Page 34

His eyes are curious. Flirty, but definitely curious. “Where ya going?”

Maybe that was a question about rushing out of his dorm this morning? I don’t know, but I also don’t know what to say. “Huh?”

“You’re leaving?”

“Oh, yeah. Well, I’m done studying and eating. Soooo.”

“I’ll walk with you.” He nods at his friends, and they turn toward the dining hall, leaving me alone with Jaxon.

“Oh, okay,” I say, and start walking.

Jaxon walks beside me in silence, opens the door, and then we’re out in the rain, hoods up, with a comfortable, yet worrisome, quiet between us.

“Want some coffee?” He nods at the stand.

“Sure.”

We get coffee at the Starbucks cart, and Jaxon finally breaks the awkward silence by bumping my shoulder. “Sooo, what happened this morning? Where’d you go?”

“Oh.” My eyes drift to his as I sip my coffee. Same look. Curious. “Callie was in bed with Jameson and I didn’t know. Wasn’t sure if you wanted Jameson to see us together.”

“He already walked in on us, remember?”

“Yeah, but me sleeping with you might be different.”

He shrugs. “I don’t care if he knows.” He raises an eyebrow and sips his coffee. “Callie was there? Jameson didn’t say anything.”

“Maybe he didn’t want you to know?”

“Apparently.” Before taking a drink, he shakes his head. “When’s he gonna learn?”

A sharp pain hits my chest. “What do you mean?”

“With Callie. I mean, she’s talking to another guy.” He makes a face. Somewhere between annoyed and—predictable? Like he knows she’s not going to change her mind about Jameson.

“Oh.” Is all I say because now it’s awkward. Our situation is kind of similar, so why is he upset Jameson keeps going back to Callie? I keep going back to him, so what’s the difference?

He doesn’t say anything else. Maybe he realized what he said after my short reply, or maybe not.

We keep walking in silence, my throat tight with anxiety. I want to ask what we’re doing and what we are now, but I’m afraid of the answer.

Listen, I know how dumb I’m being. We’ve established that. But if you’ve ever been in love and always want to please others, you’d get why I can’t make myself ask the questions I need to.

They’re on the tip of my tongue, but what happens if I ask? What if he gets mad? What if his answer changes what we have? It’s good right now. It might not be everything I want, but it’s something.

I know what you’re probably thinking, too. Who cares if he gets mad? You have a right to know. And you’re right, but I can’t stand it if someone’s mad at me.

“My parents were sure excited to see you,” Jaxon says, tossing his empty cup in the trash with practiced ease. The late afternoon sun catches his profile, and I try not to stare at the way it highlights his jawline. He hasn’t shaved in days and the scruff is hot as hell.

“Aww. I missed them too.”

And you. Always you.

He smiles, and it’s real, unguarded, and makes my stomach flip. “They missed you too.”

I bump his arm, fighting the urge to lean into his warmth. “They’re so proud of you.”

The smile dims. “What about you?”

His question catches me off guard, making my pulse skip. “What do you mean?”

I watch his throat as he swallows. “Nothing. Never mind.”

“I’m always going to be proud of you,” I say softly. “No matter what.”

He chews his lower lip. “Even after everything I’ve put you through?”

The ice in my coffee has melted, leaving cold droplets on my fingers. I stare at them instead of him. “Doesn’t change the way I feel about you.”

Oh my God. Word vomit much? Someone please shut me up.

His gaze drops to his feet. “It should.”

My heart pounds so hard I swear the passing students must hear it. Is this about Inez? Those texts I pretend I don’t know about? “What do you mean?”

“It should change how you feel about me.” He says it like I’m naive and don’t get how the world works.

“Yeah, well, I’m not exactly known for doing what I should.” I try to sound light, even as my chest aches. “And I could never give up on you.”

Jesus Christ, someone confiscate my vocal cords before I embarrass myself further.

But Jaxon’s smile returns, softer, and his fingers brush against mine “accidentally.” “I don’t deserve you, girl.”

You really don’t, you beautiful idiot.

But here the fuck I am anyway.

I shift my weight, hyper-aware of how close we’re standing. “Everyone makes mistakes, Jax.”

“Yeah, but I’ve made more than most.” There’s something heavy in his voice, like he’s trying to warn me away.

Fat chance. I’ve tried staying away. It lasted about as long as my attempt at giving up coffee. Speaking of which, I toss my watery remains in the trash, using the moment to collect myself.

The sun has shifted, casting long shadows across the campus lawn. His blue eyes catch the light when he looks at me, and I see that familiar mix of desire and hesitation that makes my skin tingle.

“What time do you have to be at the field?” I ask, desperate to think about something besides the way his t-shirt pulls across his shoulders. They’re playing WSU again tonight, and while I should probably skip it to rest for tomorrow’s early bus ride, we both know I’ll end up in the stands anyway.

“Two or three.” His eyes haven’t left my face.

“Ah.” Real eloquent.

The playful smirk I know too well tugs at his mouth. “Got time for me?”

My heart definitely doesn’t flutter at that. Nope. Not at all. “You’re with me now, aren’t you?”

“Mmm.” He steps closer, arm sliding around my waist like it belongs there. Maybe it does. “You know what I mean.”

Oh, I do. God help me.