Page 26

Chapter 25

Talwyn

"I saw your plant prince,” Nuri said casually when Talwyn stepped from the air outside the Windonelle castle. How the Night Child had known she was going to appear at this exact moment in time, Talwyn didn’t know. She hadn’t even ?inched at her sudden appearance. When Talwyn stared back at her, face void of any emotion, Nuri continued. “You know. The night they managed to remove that tracking Mark from Cassius. He was there.”

“You mean the night you failed at your assignment?” Talwyn returned coldly.

“Did I?”

“You were supposed to detain Scarlett and bring her back here. Since she is not here, it would appear you failed.”

Nuri shrugged her slender shoulders. “I guess it depends on who you are asking.”

“That does not make any sense,” Talwyn snapped, moving towards the castle entrance.

Nuri all but danced along with her, walking backwards so Talwyn could see her face. For once, the female’s hood was down, but the sky was overcast, so she wasn’t in danger of being weakened by the sun.

“That’s not the point. The point is your ?ower guy was there. He looked good. Cranky. Scowling. Growly.” She shrugged again. “You know, the usual.”

That did describe Azrael fairly accurately to outsiders, but Talwyn still wasn’t exactly sure why Nuri was telling her all of this.

“That was days ago,” Talwyn said.

“It was,” she agreed. “I just haven’t seen you without the wanna-be prince since then.”

Talwyn paused mid-stride for the briefest of moments.

Was Nuri... being nice ? In some round-about way, was she letting her know Azrael was all right simply because she somehow knew Talwyn worried about him constantly? Thought of him often despite her best efforts not to?

No. That wasn’t it. This was some kind of assignment from Alaric. Befriend the Fae Queen. Earn her trust. No one was nice to her without wanting something in return. She did not have any allies here. Not anymore. Not since she drove them all away.

No one but Ashtine, who Talwyn still had not heard from since that day on the beach in the Water Court. That had been over a week ago. She’d driven her away in the end too.

Nuri had turned, walking ahead of her now, and by the time Talwyn entered the castle after her, she had already disappeared. She hadn’t been wrong. Talwyn had hardly been away from Tarek. She’d spent her nights beside him in bed at the White Halls. He’d accompanied her on trips to check in on the other Courts, and he seemed to have been appeased. He did not ask of Ashtine again or bring up using her to plant false information with those sailing west. Not that they could anymore anyway. They couldn’t track them anymore. Scarlett had made sure of that when they had surprised them all and showed up in Rydeon.

The Maraan Lords had been in a frenzy for days before that time, trying to ?gure out what Scarlett was doing in the northern continent. Mikale, of course, had wanted to go and set a trap for her there. Alaric had wanted to wait for her to reveal her hand. Lord Tyndell had... Well, he’d been more absent lately, letting Alaric and Mikale handle most things. Talwyn actually had no idea what the Lord was up to these days.

Tarek had been keeping her as distracted as she had been keeping him, she realized, making her way up the stairs to the third floor. His attendance was not required at meetings as it used to be. Until today. This morning he had been summoned by Alaric, and Talwyn had welcomed the chance to be alone, to breathe. She had shifted into her wolf for the first time in days and ran in the Dresden Forest, her pack emerging to greet her.

All of them except Maliq that is. The spirit animal had apparently left them when he’d left her.

She was contemplating how she was going to ?gure out what exactly Tarek was attempting to distract her from when she entered the council room and froze. It was empty save for one other person.

Alaric.

He stood near an alcohol cart along one wall, a glass of liquor in his hand, staring out a window. He didn’t look at her when she entered, just took a sip of his drink. His dark hair was tied back at the nape of his neck, and he wore black pants with a white tunic and a grey jacket.

She had never been alone with him before. Not once. Tarek had always been there, as if he were a buffer between them. He’d subtly try to warn her when he thought she was pushing too far, not that she’d ever cared. But suddenly being in this room, completely alone with the ruler of the Black Syndicate, with a Maraan Prince... She would almost welcome Tarek’s hovering presence.

Talwyn lifted her chin, squaring her shoulders as she shut the door behind her with a decisive click. She ?exed her ?ngers, the silver bracelet wound around her wrist vibrating with energy at the possibility of having to defend herself. Not that she would use that magic. She hadn’t touched her gift to shift energy since the throne room.

Alaric ?nally glanced at her, a brief ?ick of the eyes, his lips twitching the smallest amount.

“Your Majesty.”

“Alaric,” she replied tightly, and she saw him stiffen at the lack of title. But what was she to call him? He wasn’t her master. She wasn’t his subject. “Was the meeting time changed?”

“No,” he answered, taking another sip of his drink. He stared down into the glass, swirling the contents as he studied it.

“Then where is everyone else?” Talwyn demanded.

“They are tending to other matters,” Alaric answered, ?nally turning from the window. He gestured to the table. “Please take a seat.”

She moved stif?y to the table, taking the chair at the opposite end. An almost amused look passed over Alaric’s face as he took the seat at his end. He swirled his liquor glass again, seemingly in contemplation, before he placed the glass on the table with a dull thud.

“We are allies, are we not... Talwyn?” He met her gaze at the use of her name, a challenge emanating from his dark eyes.

“Unless something has changed that I am unaware of, yes,” she retorted, her elbows resting on the arms of her chair, hands curled tightly around the ends beneath the table.

Alaric surveyed her for a long moment before he settled back in his chair, posture relaxing. He was ?dgeting with his liquor glass when he asked, “Did you know I can detect power? I can sense who is the most powerful in a room. I can tell when power is depleted and when it is at its fullest.”

“That sounds incredibly useful,” she deadpanned.

“Quite,” he returned. “Of course, the farther away a being is, the harder it is for me to detect them. Scarlett, for example, even days after she left, I could feel her when her power reserves were full.”

“Interesting,” Talwyn said, unsure of where he was going with this.

“What is interesting, your Majesty , is that a little over a week ago, I started detecting another great power south of here. In the Water Court,” Alaric said, swirling his glass a little harder. “I had assumed it was you attempting to ?nd a way into the Underwater Prison.”

“That sounds logical,” she said tightly.

“It does, does it not?” he agreed, bringing the glass to his lips and throwing the rest of the liquor back. He dropped the glass to the table unceremoniously. “Except for the fact that I can still feel that power, and it is no longer in the Water Court, but even further south. And it grows stronger. Can you tell me why that would be when you, presumably the most powerful being currently on this continent, sit across from me?”

South of the Water Court?

Talwyn was rigid as she stared back at the Assassin Lord. South of the Water Court there was an endless sea. Eventually there were islands, but they were not ruled by this continent. From what she’d been told, they had not been inhabited for several centuries. Some great evil had once inhabited them but had been banished. The islands had remained uninhabited since then. Something about a curse or some other myth.

But if he was sensing power from those islands, maybe it wasn’t a myth after all.

“I have never been south of the Water Court,” Talwyn answered. “I only know of the legends of the islands south of there.”

A small, cruel smile tilted on Alaric’s lips. “Yes,” he mused. “I know of those legends as well. This is... not that.”

“Then you know more about this than I do. Why did you summon me here?”

“I have sent some of my people to try to ?nd the source of this power,” he said, ignoring her question.

“And? What did they learn?”

“Nothing,” he said simply.

“Nothing,” she repeated. “Perhaps you need better people.”

Alaric made a show of seeming to consider the merit of that statement before saying, “I only know of a handful of people who could take on a water horse and live to tell the tale.” Talwyn stopped breathing, that cruel smile on Alaric’s face growing. “No, your Majesty, I do not believe it is my people that are the problem.”

Abrax.

Abrax was keeping people out, which could only mean that Ashtine was there.

“Then what do you think the problem is?” she asked, her tone hard and irritated.

Alaric stood, moving back to the liquor cart and re?lling his glass. He took another sip before turning to her once more. “I think there are a great number of problems with this mysterious power source, but the greatest problem I ?nd I currently face is that my allies are proving worthless. More so, I am questioning their loyalty.”

“I have done nothing to warrant such questioning,” Talwyn snarled, a hand coming up and splaying on the table in front of her. “I tried to talk to the Shifters, despite telling you it would be futile. Tarek was there. He witnessed everything.” When he continued to stare at her in that unnerving way of his, swirling his godsdamn liquor, she went on. “The Water Prince is needed to enter the Underwater Prison. Until a work around is discovered, that is not possible right now either.”

“True,” Alaric agreed. “However, had the Fae Royals been dealt with properly, a new Water Prince could have already been instated and this would not be an issue.”

She couldn’t argue against that, but she’d be damned if she was going to apologize for it. An insincere apology was pointless, and she had a feeling Alaric would see right through it anyway.

“And Princess Ashtine?” Alaric asked. “She does not have any insights to offer?” His head tilted to the side as he watched her, gauging her reactions. She let nothing show, no trace of emotion.

“No,” she answered curtly. “She continues to be unwell since Nasima left her.”

Something crossed Alaric’s face at the mention of the spirit animal.

Disdain or displeasure? Perhaps both.

“What lies within Avonleya?” Talwyn asked. The question had plagued her for weeks, but she’d had other things to worry about. Now, though, she was curious what exactly Alaric had to gain from this war. She wanted revenge, wanted to see Avonleya brought to ruin, but Alaric didn’t seem to care about the kingdom itself, only what it housed. It was evident the spirit animals guarded it, explaining why they sided with Avonleya. It was foolish to go up against spirit animals. She knew that, but they only seemed to appear when it suited them. Sure, their bonded could summon them, but there was nothing that required the animal to answer. Nasima was proof enough of that.

So was Maliq.

Not that she’d tried to summon the wolf of Celeste since he had failed to come for her in that throne room. Partly because she wasn’t sure if their bond still existed. More so because she did not want to know the answer to that question.

Alaric moved back to the table, taking his seat once more. He leaned back, crossing an ankle over his knee. “You know, I once tried to convince Scarlett to see reason by sharing more with her. I thought if she had all the facts, she would understand and join me by choice rather than by force.” He sipped on his drink. “Of course, all that accomplished was pushing her further into the arms of that godsdamn Fire Prince. All those years of keeping her hidden, wasted.” That last part he seemed to mutter more to himself. He lifted his gaze back to hers. “Everything started to go to shit the moment that ?re Fae stepped over the border into these lands. Sent here by his queen to look for my weapon. How did you come across the whisperings of her, by the way? I have often wondered.”

If she were the laughing type, she would have lost it at the irony of how that had come about. As it turns out, she couldn’t remem ber the last time she’d laughed at anything. She wasn’t even sure she could remember the last time she had smiled.

“The winds whispered of her to Ashtine,” she replied. “That led me to consult with the Oracle.”

“Ah,” was his only reply. Another sip of liquor. “You seem to be more... receptive to rationale. Unlike my protégé.”

“Your protégé,” she repeated coldly.

“I trained her to be exactly like me,” he said. “That is why she is proving to be such a formidable opponent. She thinks like I think. Strategizes like I do. Which is why I need to try something different. Make a move she would not expect.”

“One would think the attack at sea was rather unexpected.”

“Perhaps,” he mused. “But this is more of a mental attack rather than a physical one. She will not be beaten with mere strength. Not anymore. She has learned to harness her power too well, and once they get to Avonleya—provided she can ?nd a way in without the keys she so foolishly wasted—she will be even more powerful. No, she will be beaten the same way I have always controlled her, and her rage will make her brash as usual.”

Her rage.

He clearly did not understand the depth of the bond between twin ?ames. Her rage at losing Sorin would be enough to burn the world down. It was already simmering, the embers of her fury hot and ready, waiting for her to breathe its ?re to life, and then she would let it consume anything and everything. She would not care what got in the way.

That is what Cyrus would have done if he’d had the power Scarlett has.

And that is how she should have felt when she thought Tarek had died. Instead, she’d gone to Azrael.

“Do the Maraans have twin ?ames?” she asked suddenly. Because by the gods, if he had any idea about what that entailed, he would know this was not just any kind of wrath.

Alaric paused, surprised by her random question, but then he scoffed. “No, your Majesty. We were not gifted such a thing by the gods. The Maraans and seraphs were created for one purpose. The twin ?ame bond was created as a gift for their Legacy, not for those created with an actual purpose to serve.”

“What does that mean?”

“The Legacy are the children of the demigods,” Alaric said, bitterness ringing in his tone. “The demigods are the offspring spawned when a god has a child with a mortal.”

“Why in the realms would a god have a child with a mortal?” The mere idea was absurd.

Alaric shrugged. “Eternity is a long time to live. They get bored. Petty. Experimental. Perhaps they even care for one at some point in their infinite lives. I would not know. What I do know is that they populated their various worlds in more ways than one. Some of the bloodlines were created,” he said, gesturing to himself. “And some were born.”

“Then what are the Avonleyans?”

“They would all be considered Legacy, I suppose,” Alaric answered. “But the original Avonleyans were the product of a god and a demigod.”

“A god and a...” That kind of power, to have the power of a god running in your veins? Sure, a demigod would be half-mortal, but an Avonleyan would only be a quarter mortal. And if they had a child with another Avonleyan and their children continued to do so, eventually that mortal blood would be nothing.

She narrowed her eyes at Alaric. “Then what is Scarlett? Avonleyan or Legacy?”

A knowing smile ?lled Alaric’s face. “I think that is enough history for one day. It all gets very complicated after a while. God and mortal. Avonleyan and Legacy. Demigod. Deity. The gods are ?ckle beings with an in?nite lifespan. Back to the matter at hand: I have shared something valuable with you. It would only be fair for you to do the same.”

“I do not think there is anything I can share that you do not already know,” she replied, still trying to wrap her mind around everything he’d just told her.

“While I do not believe that is true, that is not the reason I summoned you here today,” he said, pushing to his feet and moving towards her. “There is something else you can share with me, since you refuse to share knowledge I know you are keeping.”

A vine with thorns appeared in her hand beneath the table. She was on her feet, a thin shield of air pulled close to her body. “I am not the only one suspected of keeping knowledge from the other in this arrangement.”

“Am I not upholding my end of what was promised to you? Am I not aiding you in getting your revenge?” He moved another step closer.

“Are you?” she asked. “Because from where I sit, that does not appear to be the case.”

“And whose fault is that, Child?” he sneered, taking another step. “ You are the one who let the Royals ?ee across the Edria. You are the one who failed to convince the Shifters to join our cause. You are the one who refuses to search for another way into the Underwater Prison.” He paused, standing mere feet from her now, his head tilting. “Or rather, you are the one who refuses to share the work around to that little problem.”

“I do not know the work around,” she ground out, and that wasn’t entirely a lie. The Underwater Prison required the Water Prince’s bloodline for entrance. If Ashtine weren’t carrying an heir, Talwyn would have no idea where to even begin looking for an alternate way into the prison.

The smile he gave her was tight and indulgent, akin to one given to a child when they are being tiresome. “Do you know how seraphs and Maraans obtain their power?”

Talwyn couldn’t help but be thrown by the sudden change of topic, but she reinforced her winds in the shield around her.

“Considering I did not know the Maraans existed until a few months ago, no. I assumed you were born with them the way we are.”

“We take our power,” Alaric said, his entire demeanor going cold. “It is a rite of sorts. We get one opportunity. Once we take a gift, there is no second chance. No changing our mind. Naturally, it is a decision made with very careful consideration.”

“Naturally.”

“There is much to consider,” he continued, as though she hadn’t spoken. “What kind of power one wants. How that power will be re?lled. How to take it.” He knocked back the last of the liquor in the glass he still held before placing it down softly onto the table. “I, for example, took the power of a Legacy. I am -assuming your education taught you how Avonleyans re?ll their power reserves, no?”

“Of course they did. It was why—” She went utterly still.

It was part of the reason the Fae were gifted their own magic.

And then her knees were buckling, and she was gripping the table to stay standing. Magic, cold and dark and oily, was snaking over her shield, and she could feel her power being ripped from her very being.

“The stronger the power I feed off of, the stronger my power becomes,” Alaric said, moving close enough to touch her now. “Tarek has been ?ne enough these past years, but after the battle above the Edria Sea, I ?nd my reserves achingly empty.”

A vicious yank on her power pulled a cry from her lips as she sank to her knees. She scrambled, trying to gain any ounce of control, but she could do nothing. She was completely at his mercy while he drew from her.

Alaric only smiled darkly down at her. “If you are not willing to share your knowledge of your Courts with me, your Majesty , I can certainly ?nd other uses for you.”

Talwyn stumbled through the sand in the Water Court. She’d wanted to go to the Southern Islands to try to find Ashtine, but Alaric had taken so much from her, this was as far as she’d been able to Travel. Shifting wasn’t possible. She could hardly muster a breeze or stir the sand beneath her boots. She was fairly certain she had only ever been this drained once.

Azrael had forced her to drain her reserves during training one day. He’d wanted her to feel what it was like so she could recognize when she was getting too low. Looking back on it, she’d never questioned him. Had done exactly what he’d demanded, knowing he would keep her safe in her moment of greatest vulnerability.

Azrael would have never let her go to a meeting alone with Alaric. He would have never let this happen.

She should not have let this happen.

She sank down to the sand, turning to face the horizon, the same direction Abrax had taken Ashtine. She wanted to send a message to the princess, but she did not have enough reserves left to do even that. What would she say anyway? Nothing more than she already had. She just wanted to know if she was all right. Did she need anything? Was she managing? Abrax could protect her, but the animal couldn’t take care of her.

“Talwyn?”

She stiffened at the sound of his voice.

“Did you know?” she asked, voice void of any emotion. She didn’t bother looking up at him.

Silence greeted her. It was answer enough. How had it all come to this?

Tarek cleared his throat. “I suspected, but he sent me with some others to try to ?nd the source of this power in the Southern Islands. I was not told he had summoned you until after we were there. There was nothing I could do, and even if I had known beforehand...”

There was nothing he could have done anyway. He was bound to Alaric, had sworn a Blood Bond to the Maraan Prince.

“You have been ?lling his reserves. For how long?”

“Since Scarlett left the Fellowship. The tonic she took subdued her gifts, but he could still draw from them.”

“How could she not have known?” Talwyn asked, ?nally turning her head to look at him.

His hands were in his pockets, eyes staring at the sea as she had been. “He was discreet. On the nights she took a stronger tonic and slept for days. When they were in power struggles, and when he was caring for her after punishing her.” He shrugged because what more was there to say?

“You should really be commended, Tarek,” she said coldly. And he stilled, his eyes slowly dragging to hers.

“For what?”

“For committing so deeply to your role in his little power plays. For being willing to sacri?ce anything and anyone to get what you want.” She snorted a huff of disbelief. “Really, it is what I would do and have done myself. I cannot fault you. Not really.”

“Talwyn, I do not know what you think—”

She pushed unsteadily to her feet. “You do not know what I think? What I think, Tarek, is that you have been working with Alaric far longer than this last decade. How, exactly, did that rumor of Eliné’s whereabouts reach Sorin all those years ago?” A muscle in his jaw tensed as he watched her. “Did you play a role in luring her there in the ?rst place?”

“No,” he said quickly. “I had nothing to do with Eliné coming to Baylorin.”

“But you did lure Sorin out, knowing he would attempt to come for her. Ultimately leading to your death ,” she said.

His gaze cut back to the sea, and she huffed another sound of disbelief. “Well done, Tarek. Truly.”

She could see it all. Every detail laid out before her as if a veil had been lifted. He’d watched her for years. He was around often enough when she was with Azrael, even for some of their more private moments. He was Azrael’s Third. He sat in on meetings, heard things others were not privy to. It would not have been dif?cult to learn her weaknesses, to ?gure out the best way to get to her. All it would have taken was time and patience. Years of it. Years of sitting back, watching and waiting, soaking in the little things, committing them to memory. Waiting for the perfect opportunity to make a move— some type of tragedy or trauma. And when it began taking too long, he initiated it by planting information about Eliné.

Then he had been there, whispering encouragement to her dreams of revenge. Breathing words of disdain for Avonleya that only served to bolster her bitterness. Filling places left empty by her mother, Eliné, Sorin. Playing on her deep-seated fears of abandonment.

Oh, he had played her and played her well.

And now she was stuck. She had no one to blame for it but herself. She certainly couldn’t blame him. Not for a remarkably brilliant plan, and one she would not have hesitated to carry out herself if it would have served her own purposes. Her own actions were just as manipulative, just as callous and unforgivable. The only difference here was that she was the one being sacri?ced.

The ?nest of ironies.

“We can discuss this more tonight, Moon— Talwyn,” Tarek said, his tone carefully neutral. “He would like you to go with us to the Southern Islands, to see if you can discern something we may have missed.”

“I cannot Travel right now,” she snapped. “He made sure of that.”

“No, I... I know that. Lord Tyndell will take us all.”

“All?” She looked past him up the beach to where the Lord stood with Death’s Shadow and another woman she did not know.

“Who is that?”

Tarek glanced back before answering. “Sybil. She is the High Healer in the Black Syndicate. She was also Juliette’s mother.”

“Juliette? The Oracle?”

“Yes.”

“And she sides with Alaric?”

“Sybil has always sided with Alaric. Neither of them realized what Juliette was to become.”

Talwyn nodded, ?ling that away with all the other information she would need to try to process later tonight. When she was alone.

“And why do you think I will be able to get past a spirit animal when none of the rest of you have been able to? With my magic completely drained? When Maliq no longer visits me?”

“We are only going to scout things out, Talwyn. We are not looking to do anything more. Just gather information.”

“And if I refuse?”

Tarek stared back at her, the answer re?ected in his eyes. Refusal wasn’t an option, and there was nothing she could do about it. She could maybe ?ght with weapons, but being this drained made her off balance. Azrael had tried to convince her to train more with drained reserves, but she’d refused, hating the feeling of being so vulnerable. Never believing it would come to this. Just more arrogant foolery.

She nodded in agreement, allowing Tarek to place his hand on her lower back and lead her towards those waiting for them. She’d gather information all right. Once she’d visited the islands, she’d be able to Travel back there herself when her reserves were re?lled. Then she could look for Ashtine.

No one bothered with introductions to Sybil, although Lord Tyndell greeted her politely enough. He always was the most civil of the Maraans. A moment later she was pulled through the air and stepping onto more sand. Cliffs were off to one side, while a thick tangle of trees was to her back. It was hot and muggy, the air so thick she could cut it with a knife.

“We searched that way this morning,” Tarek explained, pointing to the cliffs. “So we’re going into the trees next.”

“Perfect,” she muttered, waving away a swarm of small ?ying insects. “Just perfect.”

Tarek turned, following Sybil towards the trees, and Talwyn began to follow when Nuri appeared at her side.

“Someone’s leash got shortened,” the Contessa mused. She was head-to-toe in her usual black. It had to be sweltering. Talwyn was uncomfortable in the pants and short-sleeved tunic she was wearing.

“And yet here you are, having failed in your own assignments. I would say your leash is just as short,” Talwyn bit back, her boot squelching in something she had no desire to identify.

“Maybe,” Nuri conceded, pushing a low hanging vine out of her way. “Or maybe I have just learned how to play the game.”

Talwyn snorted derisively. “Is that what you call it? You took a Blood Bond to play a game ? Maybe this is more than a game to the rest of us.”

In the next breath, Talwyn was shoved hard against the trunk of a tree, the bark digging into her back. There was a dagger at her throat, and a snarl coming from the female who held her there, fangs bared.

“Do not, for one moment, pretend to know my motives in what I do,” Nuri whispered. Her voice was so low and deadly, Talwyn could feel her magic trying to surge up to protect her in response, but it could do nothing. “Do not think you know the sacri?ces I have made to protect others, to make sure things play out as needed. I do not seek some petty, pathetic revenge, you arrogant waste of power. If I had a fraction of what you possess, everything would be different. Instead, I have to sit back and watch you squander it away on useless ploys because your feelings were hurt.”

Her lips curled up in a twisted smile at the ?ash of indignation that Talwyn couldn’t keep from her face. “Oh, did I hurt your feelings again, poor little queen? Allow me to dig that knife in a little deeper. You are not the only one who grew up without a mother and father, who was abandoned by those who were supposed to care. You got to do so in a palace. You were handed power and authority on a silver fucking platter. Others grew up on the streets. Some were sold into brothels where they were taught to lie on their backs and spread their legs, that such a thing was the only thing they were good for. Some were taught to kill, others taught to steal. Some had to earn the respect and fear you were so freely given. No one made sure their bellies were full at night. You did not sleep with your arms curled tightly around your belongings to make sure no one took the few items you possessed.” A harsh laugh came from her. “Oh no, you got the luxury of plotting out revenge against a kingdom of people you know nothing about.”

“I know plenty—” Talwyn started.

Nuri’s bark of maniacal laughter cut her off again. “You know nothing . I think the events of today prove that, don’t you?”

Talwyn felt the side of the dagger dig into her throat, felt the bead of blood swell and begin to run down her skin. Honey-colored eyes met hers, and there was no denying the madness that danced in them. “So tell me, your Majesty , are you ready to get your head out of your ass and play the game? Or will you continue to let your pettiness put the few people left who actually give a damn about you in danger?”