Page 23

Chapter twenty-three

Mia

I t’s been a month since Knox rescued me from the cabin. It took two weeks before I went back to work. I didn’t want to go in and have to explain the marks around my wrist or the gash and subsequent bruising on my forehead, so I waited until the raw skin healed and my head wound could be covered with makeup.

I told my principal there was a family emergency that was going to take me out of town for a couple weeks since I didn’t want my name associated with what happened at the cabin. It could have implicated the Black Roses. I was surprised to see the news report on the incident. A spokesperson for the FBI came out and said they’d been investigating the murders, and before they could apprehend the suspect, he started a fire and killed himself. It sounds like Jude’s brother has more pull in federal law enforcement than I could have imagined.

For the first two weeks of my healing, I stayed with Knox. Honestly, the idea of going back to my house scared me. That’s where Leonard kidnapped me from, and the thought of walking in there before I had a chance to process everything was overwhelming. Every day, Arthur would bring my grandmother to visit me. I’m so thankful she wasn’t there the night Leonard took me. If she would have heard the commotion and come to check on me…I don’t even want to think of what he would have done to her. She held me while I cried the tears I didn’t want Knox to see, and she sat with me, reading one of her books when I was quiet. For someone who spent their life taking care of everyone else, it was a stark reminder that it’s okay to let the people who love you do the same.

If he could, I think Knox would wrap me in bubble wrap until he felt the world was safe. But there’s no way I’m going to live my life under lock and key. I’ve made concessions, though, because I understand his fear, and I’m willing to work through it with him. Even though the threat to me has been terminated, the fear for Knox is still alive and well. He follows me to school every day and walks me to my office. Then in the afternoon, he meets me at my car. If anyone’s thought it odd, they haven’t said anything, and his routine also does double duty. The idea that people were making jokes about Leonard and I being a couple still makes my stomach churn with disgust but seeing Knox at the school every day has made it clear that he’s the only man I’m with.

When news broke that it was our vice principal who was identified as the serial killer, the town was in an uproar. How did this happen? How was he living under our noses? How was he allowed around our children? All the questions that scared parents and residents would ask. And believe me, those questions have run through my head time and time again. He hid his evil well, and I think that scares everyone. It’s going to take some time for the town to come to terms with having a sadistic killer who masqueraded as a normal person so well that he was free to walk around this town for more than a year. It’s going to take all of us some time.

But that doesn’t mean I’m going to stop living my life.

The things he said to me in that cabin were the ramblings of an insane person, nothing more. And I refuse to allow any actions he took to dictate my life. And I refuse to allow my man to suddenly walk on eggshells around me, denying himself and me the life we had before. In particular, the exciting and spectacular exploration of our sex life.

It’s not that Knox hasn’t wanted to have sex. We’ve done plenty of that since my injuries have healed. And he’s been more than sweet about everything. It was hard for him to see the remaining marks of the rope I was held captive with. Since that day, he hasn't pulled out any sort of restraint and has avoided all conversations surrounding it. But I know him. He’s afraid that his ropes are going to bring back memories, and he’s terrified of seeing that look on my face. He doesn’t trust that I know the difference, which is understandable. But I can’t live with him scared, and neither can he.

“Mia,” he calls from my living room.

I sent him to my grandmother’s to check the leaky faucet I may have had a hand in loosening, needing some time to set up a few things here.

“In here,” I say, lying on the bed.

When he walks in, his eyes widen. Instantly, there's lust and heat in those blue depths. And need. The need he’s denied himself the last month.

I’m wearing a dark-blue bra and panty set that matches perfectly with the midnight-blue bundle of rope lying next to me.

He squeezes his eyes shut. “Mia,” he says in a rough whisper.

“Please listen to me, Knox. I love you, and I want you to hear me. You need to hear me.”

He peels his eyelids open and nods, but there’s still uncertainty in his gaze.

“I know the difference between how I was restrained and how you do it. I’m not afraid of this. Not with you. What…what that man did was to hurt me, Knox. Nothing you’ve ever done has been to cause me any sort of pain. But not being able to express yourself with me, not allowing me to have the freedom that your ropes bring me, that is hurting us.”

Knox’s jaw tightens, and his Adam’s apple bobs slowly as he swallows. “When I saw you like that…” I stay silent, allowing him to gather his thoughts. “To see someone hurting my woman and using the same restraints I do to bring you pleasure, it fucked something up in here.” He taps the side of his head.

“Are you afraid I’m going to see you as a monster?”

“I’m afraid I am a monster,” he whispers.

I jump off the bed and go to him, wrapping my arms around his middle.

“No, Knox, no. You are anything but ,” I emphasize as I stare into his unsure blue eyes. “You know the difference between wanting to cause someone pain and wanting to bring them peace and pleasure. You can’t let one person’s actions completely derail the years you’ve spent understanding and reveling in the difference. I would never want that for you. I won’t let you do that to yourself.”

“Mia, when I first saw a woman being tied, it confused me that it turned me on. I had long conversations about it with Andrés. I thought there was a part of me that enjoyed a woman’s pain, and that scared me, especially considering what I saw when I was little. When I talked with Camila about how she felt being in ropes, that cleared up my doubts. I realized it was the pleasure I was giving to another person, that the control I had in giving it was what I craved. But seeing what he did, knowing he was getting some twisted enjoyment from seeing you like that, it brought back all of those questions and doubts. And yeah, it scares the hell out of me that even a small part of you could see me as a monster.”

“Don’t you see the difference, though? You just said it. You realized that you craved it because you wanted to be the one giving pleasure. That it made sense after you talked to Camila because you understood what it does for the person being tied up. That’s as far from being a monster as you can get, Knox. And as for me, I will never see you like that. It’s not just you who needs this, Knox. It's me too.” I take a breath and reach up to kiss him. “If you need more time, I understand, but please don’t deny yourself or me because of your misguided fear that I’ll see you as anything less than the man who loves me with his whole being and would literally walk through fire to save me. I know your heart.” I rest my hand on his thumping chest. “I trust your heart.”

I feel him relax into me even further. When he exhales, it’s as though all the tension and worry he’s been carrying around is expelled in that breath.

He presses his forehead to mine. “Fuck, baby. I don’t know what I did in a past life to deserve you, but I hope you know I’m never letting you go.”

“Good thing because there’s no way you're getting rid of me.”

He lifts his head and stares into my eyes as though he’s looking for something more than what I just told him.

“You’ll tell me if it’s too much?”

“I promise,” I answer with firm certainty.

In the blink of an eye, he captures my lips in an explosive kiss. This is the Knox I need, the man who has so much passion inside of him he can hardly keep it contained.

His hands run down my back and under my ass before he lifts me from the floor, and I wrap my legs around his hips. Without breaking the kiss, he walks us over to the bed and lays me down, his weight covering me, pinning me to the mattress. I rub my center against him, desperate to relieve the ache he so skillfully creates in me.

“Do you need to come, baby?” he asks, breaking the kiss before moving lower and swiping his tongue and lips over the tops of my breasts.

“Please,” I reply in a rough whisper.

Knox continues to taste my skin as he makes his descent down my body. Every kiss, every swipe of his tongue, lights me up inside. When he reaches the apex of my thighs, he looks up, and our gazes stay locked as he gently uses a finger to move my panties from my center. Then he lowers his head and begins licking at me mercilessly. I’m writhing under his tongue, my hands tangling in the soft blanket at my sides.

The way Knox eats my pussy like he’s a starving man will never cease to drive me wild with desire. It doesn’t take long for the orgasm to build while he flicks his tongue against my swollen clit over and over. He worships me with his mouth, his tongue, and his lips. He moans with satisfaction as I begin to feel the telltale flutters of my fast-approaching orgasm. Two of his fingers enter me, and when he finds that bundle of nerves, my world explodes. I’m robbed of every other sense except the sheer magnitude of the pleasure rolling through my entire body. Knox licks at me through the crest of every wave I fall under, over and over until I’m a satiated mess of sweaty limbs lying limp beneath him.

“I’ll never experience anything as beautiful as watching you come undone under my touch, Mia.”

His words of love and appreciation always make me feel—no, believe—that I’m the most precious thing to the man kneeling in front of me.

Knox stands from the floor, and with one hand, he grabs the back of his shirt and pulls it over his head. He makes quick work of ridding himself of his jeans and steps out of them, kicking the denim to the side. His hand finds his thick shaft, and he runs his fist over the length. Walking to the side of my bed, he grabs a condom and tosses the packet onto the bed.

I sit up as Knox stands at the foot of the bed and hand him the bundle of rope.

“You’re an eager little thing, aren’t you?”

“Yes,” I say without any shame at showing him how desperate I am.

He kneels on the bed, and I place my hands on his lap. This is how it always starts. It’s my way of telling him I’m ready. That I want this. That I’m handing control over to him because I know I can trust him. Knox loops the rope around my wrists, and with a quick tug, I feel the pressure against my skin.

“What color?” he asks.

“Green.”

He smiles and begins looping the rope around my middle and up to my breasts in a similar way to the first time we experienced this together. When he finishes, he leans back and examines his work. I’m still on my knees, sitting back on my heels, watching him through hooded eyes.

“What color?”

“Green. Please, Knox,” I beg. “I need you inside of me.”

Knox reaches for the condom on the bed and tears the package open, his gaze only leaving mine for a brief moment while he rolls the condom on. He pulls my panties off before spreading my thighs. His hand grasps one ankle and lifts my leg straight, resting it against his shoulder while my other leg is bent with his hand on my knee, pressing my thigh into the mattress. I’m spread wide for him as he stares at my wet center and licks his lips.

“God, I don’t know if I want to taste you again or fuck you.”

“Fuck me, please.”

Pulling me to the edge of the bed, he stands with his legs wide and bends at the knees, entering me in one quick thrust.

“Fuck,” he bellows as he begins pumping into me at a furious pace. “Your pussy feels so good around me, Mia.”

Sweat gathers at his hairline as he watches his cock enter me, then slide out again and again. His hand leaves my knee, and his fingers begin rubbing over my clit with perfect pressure.

“I need you to come, baby. I’m almost there. Fuck, your pussy takes me so good.”

His words, his fingers, and his cock make it impossible for me to hold in the torrent of sensation ricocheting through my body. I cry out, the pleasure building faster than ever, and my pussy clamps down around him. Knox never slows his thrusting as his cock jerks inside of me.

“Ahh, fuck,” he yells as he thrusts one last time and holds himself inside of me. His breath comes in harsh pants before he slowly pulls out.

“I love you,” he says and sinks to his knees, gently kissing my thighs, then my pussy. His kisses aren’t meant to excite, though any time his lips touch me, that’s exactly what happens. This is his way of worshipping me, of showing me that he loves me and honors the power I willingly hand over to him every time he ties me up.

He stands and helps me into a sitting position so he can untie the knots. And like every time before, his lips caress every line left behind by his ropes.

The idea that I would feel anything other than adored and respected by Knox is so completely beyond anything I could comprehend. The time and care he takes with me has shown me that, and he’s proven it many times over.

He lies on his back and gathers me in his arms, running his calloused hands over the soft skin at my waist, then down the thigh I have resting over his leg.

“Thank you,” he whispers after a few silent moments as we both relish being in the other’s arms.

“For what?”

“For reminding me who I am. For reminding me who we are. I love you, sweetheart. More than I ever thought a man like me could love anyone. More than I ever thought I deserved.”

Tears prick my eyes. How many times have I thought the same thing about myself? I always thought it was stupid to think one person could somehow make you whole. That one person could make you look at yourself and your world in an entirely new way. Then Knox Turner kissed me, and I realized I was the stupid one for ever doubting that it was possible.

Or that I deserved it.

“I love you, too.”