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They spent the rest of the day exploring the now-safe city. Renee tried not to think about how it was safe because it was full of zombies. Brie took her to any place she wanted to go, which was great since she’d never had the luxury of searching for supplies without fear of being discovered and eaten by zombies. It was almost relaxing as she scavenged.

It was always the same when she’d been with various groups before traveling with the horde. Either by herself, almost pissing her pants in fear as she looked for scraps, or almost pissing her pants searching for whatever she’d been told to find by whatever group she traveled with. She’d been useless to most groups, so she understood when they sent her out. They didn’t care if she returned. She was deadweight in their minds.

So, when they’d approached a city, she was always among the first to go in. After traveling with the horde, it only highlighted how lucky she’d been. No. It hadn’t been luck. She was a coward, which was always how she’d survived. The first sign of violence she’d panic and hide. If there was an escape route, she’d run. Positive she’d been the reason for many, many deaths of her traveling companions, for even if they called for help - she never answered. Either everything in her would shut down, and she’d enter a catatonic-like state while she hid, or she’d take off and run until her legs gave out. It was why Renee never argued when groups made her enter cities first, she deserved it for all the lives she’d taken. Perhaps she hadn’t been the zombie that killed them, but she also hadn’t lifted a finger to save them.

“Black t-shirts?” Brie’s voice ended her self-degradation.

“They aren’t for me,” Renee answered. Her fingers brushed against the fabric. These were softer than the ones Zane had worn before. Tempted to take them for him, but then she remembered their last conversation and how upset she still was, she put the t-shirts back on the shelf. Stupid heart, trying to betray her - again. It was dead, just like her. Its insistence that it wasn’t dead, just wounded, made her angry.

“It’s weird; when I used to forage, I would grab anything I could carry. Especially if it was food, water, or clothing. Now, I’m not sure what to get.”

“We don’t need food or water. Although you drank a lot for the first couple of weeks.” Brie picked two flowery blouses from hangars in the small department store they were ransacking.

“So, no one else drank like that before?”

“No. Others had issues with sunlight hurting their eyes, but no one ever wanted water like you did. He told me not to say a word and made sure we had a steady supply for you.” Brie held a flared black skirt against her.

“I really was thirsty all the time,” Renee said in a quiet voice. Her inner bitch hissed that she was broken. Broken when she was a human and now broken as a zombie.

Brie grabbed the skirt and a pink one of the same style. “It’s probably a genetic thing. Some of us get nails like claws or better vision or hearing. Could have something to do with our cells changing? We don’t really know why. Not like there’s a scientist to tell us.” Brie laughed and picked out several pairs of panties.

Renee brightened when she realized there were at least three untouched tables of underwear. Not that the zombies cared, at least the main horde, but the ability to take time and find essentials was a comfort she hadn’t had in years. She snatched up several weeks’ worth and also decided to upgrade her backpack to a bigger one.

“Does anyone ever want to know about the changes we went through when we turned?”

Brie paused as she picked up a hairbrush. “Maybe, but we don’t talk about it. I’m not sure how to explain it, but we feel weird if we start digging or thinking too hard about what we are.”

“All of you?”

“Yeah. That much we all agreed on.” Brie peeked at the hair accessories.

Renee’s fingers wrapped around an intricate, purple handle on a brush next to the one Brie had chosen. Renee’s mind raced, speculating why the horde would feel strange wondering about their origins or the changes that occurred when one transitioned from human to zombie. Her gut told her something was off, but the longer she focused on the “why” of it all, the strangest feeling nudged at her to leave the questions alone. Renee chewed on her lip. It didn’t make sense. Viruses couldn’t “talk” or make someone feel any way. Could they?

“Do you want to go anywhere else?”

Her stomach tightened until it hurt. “No. I’m good. Thank you.”

...

After sunset, they returned to the apartment building Zane picked out as their unofficial undead headquarters, intent on returning to Brie’s apartment. Renee was curious if she obtained decent accommodations, but then Renee’s thoughts were distracted by the scouting group that had returned, which meant Zane was back.

Shit. She wasn’t ready to face him yet. Still feeling too mixed up about everything that happened, Renee tried to get Brie to leave with her, but she refused and said she needed more information to prepare for an upcoming attack. Renee still wasn’t ready for that part yet, attacking and massacring groups of people.

Renee sensed Zane before she saw him. It seemed as soon as he was within a certain radius, her body hummed with energy and longing. She straightened and squared her shoulders as soon as he stepped into the room, his eyes locked on hers. She tried to stay focused, but everything blurred around them until it was only her and Zane. Renee exercised all her willpower not to go to him. To run, and jump up, and latch herself onto him. It was where she was always meant to be. But was it because he owned her like he did the rest of the horde?

Thankfully something, or someone, redirected his attention from her, and she drew several ragged breaths to recenter herself. He was talking to the other chosen, telling them what the scouting group found. The food they’d returned with. Was the encampment near the city destroyed already? It was then Renee really looked at Zane and found him covered in human remains again, irises bright. She turned her head, mumbling a quick goodbye to Brie, and wandered down the hall.