Page 41

Chapter 40

Callan

"H ow are you feeling?”

“Well enough to hold a sword,” the Fire General groused. A wounded Eliza was crankier than the usual Eliza.

“I am told you still have my sword,” she added, sipping on her glass of wine.

Callan had been sitting on a bench along the wall, watching everyone dancing. It had been like slipping into a worn pair of boots—the formal introduction, the traditional ?rst dance, the greeting and polite nodding. Things he had done his entire life. The Fae Princes had looked just as comfortable. Even Drake and Tava had handled it well, used to life at Court he supposed. Honestly, Scarlett and Cassius had appeared the most uncomfortable, and if that hadn’t been paradoxical, he didn’t know what was.

The ball had been underway for a few hours when Eliza had practically thrown herself down into the seat beside him, arms crossing as she glared up at Razik, who had apparently escorted her down from her room. Callan hadn’t been stupid enough to ask questions about that.

“I do,” Callan answered. “I have cleaned it, but I did not think you would want it left in your room unattended.”

“You are right about that,” she said. “Cyrus would probably try to steal it. Think it was a game.”

“How are you doing, Eliza? For real?” Callan asked, watching her from the corner of his eye. He rubbed at the back of his neck. “I thought she stabbed your heart. From where I was standing that is what it looked like and—”

A hand wrapped around his, calluses on her palm rough against his skin. “I live, Callan,” she said gently. “Thank you for calling to me, for coming to me, for killing that bitch when she suppressed my magic. I would not be sitting here if it had not been for you.”

“Thank you for training me, even though I am certain you thought it was pointless on more than one occasion.”

She huffed a small laugh, then grimaced, letting go of his hand to rub at the wound. “That is the thing about training. You never know who will need it or when, but you pray to Sargon that you’ve taught them enough to make it count. You made it count, Callan.”

“But you will continue to train me when you are well?” he asked, eyes landing on Tava speaking with Hale, smiling in amusement at whatever he was saying.

“You may have saved me and gutted a few seraphs, Princeling, but your swings could have been better. Not so sloppy.”

A bark of laughter came from him. “Fair enough, General.”

Razik appeared a moment later, holding out a plate to Eliza of what appeared to be chocolate cake. She glanced at it once before arching a brow at him.

“You said you would eat,” Razik said by way of explanation.

“Only because it was the only way you would let me come down here for a bit,” she retorted sharply.

“Niara said you need to rest or healing will take longer.” He moved the plate a few inches closer to her. “Now eat, or I will feed it to you.”

Eliza scoffed. “You will not.”

He bent down close, getting into her face. “Try me, Milady.”

Eliza scowled at him, her cheeks going red with anger, as she snatched the plate from his hand, cutting off a piece with the fork and shoving it into her mouth. Razik smirked back at her in satisfaction. Callan sat awkwardly while she ate the entire piece of dessert. Then she all but threw the plate back at Razik.

“Give it to me,” she demanded.

Razik handed the empty plate off to a passing server before there was a burst of black ?ames and he produced a book, holding it out to her. She tore it from his hand, ?ipping through the pages until she apparently found the page she was on.

“If you take my book again, I will gut you in your bed,” she said nonchalantly, as if she wasn’t threatening a powerful warrior who could literally turn into a dragon.

“Noted.” Razik lazily dropped down onto the bench on the other side of her. “Of course, then that means you will have to come to my bed.”

Eliza went eerily still, and that was when Callan decided it was time for him to ?nd somewhere else to be. He muttered something to them about going to get a drink, but neither of them acknowledged him. He was halfway across the hall when a silver head of hair intercepted him.

“Dance with me?” the queen asked, grabbing his hand and tugging him to the dance ?oor.

He hadn’t seen her away from Sorin all night. They’d each danced the necessary dances with other people. Scarlett had danced with Cethin and Tybalt at some point. Sorin had danced with Kailia. He’d seen a few other Avonleyans brave enough to interrupt them and ask for dances, but for the most part, the two had been in their own world. Eyes always on each other, tender touches, and whispered words that brought about soft smiles. It was everything she deserved and more. To have someone look at her like that and understand who she was beneath it all.

“You think too hard, your Majesty.”

He hadn’t realized he’d just been going through the motions, falling back into old habits. She smiled up at him, a knowing thing, bright silver eyes seeming to look into his very soul.

“It is disconcerting to dance without masks sometimes,” she remarked.

“Everyone can see everything,” he agreed, twirling her under his arm, her dress ?aring out around her ankles. Her hair had already begun coming loose from the curls she’d had pinned back. It was better this way.

Down and free. It was her.

“They can,” she conceded when she came back to him, hand back at his shoulder. “Even things we cannot see ourselves. I think that is what makes it most unsettling, that someone might see something about us we haven’t ?gured out yet.”

“And what do you see when you look at me these days, my Wraith?”

She smiled at his old pet name for her. “I see a king uncertain of his place.”

“It is hard to know your place when you do not know who you are anymore,” he said quietly.

“It is hard to ?nd yourself when the world is demanding everything from you, and you do not recognize the person staring back at you in a mirror,” Scarlett replied.

“How did you do it?” he asked, his eyes snagging on Tava dancing with Hale. Her forest green dress with gold details—the traditional colors of Rydeon—looked regal against the red and gold of Hale’s jacket. “How did you... survive?”

Scarlett’s gaze followed his. “I found people who could look past the masks, Callan,” she said. “Not people who tried to ?x me or tell me how I should feel or what I should do. People who understood that sometimes... ” She exhaled deeply. “Sometimes we just need people to sit with us in the middle of the mess. But those people? They tend to ?nd you. You don’t ?nd them. You’re too busy trying not to drown to even be looking.”

The song ended, and they clapped for the musicians, stepping back from one another. But she grabbed his hand once more, squeezing his ?ngers in hers. “Those people, Callan? They are the ones that can reach us even on the darkest of nights.”

He watched her saunter off, moving straight to Sorin who was speaking with Cyrus and Rayner on the edge of the crowd, all of them huddled around Eliza. He pulled her under his arm, and Cyrus said something that made her shove his shoulder while Rayner smiled lightly at whatever was being said. Cassius appeared a moment later, and he melded in with them as if he’d always been a part of what they were.

Effortless. It all seemed so effortless. The nonchalance. The camaraderie. The familial love. He knew it wasn’t. They faced the coming war and unknown as much as he did. But they did it together. Had somehow found each other.

A laugh he knew in the depths of his being carried to him, and he instantly found Tava, laughing with Drake as her brother twirled her around the ?oor. Drake still seemed slightly haunted, but he looked better than he had in days. She laughed again when he dipped her low, ?ngers digging into his tunic sleeve as she warned her brother not to drop her. He chuckled, hauling her back up before spinning her once more.

Scarlett had found stars in the darkness, but he didn’t need to do any of that, Callan realized as he watched them.

He only needed to follow the light.

It was late, the middle of the night, but when Cethin said the Avonleyans preferred the night, he hadn’t been lying. The ball was still in full swing, people still dancing and eating and laughing when Callan had left, exhaustion settling deep in his bones.

But now it was late. The middle of the night. And he couldn’t sleep.

He’d slipped on a pair of pants and a long-sleeve tunic before sliding on boots and heading downstairs. He’d walked these halls plenty over the weeks they’d been here. Walked the garden paths even more. He could ?nd his way in the dark easily enough at this point.

On one of his walks, he had found a small pond nestled among the low stone walls that wound through the gardens. There were fish in it that glowed faintly in the dark waters. In fact, he’d learned you could only see them at night. He’d come here during the day to try to see them in the light, but the waters were black, even in the pond, and the fish were lost to the void of inky darkness. Even the wildlife preferred the night it seemed.

It took ?fteen minutes to ?nd the pond, taking two wrong turns at some point, but when he stepped through the opening in the wall, his heart stuttered. The walls were taller around the pond, creating its own space, keeping out everything else. Thick vines climbed up them, dark purple ?owers blooming along their length. The glow of the ?sh in the pond cast them in a soft light. A fountain was along the back wall, feeding into the pond, and a long bench set along the side of the water, close enough for one to dip their toes in if they wished.

Which is exactly what Tava was doing.

She’d changed out of her forest green ?nery and put on a simple dark teal dress with long sleeves and a scooping neckline. It looked better. The ?nery was beautiful, but this casual grace was... better. Grey slippers rested on the bench beside her, and she sat leaning forward with her hands braced on the edge of the bench. Her hair was pulled over one shoulder, golden strands cascading around her as she dragged her toes through the water.

She hadn’t heard him approach, which was surprising in and of itself. She was always so observant, but she was obviously lost in her thoughts. Her features were soft and contemplative, a small frown on her lips.

For a moment, he thought he should leave, that he shouldn’t intrude on what was clearly some time she needed to herself, but he couldn’t make himself do it. He couldn’t walk away from her.

Not again.

He didn’t know how to make himself known without startling her, so he lightly cleared his throat, hands shoved deep into his pockets. Predictably, she jumped, tugging her feet quickly from the water, eyes ?ying to his face.

“Callan?”

“I am sorry to intrude,” he lied.

“No. I mean, you aren’t.” She reached for her slippers.

“I can go.”

“Please don’t.”

She stilled, ?ngers hooked into her slippers. He gestured to the space beside her. “May I?”

“Of course.” She tucked her hair behind her ear, not looking at him as he made his way over, settling down beside her and moving the slippers aside. He toed off his boots, pulling his socks off too, and dipped his toes into the water, ?sh darting away.

She glanced up at him brie?y before slowly lowering her feet back down, painting ripples alongside his. “How long have you been here?” she asked softly.

“Not long.”

“I needed some air after the events of the night. I have only seen this place during the day,” she said. “I asked Magdalena to show me the way to it in the dark.”

“And she left you here?”

Tava shrugged. “I ?gured it was close enough to dawn. I could ?nd my way back in the light.” Her foot paused as a curious ?sh swam closer before darting away once more. “What about you?”

“Me?”

“What are you doing out here in the night?”

“I returned an hour ago,” he said. “I needed to unwind after all the festivities.” She hummed in acknowledgment. “You seemed to enjoy yourself,” he ventured.

“It was lovely,” she conceded. “Proper and formal and yet somehow not.”

He couldn’t have described it better himself.

He hadn’t been alone with her since the night she had bandaged his wounds. Before that, it had been when she’d slept in his arms. They had never discussed that night. She had woken shortly after he did, ?ngers skating across his chest brie?y. She’d looked up at him, holding his gaze for a long moment, and then she’d slid silently from his lap. When she had disappeared into the bathing room, he’d slipped out of the room, Drake still sleeping in her bed. They’d gone back to what they’d been since that throne room.

That fucking throne room.

Would he forever measure time by the events of that night now?

Before the throne room and after?

“Did you enjoy yourself?” she asked after a moment of stilted silence.

“Well enough,” he replied. “I sat with Eliza for a while.”

“I saw. She is healing?”

Gods, he hated this small talk between them. They had spoken so freely while she’d tended to his injuries that night. That’s what he wanted, but he didn’t know how to get back to it.

I cannot handle only having you when you allow me to.

“Callan?”

He shook his head, clearing his thoughts. “Sorry,” he said in a rush. “Eliza is healing well, yes. It appears they have an exceptional healer.”

“Niara,” she said, toes tracing a circle in the water. “Hale told me of her.”

“You and King Hale seem... friendly,” he said cautiously.

“He is very gracious in letting the children run around his estate these past weeks. I ?nd myself in his company quite often when I am there.”

Callan was sure she did.

“He is excited to return to our continent one day,” she added.

“With you?”

Well, he hadn’t meant to say that out loud, but it was out there now. Tava, to her credit, didn’t react. She switched from swiping her toes through the water to lazily swinging her legs back and forth.

“I am not na?ve, Callan,” she said. “I know he has an interest in more than my company.”

“I did not mean to imply you were na?ve.”

“I know.”

For a long moment the only sound was the small splashes from her feet.

“How do you feel about that?” he ?nally asked, so godsdamn sick of the small talk. This is not what they did. They did not tiptoe around topics. They spoke candidly, honestly, with each other.

She shrugged. “I suppose an alliance of some sort will be expected of me at some point.”

Callan openly balked. “You would do that?”

“If Drake asked it of me, yes,” she said, head tilting as she watched the ripples. “I was likely always going to be married off for status. Me now being a royal princess? I would be na?ve if I thought otherwise.”

“Has Drake hinted at this?” he asked.

“No, Callan. I was simply raised in the same society you were. I know what is expected of me.”

“And you just... accept that?”

She pulled her feet from the water, drawing her knees up to her chest, arms wrapping around them tightly. “When Drake has had time to process everything, he will step up. He will rise to the challenge and be a remarkable king. He will need to prove himself to his people. What better way to do so than by securing an alliance with the lost heir of Toreall? It is politics.”

Smart. She was always so damn smart, thinking ahead, planning for all possible futures. She was also right. He and Drake were already friends. He’d been planning to ask Drake to be his Hand-to-the-King when they returned, but that was before they’d learned he was royalty himself. The alliance between Windonelle and Rydeon was secure and expected. Toreall was the wildcard here.

He swallowed thickly. “You have a choice here, Tava.”

“I have as much choice as you would have had if you had not suddenly found yourself a king, Callan,” she replied.

“As far as Windonelle is concerned, we are still betrothed,” he argued. “What kind of message will it send if we return and you are betrothed to another?”

“Why do you care, Callan? I gave you an opportunity to end the courting, and you took it.”

“Because blue is more your color than red,” he said, sharper than he’d intended.

“What?” Tava asked, her eyes widening at his sudden outburst. “Windonelle’s colors are blue and grey. Toreall’s are red and gold,” he muttered, not looking at her.

There was another long stretch of silence before she whispered, “I do not know what you want from me, Callan.”

He looked over to ?nd her studying the water, arms still curled tightly around her knees.

“I know what I do not want,” he said, reaching over and gently taking her chin between his thumb and fore?nger. “I do not want you two kingdoms away from me, Little Fox. I do not want you one kingdom away from me.”

“What do you want?” she whispered, tears pooling in her eyes.

“I want to travel with you. I want you to wear blue and grey. I want your dances at events like tonight. I still don’t know who I will be at the end of this, but I want to ?gure it out with you.”

He leaned in then, closing the distance between their mouths. He slid his tongue along the seam of her lips, coaxing them open. She was hesitant, had every right to be, but then her lips began moving against his. Slow and tentative. Nothing like the other two kisses they’d shared. One had been a scheme. One had been a surprise.

But this one was neither of those things. This one was apologies and promises. This one was saying there would be no in-between, not anymore.

He pulled back and whispered onto her lips, “I want all of those too, Tava. Every single one.”

She laughed softly. “Truth be told, when I kissed you in that conservatory knowing Veda would catch us, that was only the second time I had kissed someone.”

“Who else?” Callan demanded.

“It does not matter,” she said breathlessly. It didn’t not matter.

Then again, as long as she hadn’t kissed Hale , he could live withit. “But the rest of them?” he pressed, brushing his mouth along hers again.

She laughed. “They are yours, Callan, but... ”

He leaned back, tucking her hair behind her ear. “But what, Little Fox?”

“I need you to be sure. I cannot... ” Her eyes darted to the pond before coming back to his.

“Tava, this is the only thing I am sure of in my life right now.”

“Okay,” she whispered, a tear slipping free.

He brushed it away with his thumb. “Okay.”

She leaned against him, and he ran his ?ngers through her hair before settling an arm around her and tucking her in close to his side. She eventually lowered her feet again, toes once more dipping into the water beside his.

“I do not like it here,” she whispered.

He smiled into her hair. “Care to specify?”

“Avonleya in general,” she answered, leg brushing against his as she glided her foot through the water. “The kingdom itself is beautiful, but I do not like their schedule. I miss the morning sunrises. It is too dark here.”

“I could not agree more.”