” Jameson’s voice cuts through my thoughts.

I shrug but don’t say anything. My heart is beating so fast and hard I hear it in my ears over the bass of the music. The cup in my hand is crushed, water dripping down my fingers.

“Grow some balls.”

I glare at Jameson. “Shut up.”

Inez bumps my shoulder, making me jump. I’d forgotten she was even still here. “Hey, I’m taking off. This isn’t my kinda thing.” Her voice is tight, controlled. She knows exactly what’s up.

Shit. I thought she’d left already. “Uh, all right.” I don’t move toward her and she waits for about five seconds, her eyes searching my face for something I can’t give, and then turns and pushes through the crowd. Her shoulders are stiff.

“That’s awkward.” Jameson grins. “How’s the love life, lover boy?”

I shrug at Jameson’s question, watching as Soccer Boy finally steps away from Camdyn to talk to his teammates. “Don’t ask.”

In the distance, I look to Camdyn. Our eyes catch across the room like they always do, like there’s some kind of magnetic pull between us.

We stare. I don’t think either one of us is breathing.

Still, relief floods me that she’s looking at me—the intoxicating escape she gives me is undeniable.

The party fades until it’s just us, like it always does.

I keep looking at Camdyn and think about that night in her truck again.

Back when everything was still innocent and uncomplicated.

We were just kids who loved each other and nothing else mattered.

Before I fucked everything up, before I pushed her away, before I had to watch her talk to other guys while pretending it doesn’t kill me inside.

My heart beats an unsteady, compulsive rhythm. I want so bad to give in to this with her. Right now. But what if I hurt her again? I’d lose her forever. I know it.

I know one thing, though: watching as Soccer Boy starts making his way back toward her, she’s not leaving here with a fucking soccer player.

Not tonight. Not ever.