Page 10

Chapter Ten

H oly fucking hell.

I was panting, an equally heavy-breathing Win still wrapped around me like a bow.

The kiss was expected. Planned even as per our agreement. Give her the sensations she requested.

What wasn’t planned was the ferocity in which she would kiss me back. The response my body would have to her, suddenly awake as if it had been asleep for too long.

Equally as unexpected was the embarrassing yet heady realisation that I’d blown my load. Without the removal of any damn clothing like a virginal newbie.

And while I desperately wanted to hide forever, I needed to face her now we had very noticeably crossed a line.

“Soooo, that was different.” Had her voice always been so sultry?

With my hands still firmly on her thighs, I lent back, gauging how awkward or uncomfortable she was going to be. I would need to guard my own racing feelings and calm the tempest I created especially if she was about to freak out on me. Change was not an area of strength for Winter and this was most definitely a change – even if she did ask it of me.

“Good different?” I asked with a forced sarcasm, pretending I wasn’t aware of my hands still gripping her hips, her ankles still locked around me.

Her teeth found her bottom lip and the sight made my cock stir. He clearly had no care for the possibility of destroying over twenty years of friendship, ready as ever to take and I can’t say I blamed him. I wanted to pull her lip from her teeth with my own and suck on it. Preferably with no clothing between us.

“Unexpectedly different.” She answered, before releasing her hold and dropping into the water in front of me.

Shit. I needed to fix this. Should I apologise, tell her we could forget it ever happened? Beg her to rewind and find another muse for her writing. The thought made my jaw tight but worse would be her regret of me. Of us.

When she resurfaced a few feet away I opened my mouth to get on the front foot, but she beat me to it. “I’ll need you to do it again for me to really know though.” I felt my breath leave me in a whoosh and her playful smile engulfed me, reminding me I was both physically and emotionally at home with her regardless of anything that ever happened.

And with that reassurance and a matching grin, I followed her from the pool to our awaiting chairs and drinks.

I didn’t miss the way she toyed with the edge of her towel, but the thought wasn’t alarming. It was more a gesture of uncertainty rather than one of regret and I think we both just didn’t know where to go from here.

“Sooooo,” she said, her intonation rising and falling.

She was all false bravado and while I wanted to lay back and enjoy her doing her best to keep her cool, I didn’t want to push her too far. Her head would be scattered right now and she would be itching to be alone, to retreat in her mind and come to terms with all the firsts from today. Whenever she experienced something fresh or overcame a task she’d spent time overthinking, there was a comedown for my Win and it included space for her to process her own thoughts before she could even consider anything else. Something I had always relied on in her – because there were no sporadic decisions. If she said something, I knew she truly meant it.

Tightening my towel around my still wet body, I lent down and gave her a peck on the cheek.

“You head in for the first shower. I’ll clean up.” Her responding look of relief told me I read her perfectly and I couldn’t say I didn’t also need to unpack what had just happened on my own.

“Thanks, . Love ya,” she answered, with a kiss to her fingertips which then pressed against my cheek as she passed.

I was very clearly in over my head.

So deeply in over my head that I was at risk of losing my mind but already thinking of the next way I could touch her.

The hours I spent worrying about how today would pan out were wasted when Winter came bounding into the kitchen the next morning. Orange juice in one hand and phone held up in the other, she stood next to me so her parents could greet me.

Shirt off and hair a mess, a morning conversation with Mike and Deb was not on the agenda, especially when the sun had barely risen.

“Hey, Guys.”

“, how are you?” Mike greeted, the phone obscenely close to his face providing an unnecessary shot up his nose.

“Can’t complain over here, mate. How’s the bike?” I asked and was thanked with a suspicious elbow to the ribs, coincidentally out of range of the camera.

Winter moved out of shot and threw her hand in the air, clearly annoyed I’d initiated what I found out was at least a twenty minute monologue on how their tandem bicycle was travelling, but I wasn’t mad. It was an easy topic of conversation and meant I could prolong having to decipher where we were this morning after the intimacy of the night before.

There was no doubt the liqueur aided in my gusto to role play in the pool the previous evening but it wasn’t what pushed the accelerator through the floor. It was the taste of citrus lingering on her tongue, the feel of those lush thighs under my grip, the way my cock responded when our bodies met. Those were the reasons I hadn’t been able to stop after only a kiss.

In the sunshine of the morning though, the intimacy of our actions was exposed and while one of her rules included nothing happening throughout the day, it didn’t mean my mind wasn’t awash with images of what she would like in the same scenario, but with the sunlight casing her skin.

Deb’s voice pierced through my rumination asking about our plans for today. Apparently Mike’s part was over and I’d zoned out and missed it entirely.

“We aren’t sure yet,” Win answered, looking towards me for insight.

“My folks invited us over for dinner actually,” I said remembering the message I’d read after waking.

“Oh, how are Dean and Shaz?”

“They’re really good. Elbow deep in renovations. It’s a minefield over there.” I shook my head with a smile. Our parents had been best-friends longer than we had been alive and it was their inseparability which made Win and I as close as we were now, but it wasn’t what kept us.

“You’re on holidays now, love?” Deb asked Win who nodded.

“Sure am, thank goodness. Three whole weeks of relaxation with this guy.” She answered, laying her head on my shoulder like she’d done thousands of times before.

“, take her into town would you, she doesn’t get out enough.” I felt Win tense next to me but her face remained impassive, her mum none the wiser to the social pressure she placed on her.

“Now she is on holidays I have plenty of things planned, don’t you worry, Deb.” I winked and as expected she grinned, satisfied.

“Okay you two, we better let you go. Enjoy the heat, Dad said it’s meant to be a scorcher there today, make good use of that pool.”

“Oh, we are.” I answered matter of factly as Win waved at the phone before hanging up and swatting my arm. Flashes of cascading water, heavy panting and puffy lips flaring through my memories.

“You did not just say that.” She said, her cheeks a bright shade of red. A cute little tendency we both shared.

“Say what?” She didn’t buy my innocence for a second but the shake of her shoulders was enough to know we were good.

“I love my mother but can’t she just accept I prefer to stay home. She thinks it means there is something wrong with me.” She stated, the sudden pivot in conversation enough to distract my thoughts from wandering into dangerous territory again.

“Are they really your parents if they don’t piss you off at least once every time you speak?” I asked in an attempt to lighten her mood. Her mother’s lack of understanding of her social needs had always been a bit of a sore point and it seemed distance did nothing to curb that.

“I just wish they understood me better. Anyway, what time is dinner?”

“They said anytime after four is fine,” I answered with a shrug. “We should go down to the beach after, it’s been a few years since I’ve been down there at night.”

“Sounds like a plan. Want to come with me to my place this morning then, I need to grab the mail.”

“How’s the writing, sweet pea?” Mum asked Win and I buried my face in the paper I was reading, knowing if anyone noticed the way my cheeks flamed, I would have a please explai n thrown at me before I could blink. While I’d tossed and turned after our tryst in the water, it didn’t seem my pool partner was having the same issues. The auditory embodiment of ideas broke the otherwise silent house late into the night, her sudden burst of authorial energy evident. Everytime I thought she had to be done, the sharp chime signalling the end of the line would erupt before the clickety clack of the keys again radiated through the wall. It seemed she was gaining the inspiration she desperately needed and while I was loving playing as her muse, it didn’t come without a little over-thinking on my part.

“Much better actually.” I avoided looking at her, knowing I would either laugh or give away the flush I could feel against my cheeks.

“, come out here would you?” Dad called, taking my attention away from the kitchen where Win was now providing Mum with a synopsis of her current story.

I put the paper down, joining Dad out the back at the barbeque where he was grilling the meat for dinner.

“You been training still?” He asked, understanding while it was my downtime, I wouldn’t sacrifice my fitness for anything.

“I’ve been getting a session in most days, plus a jog into town and back which will help with the time trial when I return.” I answered, recounting the odd jobs Linda had been having me work on each time she caught me anywhere near the store.

“How’s the head been?” After everything happened last season, I called to give them the truth before they woke to a fabricated version of events, admitting I’d messed around with cocaine. I’d also kept my promise to them that I wouldn’t do it again, learning a pretty tough lesson about the consequences of wasting the potential and opportunities afforded. For myself and others.

“S’okay. The guilt is heavy, you know. But not much I could have done differently.” Jay had spoken to the coaches and given his manager a press release before I even got to the clubhouse that night, taking full responsibility for the images and story which claimed an unnamed Hearts player had taken illicit drugs . Jay had been the one to tell me not to do it but a few drinks in and high on an immaturity driven invincibility, I didn’t listen.

While I escaped the scandal publicly unscathed, Jay retired effective immediately. Since then I’d found remorse a constant barrier which hindered my training, my performance on the field and my moods. It had taken a fair amount of time with the team psychs, who all knew the truth, and with Andy and Jay, to work through that. Working through the guilt culminated in an internal initiative which saw me educating every new recruit on the pressures of professional football, the harsh realities of recreational drug use and the responsibilities which came alongside our roles.

“Five letter word, clue is blunder.”

I watched him turn the meat, my mind ticking over in contemplation.

“Lapse?” I offered and Dad tapped the tongs against the metal plate in applause.

“Correct. Now go tell your mother I’m five minutes away.” He said, as supportive as he was the night I first called.

It was only a short walk to the isolated area of beach near Mum and Dad’s and we headed down after a few rounds of Guess the Word or what it should really be called, Help Dad finish his fucking crossword , discarding our shoes where the grass met the sand.

It was still warm despite the blanket of stars lining the darkened sky, and we wandered to the water’s edge, watching as the water raced up the sand capturing our feet before cascading back down. Neither of us spoke, lost in our own thoughts as the waves broke, the acoustics of the water inviting a serenity only the ocean could provide.

“Do you still love your job?” Her question took me by surprise and I paused, actually thinking about my response before saying yes just because it was expected.

“Sometimes. I love playing footy still and I definitely love the club and the bonds I’ve formed with the boys.”

“But?”

“But, I’m not proud of some of my actions. The environment can become quite toxic if you aren’t surrounded by good people. Luckily, Andy is a great captain, because some other teams aren’t quite so contained.”

She folded her arms across her chest, the moonlight bouncing off the shells on her bracelet as she nodded in acknowledgement. Her skirt fluttered in the breeze, swaying softly against her sun-kissed legs. Legs which had held me in place only yesterday as I ground myself into her.

“Sometimes I think about quitting my job,” her voice was so soft, I took a step closer to prevent her confession from getting lost in the sound of the waves. “Hopping in the car and driving to a place where no one knows my name. Where people won’t struggle to understand me or pressure me to be someone I’m not because they’ve known me so long that they think they’re entitled to have an opinion on my life. Anything to avoid living another day doing exactly as I always have.”

Her fingers toyed with her ring, a heavy sigh leaving her before she spoke next.

“What if I never leave Willow Bay? If I’m too scared to take a chance and I end up as alone as old Linda Christerson? What if I’m single for the rest of my life? Oh god. I will take over the grocery store and it will turn into Lennox’s Luxuries.” The terrified expression on her face softened the sarcastic quip on my tongue, instead stepping behind her and pulling her up against my chest.

“You’ll never be alone because you’ll have me. I’ll come and work for you.” I answered, knowing it wasn’t what she meant. Leaving Willow Bay had been easy for me because I had fantasised about playing for the Hearts since I was a little kid. Sydney was where I always dreamed I would live. But I hadn’t thought about how hard leaving Win behind would be because as a naive teenager, I just assumed she would come too. We’d done everything together, so why wouldn’t she follow me? Our adventures were never meant to end like that.

It wasn’t until I was older that I realised it came from a place of fear. Of uncertainty with anything new, especially places as busy and unpredictable as a big city. An innate anxiety she couldn’t control which resulted in her remaining stagnant in the confines of predictability.

“For now.” She answered, her hand reaching down to subtly hold the hem of my shirt and her head lolling back on my chest. The familiar hint of orange and strawberries cut through the air mixing with the sea salts of the night and bringing a warmth to my chest.

“Look up there,” I said, pointing to a constellation in the sky. “Remember what it’s called?”

“Alphard,” she replied, before adding, “The brightest star in the Hydra Constellation.” Her memory had always been a steel trap and I knew she would have the answer still firmly in her grasp after I told her one night a long time ago. A thirteen year old doing anything to impress his pretty friend. As teenagers our parents would have weekly dinners and with Darcy and Mason both holding part time jobs in town, we would use the nights to wander the beach, anything to avoid helping with the post-meal clean up. I loved star-gazing and she was always happy to listen to whatever new celestial fact I’d read about. It became a routine – each week brought forth an opportunity to tell her something new, impress her with my knowledge on the stars. Which at the time, I thought was the ultimate flex.

Back then I hadn’t even considered if she would care, but her remembering warmed me all these years later.

Moving to stand in front of her, I admired the way the light from the moon illuminated the deep brown of her almond shaped eyes.

“We can’t always see the stars, but they never leave us. Do you know the name of the brightest star in my sky?” I asked, watching the way her eyes darted between my own, the way her chest rose and fell a little quicker as she shook her head.

“Winter.” I answered, before pressing my lips to hers for no reason other than it felt right.