Page 17

Chapter 17

Callan

C allan looked up as Scarlett and Sorin entered. Scarlett was looking back over her shoulder where Cyrus was scowling at her, ?ipping her off. She smirked at him, a sneering curl of her lips, and Callan wondered at the display. He’d never seen those two upset with each other, but there was clearly some tension now.

Cyrus moved and climbed onto the bench next to Cassius where he usually sat, while Sorin ushered Scarlett to the head of the table to Cassius’s left. Drake was on the other side of the table from Callan, down a few seats. He was speaking in a low voice with Eliza and Rayner. Tava wasn’t here yet. The Ash Rider had Tula curled up on his lap. The little girl was sleeping, blonde curls falling into her face. Rayner brushed them back as he nodded at whatever Drake was saying. The general’s features were hard, a mask of unreadable emotion. He hadn’t seen Eliza since the battle other than at The Farewell ceremony when they’d honored their fallen. Fae send-offs were beautiful. There was no other way to describe them. There had been words spoken, but he didn’t know or understand the language. He didn’t need to though. The words seemed to settle in his soul, as if his very being understood them even if he didn’t.

And as he had watched the Fae release the ashes of their fallen, all he could think about was that he would not get to do this for Finn and Sloan. There had been a big procession for his parents after the “tragedy” of their death. Mikale had given a grand speech at the funeral, praising his parents for how they had ruled -Windonelle. He hadn’t been able to attend, of course, but at least there had been something for them.

There would be no funeral, no goodbye, no sendoff for Finn and Sloan. There would be no honoring his friends for giving their lives in an effort to protect him and his family. There would be nothing. Nothing to remember them by. Nothing to pay homage to them for being with him every day for years, training speci?cally to be his personal guards. There would be nothing.

What did Alaric do with their bodies? Were they simply dumped into a mass grave like they’d done with all those innocent children? Already forgotten? Everyone moving on as if they’d never been in the ?rst place?

Auberon and Azrael sat next to him. They were both silent, faces hard as stone, but their posture had shifted over the weeks they’d been at sea. They used to be stiff and tension-?lled at these meetings. Now they seemed almost relaxed, if not bored. They were part of the conversations rather than just sitting on the fringes.

His gaze moved back to the head of the table. Scarlett and Cassius were leaning in close, murmuring to each other. Sorin was speaking with Briar on his left, and Callan saw this for what it was. Somehow, this group of mismatched bloodlines, former enemies, and longtime allies had become a Court all of their own, and it made him wonder what their world was going to look like when they went back if they managed to win this war.

“Where is Tava?” Callan asked Drake when a few more minutes passed and she did not appear.

Drake glanced over at him, frowning slightly. “She is not coming.”

“What? Why?”

Tava was always at these meetings. She rarely spoke, but that didn’t surprise him. The Lady observed more than she participated.

“I have not had a chance to talk with her yet. She informed me when I was heading this way,” Drake answered, his frown deepening.

“Where is she?”

“She was heading up to the main deck.”

Callan was already standing, unsure why he felt the need to go see her at this very moment, but Scarlett stopped him.

“Callan, I have some questions for you before you go.” He paused, a leg on either side of the bench, meeting her gaze. “How was Windonelle’s relationship with the other kingdoms? Particularly Rydeon?”

He sat back down on the bench. “That is an odd inquiry.”

“It is, isn’t it?” she agreed with a small smile. Her chin was resting in her hand as it often did at these meetings. Her ?ngers tapped along the tabletop, and he could practically see thoughts and ideas swirling in her mind as she planned and plotted.

“I rarely heard much about Toreall,” Callan answered. “Our relations with them were so forti?ed, it was never a question.”

“And Rydeon?” Scarlett pressed.

“We did not necessarily have strained relations with Rydeon, but their leadership was newer. There had been a change of power there more recently than there had been in Toreall,” Callan explained. “Of course, now we know that Maraans occupy the thrones, but apparently that happened more recently in Rydeon than it did in Toreall.”

“That’s true,” Cyrus said suddenly, sitting up a little straighter. “We cared little about mortal politics, but we always knew who sat on the thrones. The current Toreall king has been on the throne for several decades, but Rydeon... ” His gaze swung to Callan. “When did the current Rydeon king take the throne?”

“Maybe two decades ago?” Callan said.

“Twenty-one years ago if memory serves,” Cyrus said.

“I do not recall exactly, but that sounds right. Why exactly does it matter?”

“Exactly when doesn’t matter,” Scarlett cut in, giving Cyrus an odd look, but the Fire Second didn’t appear to be listening anymore, lost in his own thoughts now. “But what you’re saying is they’ve had control over Toreall longer than they’ve had control over Rydeon, yes?”

“Yes,” Callan answered. Scarlett appeared to be mulling this over. “Is that all your questions?”

“No,” Scarlett said, beckoning him over to her. When he got to her side, he found a map of their continent spread out before her. She pointed to a spot in Rydeon a little southwest of the capital. There were a few small villages scattered about the area. “Is there anything here? Aside from the towns?”

“Well, yeah,” Callan said, hand rubbing along his jaw. “That is where the Eternal Necropolis is.”

“The what?” Scarlett asked with a slight frown.

“The Eternal Necropolis,” Callan said again, pointing at the spot she had asked about. “That is where the Rydeon royalty entomb their dead.”

“It is a mausoleum?” Sorin asked.

Callan shook his head. “No. It is far more than that. There is a network of stone pathways and chambers there. It is ancient. The Rydeons believe the gods blessed the area, and maybe they are right. The gods’ symbols are carved all over the stones.”

“You have been there?” Scarlett asked in surprise.

“A couple times,” Callan answered. “In the center is a chamber where the Royal families are entombed. It is a large, circular chamber with mirrors between the tombs.”

“Mirrors?” Cyrus asked.

Callan nodded. “There is a table in the center of the chamber.”

“Let me get this straight,” Scarlett said, sitting back in her chair and looking up at him. “There is an ancient network of the dead in the center of the continent?”

Callan grimaced. “Not the best wording, but yes, I suppose there is.”

Scarlett turned to Sorin. “And none of the centuries-old Fae in this room knew about this place?”

They all grumbled something, Scarlett looking annoyed.

“Anything else?” Callan asked when she didn’t immediately ask any more questions.

Her head tilted, a knowing look entering her silvery-blue eyes. “That is all for now.”

He quickly made his way out of the room. He wasn’t exactly needed in those meetings. Sure, he learned a great deal from listening, but he wasn’t really paramount to any of the battle strategies. Scarlett had said he wasn’t ready, and while he hated it, she was right. He wouldn’t have survived if he’d been in the thick of battle a few days ago. Drake would ?ll him in on anything he needed to know.

He stepped out into the daylight, the sun obscured behind clouds.

They’d had one day of sunshine and warmth yesterday, and he’d spent it with Eva, reading to her all afternoon.

He scanned the deck, immediately spotting Tava. She was leaning on the side of the ship, her forearms braced on the edge. She still wore dresses most days, the attire likely ingrained in her. Today was no different with a teal gown ?uttering around her ankles in the breeze. Her golden hair was swaying gently, half tied back with a ribbon.

Callan made his way towards her, and when he leaned on the edge beside her, she didn’t look at him. He suddenly was unsure why he’d even sought her out. Why had he felt this need to speak with her only to ?nd himself unsure of what to say now that he’d found her?

That had been the problem for weeks now. He didn’t know what to say to her because he didn’t know what he was doing. He didn’t know what his future looked like. He just didn’t know.

“I wanted to check on you,” he ?nally said. “When Drake said you were not coming to the meeting... I wanted to check on you.”

Her eyes ?icked to him for the briefest of moments before she looked back out at the horizon. She remained quiet for so long, Callan began to wonder if she was going to speak at all.

“I never had a desire to travel,” she said, her eyes staying ?xed on the water. She could be talking to the sea for as much as she acknowledged his presence. “When I was a child, I can remember my father—” She stopped, seeming to think on that term before continuing. “He would prepare to go on these extended trips away, once again leaving us with a nursemaid. I would cry and beg to go with him, not because I wanted to travel, but because I wanted to be with him. He would always tell me he needed me home, safe and tucked away under Drake’s watchful eye. Even when I was scarcely walking, Drake was always watching over me.” She smiled softly at the memory. “As I got older, I would ask to go along because I was lonely, not because I wanted to see beyond Baylorin. I simply wanted to be with him instead of always being left behind. His answer changed, telling me I did not want that, that I wanted the quiet life provided by staying behind. Eventually, I stopped asking to travel, convinced I was content with what was expected of me.

“But I never really had any genuine desire to travel,” she said again.

“Other girls would speak of wishing to see the other kingdoms. Some would whisper of secret desires to see the Fae lands, to experience some kind of adventure. But I have always been content with the serenity of being in the background, the comfort of home, and the familiarity of my family.”

She fell quiet, and it took a moment before Callan said anything, uncertain of what she was looking for. “There is nothing wrong with that, Tava.”

“There is nothing wrong with that,” she agreed, and he had to wonder why she was telling him any of this, until the next words came from her mouth. “I was content, Callan.” She ?nally turned to look at him, and the weight of her stare had him nearly ?inching back. “I did not go to the meeting today because for just a moment, I wanted to remember what it was like to be in the background. I wanted to remember what it was like to be... happy.”

Her eyes went back to the water, hair ?uttering across her face.

What was he supposed to say to that? Tell her everything would be all right? He couldn’t promise that. Tell her he was sorry she had been dragged into this? The sentiment wouldn’t change anything.

“I know life is not always wonderful. My father... tried to shield us from the harshness of it. Even Drake. He did not want him taking over his position as the leading army commander. How does that stack up against the man who is a Maraan Lord?” she asked. “How am I supposed to reconcile any of that in my mind?”

“I do not know, Tava,” he answered gently, wanting to reach out and offer a comforting touch, but he didn’t know if that was his place anymore.

She pushed off the edge, turning to face him fully, wrapping her arms tightly around herself. “I am not one to avoid uncomfortable situations.”

“I know,” he replied, unsure of where she was going with yet another sudden change of subject. A wry grin lifted the corner of his mouth. “As I recall, you are painfully candid when we are alone.”

“Painfully?” she questioned, a slight frown pulling on her lips.

He slid his hands into his pockets as his ?ngers twitched again to ease that tension he could see on her features. “For my pride, yes, but it was needed and deserved.”

“We are both trying to process hard things right now,” she continued, her eyes darting to the side, back to the water. She sucked in a deep breath, her arms squeezing herself tighter before she said, her words a rush that told Callan just how rattled this conversation was making her, “I need to know if while I am processing the loss of my father, if I need to be processing the end of this as well, because I would rather do so all at once rather than drag it out one after another. And—”

Her words were cut off as his arm wrapped around her waist, pulling her flush against his body. His mouth landed on hers, and she stiffened in surprise, but that only lasted a few seconds as his lips gently coaxed her to relax. Pure light. That’s what she tasted like. Just like the one and only other time they’d kissed that night in the conservatory. That kiss had been a ruse, a plot by Tava to catch Veda in her conniving acts, but this kiss? This kiss was real and went beyond anything he’d imagined. Her soft mouth moved against his, and when his tongue swiped across the seam of her lips, she opened for him immediately, a low rumble sounding from his throat. At some point, he had moved them, and she was up against the side of the ship, her back arching slightly around his arm at her waist.

A soft sigh from her had Callan gently ending the kiss, brushing his lips over hers once more before resting his brow against hers. “I am sorry,” he murmured, searching her turquoise eyes. One of her hands was on his shoulder, the other ?sted in his shirt. “I should not have done that.”

“It is all right,” she said breathlessly. She reached up, touching her ?ushed cheek. “I just need a moment...” She cleared her throat, pulling away from him and smoothing her hands down her skirts. He still had her caged against the side of the ship, and her gaze dipped down to the ?oor. “That did not clear anything up.”

He placed his ?ngertips under her chin, titling her face back up to his. This time when her eyes met his, they were shuttered, clearly trying to prepare herself. “I do not know what the future holds for me anymore.”

“None of us do.”

“I know, but... There are so many changes happening so fast. And now I have Eva to worry about... ” The more he spoke, the more her eyes hardened, shutting him out. “I do not know who I will be when this is over.”

“I understand.”

And the tone of her voice nearly broke him. It was pleasing and demure. It was the voice of a Lady of the Court.

He moved his hand up to cup her cheek. “Little Fox—”

“You do not get to call me that anymore, Cal— Your Majesty.”

He shook his head, ?erce denial coursing through him. “Don’t. Don’t do that, Tava.”

“I never wanted to travel, Callan,” she said, her voice -cracking the smallest amount. “I was content. You asked me to travel. You asked me to stop the ruse, knowing full well it had stopped being a ruse long before that night. I tried to keep the boundary. You asked me to step over it to explore unfamiliar territory. And I thought...” She inhaled sharply, a harsh shudder coursing through her. “I understand that what happened, the losses you have faced, are hard. That you have found yourself shoved into roles you did not expect to ful?ll for years. But when you asked me to... I thought it meant we would face those things together, learn who we would be on the other side of all of this together.”

“Tava,” he sighed, reaching up to cup her face, relieved when she let him. “It would be wrong of me to ask you to wait for me.”

“I would not, even if you asked me to,” she returned simply. “But as I have said, I was not looking for any adventures in the ?rst place.”

“You do not belong in the background, Tava,” Callan said. “This is not what I intended. It is not what I want.”

“And what is it you do want, Callan?”

What he wanted was to go back. He wanted to go back to when he’d thought his life was so damn complicated, but it was simple compared to this. He wanted to go back to the moment she had agreed to all of this, before everything had changed. When he thought he could be what she needed. When he was a different person, and she was a different person. But maybe she was right. Maybe he’d been looking at this all wrong. Maybe he didn’t need to be put together, have it all ?gured out.

“What do you want?” he countered.

“I did not attend the meeting today because I wanted to remember what it felt like to be content,” she said, reaching up and gently pulling his hand from her face. “And I ?nd I am no longer content not to travel.”

“You still want this?” he pressed.

“I would consider it,” she agreed. “But you need to be sure, Callan. I am not a thing that you can pick up when it is convenient for you, and push aside when times get hard.”

“I know. I am sorry if I made you feel that way,” he said. Her eyes were still hard, keeping him out.

“I am not pushing you, Callan. That would be cruel after everything we have experienced, and I understand if you need time. I do. But I cannot be stuck in this in between. I cannot sit here and be uncertain of what is expected of me or what my role is now. I simply can’t.” He opened his mouth to say something, but she held up a hand. “Please, let me get this out. I want you to think about it, Callan. I want you to take the time and make sure you are truly ready for this before you ask it of me again.”

Callan swallowed hard, understanding what she was saying. “And in the meantime?”

She gave him a sad smile, pushing up onto her toes. Her lips were soft against his cheek. “In the meantime, I guess we try to ?gure things out on our own instead of together.” She took a step away from him before halting and looking back at the water once more. “Can you tell Scarlett the waters are getting darker? I think she will ?nd that interesting.”

Then she walked away from him, and he didn’t stop her.